Substitute Bride

by Angela Devine

  ‘Sorry.’ Sue’s face suddenly looked like a frozen mask, and she gripped James’s arm so tightly that her knuckles stood out white against her skin, making Laura feel almost sorry for her. Darting Laura a brief, resentful glance, she spoke again in a choking voice. ‘Will you come back later so we can talk about it?’

  James’s arm stiffened, as if he wanted to pull away from her, but he nodded reluctantly.

  ‘All right.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Sue fervently.

  As they were leaving she said goodbye grudgingly to Laura, but suddenly reached on her tiptoes and kissed James on the cheek. His exasperated look softened and he put one arm around her and hugged her. Sue’s eyes glowed.

  ‘We’ll discuss the supermarket plans too, when you come back tonight,’ she promised. ‘We’ll really put our heads together.’

  It looks to me as if she’s hoping they’ll put more than just their heads together, thought Laura sourly as she followed James out to the place where the horses were tethered. What on earth is going on here? It doesn’t take a towering genius to see that Sue’s head over heels in love with James and that she’s hoping to stay with him once her divorce comes through, but then, what does he want?

  It looks as though he’s having an affair with her, but why does he lead her on one minute and slam the door in her face the next? Has he been having an affair with her and now he’s horrified to find that she took it more seriously than he did? Did he only want a meaningless sexual romp with her that wouldn’t lead anywhere? Laura’s lips curled contemptuously. It looked to her as if James was searching for an escape route from Sue’s demands. Well, it would be interesting to see whether he accepted her invitation and went back that evening.

  Rather to Laura’s surprise, he did.

  ‘I’ll only be gone for an hour or so,’ he said as he shrugged himself into his sheepskin jacket. ‘Are you sure this doesn’t bother you?’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with me,’ said Laura coldly. ‘Stay away as long as you like.’

  It was more than two and a half hours before he returned, and when he entered the living room she spotted immediately that his dark hair was damp and clinging to his neck, as if he had just come out of the shower. She was unprepared for the pang of jealousy and pain that went through her at this observation.

  ‘Look, I’ve been thinking,’ she burst out. ‘I don’t know that it’s such a good idea for me to stay here. I’d rather go home.’

  He gave her a long, level stare and pursed his lips thoughtfully.

  ‘Does this decision have anything to do with Sue and me?’ he challenged.

  ‘No,’ she retorted, tossing her head.

  ‘Good. Because my friendship with Sue has absolutely nothing to do with what’s happening between you and me.’

  ‘There’s nothing happening between you and me,’ she said hastily.

  ‘You’re wrong,’ he murmured. ‘A lot is happening.’

  His voice was husky, caressing, unbearably sensual so that it sent little trickles of excitement running down her spine. He didn’t touch her, which was just as well. In the midst of her torment, that invasion of her personal space would have been far too threatening to endure. With a little shock of disbelief, she realised that she would probably haul off and slap his face if he so much as laid a finger on her. What was happening to her?

  She had never imagined she could experience such violent emotions. How could the smoky quality of his voice, the narrowed appraisal of his golden eyes have such a profoundly unsettling effect on her? And how could she go on feeling so dangerously attracted to him now that she was almost convinced he was sleeping with Sue Rigby? She should never have trusted him! When he stepped forward a pace, she flinched and moved away.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been so attracted to any woman in my life as I am to you,’ he continued thoughtfully.

  Panic made her voice unnaturally sharp.

  ‘Am I supposed to be flattered by that?’

  ‘There’s no need to be sarcastic,’ he observed with a lazy tilt of his eyebrows. ‘No, you’re not supposed to be flattered, but it would help if you were honest about it. Why can’t you just admit that you feel the same violent current of attraction as I do?’

  ‘B-because I don’t!’ stammered Laura.

  James took another step forward, so that he was looming over her, close enough to see the rapid, irregular rise and fall of her breathing.

  ‘Liar,’ he murmured. ‘All the evidence says that you do. Your erratic heartbeat, your shallow breathing, the flush around your cheeks and neck.’

  An even more burning wave of crimson rushed into Laura’s face and she dropped her eyes.

  ‘That could just mean that I’m agitated because you’re making unwanted advances to me.’

  He shook his head and put his hands ostentatiously on his hips, as if to prove that he had no intention of touching her.

  ‘I’m not making any advances to you.’

  ‘Yes, you are!’ she cried, stung by the unfairness of the statement. ‘You’re…you’re looking at me!’

  ‘And that’s enough to set you on fire?’ he marvelled. ‘Well, I suppose that’s fair enough, because it’s exactly the same for me. All I have to do is look at you and I begin burning with need for you.’

  Laura’s head swam as she felt a dizzy rush of mingled exhilaration and outrage.

  ‘I don’t believe you!’

  ‘It’s the truth.’

  ‘I don’t want to hear it!’ she exclaimed in a suffocated voice, pressing her cool palms against her hot face. ‘All I want to do is go home!’

  ‘Why?’ he demanded mockingly. ‘Are you too embarrassed to face the truth? Well, don’t be, Laura! There’s no need for you to be ashamed of wanting me.’

  ‘I’m not ashamed…Anyway, I don’t…Oh, leave me alone!’ she exclaimed incoherently.

  His voice was cool, precise, amused—in maddening contrast to hers.

  ‘I think the way you’re behaving makes it clear enough what your feelings are, don’t you?’ he said, laying one hand lightly on her shoulder.

  ‘Let me go!’ she breathed, twisting away.

  ‘What are you frightened of?’

  ‘I’m not frightened of anything!’

  ‘Then why do you deny what’s happening between us?’

  She backed away from him again, and found the hard surface of the wall was blocking her escape. Unable to flee any further, she was forced to stop and confront him. And that taunting gleam in his eyes also forced her to confront what was happening inside her.

  ‘I’m not denying anything. All right, I admit that you’re quite…er…physically, well…Oh, stop smirking at me like that! All right, you’re sexually attractive! There, I’ve said it! Satisfied? But maybe I just don’t want to be used and then thrown away.’

  ‘Whatever gave you the idea that I’d do that?’ he drawled.

  ‘Wendy gave me the idea that you would!’ shouted Laura. ‘She told me that you lead women on and then discard them.’

  James didn’t deny the charge. He simply shrugged, as if it were of no importance. The coolness with which he ignored the accusation gave her the panicky feeling that he was playing some kind of cruel game with her. While she blundered around in a highly charged emotional state he seemed to be no more than a detached observer, watching her struggles with amusement. The thought infuriated her.

  ‘You don’t get involved with women, do you?’ she cried passionately. ‘Not really involved? Oh, I don’t doubt that you wine them and dine them and take them to bed, but you don’t really care, do you? You never lay yourself open to pain and you don’t give anything of yourself, do you?’

  He was silent for a moment, watching her intently with an unfathomable expression in his golden eyes. Wave after wave of longing and anger and despair broke over her as she tried to match him stare for stare. But it was useless. He was as cool and impassive as a granite cliff-face, while she felt as turbulent as a s
tormy sea. To her annoyance she discovered that her hands were shaking. She bit her lip, willing herself not to lapse into the ultimate humiliation of tears. Then James spoke.

  ‘Maybe this time it will turn out differently,’ he said in an odd, abrupt voice.

  Laura made a rude noise.

  ‘Oh, yes! And maybe this time I’ll turn out to be Madonna in disguise.’

  Her scathing joke broke the tension. James’s face contorted in a vain attempt to hold back laughter and suddenly their eyes met. A vivid image of Laura in black leather and a cone-shaped bra seemed to hover in the air between them. Then James’s laughter exploded.

  ‘Now, that would be worth seeing,’ he said appreciatively.

  She was almost relieved by the sudden lightening of the mood, which gave her a chance to bring her unruly emotions under control. Even when his mirth subsided, and he reached out and touched her hair, she did no more than stiffen warily.

  ‘What exactly are you frightened of?’ he asked. ‘Do you think I’m going to rape you?’

  ‘Of course not,’ she retorted. ‘I don’t believe your approach would be that crude. Anyway, there are laws against that sort of thing.’

  Twining her hair around his finger, he looked down at her and deliberately let his voice deepen and thicken even further, as if he were a stage villain in a Victorian melodrama. His eyes flickered maniacally.

  ‘Or do you think I’m going to use my vile, irresistible charm to lure you into my bed against your will?’ he taunted.

  Actually, that was exactly what Laura did fear, but she certainly didn’t want to make herself ridiculous by admitting it.

  ‘I’m not as stupid as that!’

  ‘Then where’s the danger?’ asked James, reverting to his normal voice. Even that had a hoarse, elusive quality that Laura found unbearably provocative. ‘Forewarned is forearmed, isn’t it? If I give you my word that I won’t use any unfair tactics to coerce or persuade you, what’s the problem? It seems to me the only remaining risk is in your own feelings, and those are under your control, not mine.’

  No, they’re not, thought Laura despairingly. They haven’t been under my control from the moment I met you. Yet she did not say this aloud.

  ‘That’s all very well,’ she replied coolly. ‘But what exactly are you asking me to do?’

  He drew the long, dark silky strand of her hair across his knuckles and brushed it across his lips.

  ‘Just stay on and see what develops,’ he urged. ‘Didn’t you give me an impassioned speech about the importance of taking risks in relationships the first time you were here? Or were you just being Bea, and not yourself on that occasion?’

  ‘I don’t know who I was being!’ burst out Laura. ‘Ever since I first undertook that ridiculous masquerade, I’ve been acting in ways that are totally out of character for me. I feel as if I don’t know who I am any more.’

  ‘Then stay and find out. It’s a healthy thing, Laura. You’re finally breaking out of the strait-jacket that your duty has kept you imprisoned in for years. I know that must be frightening for you, but let it happen. Take the risk of exploring your desire for me.’

  Interesting, his choice of word, thought Laura. Not love, not yearning for intimacy, but desire.

  ‘I wish I knew what you meant by that,’ she said bitterly.

  James released his hold on her hair and spread his arms wide in an expansive gesture.

  ‘It’s very simple,’ he explained. ‘I just want us to get to know each other.’

  ‘How can I be sure you won’t take advantage of me?’

  ‘You’ll have to trust me. I won’t insult your intelligence by swearing an oath that there’s nothing going on between Sue Rigby and me—’ I wish you would! thought Laura miserably ‘—but I will promise you this. I won’t try to rush things with you. I won’t do anything that you don’t agree to and want just as passionately as I do.’

  Considering the dreams she had been having about James ever since she’d first met him, that didn’t seem to be much of a restriction. Laura sighed, pressed her fingers to her aching temples and stared in perplexity at the floor.

  ‘That’s a great comfort,’ she muttered sceptically.

  She could feel the smile on James’s face as he lowered his head to hers and nuzzled her hair.

  ‘Well?’ he coaxed. ‘What’s it going to be? Are you going to be brave and stay on? Or are you going to run away because you don’t have the courage to take a chance on yourself?’

  She raised her head and looked him directly in the eye.

  ‘What a gift you have for expressing yourself,’ she observed. ‘I think you’re wasted as a farmer. Why didn’t you go into high-pressure marketing?’

  ‘There are too many heartless, sceptical women among the consumers,’ he replied lightly. Then his voice changed and a new note of earnestness entered it. ‘Well, Laura? What’s it to be? This time there’s no pressure, no smart sales talk. Just a simple, honest statement. I want you to stay. Will you?’

  She was unexpectedly touched by the sincerity in his voice and by the directness of his gaze. Her misgivings dissolved and she let out her breath in a long sigh.

  ‘All right, James. I’ll stay.’

  * * *

  James was already in the kitchen reading a financial newspaper when Laura came down to breakfast the following morning. He glanced up, pushed the coffee-pot and the plate of warm blueberry muffins towards her and then looked down again as if he hadn’t really seen her. Laura smothered a grin as he began punching in numbers on a pocket calculator and muttering to himself.

  On the rare occasions when Bea had surfaced before eleven o’clock in the morning, they had always quarrelled over Laura’s antisocial habit of remaining glued to the financial news throughout breakfast. It was rather nice to meet a fellow delinquent at last. Laura stifled a giggle.

  ‘What are you laughing at?’ demanded James suspiciously, raising his head.

  ‘You,’ she replied, helping herself to coffee and muffins. ‘I thought I was the only one who muttered about put and call options throughout breakfast.’

  ‘Hmm,’ grunted James, setting down the newspaper. ‘I’m getting too used to living on my own, that’s the trouble. Tell me, Laura, how long are you able to stay here?’

  She blinked, taken aback by the question.

  ‘How long do you want me to stay?’ she asked.

  His eyes gleamed.

  ‘As long as possible.’

  ‘You might be sorry you said that. Technically speaking, I’m entitled to another seven weeks’ leave from my job, since I didn’t take any holidays last year.’

  ‘Good,’ he said with satisfaction, folding the newspaper and tossing it aside onto a kitchen cupboard. ‘In that case, I hope you’ll stay for seven weeks.’

  Excitement sang in her veins. Wasn’t it a promising sign if he wanted her to be his guest for so long? On the other hand, she didn’t want to become a burden to him.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said simply. ‘Now, do you want to drive down to Hobart today and shop for some clothes?’

  His tone was as matter-of-fact as if they were a husband and wife discussing their plans for the day. Laura couldn’t help feeling warmed by the intimacy of it, but she was also perplexed. In her view, James’s insistence that she should stay for so long implied that something serious was happening between them. And yet he seemed to regard it as merely one more detail to be approved before moving on to the next item. Or was it only a trivial issue to him anyway? Did he invite women to stay for two months at a time so often that he lost count of them all?

  A perplexed frown knitted her brows, and then she realised that he was still gazing keenly at her, waiting for an answer to his question.

  ‘What? Oh, sorry. Yes, I do want to go shopping today, please. I must get some things to wear.’

  ‘I have credit accounts at several big department stores. I’d be happy to—’

  ‘No!’ Ac
cepting his hospitality was one thing, letting him buy her clothes was entirely another matter. The mere thought gave her an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach, as if she were surrendering her integrity. Then he saw his look of mild surprise at the fierceness of her tone and wondered if she was overreacting. Her voice emerged, half-defiant, half-uncertain, when she spoke again. ‘I couldn’t possibly allow you to do that! It wouldn’t be proper.’

  ‘Proper!’ He gave a snort of amusement and reached forward to ruffle her hair. ‘You’re a gem, Laura. Circa 1915, but a gem nevertheless. Don’t ever change, will you?’

  It annoyed her to see him laughing at her, even if the laughter was indulgent. Why did everyone think she was Miss Prissy? Deep down, she knew she wasn’t like that at all. Well, one of these days she would break out and surprise them all! She gazed at him coldly.

  ‘Oh, come on!’ he coaxed. ‘Don’t be offended. I like the kind of person you are, Laura. Now, finish your breakfast, get dressed and let’s get moving. It’s a three-hour journey and I’ve got some business to transact at the woollen mill before noon. After that I suggest we go to the casino for lunch, then split up for a few hours. You can go shopping while I see my solicitors about the challenge to the shopping complex. Then we’ll meet again for tea and drive back. How does that sound?’

  ‘All right,’ agreed Laura grudgingly.

  As she trailed upstairs she gritted her teeth and wondered yet again about the wisdom of the whole enterprise. Sometimes she liked James, really liked him a lot. When he’d been teaching her to ride, for instance, he had been really kind and patient. And when he’d talked about giving up his own business in order to take over the firm for his cantankerous old father, she had felt a genuine rush of sympathy for him. But there were other occasions when she wanted to hit him. Like now, for instance.

  If his sister was right and he was nothing but a playboy, what was she, Laura Madison, doing with him? She must be insane! And now she faced a three-hour drive during which he would probably bait her about her quaint scruples on taking money from men. Nice going, Laura, she told herself. Looks as if you’ve organised a great holiday.