by Kira Adams
As we close in on my apartment, I decide it’s now or never to comment on what happened. “I won’t say anything about what I heard.”
His eyes remain focused out the front window.
“You know, it’s okay to be angry with him, but he’s still your father.”
“What do you even know?” Topher growls.
It feels like a slap in the face after our progress today. I swallow before answering, attempting to find the right words. “I know you have a father, something I’ve never had the privilege of experiencing, and I know he loves you.”
“You don’t know a goddamn thing!” Topher bellows, slamming the steering wheel with his hand angrily.
Tears sting the backs of my eyes, and I look out the side window the entire rest of the way. I can feel his eyes on me a couple of times, but I don’t dare look at him. When he pulls up in front of my apartment, I hastily grab my backpack and hop out of his car. Today was a mistake. I know that now.
15
I’m so angry I can barely see straight. After dropping Ciera off at her place, I drive aimlessly for hours. Eventually, I find myself along the Oregon coast at the beach. I park the car and end up seated in the sand, watching the waves crashing onto the beach and the sun set.
I can’t believe he brought him there. I can’t believe Ciera heard everything. I know she said she wouldn’t say anything, but I wouldn’t blame her if she did. She’s got leverage on me that could annihilate my reputation. I hate that she has that power.
I pull out my phone, searching my contacts. I need a distraction.
It’s a school night, but I don’t care. It’s still pretty early as I write Alyssa. The girl is a witch with a capital B, but I know she’s always had the hots for me. She’s easy on the eyes and, I’ve heard, a freak in the bedroom, but I’ve never done anything out of respect for Sophia. Now that Sophia is out of my life, I can do whatever the hell I want.
What are you up to? I write.
I know she’s been seeing some college football player for the past few months, but I know she has been after my balls for years now. Something tells me she will want to play.
Not even five minutes later, I have a response from her. Just going for a late-night swim. You want to join?
Sure, be there in twenty. Alyssa’s family has a pretty awesome heated pool with a grotto. I’ve enjoyed it on numerous occasions. If I drive fast enough, I can even make it there in fifteen minutes. I don’t have a pair of swimming trunks on me, but that won’t stop me.
When I pull up to Alyssa’s, all the lights are off except for the backdoor floodlights. I bypass her actual house and head straight for the metal gate I’ve entered through countless times. It’s unlocked, and I let myself in, seeing her lit pool in front of me. Steam is rolling off the water and over the cement as I approach. Alyssa is nowhere in sight.
“Alyssa?” I call out, walking closer to the grotto.
“Up here!” Her voice rings out from the hot tub under the gazebo. It’s placed at the top of a hill, and I can now see her seated inside, her red bikini top peeking out from above the water. I walk up the cement stairs to greet her.
Her blond hair is pulled up into a messy bun, but she’s wearing bright red lipstick to match her bikini. It’s actually a turn-off. I don’t want to have to worry about the mess that stuff is going to leave.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” she purrs from her position inside the hot tub.
I feign a smile.
“You coming in?”
I nod and begin unbuckling my jeans, removing my shoes and socks. I pull my t-shirt over my head, and all I’m left in is my boxer briefs. Her eyes trail up and down my body hungrily. She tilts her head to the side playfully.
I climb into the scorching hot water and sit back against the white acrylic.
“So, I was surprised to hear from you.” She bats her eyes at me. I’m sure that makes other guys crazy…me, not so much. I just start to wonder if she has something stuck in her eye.
“Oh yeah?” I scoot a little closer to her. “And why is that?”
“Oh, you know, you’re Sophia’s ex, so you’re off limits. And I’ve been hearing some rumors that you’ve been hanging out with that disgusting freak, Ciera Nelson. Although, I figure you’ve just been doing your due diligence.”
My eyes narrow. I don’t give a shit what she says about Sophia, but Ciera doesn’t deserve that. I quickly grab Alyssa by the wrists and wrench her into me. “I don’t give two shits about Sophia.”
She looks surprised by my roughness. I lean in closer so she can feel my breath on her face.
“I heard what you did to Ciera.”
She throws her head back, cackling. “Oh my god, she deserved it!”
My glare intensifies until she has stopped laughing entirely. My grip on her wrists has tightened, and now her expression is slowly changing into fear. “You’re going to leave Ciera alone from now on, do you hear me?”
Alyssa’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, the rumors are true. I can’t believe it.”
I push her back up against the acrylic roughly, pressing my body into hers. “I couldn’t care less what you think, Alyssa.”
She narrows her brown eyes at me. “Then why the hell are you here?”
Because you’re easy and I need a distraction? I just want her to shut up, so I do the one thing I know will make her do just that. I lower my lips to the base of her neck as my hand goes under the water.
I couldn’t even get it up. I’ve never been so monumentally disappointed in my dick than in that very moment. There were countless reasons why I couldn’t get aroused, the first being the fact that Alyssa kisses like a fish. I’m talking full-on sucking and puckering; I shudder just thinking about it. Secondly, I had barely touched her and she was moaning like I had made her come. I could already tell she would be someone who would fake an orgasm, and I’m so not into that, especially after being with Sophia, the queen of fake orgasms. And then to top it off, when I was kissing her, Ciera’s hurt expression from earlier kept popping into my head.
It isn’t her fault she heard what she did, yet I made her feel like shit. I want to apologize, but I know she doesn’t have a cell phone. I glance at the clock on mine, and it’s not even ten yet. Maybe I can stop by her apartment for a few moments and apologize? I know I’m not thinking straight, but I’m already halfway there before I can stop myself.
The possibility of her slamming the door in my face is very likely, but I feel like such an ass. I tell her I want to be friends, I invite her over to my house, and then I treat her like shit. World-class friend I am.
My palms are sweaty as I park my car and climb out. Maybe it’s too late? Maybe I’ll get her in trouble? Although these are two very good possibilities, I ignore my inner voice and take the stairs two at a time. I stand outside her door for a good five minutes before I gain the courage necessary to knock. It’s a light knock, one that shouldn’t attract attention from the fellow neighbors. I can hear footsteps inside, and after a few deathly quiet moments, I hear the lock being fumbled with before the door is cracked open. Ciera peeks her head out.
She gasps in surprise. “Topher? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize about earlier,” I whisper. “I know it’s late, but I’ve been thinking about what a jerk I was, and I knew I couldn’t let it fester overnight.”
She runs her hand through her short blond layers then steps out onto the walkway with me, closing the door behind her. She’s wearing purple fuzzy pajama bottoms and a white crew t-shirt. My eyes immediately home in on her chest, and the fact that I can now clearly see she isn’t wearing a bra. Her tits are perky and big, and suddenly, I’m feeling the arousal I was missing from earlier as the blood begins to rush between my legs.
She folds her arms across her chest uncomfortably, and I realize maybe I was staring a bit too hard. I gulp loudly, shifting my eyes back up to meet hers.
“I’m listening,” she states, her bo
dy more closed off than it’s been the past week.
I sigh. “My father’s gay.”
She doesn’t even bat an eye. “Yeah, I kind of gathered that…and your point?”
It doesn’t even seem to faze her. “Well, I just found out recently, and it’s been hard to adjust to.”
She nods. “You know there is nothing wrong with being gay, right?”
I feel like she just kicked me in the balls. “All my life I’ve thought of my father as someone I could look up to, someone I wanted to be. Now I find out he’s been lying to me all this time.”
She continues to take the wind out of my sails. “Just because someone is gay doesn’t make them any less of a person. You’re acting like this is all about you. I bet you haven’t even bothered to stop and think about how this has affected his life.”
She’s right. It hasn’t even crossed my mind.
“I—I—”
“I wasn’t even sure what I overheard today, but I knew it was something you probably didn’t want me to be a witness to. Even so, the way you treated me was completely uncalled for. Sometimes, Topher, you aren’t the center of the universe, and you’re going to have to come to terms with that. I appreciate the fact that you want to apologize, but after today, it made me realize just why people like us don’t associate with one another. We come from two completely different worlds.”
“Ciera—”
“Maybe if we weren’t so insanely different, we would have a chance at being friends, but we have nothing in common. You come from money, I don’t. You’re popular, I’m not. You’re afraid of being associated with someone who loves the same sex, I’m not. I just think we should go our separate ways from now on.”
“This feels like a breakup,” I say.
She shrugs. “Hey, at least you didn’t entirely ruin your reputation over the past couple of weeks.”
I try to feign a smile but have trouble doing even that. “Ciera, I’m sorry.”
She nods. “I know.” She spins to turn around and head back inside, but I throw my arm up to stop her.
“You’re different. People feel uncomfortable when something different comes along. That’s why I bullied you in the past. It doesn’t excuse my actions, but I am hoping it will help you understand.”
She locks her blue eyes onto mine. “Thank you.”
“Thank you?” I choke out.
“For trying to be a better person.”
I reach my hand out and graze the side of her face. I have no idea what possesses me to do this, but it’s almost instinctual.
Her eyes widen at my action, and I find myself tracing her lips with my eyes. I don’t know what it is about this girl, but there’s something about her I can’t quite put my finger on.
I don’t even think twice before I begin leaning in. It’s like my body has a mind of its own. Just as my eyes close, I feel a rough slap across my cheek, which sends my eyes flying open. “What the hell?” I cry out in surprise.
“I don’t know what kind of game you’re trying to play here, but you can play it with someone else. Good night, Topher.” And then she closes the door in my face.
I rub my face where her hand assaulted it. Is it strange to say I’ve never felt more alive than in this very moment? Ciera Nelson has somehow snaked her way under my skin. It was so subtle I didn’t even notice it was happening, but now, there is no denying it. There is definitely something happening…whether she wants to admit it or not.
I skip my way down the stairs and back to my car. I should be disappointed. I should be upset that she slapped me. But instead, I feel hopeful. I don’t care what anyone thinks. Ciera Nelson intrigues me, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to know her.
16
“Sophia, you don’t own the chairs. They belong to the school, so can you please move?” Madalynne asks, her eyes shifting around the room.
For the past few months, Madalynne has been sitting next to Sophia. However, since the party debacle, the A-Team has been icing Madalynne out, or more like the females of the A-Team. Madalynne is still dating Parker, so it’s been interesting to see it all play out.
After arguing with Sophia for far too long, Madalynne spins around, eyeing the rest of the classroom. Seats are unassigned, so she can choose to sit anywhere she wants. The problem? While she was arguing with Sophia, most of our classmates filed in and now there are only two empty seats: one in the very back and the one next to me.
She sighs defeatedly, dragging her feet all the way to my table. “I’m going to sit with you today.” Not even bothering to ask, she plants herself firmly next to me. She could not look more unenthusiastic.
“You sure you want to do that?” I ask as all eyes focus on our table. She’s been playing with social suicide since she took me under her wing the night of the party. She doesn’t need to be knocked down any more pegs.
She shrugs. “Looks like they’ve already made up their mind about me, and there isn’t anything I can do to change it. Bullying is so overrated.”
Sophia swivels her head so quickly you would think she got whiplash. “I’m sorry, is someone crying bully?”
Our teacher, Mr. Thurston, is always a few minutes late, so it gives the A-Team extra time to focus on Madalynne. For once in my life, people aren’t focused on me. I’m on the other side of it, and it feels strange and wrong.
“I’m not crying anything, Sophia. I’m speaking the truth. You’re a bully who needs to be put down.” The words shock everyone, and it grows quiet enough to hear a pin drop.
Sophia looks around embarrassedly at all the eyes on her. “She’s just mad that her decisions diminished her popularity. I’m sorry you chose to hang out with trash…so we threw you out like it.”
Madalynne hops to her feet so quickly I’m afraid of what she might do. I try tugging at her shirt sleeve, but she is consumed with the confrontation.
“It’s funny to think how much emphasis you’re putting on this now, but once we are out of school, you will be nothing and no one, a small fish in a big pond. I can’t wait to see how you swim.” Without bothering to say another word, she plops back down into her chair.
“Whoa,” I say under my breath. “Where did that come from?”
She shrugs. “I’m tired of everyone acting like popularity means being an asshole, because it doesn’t.”
All eyes are still on her as Mr. Thurston walks in hurriedly, his arms full. “Good morning, class. Let’s get started.”
“What exactly are you saying?” my mother asks in a shaky tone.
We’ve been in an exam room for the past half hour meeting with Dr. Brown.
“I’m saying Ciera’s anaplastic astrocytoma is growing much too rapidly now. We have the medication readily available, and I think it’s time to decide on a date.” His eyes look pained as he spells it out for us.
My mother stifles a sob. Although most of this isn’t news to us, it’s still difficult to process. I guess it never felt real until this very moment. I grab my mother’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze.
“I’m not ready,” my mother says between gasps, tears streaming down her face.
I’m finding it hard to catch my breath. “We knew this day would come. At least this way, we will know exactly how much time we have together.”
She’s wringing her hands in her lap, and I have the impulse to do the same.
“What about March 2nd?” I offer up.
Dr. Brown nods gently. “You may want to schedule it just a bit sooner. Things are only going to escalate quicker from here on out.”
“February 20th,” my mother says softly. “It is your father’s birthday.”
I glance at her. This is the first time she’s brought him up in years. I’m surprised she remembers such an intimate detail about a man she hasn’t even seen in more than twelve years.
I nod. “February 20th seems like a good day.” It will allow me nearly two months to enjoy being of legal age. My birthday is December 24th, and I can’t tell you how
much it blows having a birthday the day before Christmas. Even though we don’t have much, my mother still tries to celebrate our birthdays along with the holidays. The problem with having a birthday the day before Christmas is that the two tend to blend together, from the celebration to the gifts.
My mother exhales loudly. We are putting an expiration date on my life, and it’s affecting both of us to the very core.
One of the terms in the Death with Dignity act is that the patient must be terminally ill and have less than six months left to live. We always knew the time was nearing; I guess we just never knew how quickly it was approaching, how quickly the tumor was metastasizing.
I am going to die one way or another, but at least this way, it’s on my terms. At least I will die surrounded by the people I love and care about, and I’ll still be myself.
Dr. Brown nods his head in agreement. “That gives you just about four months to enjoy the rest of what life has to offer.”
My mother squeezes my hand tighter, the shortened timeframe obviously getting to her.
I’m blinking, but I’m not crying. I’m staring at Dr. Brown, but I’m seeing right through him.
This is all happening too fast. I don’t even know if I’m ready.
“Ciera.” I hear my name being spoken, but it sounds far away.
I don’t want to leave my mother. I don’t want to leave Rose or Wesley.
Tears are falling from my mother’s eyes as she tries to stifle her sobs.
“Ciera.”
I’m watching his lips move as he addresses me, but I’m lost in my own little world.
“Ciera.” Dr. Brown’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “I’m going to let you take the medication home with you today. I know you guys decided on February 20th, but once you have the medication, it’s your choice, as long as you are of legal age. Ms. Nelson, I hope you will regulate that. If it becomes too difficult, you can always take it earlier than our scheduled date if need be.”