Maybe You

by Marie Landry

  Don stops at a booth near the back; the chatter and laughter of the restaurant are a quiet hum back here, and the surrounding tables are vacant. The lighting is low, with realistic-looking LED candles flickering in glass jars on the table.

  “You’re right, this is perfect,” I tell Don. “Thank you.”

  He hands us the menus once we’re seated, and gives us a small bow before leaving.

  Kieran clutches his menu, staring at the cover. I get the feeling he’s avoiding my gaze. Maybe now that we’re actually here together, just the two of us, he’s having second thoughts. I don’t think that’s it, though, especially if the way he shifts around in his seat is any indication. I think he’s experiencing the same thing I am: a strong case of nerves.

  Last night was strange and wonderful. Finally seeing him after weeks of keeping an eye out for him felt like a shock to my system. Being close to him, remembering the intense kiss we shared, knowing the distance between us was my fault was torture. But then he came after me and I knew I was getting a second chance at something amazing. Things felt natural during our brief encounter in the parking lot last night. Now I need to get us back to that.

  I clear my throat. “When you came out of the school last night and I was just turning around?”

  He lowers his menu and meets my eyes.

  “I had no idea how you felt about me after leaving things the way we did last month. I knew I had to talk to you, though. To see if there was still a chance for us. And then there you were.”

  He loosens his white-knuckled grip on the menu. His tentative smile holds a mixture of relief and curiosity. “What made you change your mind?”

  “Kitty had said something to me a minute before that made me realize what an idiot I’d been for letting you go.” His smile grows, bordering for a moment on a smirk before slipping into something soft and sweet. The way he slowly leans forward makes me think it’s an involuntary move. He wants to know what I’ll say next, so I need to make it count. I need to erase any doubts he may have, and show him I’m serious. This isn’t a game for me, just like I’m certain it’s not a game for him.

  The words pop into my mind. I take a deep breath before saying them, hoping I don’t scare him off. “I realized something I think I actually knew all along. That maybe you were the one worth breaking my rules for. Worth risking h-having…having my heart broken.”

  Kieran’s eyebrows jerk upward. “You think I’d break your heart?”

  “Not on purpose,” I say quickly. “Few people set out to actually break someone else’s heart, right? But there are some things happening in my life right now—things I promise to tell you about—that have made me feel kind of…fragile. And I was afraid letting you in could potentially mean opening myself up for more problems, more distractions, more heartache.”

  He nods slowly, the movement causing a wavy lock of hair to fall over his forehead. I resist the urge to reach out and brush it back. I need to know what he’s thinking first. “Makes sense, I suppose. Whatever it is that’s going on with you and whatever made you decide to take the risk, I’m grateful.”

  Now I do reach for him, brushing the curl off his forehead and letting my fingers linger on his cheek. He catches my hand before I pull away, holding it loosely in his.

  “For what it’s worth, Meredith, I promise to be careful with your heart.”

  Oh. Holy. Swoon. My breath and my heart catch in the same part of my throat. His earnest expression and imploring eyes tell me he means it. If I’d had any lingering doubts, I’m now completely certain I made the right decision taking a risk on him.

  “I’ve only been in one serious relationship,” he continues. “Watching my parents over the last three decades would be enough to put just about anyone off the idea. Between my parents and my one previous experience with love, I’ve learned what I don’t want from a relationship, along with how not to act. Whatever you’re going through, whatever worries you have, I want to be here for you.”

  I place my free hand over our already-joined ones and lean forward, resting my chin on my knuckles. Soft, warm lips press against my forehead. I close my eyes, anchoring myself in this moment. “Thank you.”

  When I open my eyes, I catch movement in my periphery. Don approaches the table cautiously, and I sit back, welcoming him with a smile. After placing our orders, we fall into easy conversation while we wait and then as we begin to eat. The initial discomfort and uncertainty of being together has completely disappeared and we’ve returned to the ease we experienced on our first three encounters.

  There are subtle differences now, though. When I touch Kieran, it’s not platonic or professional. It’s because I want to and I can. This really is going to take some getting used to. It’s been ages since I dated and even longer since I had a boyfriend. During my time working for Human Touch Companions, I grew accustomed to platonic touch. It’s like I shut off the part of my brain that allowed me to think of anything in a sensual or sexual way. But I can’t—and I don’t want to—deny the zing I feel every time Kieran’s hand brushes mine or I catch him watching me with those soulful eyes. Unlike the other times we were together, I don’t try to squash the butterflies that take flight whenever he touches me or when he leans in and his sexy, accented voice washes over me.

  “I know most people don’t like to talk about exes, especially in the beginning, but my mind keeps going back to you saying you’d been in love once. What happened?” I spear a cheese ravioli on my plate, eyes trained on it instead of Kieran. When he doesn’t respond, I glance up to find him watching me.

  “Her name was Aileen. We met in our early twenties when I was working for my dad. She was a bartender at a pub down the street. She was sweet and funny…at least at first. I fell hard. Long tale short, turns out she wanted an in at my dad’s company. Her true colors started to show and I realized she was using me.” He pushes the remainder of his chicken parm around on his plate before setting his fork down.

  “I understand what you meant when you said you were afraid to risk having your heart broken,” he continues. “Aileen wasn’t only careless with my heart, she fucked with my mind too. When I finally caught on and ended things, I knew the experience could lead to trust issues, but I refused to let it happen. For the most part, anyway. I’ve dated here and there since, but I knew if I were ever to be serious with someone again, it would have to be the right person.”

  His gaze drifts away, his eyes taking on a faraway look.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I…” He stops, releasing a long sigh. Apprehension tightens my stomach as several seemingly endless seconds pass before he speaks again. “I don’t want to seem as if I’m issuing an ultimatum so shortly after our reunion and before things have even truly begun with us. But I need you to know if we’re actually going to move forward and be together, I’m all in. I know you have some things you’re dealing with, and I understand your original reasons for pushing me away and deciding we shouldn’t be together. But those reasons are moot now. If we’re to be together, we need to trust one another. Know we have each other’s backs. I can’t wonder if you’re going to get spooked and push me away. You’re not the only one putting their heart on the line.”

  Our eyes are locked and I’m caught in the depths of his. His words roll around in my head as his beseeching gaze trails over my face. He’s right: I’m not the only one putting their heart on the line. He’s been hurt too, and he’s willing to open up to me, to trust me. I’ve been afraid to get close to anyone for so long. Afraid of depending on someone else. Afraid of exposing my raw, bruised heart, especially while I’m in a state of both grief and limbo.

  I can do this. I want to do this. I can get over my fears and reservations because I want Kieran in my life.

  “I’m all in too,” I say softly.

  He releases a long breath that ends in a laugh. The relieved sound of it makes me smile. I lift up from my seat and lean across the table to kiss him.

  A server c
omes to clear our plates, followed shortly by Don offering us coffee or tea and dessert. I suggest we get something to go; I’m ready to be alone with Kieran.

  “I miss your milky tea,” I tell Kieran. “I’ve tried to replicate it dozens of times in the last few weeks, but it always tastes like dirty dishwater to me.”

  He smiles knowingly. “It’s all about the type of milk you use. I can drink it with any milk because I’ve been accustomed to the taste practically since birth, but it’s best with whole milk. That’s what I used when we had tea together.”

  “Whole milk. I don’t usually keep milk on hand, but I used my roommate’s milk and she drinks skim.”

  He scrunches his nose and curls his lip. “That explains it. That’d essentially be like adding water to water.” He finishes the last of his beer and leans on the table. “You’ll have to depend on me from now on to make your milky tea.”

  “I see lots of cups of tea in our future.”

  “And more nights like this?”

  “And more nights like this,” I agree. “And maybe in the spirit of do-overs, we can have dinner in the school cafeteria again. Kitty will be thrilled.”

  He reaches for my hand and I lace my fingers with his. “I’ll go anywhere and do anything with you, Sunshine.” He lifts our hands and kisses the back of mine.

  “In that case, maybe we could go back to your place and have dessert with some milky tea?” I suggest. “I’d say we could go to my place, but Celia will be there and we’d have to field a million questions before we could be alone.”

  “Plus you don’t have the right milk for milky tea. So my place it is.”

  On the drive to Kieran’s house, he keeps his hand firmly on my upper thigh as I drive. The possessiveness of it gives me a thrill. It also makes me wonder if he’s subconsciously holding on to me because he’s afraid I’ll leave again. I hate that I ever made him doubt me.

  When I pull up in front of his house and cut the engine, I cover his hand with one of mine and reach for him with the other. Gripping the lapel of his denim jacket, I pull him toward me. Our lips mash together from the force of our momentum, but soon we’ve moved into soft, explorative kisses.

  I meant it when I told Kieran I’m all in. This is still new and moving fast, but one important thing I’ve learned recently is some rules—self-imposed or otherwise—are meant to be broken. Like, for instance, the rules society puts on women who are comfortable with their bodies and enjoy sex. Those types of ‘rules’ can go straight to hell.

  Moving my hands to his chest, I push Kieran far enough away so I can meet his eyes. “Remember how last night you said you don’t normally kiss girls you just met?” He nods, brows drawing together in confusion. “Well, I don’t normally have sex on the first date…” I look at him meaningfully, hoping I won’t have to articulate the fact I’m no longer interested in tiramisu and milky tea. At least not tonight.

  “Y-you do remember what my room looks like, yeah?” he asks. “And that I have a tiny single bed?”

  “Well, we could think of it as tiny or think of it as…intimate.”

  The word hangs between us for a moment before a smile flashes over Kieran’s face. “I like intimate.” He leans in again, pressing his lips to mine, flicking his tongue over the seam of my mouth and pulling back before I can deepen the kiss. My eyes drift shut when he rubs his nose against mine. His voice is barely a whisper as he says, “And I like you, Meredith Cormier. My sunshine girl. Let’s go to bed.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Kieran opens his bedroom door and ushers me into the dark room with his hand on my back. When his warm touch disappears, I hover inside the doorway, waiting for the overhead light to come on. The room remains bathed in shadows until his bedside lamp turns on.

  My eyes go directly to Kieran’s bed. It really is small. I haven’t slept in a single bed since my own college days nearly a decade ago, and even then I never slept with someone else in one. A sudden attack of nerves skitters over me, making my skin tingle under my sweater. I remind myself this was my idea. I also remind myself I can change my mind at any moment and I have no doubts Kieran would respect me.

  Kieran. Sweet, gentle Kieran, who has made me feel something other than numb for the first time in too long. My attention shifts to him as he removes his jacket and drapes it over his desk chair. I admire the snug fit of his black t-shirt as he closes the distance between us. His hands settle on my hips and he ducks his head so we’re eye to eye.

  “You okay?”

  “Fine. Just sort of lost in my own thoughts. Or ‘off with the faeries’ as you said the first day we met. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

  His lips twitch into something that’s not quite a smile. His hands rise to cup my face, thumbs sweeping over my cheeks. “Mm. Maybe I can help you move from thinking to feeling.” Warm lips replace his thumb on one of my cheeks. He trails feather-light kisses outward, then moves to the other cheek to do the same.

  His mouth bypasses mine, close enough I can feel his breath on my lips. I’m eager for him to kiss me again, yet I’m not at all opposed to this exploration. In fact, I’m curious to see where it will lead.

  His lips land on my neck next. His kisses are more forceful now, pressing into my skin, lingering at my pulse point. He nips at me, and my surprised gasp turns to a moan when he covers the spot with his hot, wet mouth. A jolt of lust zings straight to my core. My grip tightens on his shoulders, both to hold myself upright and to urge him on.

  His fingers hook in the loose cowl neck of my sweater, easing the material to one side. He meets my eyes for a second before lowering his head to brush his lips over my left collarbone. Who knew the collarbone was an erogenous zone? If the way my heart has kicked up a notch is any indication, it’s apparently one of my sweet spots. His lips continue with agonizing slowness, pausing at the hollow of my throat before continuing his study of my other collarbone.

  He looks way too pleased with himself by the time he straightens and meets my eyes again. Considering how close he was to me, I’m sure he could hear my erratic heartbeat, along with my shallow breaths.

  “You know, I think I’ll take that tea now after all,” I say lightly.

  His eyebrows rocket up toward his hairline. When I bite my lip to hold back a giggle, he laughs on a gusty exhale, shaking his head. “Almost had me going there, Sunshine.”

  “Couldn’t help myself.” I yank him closer and cover his mouth with mine. My hands move into his hair, fingers threading through the silky waves. I make a mental note to ask him what kind of shampoo he uses. A second later, that thought and all others flee my mind as Kieran pulls my body against his and the evidence of his arousal presses against me.

  We pull apart long enough to remove each other’s shirts, tossing them onto the floor as our hands and mouths continue to explore. Our lips meet again, and I hook my fingers in his belt loops, tugging him with me toward the bed. I stop when the backs of my knees hit the edge of the mattress; falling back and taking him with me would likely result in a double concussion from both of us hitting our heads on the wall. Hazards of a small bed in a small room.

  With my fingers still curved in Kieran’s belt loops, I drop to the bed, bouncing on the springy mattress. The laugh that begins fades almost immediately when I realize I’m now directly in line with Kieran’s lower stomach. The nearly eye-level bulge in his jeans has me swallowing compulsively against a suddenly dry throat.

  Peering up at him, I trail my fingers down the fine, dark hair that disappears into his jeans. His pupils are so dilated I can hardly see any of the beautiful blue of his irises. He stiffens when I lean forward and press my lips just under his belly button. He’s completely still now except for the tightening of his fingertips on my shoulders.

  He growls my name when my fingers reach the button of his jeans. “Mmhmm?” I ask between kisses, infusing the sound with as much innocence as I can.

  His hand clamps over mine just as I manage to free the button. “Not y
et.” He gives my fingers a squeeze and releases them, bending to kiss me again. He urges me back on the bed and I go willingly, bringing him down with me until he’s holding most of his weight on his forearms on either side of me.

  He hasn’t even touched me yet, and I’m already so turned on I could burst. I arch my hips, rubbing against him, desperate for friction between our bodies. I don’t know why we’re still wearing pants. It’s clearly way too much clothing when we should both be naked with him inside me.

  Kieran breaks from our kiss and goes back to his earlier exploration, his lips and tongue and teeth doing things to my neck and shoulders that make me writhe. His mouth hovers over one of my bra-clad breasts, his hot breath making my nipples stand at attention. One of his hands leaves my hip, and instead of moving to my breast like I expect, his fingers begin sliding down my belly toward the waistband of my jeans.

  I’d be embarrassed by the desperate sounds I’m making if I cared about anything other than Kieran finally touching me. My muscles tremble under his touch and a shuddering exhale escapes me.

  He’s just started working at the button on my jeans when a door slams somewhere, followed by voices filling the hall outside his door. The sound startles me so badly I jerk upward and my forehead collides with Kieran’s shoulder.

  “Ow,” we say at the same time. Our eyes meet, and a second later we’re both collapsing on the mattress, laughing hysterically.

  “I’m going to have a head-shaped bruise on my shoulder tomorrow,” Kieran says breathlessly, rubbing at the spot where my head rammed into him.

  “Well, I’m going to have your fingertips imprinted on my shoulders from when…” I trail off, releasing a sigh that ends in more laughter. “Talk about a mood killer.”

  “Is your head okay?” he asks, and I nod. “I guess we should be glad we didn’t headbutt each other.” I lift up and kiss his shoulder where he’s still massaging it, and he kisses my forehead. The voices outside the door trail toward the back stairs and fade away completely.