Little Doll: Queens of Chaos 1

by L. J. Findlay

  “No. You, up now. You are in Paris so you need to enjoy it, and stop fucking this reprobate.”

  Bastien had joined her in the doorway, an evil laugh playing on his lips. “Or we’ll make you…”

  “Fuck’s sake. Get out. We’ll be right behind you,” Blaise said.

  “Good. We have a 1pm reservation and I’m not missing it for you fuckers,” Bastien said.

  Noelle chucked some jeans and a scrap, emphasis on the word scrap, of a silky white top. I rolled my eyes. “Get out, slut.”

  She laughed. “Pot, kettle, black, darling, mmhmm...”

  I moaned and hid beneath the covers, not bothering to reply as I heard her footsteps march out of the room. Fuck. How on Earth was I going to walk? I glared at Blaise. He smirked.

  “Don’t look so smug,” I growled. “Guess we should be getting up, that is unless you want Noelle to see everything.”

  He swung his legs out of the bed, dragging me with him so that I fell on the ground in an undignified heap. I glared up at him and he just chuckled. Smug bastard. I retaliated by pulling on the tight jeans, deliberately forgetting my panties which lay forgotten in the corner. Blaise hissed out an expletive, his eyes darkening. I chuckled. The score is now one all it would seem.

  Noticing how easily he navigated the wardrobe as he got dressed, I commented. “So you guys come here fairly often?”

  “As often as we need to. Life in one city gets tiring after a while. This was the first time for business.”

  “Oh yeah… what was all that about?”

  His broad shoulders tensed, the fabric of his expensive shirt bunching across his back. They seemed to clam up whenever the topic was broached and maybe I shouldn’t have asked but, dammit, I was curious. I wanted to know what had stressed them out last night. What continued to stress them. What that damn tattoo on his left pec meant. Libertas set on a design of grapes. Freedom. Freedom from what, though?

  I laughed uneasily, trying to brush the matter off. “Don’t worry if it’s secret or whatever… I just wanted to know. So where…”

  Blaise spun round, cutting me off and piercing me with his navy eyes. “Keep your nose out of what it shouldn’t be sniffing,” he drawled, approaching me like a predator. “Trust me when I say it’s a bad idea.”

  “Why is it a bad idea, though?” I demanded angrily. “You keep on saying this, being all cryptic but guess what?! It’s not doing anything for me…”

  He reached me and cut me off, one hand against my throat and one holding my arms above my head. His navy eyes were boring like lasers into mine. I gasped, his hands traced the movement in my throat, featherlight but deadly. He whispered, the softness dangerous, alluring. “Trust me on this. I could break your throat in a second.” His hand squeezed, depriving me of air. “Or someone else could. That’s what I am afraid of. You have no knowledge of this world, but I’m caught so deep here I can’t let you go. Just don’t ask me anything because the less you know the safer you are.” His grip lessened slightly around my throat and I gulped in some oxygen, my pulse fluttering from the heady mix of fear and desire. “Today we are going for lunch and then I’m going to ask you to stay with me, no questions asked. Can you do that?” He crowded me further against the wall, his intoxicatingly spicy scent robbing me of any sentient thought as his eyes, as fathomless as the deep blue yonder, bored into mine. “Twelve more hours to indulge in this madness we both seem to crave, hm?”

  Did I even have the liberty of indulging in such reckless indulgence? I wasn’t even worried about the straightforward danger of carrying this weekend on, giving life to the reckless attraction between us, but about the more mundane issues. What would happen with work? I was meant to work tomorrow… What would happen with the fallout with the family? They would be so mad… Would my girls even let me stay? I knew Noelle would but Gemma’s patience was hanging by a thread, especially given her dislike of Blaise…

  I closed my eyes, a desperate attempt to drown out the screeching anxiety in my head, and tipped my head back in surrender. “Yes. I will stay here with you.”

  In the darkness, the tangible relief was rolling off Blaise in heady waves. I felt a frisson of power infusing my being with sweet relief. He needed me. He would keep me in the dark as long as he felt the need to, but I kept him dancing in my palm thanks to this inexplicable attraction that burned bright between us. That power was indescribable.

  He leaned forward until I could feel his breath mingling with mine and I tilted my head upwards, capturing his lips with mine. He crowded me further against the wall, forcing me to lose myself in this drugging kiss. The signing of some insane pact. It was broken apart by Noelle’s screech of “Xantheeeee.” Her high pitched, extended ending of my name pierced through the room before the door slammed open yet again, breaking us out of the seductive web which bound us tightly together. I leant against the wall to see all of them standing there, amused. I cursed, closing my eyes as I caught my breath. Soft fabric hit my stomach and I opened my eyes to see that Blaise had chucked me the indecent scrap of shirt. I laughed, pulling it on and followed him out of the door, ignoring Gemma’s worried gaze.

  Gemma

  So this wasn’t my story, I knew that but I wanted to give some perspective on the matter. I was usually the level-headed one of our trio; this Paris trip was completely out of character for me. I didn’t do mysteries. I didn’t care about going on treasure hunts. Not even when I was a child. In truth, the reason I came along was because of Bastien. I had seen him before at the pub and was entranced by his ice blue eyes contrasting with the warmth of his skin. It was why I had always encouraged the girls to go to that pub. I had always hoped to see him again but never once thought that he would give me the time of day.

  Boys didn’t really like me. I wasn’t lovable. I was a mess and they more often than not had the attitude of ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’. This had always rattled me but I didn’t want to let the others know that because they would scoff and say I was ridiculous. I wasn’t. I had the proof of countless one-night stands who never followed up. Not to mention that embarrassing stint in uni when I thought I was going out with this guy, Dylan, but he was infatuated with this other girl, Lila, who strung him along all the while he strung me along… so no, I couldn’t tell them. Especially when they were both so gorgeous and alluring. Now that Xanthe was single, I’m sure her and Noelle would have all sorts of exciting stories for me to live vicariously through. We just weren’t the same, no matter how much I wanted us to be.

  So of course I had said yes when Bastien asked us to Paris. He liked me for some reason and I wasn’t going to question it. And it was fine. Absolutely fine. I mean I didn’t love it when Noelle went on that excursion down the catacombs but she’s always been impossible to control. Sometimes I thought I needed one of those kiddy backpacks with a leash attached to it so I could keep an eye on her. Thank God Damien found her. So yeah, that was not a highlight. The club was fun. I loved the DJ and was making tentative plans with Bastien to go see them when they came to London. But no matter how much time I spent with him, I was still not sure about Blaise.

  The boy didn’t treat Xanthe right last night and I knew it seemed so attractive when boys were arses or twats. They were invariably good in bed but was exchanging your hope and optimism worth the sex? I could answer with 100% confidence that it was not. Xanthe apparently could not. She had only ever had experience of Xander. She hadn’t worked this out yet. She wasn’t clued in to who she had to avoid. Typically, she found someone who was the direct opposite of nice and normal. I thought the whole point of her breaking up with that idiot was so she could find someone nice. Someone like Bastien.

  Instead, she found someone all dark, twisty, and so wrapped up in secrets I was surprised that he could breathe. I could see that she had fallen hard for him. When we entered her room to encourage them to hurry up it was clear we had broken up something intimate… Not intimate as in it was a random hookup but more that there was something inte
nse going on between them and I didn’t like that one bit. It was all too reminiscent of a previous incident…

  * * *

  I was sipping my drink, chatting away with a friend and watching the party. It was Xander’s birthday. The dickhead of all dickheads. I hated the guy but my bestie Xanthe was infatuated and he seemed to make her happy, so I guess it was okay. Noelle, my other bestie, did not agree. She hated him with every fibre of her being but then that was Noelle. She didn’t do things by halves to say the least. Xander was horrible but I loved Xanthe so I would support her and hope she would realise who he was when the time was right. Put it this way, I would rather wait while she suffered than lose her as a friend. That might have made me a wet blanket but at least I’d be there to pick the pieces up.

  Xanthe appeared, looking glam as per in a pair of navy blue velvet flares and a tight gold strappy top showcasing her breasts, like the goddess she was. She was stunning but her light always seemed dim. It made me sad sometimes but I hoped she’d realise her glory before it was too late.

  “Right, right guys… ssshhhhhh!” she encouraged, rushing down, finger against her mouth and humour dancing in her eyes. “Right, Xander is almost here so we’re gonna hide, pretend that nothing’s happening, and he’s gonna love it!”

  I smiled, happy to dance along with her evening, and ducked down with everyone else. She switched off the lights, plunging us into darkness. I felt a frisson of excitement dancing along my veins at the surprise she had cooked up. She was such a good girlfriend, he was so lucky to have her.

  The door clicked open, the sound loud in the darkness. Then Xander’s voice rang out. “Xanthe? Babe?”

  She clicked on the lights and shouted out, “Surprise!”

  We all leapt up, smiling and laughing, only to see Xander scowling in anger, his features scarred with darkness. Xanthe noticed this; the bright sunshine of her smile marred by storm clouds of worry. “You okay, babe?”

  He forced a smile. “Of course. Thanks for this, Xan.” He pressed a kiss to her lips, letting her melt into him. The romantic in me cooed at this but the friend stressed at Xander’s odd behaviour. I’m not sure if other people picked up on it but Xanthe was one of my best friends and I could see that the way he treated her was not 100% nice. Maybe 70%. But a good friend wouldn’t condone 30% bad behaviour. Noelle didn’t stand for it but then she didn’t stand for much. Unlike me, the people-pleaser. The nice girl.

  An example of the 30% happened that evening.

  I was going to the bathroom but it was in use. Forced to hover impatiently outside for a moment, I noticed Xanthe’s door was ajar, light streaming out, hushed voices volleying back and forth. Warring with myself, I inched forward. I couldn’t remember why I wanted to do this. Maybe it was because I wanted to get to the bottom of what was happening, something just felt off. Xanthe had a habit of editing.

  “…I’m sorry Xan. I should have known better.”

  “I just thought you’d know that’s all. It’s been us since day one, little doll, and you know that I didn’t want this surprise party. Most of these people are your friends. Who I did not want to spend my birthday with I might add.”

  “But, Xan, I thought we celebrated earlier.”

  “And I thought I might come home to my girlfriend and a romantic birthday dinner a deux. Clearly not. And Noelle’s here!”

  “She is my sister. You have to accept that.”

  “Not by blood, so she’s not really, is she now? Regardless, I don’t like Noelle and I don’t see why we have to keep on fighting about this.”

  “I don’t really get why we’re fighting Xan…it’s your birthday. Okay I didn’t get it right, okay I messed up, but can we not make the best of a bad situation?”

  There was a pause, pregnant with everything unsaid, everything that was wrong with their conversation.

  Then Xander spoke quietly. “It’s fine. Meus ad infinitum, right?”

  Xanthe’s relief was palpable and she responded breathily. “Meus ad infinitum.” I heard them kiss and then her low complaint. “Not now, please. We have guests…”

  “Birthday, remember?” Xander murmured back. Xanthe moaned and I couldn’t tell if it was from desire or if she had just given in. I heard her say no, so why would she even consider giving in? I wasn’t sure I entirely wanted to know as I backed away from the door…

  I remembered that exchange had left me unsettled, like I was wearing a slimy cloak of general unease at the situation. I had tried to broach the topic with Xanthe the following morning but she had flown off the handle. Maybe not the best timing but I just wanted to unburden myself and that was definitely selfish. Even though I had apologised profusely it didn’t stop me from worrying about it for months on end. The relief when she broke up with Xander was so sweet.

  * * *

  “…You agree, right?” Bastien was saying, drawing me back from the abyss of memories. I gazed at him affectionately. We were sitting on a small terrasse in a restaurant on Ile St Louis overlooking the Seine for lunch. I hadn’t been here, despite spending a semester in Paris, but it was a quaint little place with the most delicious food. A welcome relief to the hedonism of last night. This is what I wanted my out-of-control friends to start enjoying. It would be so civilised just to go to nice restaurants rather than whiling away the early hours in dark clubs, fucked up on substances and alcohol. I couldn’t believe that I had allowed myself and the situation to get so out of control last night. Must be the heady high of crushing on Bastien, I thought in amusement.

  I smiled back, taking a sip of wine. “What?”

  He exhaled dramatically. “Mon amour! You do not listen to the light of your life. You wound me so!”

  I giggled, kissing his cheek. “I just zoned out, babe. Enlighten me on your wisdom.”

  “As I was saying…” he started, puffing out his chest. I smiled and tried to straighten my face into a guise of seriousness. Bastien was such fun and so amusing. He was someone that Xanthe needed but he was mine. I was going to be selfish just this once. No one wanted me so I sure as hell was going to keep the one guy who did display interest in me. “There is nothing better in this world than a good adventure. I think your girls are onto something.”

  “No, babe. Let’s just be nice and normal, hm?”

  He sighed, flopping onto his back. “Mon amour! You wound me so! We will go on plenty of adventures.”

  He was impossible to argue with so I just smiled at his loveable face, the adorable dimples, and murmured, “Can’t wait.” And I really couldn’t. It was finally my time to have a boy who adored me. To experience the hype of love. I just hoped my girls’ antics wouldn’t rock the boat too much.

  It was only when we were back in the apartment, sipping negronis, which were the only drink one should be drinking according to Ludo, when things kicked up a level. No, I’m not talking about the negronis. That only kicked up our drunkenness. I was sipping mine because I knew how lethal they were but typically my girls were knocking them back and giggling like the madwomen they were.

  Bastien had retreated to the adjacent kitchen, murmuring flight arrangements for that evening softly into his phone. For when we would have to return to normality… the thought clenched at my heart and I smiled, masking the fluttering thrum of anxiety rippling through me. Everything would change when we were back in London. Of course it would; back to the grind of normal 9-5 living and not the exciting wildness of spontaneous weekends in Paris or flights on private jets.

  I laughed at my thoughts. I clearly was turning more into Xanthe and Noelle than I cared to let on. I liked that beige normalness. There was safety and security in predictability but I couldn’t stop the worry at the shift in dynamics, if, like a dream, Bastien would come to his senses and ignore me. Wouldn’t surprise me. It had happened with everyone else. No evidence as to why he should break the trend.

  Noelle’s gasp of excitement dragged me out of my spiralling, depressing thoughts and I smiled at her. “Wait, what?”
>
  “Pay attention, Gem!” she snapped in her excitement. “Blaise and Xanthe are going to stay here. Romantic time a deux...” She waggled her eyebrows.

  My mouth dropped and, in fury, I glared at Blaise, reclining on the sofa like some smug idiot with his arm possessively slung over Xanthe whose eyes sparkled with excitement. No. This was not happening. I was not going to let it happen. For once, I was going to stick up for what I believed was right and veto this. Stop a car crash and all that.

  “Absolutely no way. Xanthe, how many of those have you had?”

  The sparkle died from her eyes as she glared at me. “What the fuck, Gem?”

  “Seriously? We all know that you deserved so much more than Xander, but now you are willing to stay with Blaise. More than that...what about your job?”

  “What the fuck, Gem?” Noelle interjected. “How dare you go there? You know that’s a sore spot and so what? It’s just a job, we’re going to be imprisoned in them until we’re old, now’s the time for living…”

  “On what?” I spat out. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” I stared at Xanthe. “Is that your plan? Are you planning on Blaise looking after you? Because it doesn’t look like he will!”

  “Hey, hey, mon amour, shhhh,” Bastien interrupted, caging me in his warm embrace.

  I spun round and poked him in the chest. “You’ve seen how he treats her! How is this okay?”

  He smiled, stroking my cheek. “Matters of the heart are not to be interfered with.”

  “Exactly,” Xanthe said. “And look at you. It’s all fine for perfect Gem who has the boy, the job, and a life so perfect she thinks it's okay to judge other people. But clearly it’s not okay for me to make choices. I’m too much of a fuck-up.”

  “I’m not saying that. This is just concern!”

  Blaise got up then and I stood up, backing away from him. He was livid. I hadn’t seen rage like it. “You dare to presume I won’t look after her?” He murmured, stalking closer to me. “You dare to presume she can’t make her own decisions?” He placed his hands on either side of me, prompting Bastien to protest and move slightly closer, hovering. I swallowed. I really shouldn’t have said anything. “Take your presumptions and fuck off. You are in way over your head and you really don’t have a say in this.”