Leilani

by LM DeWalt

  “What’s wrong?” I asked running to his side. My fingers brushed the wet hair off his forehead. Fiore placed the plate with the sandwich on top of his dresser across the room.

  “I feel sick,” he panted and turned his face back to the trash can. “But nothing is happening.”

  “Fiore, can you please get some crackers and ginger ale?” I turned to her and motioned toward the dresser with my head. “And can you please get that out of here?” I didn’t think the smell of the sandwich would help him any.

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back.” She grabbed the plate and left the room.

  “Do you think you can sit up?” I asked as I propped his two pillows against the head board. “Sitting might make your stomach feel better than lying flat.”

  “Why now?” he asked, tears running down his cheeks. By the look on his face, he was not talking about his nausea.

  “I don’t know why God does what he does,” I took his clammy hand in mine. “I know one thing though. You do not have to go if you don’t want to.”

  His eyes widened and then narrowed with suspicion. “What do you mean? Are you saying what I think you are saying?”

  I stood to fetch a washcloth from his drawer. “Let me wet this and then we can talk.”

  Before he could respond, I rushed from the room and into the bathroom. As my head spun, I leaned against the sink to steady myself. How could I possibly be thinking of taking his blood, of draining his body until his heart beat almost completely faded? Of taking the life of a fifteen year old boy and replacing it with this absolute hell called vampirism? He would never have children, grandchildren. He would never grow old with someone and then move on to where ever it is we go when we die, a normal human death, the way it was supposed to be. How could I even begin to explain that to him, let alone wish it for him? I had been so certain it was what I wanted if only for the selfish reason of not losing yet another person I love. And now? I didn’t think I could go through with it, even if it turned out he wanted it.

  “Lily, are you ok? He’s not… that close, is he?” Fiore poked her head into the bathroom. She couldn’t bring herself to say the word. Death, absolute and constant death. What my existence was made up of.

  “No…I don’t know,” I said as I wiped my eyes and turned the faucet on. “I want to wipe his neck and head down, maybe cool him off a little. Did you get what I asked for?”

  “Of course. He’s nibbling on the crackers now. He asked me to see what was keeping you.”

  “Thank you,” I said as I rung the washcloth out. As I tried to take a step away from the sink, I faltered and fell back against it. Fiore came running to steady me. “What’s wrong, Lily?”

  “I’m…I’m just sick of it!” I suddenly felt strong enough to stand on my own and stepped away from her, spinning on my heels to face her. “I’m sick of all this shit, the deaths, the heartbreaks, the constant drama, and the threats. I’m sick of all the pain. I’m nineteen years old!” I threw the washcloth into the sink and slammed the bathroom door shut so Aloysius and Jose Luis couldn’t hear. Fiore backed herself against the sink. Her expression changed from amusement to worry.

  “I understand what you’re saying, believe me—”

  “No, Fiore, you don’t truly understand. You were turned as an adult. You can go to a bar without a fake ID. People don’t look at you funny when you’re out late at night by yourself. I on the other hand, died a teenager. I never got to be an adult, not really. I was never given that choice.”

  “Let me tell you one thing, Lily.” The set of her eyes told me to shut up and listen, though I wanted to continue my rant. “Most of us were not given a choice. Most of us, including me, were turned by force, with lies and empty promises. So yes, you are a mother and a wife now. Your husband is presently AWOL, I understand that, but you still have responsibilities. That poor me thing doesn’t really work for you. I know you better than that. I know how strong and determined you are. You want to be a teenager, fine, go ahead. But not until after you take care of what you need to take care of. The husband and the child, they were your choice. You chose Christian and you chose Jose Luis.”

  “What? I know I chose Christian but—”

  “You could have found Jose Luis a home, any home, but instead you chose to keep him because you chose to love him,” She reached out to touch me and I backed away. “Fine. Feel sorry for yourself if that’s what you really want, but do it after you take care of the boy you love. He needs you now; the strong, nurturing, and caring woman we all love, not the child you’d rather be because you feel you are owed that. Nineteen is just a number.”

  My jaw dropped at the firmness of her words. Though I wanted to fight her, I couldn’t. She was right. Jose Luis didn’t have to stay with us. We could have turned him over to child services or whatever agency was like it in Lima, but we didn’t, I didn’t. I chose to love him. I chose to open my home and heart to him and, hopefully, his sister. She was right. I couldn’t be a coward now.

  “Ok, you’re right. I did choose to be his mother and I know I need to act like it. I’m going to talk to him,” I said as I went to wet the washcloth again.

  “Good,” she placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “That’s more like it. Do you still want me in there?”

  I turned to her and smiled. “No, thank you anyway. I need to handle this one.”

  Jose Luis sipped warm ginger ale while I sat and held his hand. Looking into his eyes, his warmth radiated and touched my face, my hands, and comforted me though it was him who needed comforting. The goodness and love in him shone like a light surrounding him, a light I felt I could touch but didn’t dare; afraid I might tarnish it with what I am.

  “How are you feeling now?” I asked taking the glass he handed me and placing it on his night stand.

  “My stomach feels a little better, thanks. I did eat some crackers,” he looked at the plate.

  “Good. Maybe you’ll feel good enough to eat some soup later. Carmela is coming to cook for you and Mateo. He’s going to be staying with us too, at least until Mariana comes back,” I told him. I knew he liked having Mateo around. “I think it’s time we talked.”

  “I am ready,” he sat up straighter. “Please do not be afraid to say anything to me.”

  I nodded. “You say you don’t have much time left. I know you’re right. I can feel it, sense it, and even smell it.”

  “What do you mean smell it? Is that possible?”

  “Apparently it is. I never knew that before but I also never knew anyone who was sick and going to die. The deaths I’ve witnessed were sudden, usually by accident and sometimes caused by me,” His eyes widened as I expected. “I sense you are close. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but close nonetheless. I want to know what you want to happen now.” I held my breath and waited as he thought about my words.

  “Do you mean if I want to die, like God wants me to, or if I want to be like you?”

  He understood more than I had given him credit for. “Yes. If it were up to me, I would turn you right this minute, but it’s not up to me. It is completely up to you to decide what you want and I will respect your decision.” He looked confused. “I am not saying I would like it if you died, not at all. I love you and it would be a great loss. I’d miss you, we all would, but it is your choice.”

  He pulled his hand out of mine and grabbed his head. “I do not know how much longer I can stand this pain. I am scared to die. I am scared to leave you and Christian, Fiore, Mateo, and Aloysius, too, but…”

  “But you need to know more. That is why I wanted to talk. I want to explain to you what becoming a vampire is like, especially at your age. I want you to have all the facts, and also to consider your sister, before you make any decisions.”

  He nodded. For an hour we sat and talked. I explained everything I had experienced, everything I had missed by being this way, and everything that had become an obstacle because of it. He silently listened and allowed me to talk, nodding and so
metimes cringing in pain. When I paused in case he had questions, he said nothing. I continued and told him of all the events that led up to meeting him. I explained what the attachment between a maker and a vampire was like, how overwhelming it sometimes felt, and how eternal it really was. I told him that once he chose, and if he did choose to become a vampire, there would be no turning back. I explained the things that were a danger to us, and the only ways we could die. I saved the worst for last. Taking a deep breath and trying to control my tears, I explained how Christian had left and how he had renounced his attachment to me, his maker, so completely that I could not even feel him anymore, letting him know that was also an option if he chose it later.

  “Until this actually happened, I did not know it was even possible,” I explained. “But he did it. He chose to let me go, mind, body, and soul. I can no longer feel him just as I am sure he can no longer feel me.”

  “So what are you saying? That I could do the same thing to you if I wanted to?” His hand squeezed mine and I jumped, thinking he was in pain. He smiled and looked me in the eyes. “I would not do that to you. If I picked what you are offering, I would love you just as much as I do now. I know you are not much older than me but I trust you. You know a lot more than me. You lived almost a hundred years. You know more than my mother did.” He laughed at what I assumed were memories of his mother and her struggle to contain Leilani’s powers and hide her own from the world.

  “I know you love me. I can feel it. That’s not even a question in my mind. I just want you to be sure, absolutely sure. You would stay forever fifteen, never aging, never dying. You’d live the loss of your sister. I want you to make sure you could live with that.”

  “As long as she was happy in her life I wouldn’t care. I just have one question,” he said as he held my eyes again.

  “What is it?” I said, expecting something complicated.

  “Will it hurt?”

  “Like hell,” I answered and laughed. That was likely not the answer he expected. A knock on the door made us both jump. “Yes?”

  Fiore opened the door a crack and peeked inside. “I’m sorry to interrupt but there’s someone here to see you, Lily.”

  “What? Who?” I asked, my stomach already turning with anticipation. Could it be Christian?

  “Just come down, please,” she answered and left, giving me no chance to question her further.

  Jose Luis looked at me with a smile on his face. “Go ahead downstairs. I will think about it while you are gone.”

  “Do you know something I don’t know?”

  “No, but go ahead. I will see you soon. I promise.”

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Mateo stood at the bottom of the spiral stair case as I approached, a smile spread across his lips. “What’s going on?” I asked stopping on the bottom step. I heard no voices coming from the common area of the apartment.

  “Someone is here to see you,” was all he said.

  “I know that much. Who is it?”

  “Go see for yourself,” he said and held his arm out. “In the dining room.”

  “Thanks. You’re a lot of help,” I barked as I walked past him. He laughed as he followed close behind me.

  My legs shook and my hands trembled at my sides as I walked through the living room and toward the dining room door. I stopped a moment to listen but heard nothing. The scent coming through the closed door was familiar but I couldn’t quite place it. My hope was diminished when I realized it wasn’t Christian’s scent. Regardless, they were being awfully secretive. I placed both hands on the door and took a deep breath before pushing it open. Aloysius sat at the head on the table and Fiore stood just to his side.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I stepped into the room. “Fiore and Mateo said—” I froze as my eyes rested on the pale blond head to the right of where I stood. Crystalline blue eyes met mine and I swayed as I lost my balance, steadying myself by gripping the back of the chair in front of me.

  “Lily,” Aaron greeted. Next to him, sitting with her back straight, legs crossed like the lady she is, sat Kalia. She smiled at me with the same warmth I always knew. My jaw dropped.

  Mateo came to stand behind me, placing his hands lightly on my shoulders for support.

  “Aren’t you going to say something?” Aloysius asked with a smile on his face. Fiore’s smile was just as big.

  “I—I’m—I don’t know,” was what came out. Mateo pulled out the empty chair across from Aaron and pushed me down onto it before sitting next to me.

  “Lily, dear, it’s good to see you again,” Kalia said. I turned toward her with my mouth still open. “You’re looking well.”

  “I don’t understand,” I turned toward Aaron. Warmth spread through my body and I shook it off. “What are you doing here? Did you come to finish me off?”

  Everyone in the room laughed. I fisted my hands on my lap. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

  Aloysius stood and took Fiore’s hand. “Let’s leave them alone for a bit, shall we? I’m sure they have a lot to talk about.”

  I looked at Mateo for help but he just smiled and followed them out, nodding at me before closing the door behind him. Turning to my unexpected guests, I narrowed my eyes as I looked at Aaron. “What do you want?”

  “We came to talk to you. Please allow us to explain,” he pleaded with his usual fatherly voice.

  “There is nothing to explain. I tried to kill Maia, in self-defense, I might add. You took her side. That is all there is to it,” I stood to leave. Kalia stood, red tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks.

  “That is what we need to talk to you about. We need to make things right. We were wrong,” she said as she looked into my eyes.

  My jaw dropped again and I made no attempt to close my mouth, unable to hide my shock. “What? Are you really admitting you were wrong?”

  “Ladies, please sit down,” Aaron asked as he took Kalia’s hand and guided her back to her seat. I did as he asked only because I was curious as to where their little charade was going. “We know the truth. We now know Maia used us and lied to us. We loved her so we believed everything she told us. I don’t know, maybe not entirely. We know she wasn’t perfect, not by any means. I think sometimes we just turned a blind eye to the things she did. Anyway, we are sorry we doubted you. Sorry we said the things we said to you. We came to tell you that.”

  Tears came to my eyes and I wiped them away with the back of my hands. I refused to let them see me cry for them. “What happened? How did your little angel finally reveal her true colors to you?” I didn’t care how bitter I sounded or if my words stung them.

  Kalia bit her lip and looked at Aaron. “It wasn’t really her. Christian came to us a couple of days ago. He told us everything.”

  I jumped out of my seat so fast my chair fell onto its back. “Christian was with you? Is he still there?”

  Aaron came to my side and picked up the chair. He pushed me onto it again and then sat next to me, turning my face so I could look at him. “No, he’s not. He said he wanted to make things right for you, wanted to tell us the truth about what happened with Maia. He told us all the things she said and did that day on the mountain. He helped us search her room while she was away on another vacation. We tore her room apart looking for anything that might confirm what he was saying. It was Christian who found the loose floorboards under her bed, within them her birth certificate and other documents confirming what he said. He left right after that.”

  “And you let him?” I asked. “You should’ve made him stay.”

  “It wasn’t up to us, Lily,” Kalia explained. “He asked us not to ask him anything, asked us to promise him that. He only wanted to make things right for you. All he said is that he was doing what he needed to do for you.”

  My head dropped to the table and Aaron’s hand stroked my hair as I finally released the tears I was fighting, my body shaking with my sobs. How could he think leaving me was what I needed? How could he decide something like
that for me?

  “Lily, please don’t cry,” Aaron coaxed as he leaned over me. “We will figure out what is happening to Christian. I have a feeling he is not going to stay away forever. I sensed his love for you, even as he walked out the door.”

  Kalia’s hand now rested on my back as I felt her lean over me too. “Can you please forgive us for what we did? Life is not the same without you in it.”

  I raised my head and looked at them through the redness of my tears. My body tingled from the warmth climbing from my toes all the way up to my head. My stomach fluttered and my lips pulled into a smile without my permission. I wrapped my arms around both their shoulders and pulled them closer. “Yes, of course I can. I love you both and I’ve missed you so much,” I cried as they squeezed me back.

  “Oh, God, Lily we are so sorry. You have no idea how many times we—” Kalia cried.

  “Please, don’t Kalia. It’s over. We’re here now, together,” I said as I kissed her cheek and then turned to kiss Aaron’s though he beat me to it. “That’s all that matters.”

  “Isn’t this great?” Fiore asked as she and Aloysius stood in the doorway, Mateo peeking in from behind them. “I love happy endings.”

  The three of us laughed as we stood, Kalia and I looking like something from a horror movie with the tears smeared on our faces. Fiore rushed in with tissues in her hand. She handed one to each of us before wrapping her arms around me. “I knew all about it,” she whispered in my ear before she stepped back.

  “You little sneak,” I said and punched her arm playfully. “That’s who you were on the phone with?” I looked at Aloysius and he smiled.

  “Thank you,” I said as I wrapped my arms around him. He returned my hug.

  “No need.” He kissed the top of my head before breaking free. “I knew my great grandson couldn’t truly be that stubborn.”