Forbidden

by Liliana Rhodes

  When they were done, she placed the chicken on the table with a pile of paper plates, then sat down. My father started eating like he had never seen food before in his life. Abuela clucked her tongue as she shook her head.

  “So you’re my problem now, huh?” she said.

  “I’m sorry, Mami, but I had nowhere else to go,” Pop said.

  “This is my fault. I didn’t watch you enough when you were younger. I thought I could trust you with the product, instead you started using.” She clucked her tongue before running it over her teeth. “You’ll have to work for me again, but this time if anything’s missing, you’re paying double for it.”

  “Yes, Mami, whatever you want.”

  Her eyes turned towards me and she squinted through her glasses.

  “How old are you now?” she asked.

  “I’m eight.”

  “You look like a bright boy, how’d you like to make some money and help your father out?”

  Present Day

  “I delivered drugs to Abuela’s dealers. Her thinking was that I was a child, a juvenile, so they would be more lenient on me than an adult.”

  “That’s terrible,” I said.

  “It wasn't as bad as you think. My grandmother and I grew close and I understood why she did what she did. I'd do anything for her, and I proved that by never giving the cops her name.”

  “So when you had Seth’s eyeglass case in school...”

  “The cops ran my name and all my priors came up. They had no choice but to take me in and since I wouldn’t play ball with them and tell them how I got his case, they locked me up.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said. “All this time I was worried it was my fault, and it really is.”

  “Nah, it’s just my shit life. I can’t get away from it. Abuela passed away a couple of years ago. That’s when Pop and I moved and I started going to your school. I could have told the cops what they wanted to know, but I didn’t want to disrespect her memory.”

  He was quiet, and he gave me that look again where I thought he could see through my clothes. Only this time it didn’t bother me. This time I knew he was seeing something more.

  “Right now,” he said. “Right here, tonight, this has been the best day of my fucked-up life. Being in bed with you like this has made all of that shit okay because I know it was bringing me to you.”

  I was lost in his words. I knew he was being sincere, but part of me couldn't believe it. Why was the guy I stalked in the halls not that long ago saying all these amazing things to me? It was unreal. I couldn’t handle how serious he was.

  “Is this how you got into all those girls’ pants?” I asked with a grin.

  “That depends. Is it working?” He tilted his head to the side as he pushed my hair off my shoulder. “You don’t like being serious, do you? It makes you uncomfortable.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe I’m just nervous because I think I know what’s about to happen.”

  “Do you?”

  His hand cupped my face and pulled me closer. His kiss was gentle at first, then more demanding. As his tongue slid near my tongue, I moaned softly.

  “I like that,” he said. “Do it again.”

  “I can’t. It just happened.”

  “Then I’m going to make it happen again.”

  “I don’t think you can.”

  “I love a challenge,” he said.

  He moved further down on the bed so we were lying next to each other. His lips kissed my neck before he pressed them against mine. He sucked on my bottom lip and bit it. I forced myself to not make a sound.

  “Nothing? We’ll see about that,” he said with a crooked smile.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to make you moan so loud the people in the next room will complain.”

  I laughed as he pulled me against him until I felt his hard cock pressed against my thigh. The memory of him naked drifted through my mind. I pressed myself against him more, then slid my hand over him.

  “You make me so fucking hard. Do you have any idea how hard it is to think with you in the next room? To hear the shower turn on and to imagine you naked?”

  “I want to see you again,” I said, lifting his shirt.

  He pulled his shirt off quickly then unbuttoned his jeans and kicked them off. Lying naked beside me, he pulled my face to his again, his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth.

  His hands moved roughly over my shirt, squeezing my breasts before reaching for my pants. I felt him hesitate a moment before he pulled them down past my hips. I pushed them off then moved my bare leg against his.

  Shane reached for my hips and pushed his cock between my legs.

  “You’re so wet I can feel it through your panties,” he said.

  He groaned as he rubbed his cock against the thin material. His hands grabbed my ass, pressing me tightly against him.

  “I can’t take it anymore. Please just fuck me already,” I said. I started to pull my panties down, but he stopped me.

  “No, we can’t. I want you so fucking bad, but we can’t.”

  “It’s because we’re living in the same house, isn’t it?”

  “That’s only part of it,” he said. “I wasn’t joking when I said today has been the best day of my life. And if we did this right now, I could die a happy man. But I can’t do it. I keep waiting for something bad to happen. Nothing this good ever happens to me. You’re too good for me. I know something will fuck this up just like everything else in my life.”

  I wanted to argue with him and tell him nothing would happen, but I couldn’t. I didn't have the words to make him feel better. And I didn’t want to say something to ruin what wasn’t just the best day of his life, but mine too.

  We spent hours lying in bed together, Shane naked and me still in my shirt and panties. The time flew by as we kissed and touched each other, but we never let it go too far.

  Chapter Eight

  Rosalie

  The next few days were a blur. Shane didn’t come out of his room much, and when he did, he kept to himself. He hardly looked at me and I knew he was avoiding me.

  I found myself falling back on my old high school habits. I looked for little clues and signs of what he was doing or where he had been. He went out several times, but I didn’t know who he was with. Was he dating? Just the thought of it made my chest ache.

  Shane would come out of his room late, after everyone had fallen asleep, but whenever I tried to talk to him, he disappeared back into his room without a word. Part of me was glad he wasn’t yelling at me, but another part wished he was. I needed something from him, even if it was him being mean. The silence was worse than almost anything he could possibly say.

  The rest of the house was asleep and I knew Shane would be up soon to eat or whatever it was he did in the middle of the night. I had to stop listening for him and thinking about him. I had to stop obsessing about him. Needing something to get my mind off him, I looked at my cell phone and decided to see what Noelle had been up to.

  “Hey stranger,” she said as she answered.

  “Thanks, that makes me feel even better.”

  “Nah, you know I’m just busting your chops. I haven’t been around much lately either with getting ready to go away and trying to spend as much time with Craig as possible.”

  “How are things with him?”

  “Things are...well, they could be better. You know when we started dating, the whole plan was we were just hanging out for the summer. No strings, no ties since we were both going away. But now it’s different and that’s making it harder. He’s even talking about transferring to my school, but I told him that’s just insane. What’s going on with you? How’s Shane? Have you accidentally walked in on him in the shower yet?”

  I laughed. “No, but now you’re giving me more ideas. I guess he’s alright. I don’t think he’s talking to me right now, which is a bummer. I’m trying to not think about it though.”

  “Okay, then I’ll change the s
ubject. Have you heard from your mom?”

  “No. I called her a week or so ago, but she never called me back. She’s pissed at me. She hasn’t spoken to me since the day I left and that day she said something about my betraying her.”

  “Sorry, I’m sure that’s got to be hard.”

  “Yeah, but you know what? I feel so much more at ease not being there. I think I’m okay with it. She’s just going to be how she is. I can’t let it affect me. Now if only the nightmares would stop.”

  “The parking lot nightmares?”

  “Yup, those. They go away for a while and then come back.”

  “It’s better that you’re not there and you know that. Jim was such a creep, and I hated visiting you. And now that Shane lives there, I really should be coming over more often.”

  “Shut up,” I said, laughing. “See, I missed this. I missed talking to you.”

  “I missed it too. And I’m going to miss you once I leave, but now that you’re out of that house, you could visit and maybe we can do something on spring break. It’ll be nice to have a best friend I can actually do things with.”

  “Thanks, rub it in.”

  “Aww, you know it’s just because I love you.”

  “Love you too, Noelle.”

  “It’s late, I’m gonna crash. Call me tomorrow.”

  As I got off the phone, I decided to give in to sleep. I turned on my favorite playlist and as the music played, I closed my eyes.

  “Rosalie,” Shane hissed. “Wake up.”

  I gasped for air as my eyes flew open. Shane was wearing nothing but black boxer briefs.

  “What the fuck?” I said as I pulled my blanket up. “Get the fuck out of my room!”

  “Calm down,” he said, holding his hands out. “I heard you crying. You sounded really upset and when you didn’t answer, I came in. Are you alright?”

  I nodded, then burst into tears and shook my head. Sitting up, I pulled my legs up to me and then grabbed my pillow. Shane sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me.

  “Nightmare?” he asked.

  I nodded, unable to speak. He didn’t ask anything else, but I couldn’t shake the visions from my mind. I never told anyone how the nightmare related to my oldest memory. I couldn’t say the words, and it wouldn’t matter because none of it made any sense. But for whatever reason, I wanted to tell Shane.

  As I looked up at him, he met my gaze and pushed my hair back from my face.

  “Can I tell you about it?” I asked. “I don’t know if it’ll make any sense, but I think I need to talk about it.”

  “You can tell me anything.”

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment, feeling safe in his arms.

  “I’ve been having these nightmares since I was little. In the dreams I’m around five or six. I’m scared and hiding behind cars in a parking lot in the apartment complex we used to live in when I was little. The dream always ends with me being grabbed from behind and my screaming.”

  “Did it really happen? Because I have nightmares of things that happened to me.”

  “I don’t know. I wish I knew. I asked my mother about it once. I told her about the dream and she told me that Jim once found me wandering in the parking lot behind his apartment. This was before they started dating and he was her boss. He told her I was cutting school, but I always remember loving school.”

  “Do you remember him finding you?”

  “No, I don’t. My memory of that morning is fragmented. I remember him on the phone, I was standing with my book bag near the front door, and I remember the rocking chair next to me was rocking.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it. When I asked my mom if she remembered anything from that day, all she said was that I changed after that and I wasn’t the happy kid I used to be.”

  “What do you think happened?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think I want to know. I just wish the nightmares would stop.”

  He held me tightly as I clung to him. I didn't know how much time had passed, but he slowly let me go and wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

  “I’d better get back to bed,” he said.

  “Please don’t. I’m afraid to fall asleep. Can you stay here with me?”

  Shane’s eyes told me how much he was wrestling with what I said. I knew how he felt about us living under the same roof, how that made me forbidden to him, but I didn’t feel that way.

  “I don’t know,” he said softly. “It’s hard enough to be near you like this. And you're so vulnerable and sad right now, I’m afraid of doing something and taking advantage of you. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

  “You could never take advantage of me. If anything happens between us, it’s because I want it to.”

  He held my hand and traced the lines of my palm with his finger. His fingertips were covered with dried paint in different colors.

  “Were you painting?” I asked.

  “Yes. I’ve never shown anyone before, but do you want to see what I’ve been working on?”

  “I’d love that.”

  Shane went through our shared bathroom to his room and came back with a painting on a square canvas he bought the week before. It wasn’t done, but it already had such rich colors and bold lines to it, I thought it was beautiful.

  “I still have a lot of work to do on it, but it’s for you. I know your birthday is coming up and despite what a douche I’ve been at times, you never gave up on me.”

  “Really? You’re making this for me?”

  He nodded. “It’s a rose, like your name. You’re the reason I got this rose on my bicep. It reminds me to stay strong. I’ve had a lot of thorns in my life, but the thing that has kept me going was knowing one day I’d reach the rose and it would all be worth it. So I kept climbing over the thorns and eventually it brought me here, to you. And now I’m here helping you with this thorn, your nightmare.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I was grateful to have him there with me at that moment, but anything I said would have paled in comparison.

  “What about you?” he asked. “I told you I paint to relax, do you have anything like that?”

  “I write. I like writing poetry, sometimes short stories.”

  “I’d love to read your stuff.”

  “No, you wouldn’t like it. It’s just...they’re stupid stories.”

  “Don’t ever say that. If they mean something to you then they can never be stupid.”

  I kept waiting for him to make a joke out of it, but he didn’t. He was serious. And I knew I was in trouble. I was falling for him.

  “How did you learn how to paint?” I asked.

  “I’m sure you can guess I had a lot of spare time in jail. There’s not much to do besides lifting weights or reading. One day when I was in the library, I picked up a book on modern art and fell in love with Cubism. I started sketching and after I got out, I bought some supplies and experimented.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “My grandmother helped. She bought me art magazines and paid for some classes when we were living with her. Then one day I discovered this artist named Dmitri Nikita. His work is incredible and it really inspired me. I’d love to go to his studio in California and meet him one day. Maybe take a class from him.”

  “I always dreamed about going to California.”

  “We should go, just you and me. We could get away from the bad weather and the nightmares. Just leave all this crap behind.”

  I searched his face looking for some joke I didn’t get, but there wasn't one there. I leaned against Shane, grateful to have him there to keep my thorns away. The more time we spent together, the more I felt myself falling for him. Was it wrong? He was everything I wanted, but the one I couldn’t have. Or could I?

  Chapter Nine

  Rosalie

  Even though I had started college, it didn’t feel any different or special like I had hoped it would. I knew the problem was that I was a commute
r. Everyone in my classes seemed to live in the dorm and had made tons of friends, but I didn’t meet anyone. In a lot of ways, college was no different than high school since no one knew I was alive.

  The big difference though was that I didn’t care. I wanted to go away to college to get out of my house with my mother and stepfather. I did that by moving in with my dad. And with Shane living there, I didn’t want to date or meet anyone else.

  I was finishing up a paper for an assignment when my phone started ringing. Shane’s name floated across the screen.

  “Why are you calling me if you’re in the next room?” I said.

  “Hi, is Rosalie there?” he said.

  “Huh? What are you doing? You know it’s me.”

  “How you doin’? Are you busy tonight?”

  “I thought we were going to rent a movie,” I said.

  “Fuck, Rosalie, can’t you take a hint? I’m trying to ask you out.”

  Holy shit!

  “So, are you busy tonight?” he asked.

  “I was going to rent a movie tonight with a friend of mine.”

  “Ditch the loser and come out with me.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Just the usual wine ‘em, dine ‘em, sixty-nine ‘em.”

  “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

  “Yeah, but you love me anyway.”

  I do.

  “So what do you say?”

  “Yes, I’ll go out with you tonight.”

  “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  “Do you know where I live?” I held back a giggle.

  “Of course I do. Your friend told me.”

  The doorbell rang at exactly seven o’clock. My dad and Joanna had left earlier for a dinner party with some friends, so I was alone in the house except for Shane. It felt silly, but I wore my favorite dress. Shane called it a date and I was going to make sure I looked my best.