In Your Dreams

by Kristan Higgins

  "Jack, I have the best news!" Hadley said one night, bursting into the house, and his heart leaped. She was pregnant. It had to be. "Oliver wants me to redecorate! At last!"

  Ah. Well, that was nice, too.

  "What?" she said.

  "I thought you might be pregnant."

  Something flickered across her face. "Oh. No. Not yet. But it's still good news! Oliver wants me to redo the tasting room!"

  Hadley threw herself into the job. Spent huge amounts of time on her laptop, talked about fabric choices and stool styles and glasses, all the stuff that Jack pretty much ignored at Blue Heron, as it fell under Honor's reign.

  Oliver took to calling her in the evenings, and she'd apologize to Jack and then skip upstairs to the room she'd made into her office. She took even more care with her appearance, and when he teased her about it, she slapped his arm and said, "Jack! I'm not just a clerk anymore. I'm a decorator, baby. I have to look the part." Finally, she started making female friends, a couple of women who also worked at Dandelion Hill. Hadley joined their weekly book club, though they never seemed to read anything.

  Jack hadn't seen her this happy since the wedding.

  The only fly in the ointment was, oddly enough, sex. They just weren't doing it as much these days. "Oh, sugar, I'm sorry. I'm just exhausted," she explained. "And don't ask me why, because when there's news, mister, you'll be the first to hear it. I'm not one of those women who tells the whole wide world ten minutes after she conceives."

  A baby. No, it was smart to be sure first, but Jack felt something huge move in his chest.

  "Stop looking at me with that goofy face, Jack Holland," she said teasingly. "What did I just tell you?" Her phone rang, even though it was after nine. "Oh, dang it, it's Oliver, I swear that man cannot find his car keys without a flashlight and a blue heeler hound dog. Hello? Oliver, honest to goodness! I have no idea!" She smiled at Jack and left the room, still gabbing.

  About two weeks after she hinted about the pregnancy, Jack decided to leave work early. He and Dad had been checking the tanks and doing some projections for the spring planting with Pru, but it was a quiet time of year. He stopped at the horrifyingly expensive gourmet market that had just opened, bought some filet mignon and cheese and asparagus. Allison and Charles Whitaker were there, too; they lived near Pru and came to Blue Heron all the time. "Making dinner for your bride?" Allison asked.

  "I sure am," Jack said.

  "Why don't you ever make me dinner?" she asked Charles, giving him a sharp elbow in the side. Her husband gave Jack a dark look and muttered something, and Jack left them, bickering in front of the beautiful, organic, locally-grown-and-prayed-over-by-the-monks-of-Saint-Benedict's vegetables.

  Next, he swung by Laura Boothby's shop, flirted with her for a few minutes and got a bouquet of red roses. "Young love." Laura sighed. "You sicken me, Jack. But keep coming in, hon. You're good for business."

  Last stop was the package store in town. Granted, he had a vast collection, but Hadley liked French champagne. Tonight, he wanted her to have something special, because since the big credit card debacle, she hadn't bought one thing that wasn't strictly necessary, and Jack was feeling a little miserly.

  Also, they might have something to celebrate, in which case he'd put the champagne in the wine cellar and open it on their child's birthday. If she wasn't preggers, then hell. This would be her little treat. She was mighty cute when she was tipsy. (And mighty horny, too, so maybe Jack would finally get a little, because it had been a couple of weeks. An eternity, in other words.)

  Pru was leaning against his truck when he came out. "Hey, Useless, our wine isn't good enough for you anymore?" she said, grabbing the bag from his hand and looking inside. "Ooh! Moet & Chandon White Star! Are you in trouble?"

  "No, Prudence. I'm the best husband in the world."

  "Gack. You're still a jerk in my eyes, little brother."

  "I appreciate that. Give me back my champagne."

  "Fine. I was going to invite you and Scarlett O'Hara to dinner, but I see you have other plans." She smacked him on the shoulder and tromped off.

  It was snowing pretty hard, and Jack felt about as happy as a man could get. Whistled on his way home. Nothing like being snowed in with a beautiful woman. He drove up the ridge to his house, the snow pleasantly muffling the sound of his tires, and turned off the engine.

  There was Hadley's yellow VW Bug, covered with snow... Oliver must've sent her home early. And there was another car, too. One of her friends', maybe? He'd been telling her to invite the book club to their house so he could meet the famous nonreaders. Whoever it was, she'd have to leave soon, the way it was coming down now.

  He gathered the bags and flowers in his arms and got out of his truck. For some reason, Jack stopped and brushed off the back of the strange car. It was a Mercedes.

  Oliver had a Mercedes, if Jack remembered correctly. They must be talking about the redecoration.

  Not that Dandelion Hill really needed a redesign. It was pretty spectacular...and newly renovated. Very sleek and modern and sophisticated.

  Not something he could really see Hadley improving with throw pillows.

  Funny how Jack had never thought of that before.

  His stomach felt cold all of a sudden. But no, no, that was stupid. Oliver was her boss, and twelve or fifteen years older than she was. He was a good guy, and Hadley was happily married. Things had never been better. Pretty sexist of Jack, imagining something illicit going on. Nah. They'd be sitting at the kitchen table with fabric swatches or whatever.

  He heard a little croak. It was Lazarus, waiting by the door.

  His cat hated snow. He'd go out in rain and lightning and wind. Didn't mind the bitter cold or the muggy heat, but he hated snow. He held up his crooked front leg, shook his paw and made his little squeak of distress once more.

  "Hey, pal," Jack said, setting down the grocery bags. The cat leaped into his arms. First time that had happened. He rubbed the cat's paws, wincing as he felt how cold and hard the little pads were. Lazarus had been outside for quite a while, it seemed. And the thing was, the cat would head-butt the door, scratch the glass and send up ungodly screeches if he didn't get let in the instant he wanted to.

  And if Laz had given up, then he'd been at it awhile.

  Jack opened the door and let the cat in, then picked up the groceries and flowers and followed.

  The house was quiet.

  Maybe they weren't there. Maybe they'd gone down to Blue Heron to...to...look at the tasting room or something. Maybe Oliver had wanted to talk to Honor about some business.

  It didn't explain why he felt sick.

  He went into the kitchen. There was Hadley's black wool coat, lying on the floor.

  And her red-soled shoes that cost so goddamn much, carelessly kicked off.

  His chest felt like it was in a vise. A cold, metal vice.

  His mind was oddly empty as he walked down the hall that led to the study, the half bath, the laundry room.

  He could hear them now. There was moaning. Sighing. There was Hadley's voice. "Oh, my God, yes, yes, oh, God, yes!"

  So much for taking the Lord's name in vain.

  The door to their bedroom was open a crack. Jack pushed it open more, and yep. Hadley stood in the middle of their bedroom in a black push-up bra and thong. A buck-naked Oliver, complete with paunch, knelt in front of her, his fingers gripping her ass, making out with her belly button.

  What was the protocol for this? Should he announce his presence? Yell? Leave? Beat the shit out of Oliver?

  Hadley ran her fingers through Oliver's sparse hair. "Oh, Ollie! Oh, my!"

  And then, sort of mercifully, Oliver opened his eyes and saw Jack there and reacted by hurling himself away from Hadley. He crawled around to the side of the bed--Jack's side--and grappled for his pants.

  "Jack!" Hadley gasped, grabbing one of the throw pillows and holding it in front of her. "You're home early!"

  *

&nbs
p; HE DID DRAG OLIVER outside and toss him in the snow. Naked. Threw his clothes after him. Hadley, wrapped in her bathrobe (her red silk bathrobe, one of her credit card splurges), followed Jack, hysterical, sobbing, accusing, excusing and begging all in the same breath. Then Jack went back in the bedroom and grabbed all the sheets and covers and asinine throw pillows and carried them outside, as well.

  Oliver was gone by then. Hadley's hysteria didn't seem to be fading, though she'd had the presence of mind to clutch Princess Anastasia to her chest. The cat was writhing to get free, and Jack distantly hoped that the cat would get away and be devoured by a coyote, but then again, hey, it was an innocent animal, sort of. Mean as a snake, but he didn't really want it to die, of course not, but if it did, he wouldn't be shedding any tears.

  Jack went into the cellar and found some lighter fluid and came back up. Hang on. He needed kindling. He went into the kitchen, ripped the "Happily Ever After Starts Here" sign off the wall. Grabbed "Keep Calm and Have Southern Charm," as well. And who could forget "Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain"? He tossed them on the sheets and pillows, then doused the whole mess, the whole unfaithful, cheating, disgusting mess, and lit it on fire, the heat making his face tighten.

  "Jack?" Hadley said, her voice small.

  "Get out," he said.

  "You can't deny that you've been--"

  "Get out."

  "I know you want me to apolo--"

  He turned to her, and she must've seen something in his face, because she shrank back and scurried into the house.

  A few minutes later, Hadley dragged two suitcases and Princess Anastasia out to her car. The nasty cat scratched her hand, and Hadley jerked back, always surprised that the spoiled creature hated her. She turned to Jack, clutching her wounded hand like it had just been partially amputated.

  "Jack, if you'd just--"

  "Shut up, Hadley."

  Her mouth dropped open. "There's no call to be rude."

  "You've got to be kidding me. Get the hell out of here."

  She finally did.

  He watched her drive all the way down the road that led to Lake Shore, and, long after her little car disappeared up the road (toward Dandelion Hill, he couldn't help noticing), he stood in the falling snow, empty and stunned and furious all at once, the smell of lighter fluid thick in his throat.

  Two days later, Hadley came up to talk. And here was where it got interesting.

  Seemed as though maybe Oliver didn't want more than a little afternoon delight. Choosing her words very carefully, Hadley told Jack that she'd "been tempted" but had been just about to stop Oliver because she would "never risk their marriage" or "break a commandment."

  "We're done, Hadley," he said.

  She sat there for a minute, and her eyes filled with tears. Self-pity more than grief, he was sure. "Are you going to tell anyone why?" she whispered.

  "I don't know." He hadn't yet. Not even his father, though Dad was aware that something was off. And hell. In a small town like this, there were no secrets. He wouldn't have to tell.

  She moved in with Oliver. The rumor mill said he hadn't particularly wanted a live-in girlfriend, but she was there nonetheless.

  A few weeks later, Bill Boudreau sent him a note saying he was very sorry to hear things weren't working out, and Jack remembered that conversation, that subtle warning Bill--and Frankie--had given him.

  He'd always thought he was a pretty smart guy. An advanced degree in chemistry from an Ivy League school, right? But it seemed he was pretty fucking stupid just the same.

  Hadley asked for ten grand in exchange for an uncontested divorce, and Jack paid it. One lump sum and nothing else. She made noise about laying claim to the house and her "investment" in it, but apparently her father talked her out of it. Throughout it all, she insisted that she hadn't been unfaithful, despite what Jack had seen, and his discovery that there was no book club...all those nights out when he'd been so happy his wife was making friends had been spent with Oliver.

  New York state law said they had to be separated for six months before their divorce could be finalized, so Jack sat back and waited. Worked. Went home. Repeat.

  One thing Hadley hadn't foreseen--cheating on Jack made her a pariah. The one time she and Oliver went into O'Rourke's, Colleen, who'd practically grown up in the Holland house, told them to get lost. When Hadley sputtered and gasped, Connor opened the door and told them they had three seconds to leave before he would ask Levi Cooper (also present) to escort them out. This was gleefully reported to Jack by Prudence, who only belatedly heard him ask her not to tell him about it.

  He couldn't avoid the gossip. Gerard Chartier, a firefighter-paramedic who saw Jack often on ambulance runs, told him that Oliver and Hadley were seen arguing at the antiques store. Honor said she'd run into Hadley, and she'd seemed absolutely manic, bouncing around the grocery store like a bee trying to get out of a car. At the Crooked Lake Spring Fling Wine Tasting, Oliver showed up to represent Dandelion Hill, but Hadley was nowhere in sight.

  And then, three months after Hadley had left, on a night when the owl family had decided to serenade Jack as he sat on the deck with Lazarus, his phone rang.

  It was Hadley, her voice a stunned whisper. "Jack, I don't know who else to call. I can't...I can't wake Oliver up. I'm not sure he's breathing."

  He told her to call 911 and said he'd be right over.

  It was three o'clock in the morning.

  But Hadley didn't have anyone else. Frankie was an hour away at least.

  So Jack went to Dandelion Hill and drove Hadley to the hospital, following the ambulance, then waiting in the relentless lights of the E.R. with his not-quite ex-wife. Got her a bottle of water from the vending machine, and when her cold hand slipped into his, he let it stay.

  And when the doctor came out and said they'd done all they could, but unfortunately the patient didn't make it, he put his arms around Hadley and held her as she shook.

  Oliver's parents came to town, heartbroken and furious at finding a gold digger living in their son's house; they kicked her out. She called him once more, her voice subdued and small, saying she didn't have any money (the ten grand must've slipped through her fingers like fog). Her father was furious with her, she couldn't ask her sisters for anything and all she was asking was if she could stay with him until after Oliver's funeral.

  He said no. But he paid for her room and meals at the Black Swan B&B.

  She came up to the house a few hours after the funeral to say goodbye and tell him she'd pay him back for the stay at the inn. Her face was white, her eyes too big and utterly terrified.

  He almost wanted to take her in his arms and tell her it would be all right, that she could stay with him for a while.

  Almost. It was disturbingly hard not to say the words.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  "SO HOW WAS the wedding, Officer Em?" Tamara asked as Emmaline walked into the basement of Trinity Lutheran Church.

  "We're not going to talk about it," Emmaline said, smiling firmly at her at-risk teenagers.

  "Sucked that bad, did it?" Dalton said.

  "Pretty much, yes. Sarge, look! It's the kids! The kids are here to see you!" She unclipped her wagging, crooning pup and watched with a smile as the dog bolted for the teenagers, Squeaky Chicken firmly in his mouth.

  One of the reasons Emmaline had gotten Sarge was for the kids. Also, because she was single and liked having someone to come home to, and also because she was a cop and could make little Sarge here into a police dog (or not, because he definitely lacked the I'm a big scary dog gene).

  But for this purpose--for making four tough, bored, cynical potential dropouts tolerate her--her dog was perfect.

  "So Cory, you got suspended again, huh?" she said, setting down the box of cookies she'd picked up at Lorelei's earlier that day.

  "He told Dr. Didier that--"

  "I already heard, Tamara. Cory? You were already in trouble with
Mrs. Greenley. Did you feel things getting to that snapping point?"

  Cory shrugged. He'd been suspended today after suggesting that the principal of Manningsport High was, in fact, a man. An ugly man at that, using some colorful words to describe just how ugly and just what evidence indicated Dr. Didier's masculinity, then threw Dr. Didier's paperweight in the trash--but he threw it hard. Like a baseball. The result was suspension.

  "I'm guessing you did," Em said. "And we all have those moments, Cory, when we'd like to break something. But that's not acceptable."

  "Unless you're an idiot," Tamara said, peeling blue nail polish from her thumb and eyeing the cookies.

  "Bite me," Cory said. He took another cookie, put it in his teeth and let Sarge eat half of it, then chewed and swallowed the other half. Boys were so gross. Then again, Em had done the same thing the other night, so she was in no position to judge.

  "So, Cory, what about your suspension?" she asked, trying to refocus them.

  "Dude, you're gonna get expelled," said Dalton.

  "You're the one who stole a car," Cory said.

  "Yeah, but you're smart," said the other boy. "You could get a scholarship and everything. All I got is a life of crime to look forward to. Right, Officer Em?"

  "Wrong, Dalton. Cory, he does have a point. You could. But if you don't find a way to cope with your temper, it'll haunt you all your life."

  "I know," Cory muttered. "But it's like I can't help it." He paused. "I was gonna throw that thing through the window, and at the last minute, I threw it in the trash instead."

  Ah, progress. "Okay, so that was a step in the right direction. You made a less destructive choice."

  "Maybe you'll get a sticker," Kelsey Byrd said.

  Em kept talking. "Even little things like taking a deep, slow breath can help. Eat right, get enough fresh air. Those are cliches because they're true. Maybe you could join the boxing club."

  "Or, like, listen to music?" Tamara suggested. "When my mom had my brother and he cried all the time, she'd go into the cellar and play Nine Inch Nails really loud and, like, dance. Badly, I might add. But she always felt better."

  Cory gave a little smile.

  "Four months till graduation, kids," Emmaline added. "You're almost there."

  "Ooh, graduation," said Kelsey. "Like that makes a difference." She folded her arms and rested them on her pregnant belly. She had good reason to be bitter, Em guessed. Single motherhood was hard enough; single teenage motherhood was harder.