The Nearly Girl

by Lisa de Nikolits

  “Yes.” David seemed to be warming to the idea. “I need peace and quiet. I’m harassed by my family at home, then I’m harassed by my family at work, and no one listens to me in either instance. In all seriousness, Dr. Carroll, I would do anything to have things back to the way they were. This only happened because my receptionist got pregnant and Cathy said she’d fill in for her. Then she said she would do the bookkeeping, and then she insisted I needed more sales help, which I didn’t. She brought in her brother and they both brought the kid in.”

  “How would you characterize your relationship with your wife?”

  “She’s very bossy. Won’t take no for an answer.”

  “This may have an impact on your marriage,” Dr. Carroll advised him. “You’re looking to make a lot of changes here. Are you sure you’re ready for the consequences?”

  “I am ready for any and all consequences,” David said, and he looked determined.

  “Because however the dominoes fall, as a result of what we do, you can’t come back to me and blame me for screwing up your life. This is your choice.”

  “I won’t blame you for anything, you have my word,” David said.

  “What does each of us have to do?” Mike asked.

  “We need to pare things down from my original idea,” Dr. Carroll said. “That was a good example of free-rein brainstorming that needed to be refined into a realistic plan. How is everybody’s availability for tomorrow? Can you all free yourselves up to do this thing and help David?”

  The group nodded.

  “We will be employees of a firm called Efficiency Workplace Solutions and we’ve been hired by David. Mike, you’re in charge of looking at ways to streamline the company’s computing systems. Next, who knows anything about social media?”

  “I do,” Persephone said. “I used to be in charge of the social media program for a big retail outlet before I had my breakdown.”

  “Joanne, you’re the lawyer, so you need to check the books are in order.”

  “The books are fine!” David was indignant. “At least they are, apart from Cathy shaving off funds.”

  “Joanne, can you pretend to be an accountant?”

  “Piece of cake,” Joanne said, giving a twisted smile.

  “Excellent. Here’s the plan. David, you’ve called us in. After our visit, we will submit our findings in a report that will state that you need to change your business structure or you will go under. Will you be able to go through with it, because you’ll be the one who needs to fire them, not me?”

  “Totally fine. But this can’t ever be traced back to you, can it? What if John or Cathy tries to look up the business or asks for IDs or anything?”

  “I can help out there,” Angelina said, eagerly. “I once found a box with business cards and clipboards and those plastic thingies for name tags and even pens with a company name!”

  “But what is the company called?” Joanne was skeptical.

  “It was Best Business something.” Angelina was triumphant. “It will work. Trust me.”

  Dr. Carroll nodded. “Angelina, you are a gem! Best Business something is our name and our game. Come on, people, let’s go.”

  “Go where?” Mike asked. “I thought we were doing this tomorrow.”

  “We are. But first, we’re taking a road trip. We’re going to check out Angelina’s box of goodies. I will admit,” Dr. Carroll said getting up. “I have cabin fever today. I need to get out of this hospital, which is why I initially had the idea for us to visit David’s workplace. But now we need to get the business cards and, bonus, we can take a look at Angelina’s home, which, as her therapist, I must do, if I am going to help her.”

  “Okay, sure, you can all come by,” Angelina said. “But no one is allowed try to throw away anything. And no one is allowed to tell me how stinky it is. I don’t even smell it anymore but I know other people do.”

  “We won’t say a word,” Dr. Carroll promised and the group nodded.

  “I don’t think I’ve got anything to offer,” Ainsley said. “So I won’t be joining you unless you need me for anything?”

  “No, you’re okay to go,” Dr. Carroll said. “But wait, how are you? I realize this has turned into an odd session.”

  “I’m fine. Although I am sure someone is going to cut off my finger to take my engagement ring but other than that, I am fine.”

  Dr. Carroll looked tempted to dive into this problem but he shook his head. “No time today,” he said. “Ainsley, we’ll address that next week. I take it you must be leaving your house, if you’re worried you will be in places where other people could attack you? Let’s view that as a step forward. Well done!”

  Ainsley looked confused as she left.

  “I’m coming to Angelina’s,” Whitney said. “This is exciting. And I want to come tomorrow too.”

  “I want to come too,” Amelia said to Angelina and David.

  “You guys can do inventory tomorrow,” David suggested. “Make lists of the supplies in the stationary closet. Also, my carpenter is convinced that wood and materials have been going missing so take stock of what there is and I can tally it up with orders placed. And printer paper. I swear I am going through printer paper at twice the speed I should.”

  “No wonder you’ve been stressed,” Joanne said. “Sounds like they’ve been taking advantage of you left, right, and centre.”

  David nodded vigorously.

  “As for me, I am the big boss,” Dr. Carroll said. “I’ll wander around and talk to each person. David, have you described me to any of them?”

  David shook his head. “Cathy and John don’t want to hear anything about you or my coming here. They think I’m a loser for seeing you. They’d prefer me to be Xanaxed and like a robot.”

  “It would suit their purposes,” Dr. Carroll agreed. “Now, off we go, to Angelina’s place.”

  “Someone is welcome to hitch a ride with me in my old station wagon,” Angelina offered and Amelia and Persephone chose to ride with her. Dr. Carroll followed in his car, as did David and Mike. Whitney and Joanne left together.

  They arrived at Angelina’s house and gathered at the front door. “This doesn’t look bad,” Whitney commented. “Everything looks neat and tidy.”

  She was right. The garden was well-maintained and the house looked as if it had recently been given a fresh coat of paint.

  “My children,” Angelina explained. “They like the outside to be presentable.”

  Lulled into a false sense that the interior would match the serene outer facade, the group was stunned when Angelina opened the front door and a violent stench hit them with full force. They gagged at the wave of ammonia, rotting newspapers, mould, boiled eggs gone bad, vile kitty litter, and rancid cheese.

  Angelina stepped inside and waved at the others to follow her. Paralyzed, none of them moved. They were hardly able to breathe and they had not yet entered the house.

  “Come in. Close the door! Close the door!” Angelina shrieked. “You can’t let the bunnies run outside.”

  They filed in, reluctantly, and Mike closed the door.

  They were standing in what was once a hallway. Now it was a tunnel. A tunnel of newspapers that literally arched and joined, leaving a small crawl space below. The group eased their way carefully through the narrow space, emerging in what one presumed was formerly the living room. It was as if a landslide of broken rubbish had poured in through an open window and again, the contents were ceiling-high.

  Amelia looked down. She was standing on a pile of old magazines, and when she tried to make sense of the sea of objects around her, she discerned clothes from bygone eras, clothes that were stained and torn. Jackets with enormous, brightly-coloured flowers, piles of yellow, blue, and tan trousers, and all manner of filthy T-shirts and stained blouses. Dolls, one-eyed and broken. Cat toys, covered in filth and muck.
And there were droppings, animal excrement everywhere.

  “Oh, Angelina.” Amelia was the first to speak. “I am so sorry but I can’t be in here. You’ve got too many dead things here. All the good dreams are dead. I’ll have to wait outside.”

  She crawled back through the newspaper tunnel, opened the front door and ran outside. She stood there, gulping in the sweet purity of the clean air, and she wondered if she’d ever be able to get the funk of death out of her nose.

  Mike followed her out. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, sorry about that.” She scuffed the ground with her foot and refused to look at him.

  “Don’t worry about it. Man, it stinks in there. I think a few of the bunnies and a couple of other things died too. I’d better get back in and help the others find that box so we can get the heck out of here.”

  He went back into the house and Amelia sat down on the lawn to wait. She was trying to figure out how she had never smelled anything bad on Angelina. How had that stench not stuck to her? In fact, to the contrary, Angelina always smelled like fresh laundry, cotton clean and sunshiny.

  The others wandered through the house, losing each other among the stacks of boxes and papers and magazines and rubbish.

  “Angelina?” Dr. Carroll called out after a while. “Where are you?”

  “In the study,” she replied, which made no sense to him, but he followed the sound of her voice and he caught sight of the hem of her purple dress as she knelt on the floor.

  “Can I help you?” he asked.

  “I’m trying to get that box there,” she pointed. “The one under those three small ones.”

  Dr. Carroll reached for the topmost box and it came tumbling down. As it did, it flew open and a torrent of tiny bones rained onto Angelina and Dr. Carroll before falling onto the floor. Dr. Carroll gave a high-pitched shriek and he jumped back, brushing at his clothes. “Mice! Oh my god! I am covered in dead mice.”

  “Oh, no,” Angelina cried. “You’ve broken them!”

  “You collect dead mice?” Dr. Carroll tried to recover his composure.

  “Only once all the meat is gone and they’re skeletons. They have the tiniest most beautiful skeletons and now look, you’ve broken them.” She sounded ready to cry.

  “I’m sorry Angelina,” Dr. Carroll said and he put his hand on her arm. “I will be more careful.”

  He slid the next box carefully toward him and lowered it, wondering what was inside, and hoping to never have to find out. But it was only filled with rotted and stained tea cozies, stiff and crusted.

  “It’s the next box,” Angelina said eagerly and Dr. Carroll lifted the box up and carried it out into the back yard where the others were waiting, having admitted defeat.

  “Fantastic Corvette you’ve got in the garage,” Joanne said. “1958?”

  Angelina nodded. “It was my husband’s.”

  “Looks in good shape. I love old cars. Would you consider selling it or are you hanging onto it too?”

  Angelina shook her head. “I hate cars. You can have it for all I care. The keys are in the glove box. It’s worthless to me.”

  “And yet,” Dr. Carroll muttered, “the skeletons of dead mice are treasures.”

  “Done deal!” Joanne shot over to the car and dug inside the glove box. She soon had the hood raised and was examining the engine.

  Dr. Carroll bent over the box he had carried out, hoping that Angelina hadn’t sent them on a wild goose chase but there, amazingly enough, were clipboards with Best Business M.B.A. Services Ltd. on them, with printed letterhead, matching ballpoint pens, and plastic name tags holders with lanyards.

  “Angelina, you are the best!” David was beside himself. “For the first time, I think this might work.”

  “The plan works as follows,” Dr. Carroll said. “We meet at David’s workplace at nine a.m. tomorrow.”

  “But the others won’t be in by then,” David said.

  “Exactly. By the time they arrive, we’ll be knee deep into it. Actually, let’s make it eight-thirty a.m. Everybody needs to be in smart work clothes. Amelia and Whitney, you can’t be there. I’ve been thinking about it and we can’t have too many people. We’ll have to join you later.”

  “There’s a coffee shop on the corner of the main intersection,” David said. “You can’t miss it, Java Joe’s. Wait for us there.”

  “I don’t know if I can do it,” Persephone said suddenly. “I’m sorry.” She was shaking and she reached into her large purse and dug out a prescription bottle. She dry-swallowed a pill and grimaced.

  “Don’t worry,” Mike said reassuringly. “I can do your and my part. Piece of cake.”

  Persephone looked both humiliated and relieved and Mike patted her on the arm.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Amelia told her. “You, me, and Angelina can wait together at Java Joe’s. How long do you lot think you’ll be?”

  “At least three hours, maybe four,” Dr. Carroll said. “We’re going to do this properly.”

  “I’ll get to the coffee shop around eleven, just in case,” Amelia said and Angelina and Persephone agreed. Amelia wished them luck and strode off down the driveway.

  “Wait, I’ll give you a ride home,” Mike shouted but Amelia had already disappeared around the corner.

  “See you tomorrow,” Dr. Carroll said. “Last chance, David, to pull out?”

  “No pulling out. You’re right, Dr. Carroll, it’s time I took some responsibility for something in my life. And this way, I am actually doing D.T.O.T. Usually I’d wait for something to happen or for someone else to make the decision but I’m taking control, with your help. Thank you, everybody, for your help. I couldn’t do this by myself.”

  “D.T.O.T. till the cows come home!” Dr. Carroll shouted as he walked away, and he got into his car and drove off, waving and grinning.

  Angelina was left standing with Persephone, Joanne, and Whitney and she turned back to her house. “It really is bad, isn’t it?” she asked and the three of them nodded.

  “Maybe Dr. Carroll’s right,” Angelina muttered. “Maybe it should all burn down.”

  “But wouldn’t you start doing it again?” Whitney asked gently. “I’m not judging you, I’m just asking.”

  “Yes,” Angelina said sadly. “Yes, I probably would.”

  “What if we cleaned it out for you when you weren’t there,” Joanne suggested. “Has anybody ever tried that?”

  “They did and I rushed home and stopped them. My daughter took me to Las Vegas and as soon as we landed, I knew what was going on. I made her bring me right back home on the next flight. When we arrived, there were packers and movers in the driveway and I made them put everything back where it was, exactly where it was.”

  “Angelina,” Persephone asked, “did you ever make the doctor’s appointment? The medical one? That was why you came to see Dr. Carroll in the first place.”

  Angelina’s face went blank and expressionless. “I never did,” she said carefully. “No, I never did. Now, I don’t know about you but I am worn out. I’m going in to take a nap.”

  “Um,” Joanne said, and she whipped out her yellow legal notepad. “I really want to buy the car from you. The battery’s dead so I’ll get it towed. Please let me pay for it.”

  “No, take it, take it,” Angelina said. “Write a thingy saying you bought it for a dollar.”

  Joanne scribbled a note and Angelina signed it while Joanne dug in her purse for a dollar. “I’m calling a towing company now,” Joanne said, scrolling through her phone to find a number. “And I’ll get a ride back with them. Angelina, do you want us to come and collect you in the morning?”

  “No, I’ll be fine driving myself to the coffee shop. Let me move my car out the way, so you can get the Corvette out. Wait here.”

  They watched her walk toward the garage and get into h
er car.

  “I can take the bus from here,” Persephone said. “See you!” She waved and walked off.

  Joanne and Whitney turned to one another. “I’ll wait here with you for the tow truck,” Whitney said.

  Joanne gave her a wide smile. “I don’t care if people think we are rushing into things,” she said. “I’ve been so lonely, but that’s not why I want to be with you. I want to be with you because you are you and you make me feel happy. And if it’s a bad thing to have one’s happiness dependent on another person, then so be it.”

  “I feel the same about you,” Whitney said and she slipped her arm around Joanne’s waist.

  The next morning Amelia, Persephone, Angelina, and Whitney gathered at the coffee shop and waited. When it got to lunchtime and there had been no word, they were worried.

  “I’m calling Joanne,” Whitney said and she pulled out her cellphone.

  “Hon? It’s me, what’s taking so long? What? Really? Wow… Well, yeah, we’ll be here, don’t worry. Get here when you can.”

  She ended the call and turned to the others.

  “Spit it out,” Persephone said.

  “A meth lab! Completely hidden below the carpentry area! Mike found it.”

  “Who was in on it?”

  “Everyone except for David. Even his former partners, Jeff and Nick. Dr. Carroll phoned the cops as soon as Mike found the lab. Cathy and her brother and the nephew arrived at the same time as the cops and they tried to make a run for it but they were caught.”

  “How did David take it?”

  “Joanne said he’s in total shock. He feels very betrayed and who can blame him? No wonder he felt weird at work. His feelings of anxiety and paranoia were well-founded.”

  “Poor David,” Persephone said. “Thank heavens for Dr. Carroll. His methods may be questionable at times but he certainly gets results.”

  “Except for Gino,” Angelina said.

  “Gino was long gone,” Whitney was dismissive.

  They chatted and waited for the others to arrive, who were jubilant when they finally got there. David was with them.