Full Figured 13

by Mona Love

  Andrea had also begged Secret to spend the night here with the kids, but Secret wouldn’t hear of it. She told Andrea she just wanted to be home alone to spend the next few days with the kids before she had to turn them over to David. Andrea was very worried about Secret, but there was nothing she could do to convince Secret to stay over for the night.

  Andrea watched as her cousin, who now resembled a soulless zombie, loaded her two kids into her car and pulled out. Andrea said a silent prayer that Secret and the kids would be okay. She promised herself that she would go check on Secret first thing in the morning. She couldn’t imagine that anything could happen in less than twenty-four hours.

  Chapter 12

  Secret scrolled through her cell phone screen after she’d Googled guns for sale. There were tons in her county. She looked at everything she needed to purchase one, and it was a lot. This wouldn’t be a street transaction and untraceable.

  Secret lost her nerve and closed the screen. Shaking her head, she scolded herself. She had to stop the shit. What was she thinking? What the hell would she do with a gun anyway?

  Secret pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to relieve the banging tension headache she had been battling for a few days.

  “I can’t deal,” she whispered. “There is just no way I can turn my kids over to David and his bitch. There is just no way. I can’t do it.” She spoke to herself in earnest. She would have to find another way.

  Secret climbed the stairs in her house and looked in on her sleeping children. They were so innocent. They didn’t deserve to be in the middle of her and David’s battles. Secret still couldn’t believe he would throw them into the mix by petitioning the court for full custody. It was all a ploy to avoid paying child support. Secret knew David’s selfish ass better than he knew himself. Secret was still absolutely flabbergasted that David wanted the kids to live with him full time when he hadn’t ever paid them any attention when he lived with them. David had never fed, changed, cuddled with, or even comforted either of the kids after they’d been born. He never took them to a doctor’s appointment or took care of them when they were sick. David didn’t know his own children’s likes or dislikes. He didn’t know how to comfort them when they were in distress, and more importantly, the kids didn’t know him as well as they should at their ages. Secret knew that David saw the kids as a hindrance to their marriage. She also believed that he was secretly jealous of how much attention Secret paid them after they were born. Prior to their births, it was all about David, but after they came along, he had to share her time and attention with the kids. David didn’t hide his feelings about it either. Secret remembered one night David held her down in the bed, having forceful sex with her while she fought to get up so she could go comfort Bella, who was a newborn at that time and screaming from the other bedroom. The memory made Secret shudder now. The thought of handing her kids over to David made Secret physically sick. She had thrown up three times that day alone. She only had one and a half more days with the kids and Secret didn’t know what she’d do, but she did know giving them to her now officially ex-husband and his bitch was not an option.

  It was the middle of the night and Secret banged on Andrea’s door with urgency. Andrea swung the door open and looked at her cousin like she was crazy.

  “Shit! Secret? What’s going on? Are you okay? Did something happen?” Andrea asked, noticing how disheveled and frantic Secret appeared. It was very early in the morning, and it was not like Secret to be out with the kids this early. Andrea suddenly had a bad feeling about the situation.

  “I have to go someplace real quick. Can you keep an eye on my kids until I get back?” Secret huffed, her hair wild and her eyes wide. “Just promise me you will not give my kids to anyone else. Please, Andrea? I’m begging. Please guard them with your life,” Secret pleaded.

  “I . . . I promise, but what’s going on, Secret? You’re in your pajamas. Are you all right?” Andrea replied, looking Secret up and down. Nothing about this visit could be good, Andrea was thinking. “How about you come inside and let’s talk before you just run off? Let me help you think things through,” Andrea urged.

  “No. No.” Secret threw her hands up. “I’m good. Please trust me. I just need to make a run, and I swear I’ll be right back.” Secret rushed her words out. She was moving as if she had to go to the bathroom or something. Like whatever she had to do was so urgent it couldn’t wait at all.

  Andrea had to think about the kids and their safety right now. “Bring them inside,” Andrea relented. “I promise to keep them safe.”

  She wasn’t going to ask Secret any more questions because it was clear she was having some sort of episode. Andrea wanted so badly to shake Secret by the shoulders and tell her to snap out of all this erratic behavior. It was just a divorce, which Andrea didn’t think was the end of the world. Andrea realized that she had always been the stronger of them even as children growing up. Secret was always the nice one. She was quiet, and people often walked all over her and bullied her. People often referred to Andrea as the bitch who would fuck up anyone who messed with her cousin Secret.

  Shaking all over, Secret handed her kids over to Andrea for safekeeping. She promised Andrea she’d be back real soon. Secret didn’t want to miss her last minutes with the kids, but what she had to do was imperative. Secret had made up her mind what she needed to do.

  She raced through the streets until she finally pulled up to a gun store. A feeling of sick nerves came over her, and little beads of sweat lined up at her hairline. There were so many guns to choose from. Secret swallowed hard. Secret whirled around a few times, contemplating just leaving. Then she thought about her kids again. She thought about Lucky tucking them in at night while Secret would be home, crying herself to sleep. She thought about David acting as if he were father of the year, bribing her kids with candy and shit she didn’t want them to have. Once the thoughts came to mind, Secret decided she was doing the right thing and that she was in the right place. Soon, her life would be free of all of the complications, or so she hoped.

  * * *

  Secret tapped her foot impatiently as she sat outside of David’s building. She had rented a car neither David nor Lucky would recognize. Secret told herself she was just there to talk to David, to reason with him about the leaving the kids with her. Secret practiced under her breath how she was going to ask him to drop his custody request. The more she thought about it, the more Secret remembered how ignorant David could be. Since negotiations might not work, Secret had her newly purchased Glock stashed between her thighs. Sweat drenched her back and underarms as she waited. Secret had played the scene over and over in her mind. She would scare the shit out of David and Lucky, and he would agree to leave the kids alone. She would force David to listen to her and leave her and the kids alone for good. Yes, those were her plans. He wouldn’t have a choice, she reasoned.

  Secret promised that whenever David and Lucky pulled up, whether separate or together, Secret planned on jumping out of the car and trying to talk to them. The longer she waited, the more irrational she felt. She went between being calm and being totally enraged about David’s betrayals. Secret replayed having her botched body on display for the world to see. David really wanted to hurt her.

  Secret started nodding as she waited for Lucky and David. It had been hours, but she wouldn’t give up. She pulled out her cell phone and scrolled through her address book. Secret retrieved the number of Lucky’s bakery, which she had gotten from the store sign and saved the very first time she followed Lucky there.

  “Yes, may I speak with Lucky please?” Secret said, disguising her voice to sound like she had some sort of accent. The store clerk told Secret that Lucky was out of the country and would be back tomorrow. Secret knew right away that she was with David. All of these trips out of the country and Secret was scrounging to pay bills. She was infuriated even more now. The information might as well have been a knife in Secret’s chest. She really wanted them both dead now.
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br />   “That motherfucker couldn’t even let the ink dry on the divorce papers. He expects me to turn my kids over in the morning so he can come back and play house with my fucking kids. He will see what I turn over to his ass,” Secret growled as moved the rental car from in front of David’s building and headed to Andrea’s to get her kids.

  “It’s okay. You’ll regret the day you fucked me over, David Johnson. You will regret it,” Secret continued, speaking out loud to herself. It wasn’t over just yet. She wasn’t going to give up that easily. Her kids were all she had in the world, and David had already taken everything else, including her fucking soul.

  Chapter 13

  As usual, Secret hadn’t slept a wink the entire night. Secret had the kids in the bed with her, real close to her. She had lain next to them, weeping on and off for hours. She would teeter between anger and sorrow and back again. Secret was suffering now with huge knots in her stomach on top of sleep deprivation. Secret kept picturing her kids screaming and crying when she handed them over to David and had to walk away from them at the courthouse. The thought alone threatened to make her hurl. She envisioned David forcefully putting them into their car seats while they writhed and kicked in protest, their little faces blood red and covered in tears. Secret would also see that bitch Lucky trying to console her crying babies like she was a doting stepmother. Secret just couldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t let her babies suffer like that. It wasn’t their fault that their father was a selfish, adulterous, cowardly asshole. She had contemplated going on the run with her kids, but she knew that they would put out an Amber Alert for the kids and she would be found and put into jail. That wouldn’t help the kids either. Besides, Secret didn’t have any money to be on the run with her babies.

  With her heart hammering, Secret suddenly bolted upright in bed. A serious feeling of anxiety came over her. “Fuck him. He can’t have them,” Secret spoke to herself. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Secret walked the length of her bedroom, the unbearable feeling of anxiety getting worse and worse. Her stomach seized and released over and over again, causing Secret to sweat. She had to prevent David from getting the kids.

  “I can’t let them go. I can’t,” Secret finally whispered.

  She raced into her closet and retrieved the new gun she had purchased. Secret examined the black steel, and she felt powerful as she held it. Secret wasn’t finished with the mission she had started. This time Secret would end this ordeal once and for all. David had turned her into this monster. Now she was going to show him just what she could do, just how much of a monster she really was. In Secret’s mind, her life was over anyway. Secret felt like she had suffered enough embarrassment and humiliation. She also felt like she had nothing else to live for. This was it. Secret was going all in now.

  * * *

  When Secret arrived at David’s building, she didn’t wait outside and stalk David and Lucky like she normally did. Not today. Secret wasn’t living in the shadows today. No, she planned on being seen and heard. Secret boldly entered the lobby of the building and rang the door buzzer. She’d gotten the exact address from the divorce papers.

  “Who is it?” Lucky sang through the intercom.

  “FedEx,” Secret said with a gruff voice, trying to sound like a man.

  “We’re not expecting anything,” Lucky said suspiciously.

  Secret twisted her lips and silently mouthed the word “bitch” at Lucky’s comment. Just as she was trying to come up with another method of getting into the building, someone came out of the door.

  As soon as the door swung open, Secret rushed through it. She smiled because now she was in. Secret reached into her coat pocket and touched the weapon. She wanted to make sure it was still there. She didn’t need to give herself a pep talk or build up her confidence. This was it. All or nothing. David had fucked with the wrong person. He had driven her to all of this, so he had no one to thank but himself.

  When the elevator stopped on the floor, Secret felt a flitter of excitement. She wasn’t afraid at all. This was part of what she needed to do. When she exited the elevator on the floor, Secret crept up to the door. She listened for a few minutes, and she could hear that both David and Lucky were home.

  “Bastard.” Secret smiled wickedly. Secret pressed the small bell that sat at the side of the door and stepped aside so they couldn’t see her through the peephole.

  “David, I think this is the FedEx person who rang the downstairs buzzer,” Secret heard Lucky call out. “No, I didn’t order anything nor am I expecting anything, unless it’s a package from your lawyer,” Lucky said. Secret was listening the entire time.

  “Maybe she brought the kids early,” David said.

  David snatched open the door, and when he did, Secret rushed him. He didn’t even have time to react. Secret barreled into him like a battering ram, sending him stumbling backward.

  “What the fu—” David started to scream, but his words were cut off. David’s eyes grew as wide as dinner plates when the cold steel of Secret’s Glock was pushed into his face.

  “Now, motherfucker! It’s time for my revenge for everything you ever did to me,” Secret growled.

  “Oh, my God!” Lucky belted out when she saw that Secret had a gun.

  “Shut the fuck up and get over there,” Secret growled, directing Lucky and David to sit down in front of their fireplace.

  “What are you doing, Secret? Where are the kids?” David huffed. He had never felt his heart beat like that in his entire life.

  “Don’t ask about my kids! You don’t love those kids, and you’ll never have them!” Secret said through clenched teeth. She moved the gun around haphazardly, which caused David and Lucky to flinch.

  Secret started laughing seeing their fear. She wanted them to feel just like she had felt over the past couple of months.

  “What are you going to do to us?” Lucky cried as she gripped David’s arm so tight her knuckles paled.

  “You’ll see,” Secret said calmly. “David, you drove me to this. What I know now is that you never loved me. You never cared about me, oh, no. David only cared about himself. Why would you take everything from me? After all I’ve done for you. Why would you drag my name through the mud and flaunt your bitch at our church? And then, the biggest one yet, you tried to take my kids from me? Those kids are the only thing you have ever done that was good. They are all I have, you bastard!” Secret barked, waving the gun in their faces.

  “Listen, Secret. There is no need for violence,” David said, trying to stay calm with his hands up in defense. His voice was cracking, a sure sign that he was fucked up and nervous as hell. He was trying his best to calm Secret down, but little did he know that the more calmly he tried to speak, the angrier it made Secret. She took it as him being the same smug bastard he had been in court.

  “Shut up! You piece of shit. You caused all of this! You’re a selfish piece of shit, always was and always will be. Yes, you drove me over the edge after everything I did for you, for us. Look at me. Look at how I look compared to your little skinny bitch there. You made me feel so fucking bad about myself I sacrificed my entire body for you! My soul! I’ll never be good for anyone else, ever! You turn around and leave me with no money to even feed my kids!” Secret barked. This time she placed the gun against Lucky’s temple. Lucky started to cry uncontrollably. She was holding on to David’s arm, and her body was trembling.

  “Awww, look at your little beautiful bitch. She’s scared, David. I guess she didn’t know what she was getting into when she got with you, huh? Tell her, David. This is what you get when you steal someone’s husband,” Secret taunted, moving the gun from Lucky’s temple to David’s forehead.

  “Shh,” David instructed Lucky. “Let’s just all remain calm. I can call someone to help us through this, Secret.” Lucky muffled her cries, and they came out more like small whimpers.

  “Shut the fuck up! You’re not calling anyone!” Secret barked. She turned her attention
to Lucky. “Did David ever tell you all of the things I did for him, Lucky? All of the nights I stayed up writing his research papers because he wasn’t that fucking smart? All of the days I worked like a dog and handed all of my money over to him? How I gave up my modeling career because he was jealous of it? I bet he never told you any of that,” Secret said to Lucky, placing the tip of the gun by her ear and moving it through her long, silky hair. Lucky peed on herself from fear.

  “I knew he didn’t tell you any of that shit! Why would he tell you that I gave him every bit of myself? My heart, my soul, my mind, my body, and now my kids!” Secret screamed, a large vein pulsing in her neck.

  “Secret, where are the kids?” David asked, his voice taking on a frantic tone.

  Secret tilted her head and started laughing. “Oh, now you want to know about your fucking kids? When you left them and barely visited them, you weren’t worried about them. You weren’t worried about them when you decided to fucking leave for this little stupid bitch you got here. Where’s the kids? How fucking dare you! Shut the fuck up and don’t ask about my kids!” Secret said through clenched teeth. The thought of the kids sent a wave of nausea through Secret’s stomach. She had had enough. It was time for her to end this bullshit once and for all. Secret extended the gun in front of her and trained it on David and Lucky.

  “Oh, God!” Lucky screeched, ducking her head and closing her eyes tight. David closed his eyes as well. His nose flared in and out rapidly.

  “Say you’re sorry, David. I want to hear you say that you’re sorry for everything you’ve done to me,” Secret said through tears.

  “Say it, David! Say you’re sorry to her so we can live,” Lucky cried out.