Bitter Lies

by Nina Lincoln

  “What?” I say hesitantly because I’m no longer interested in what he has to say.

  Not only did he ruin my world over jealousy, but he put me in a dangerous situation and still doesn’t understand the impact it had. I’ve spent years trying to understand why Griffin backed away and, in the end, it was all due to secrets and fucking lies. Yeah, I’ve definitely got a bit of bitterness going on.

  “Hals,” he sobs.

  Dropping my shirt, I sag on the bed. “What? What’s wrong?”

  “I fucked up, and I’m sorry,” he whispers.

  “Max…”

  “I know, I know I’ve been a dick. And I’m sorry. It’s just, I just…I don’t know.”

  “Okay, I think you need to tell Mom and Dad.”

  I’m greeted with silence, and I roll my eyes. “Max—”

  “I know I need help. I…will you help me, please?” It’s been years, but this is the tone I’m familiar with when it comes to my brother and I’ve missed it and him so much.

  “Look, I know I’ve been a jerk, Hals. I promise, on great grandpa John’s life, I’m good. Please, will you help me?”

  “You know I will,” I give in. “What do you need?”

  “I found a place. I can go today. But I can’t leave my car. And I need to go today, now, before I change my mind. Will you take me? Please?”

  “What about Griff?” I ask because as much as I’d like to be there for Max, I’m not sure I can face him after everything, nor do I know if I can trust him.

  “I can’t tell him, not yet. Please, I know I’ve fucked up. I know, and I promise to be better, to do better, but I can’t do it without your help, Hals.”

  “I—okay, just let me, I’ll come there.” Maybe it’s foolish, but I have hope in my heart that Max can find himself again, and I could never stand in the way of that.

  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hesitant to see Griff because when all is said and done, he still makes my heart beat crazily, which is what I focus on as I stand on their stoop and knock on the door.

  “Hey,” Max says, stepping to the side as he opens the door.

  Cautiously, I walk past him into the living area. “Hey.”

  The first thing I see is my remaining painting, still hanging on the wall, and I smile sadly at the visage, curious if they were just too lazy to take it down or if it was left there on purpose.

  “My bag is in the back,” he says, and nodding, I follow him down the hall, pausing at my old room as I stare around bewildered because the walls are literally gone with drywall in their place. I guess I did more damage than I thought?

  But I wish I had gotten the chance to take a picture or something because what I created on these walls was an important part of my journey, and now it’s gone.

  What did Griffin think when he took them down? Did he understand? With a bittersweet pulse in my heart, I smile because even if he did, does it matter? Apparently not.

  “Hals,” Max calls, and wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans, I head toward their rooms, dreading seeing Griffin, but his door is firmly closed, making me wonder if he’s avoiding me.

  Ignoring the rush of dizziness at the thought, I step into Max’s room and glance around, noting he’s packed up everything as though he’ll be gone for the summer, with multiple suitcases by the door.

  “How long is this program?”

  I thought he was staying the summer here, before today, but it looks as though he’ll be going home after, maybe?

  “I’m not staying here any longer,” he says, rooting around in his closet.

  “You’re not?”

  “No, I need my space.” He turns his head away, avoiding my gaze.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, for I know his pain because love is truly fucking brutal.

  He chuffs, his mouth twisted in a pained smile. “Yeah, well, you should be.”

  “Huh?”

  Swinging toward me, he says snarkily, “Blaming all the shit from your stupid past on me? I mean, really? It’s not my fucking fault everybody thought you slept with Bobby Moore.”

  Really? Clenching my hands at my sides, I grimace. “But that’s what you told him.”

  Does he even care that he contributed to years of pain and self-doubt? Apparently fucking not—maybe he doesn’t care about me at all.

  With a pulse of resentment that makes me itchy, I clench my fists to hold back the hateful words trembling on my tongue. “Why? Just tell me why?”

  “He had a right to know!” Max says, pacing away.

  “Max, that’s fucked-up. You see that, right?” I ask desperately, hoping to see a hint of fucking remorse on his face.

  “Whatever. Now he fucking hates me because of you.” He runs his hands through his hair, leaving the strands standing on end.

  I can’t contain the resentment burning in my heart any longer, and I don’t fucking want to. “If he hates you, it’s because of you.”

  Once again, I’m being blamed for shit I had no part in, and the pretense is getting old. When will Max get it? He’s responsible for his shitty actions.

  “Fuck off!” he bellows, and I glance around wearily because Max hardly seems contrite, and now his pathetic sobs over the phone are markedly absent.

  “Why am I really here?” I step back and hope the closed door across the way doesn’t mean I’m fucking alone with my brother.

  “You thought I’d really call you for help?” he sneers, stepping toward me.

  “What? Max, what about treatment?”

  “You’re such a fucking idiot. I’m not going to treatment. I don’t fucking have a problem!”

  “Seriously? Look at yourself.” He grabs my arm roughly and I flinch, turning my head away.

  “Damn you.” He seethes, shaking me fiercely, my neck wrenching painfully at the brutal movement.

  “Max!”

  “Fuck you. Where’s the necklace?”

  “Seriously? The necklace,” I rasp.

  “Yes, I need the fucking necklace!”

  “I don’t have it.” I pull from his grip and turn to the door, but he trips me, and I fall, hitting the ground with a thud.

  “Bitch! I know you didn’t give it back to him.”

  “Yes, I did!”

  Kicking out at him, I crawl away, but he grabs my leg and turns me over. “You ruined everything!”

  “No! You ruined it. You! This isn’t my fault,” I scream, kicking him in the balls.

  “Fuck,” he groans, dropping his hold to grab his package. Scrambling away from him, I tumble into Griffin’s room before closing and locking the door behind me.

  Heaving for air, I lean against the wood with a sob, rubbing my aching arms. I’m a fucking moron for coming here. Idiot.

  Max slams against the door, and with a gasp, I step away, searching my pockets for my phone, but it must have fallen loose during the struggle.

  Shit. Flipping on the light, I turn toward the window, only to stutter to a stop in shock.

  What? Turning in a circle, I look around in wonder because my paintings from the wall in my room are now framed and leaning against Griffin’s walls. Each picture is cut into pieces that allow the story to show through without losing the integrity of the scene, and brushing my finger against the nearest one, I marvel at what he did.

  It must have cost a fortune to have these life-sized paintings cut from the wall and professionally framed.

  Why? How?

  Tears fill my eyes, and I breathe deep, wishing I could see into Griffin’s heart and know definitively what he feels, but I guess I won’t know unless I ask.

  Thump.

  Swinging around, I step back cautiously as the door bows on its hinges, and Max curses from the other side. Wide-eyed, I flinch when he slams against it again and again before the wood gives way and he comes barreling through.

  “Bitch,” he roars as I gasp and swing around, but I’m too late as he charges me and pushes into my back.

  Stumbling, I fall to the floor and hit
my head against the bedpost, moaning as stars dance behind my eyes. Max rears back with wide tortured eyes and holds out a trembling hand to me before he glances around at the pictures and drops it.

  “It’s always about you,” he screams, grabbing his head and pulling at his hair.

  Clutching my own aching head, I pull myself to my knees and inch backward, freezing when he glances up and glares.

  “Max—”

  But I have no time before he slaps me across the face, and I fall to the floor with a whimper, curling in on myself in anticipation of the next blow, but then inexplicably, he drops to his knees and begins to sob, the sound heart-wrenching in the silence.

  Gaining my feet, I clutch my aching head as I stagger, black dots dancing before my eyes. Shit. Forcing myself to focus, I rush the door and race down the hall, my heart jumping in my chest when I hear him swear behind me. Shit.

  Veering into my old room, I thank god or whoever else is listening that the lock is still there as I twist the knob and collapse against the door, flinching when Max rages from the other side. “Let me in! Fuck!”

  “Max,” I sob, stepping away from the door as he slams against it, once and again but then the sound stops, and an eerie silence follows. Cautiously, I step forward, hoping this means he’s done, but then I hear him walking back down the hall. I press my ear against the wood and try to listen to what he’s doing.

  It’s quiet, too quiet, and frowning, I put my hand on the lock, only to spin around when footsteps sound in the gravel beside the house from the backyard.

  Fuck. Staring at the window, I clutch my aching head as my pulse pounds painfully and inch forward, moving the blinds aside cautiously.

  Shit. Fuck. His ugly grimace comes into view, and I drop the curtains and turn to the door, gasping when his hands slam against the glass as he bellows, “Halsey!”

  Fumbling with the lock, I finally get it free despite my trembling fingers, and tumbling from the room, I make a beeline for the front door, stepping back with a gasp when it opens just as I brush the handle.

  With horror, I wait for Max to emerge, a sob escaping when I see it’s Griffin, thank fuck, and I rush into his arms, wrapping around him tightly with relief.

  Griffin wraps his arms around me but pulls back when I sob. “Halsey? What’s wrong?”

  “Halsey!” Max bellows, and I flinch, tipping my head back and glancing into Griffin’s face.

  “He’s crazy.”

  Griffin’s gaze drops to mine from where he was staring over my shoulder, and his eyes grow wide before he brushes my face with his fingertips.

  “Did he do this?” he asks, his eyes narrowing to thin slits as darkness blots out the colors.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  He sets me aside gently and stalks into the house, catching Max coming back through the arcadia doors.

  Max slides to a stop, his face dropping into a frown as he looks at Griffin with a heartbreaking expression before it turns to disdain as he sneers, “What the fuck do you want!”

  “Did you fucking hit your sister?” Griffin roars, tackling him to the ground before he can respond.

  They grapple on the tile, trading punches as they roll around, and I watch in shock because once upon a time, we were best friends with dreams and hopes and love, and now this is where we are. Three broken souls with nothing left but hate and hurt in our hearts.

  Max gets in a few good blows, but he’s no match for Griffin, who works out every day and soon Griffin has him subdued. Sadly, I step forward and meet Griffin’s flinty stare where he holds Max in a headlock, nodding when he says, “Call your parents.”

  ∞∞∞

  Unfortunately, it’s a long drive for my parents, and Max rages the entire time, spewing such filth I have to turn away, disheartened by the hatred he clearly has in his heart for me. And for what, liking the same boy he did?

  “Fucking bitch! Did you enjoy getting fucked by half the football team? You’re a fucking whore, Halsey!”

  Griffin tied him to a chair, with his wrists and ankles zip-tied to the wooden slats, and I give half a thought to just calling the police, but much like Griffin, I want Max to see the light, and a criminal record isn’t going to help.

  Sitting on the couch, I hold a bag of frozen peas to my aching head, glancing up when Griffin sits beside me and says, “What happened?”

  Leaning back with a sigh, I ignore the vitriol spewing from his mouth and wince as the cold hits my bruise. “Drugs.”

  “Ha!” Max sneers, turning his head, but he can’t see us from the angle in which he’s sitting.

  “What?” Griffin steps around to face Max as he stares at him with wide eyes. “Drugs?”

  “I’ll tell you what happened,” Max bellows. “You chose her.”

  I flinch and look away as Griffin frowns, shaking my head wearily as Max continues, his voice broken. “Her.”

  “Max, what are you saying? You’re my best friend, bro.”

  “No! We’re not friends. No!” Max says although his words are indistinct, garbled by the sobs choking his throat.

  “Max-“

  Max’s head shoots up and Griffin’s eyes widen as they stare at each other before Max says quietly, “I love you.”

  Griffin eyes him with a confused stare before the light dawns and he drops his gaze, rubbing his temple. “Max, I love you like a brother. But…I’m not…into dudes. You know that.”

  “Yeah, I get it,” he sniffles, “but why her?”

  “Because,” Griffin says, looking at me with a soft expression. “it’s always been her.”

  Sitting back down next to me on the couch, he raises a brow, and I smile tremulously, before collapsing in his arms when he opens them wide.

  His breath tickles my ear and I shiver as he says, “I’m sorry.”

  With a small smile that contains a lifetime of my pain, I lean into him and sigh. “I’m sorry, too.”

  ∞∞∞

  Eventually, my parents show, but not before we listen to hours of Max raging and sobbing where more than once he blathers about how I’m to blame for basically everything.

  I’m a whore.

  I’m a liar.

  I’m a bitch.

  And on and on it goes, interspersed with his undying love for Griffin, whose face turns paler and paler as the hours wear on, until at one point, he stands and says in a guttural tone, “Say one more word about her and I’ll fucking hurt you.”

  After which, I pull Griffin away and into my old room, where I sit on the bed, and gaze around at the blank walls. I’m curious about the paintings, but now is hardly the time to bring it up with Max still swearing from the other room.

  Wearily, Griffin sits down beside me before pulling me into his arms and lying with me against the pillows. For a while, its quiet but for Max’s sniffles and the occasional outburst.

  “I’m sorry,” Griffin says.

  “Why?” It’s the only thing I can think to ask because I’ve wondered about it so many times over the years. How did he turn from my kind, gentle friend into the monster that continuously brought me down?

  “After your party, Max told me about Bobby. I didn’t believe him at first until I saw him at your house.”

  “And?”

  His sigh parts my hair, and he clutches me tighter as he stares at nothing before his mouth curls down in a grimace. “I saw you. And I fucking lost my mind. You were the one, Hals and then you weren’t. I fucking hated you. And I hated myself because even knowing you fucked him, I still wanted you until it ate at my fucking soul.”

  He strikes his chest and I raise my head, running my fingers over his fist now clenched against his heart. He flinches and I pull away with a sad smile, but he grabs my hand and wraps his fingers around mine.

  “It was all Max?” he asks with a curl to his lip.

  With a shrug, I acknowledge his question, and he turns me to my back and looks into my eyes with a fierce desperation. And my heart thumps in my chest as he says, “Hals…
I don’t know how…fuck.”

  He buries his face in my shoulder and I breathe him in. I understand his pain. I do but I will never understand his cruelty. I don’t know if we can move past this but for now, I’m willing to be here…with him. I’ve craved a moment like this for too long to deprive myself. But tomorrow…

  “I need to tell you something.” He raises his beautiful eyes to mine and I smile, covering his lips with my fingers.

  His eyes darken as he kisses the tips before I drop my hand and relax into his caress as he softly strokes my hair. Staring into each other’s eyes, he traces his finger down my cheek and when he reaches my bottom lip, I part them with a smile.

  His eyes flash with fire, as I suck the digit inside. With a groan, he rolls between my legs and lays his head on my chest. Breathing deeply, I run my hands through his silky hair.

  Even though Max is losing his mind in the living room, I feel a warmth in my chest that’s been missing since Griffin kissed me on my fourteenth birthday, and I revel in it because I know all too well how fleeting happiness can be.

  “You’re the one.” His tone is savage as he leans up and I search his earnest gaze before my eyes soften. “Ditto.”

  And maybe it’s not the right time, but neither of us cares, as he helps me remove my jeans and slides inside of me, staring into my eyes with a softness I’ve never seen before. We come together sweetly and he swallows my cries in his mouth as he brings me to completion, following behind.

  After, we lie together, breathing each other in until it’s almost time for my parents to arrive, and we have to dress and prepare for the confrontation.

  We don’t speak further about our feelings because it’s hardly a good time, but lying in his arms, I have hope in my heart that maybe we can make this work. Maybe it’s naive, after everything, but he’s the one who makes my soul sing, and after everything that’s happened, I know now more than ever that our time is short. Do I want to waste it?

  I don’t. I really don’t.

  ∞∞∞

  “What the hell is going on?” Dad sputters as he looks around with a shocked expression, spying Max tied to the chair.

  But before I can answer, Mom sees my face and gasps, tears filling her eyes as she grabs my cheeks. “Halsey? What happened?”