Edge Of Retaliation : Books 1-3

by Bella Jewel

  “Chase?” I scream.

  I pull the phone away from my ear and dial the number again. It rings a few times then hangs up. When I try again, it’s blocked.

  “No,” I yell, throwing my phone to the ground. “No, dammit. No!”

  God dammit.

  No.

  7

  “It’s okay,” Jo says as we stand on the street after having tried to call Chase back a million times even though I know he blocked me. She even tried on her phone, but he blocked that, too.

  My only lead. Gone. He’s not going to answer any calls now, no matter who they’re from. The only person who would get through is Tatum, and getting his phone would be like pulling teeth out of an angry lion.

  We’re screwed.

  “We’ll find him,” she continues.

  I look to her, my head spinning. Being tipsy isn’t helping, my thoughts are running wild. “I have to pop into the café, I left my house key in there. I’m going to go and get it, then come home, okay?” I tell Jo.

  “Isn’t the café close?” she asks me, looking concerned.

  “I’m opening tomorrow, I have the key.”

  She raises her brows. “Andrea gave you the key?”

  “Well, she gives it to all the staff, so if she doesn’t give it to me, it’s going to look suspicious, isn’t it?”

  Jo nods. “Are you sure you’re okay? I have our apartment key. You don’t need yours. We can go home and talk ...”

  I shake my head. “I just need to clear my head. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at home.”

  “Are you sure, honey ...”

  I smile and step forward, hugging her. When I let go, I say, “I’m sure. I need to take a walk.”

  She exhales. “We’ll find Chase, I promise you we’ll find him.”

  I nod and then turn and walk off, the weight in my chest making me feel like I’m dragging my body. It hurts. Everything hurts. I want to scream, and yell, and punch something. I’m so angry, so hurt, and so sick of lies. I want to grab Tanner and scream into his face, I want to slap Ethan over and over again, and, at the same time, I want to curl into a ball and just cry because it all makes me feel so damned helpless.

  I walk a few blocks, to clear my head a little, the cool night air helping me think more clearly. Then I flag down a cab and give them directions to the café. When I arrive, I pay the cab driver and step out, feeling a little tipsy still as my heels hit the sidewalk. My head is swarmy, not drunk but definitely not as clear as it should be.

  I walk toward the café, digging around in my purse for the keys. When I curl my fingers around them, I look up and see the lights on inside. I stop, squinting, and I see Ethan and Andrea talking. I blink a few times, and then step a little closer. They’re standing at the counter, clearly arguing about something. Oh, god. Ethan is here. With Andrea.

  I step back into the shadows of the trees lining the sidewalk and then move down closer to the café before ducking around the back. There’s a good chance I’ll get busted for what I’m about to do, but I want to hear what they’re saying, and the only way I can do that is to go through the back door, through the kitchen, and listen.

  I carefully unlock the back door, step inside, and, very slowly, walk through the kitchen and try not to make a sound. I reach the door and press my ear against it. I can hear them, being that the counter is so close to the kitchen.

  “It has to stop, Andrea,” Ethan growls. “If it doesn’t, someone is going to get hurt.”

  “You think I don’t know that, Ethan?” Andrea snaps. “But Tanner is determined, and he’s not ready to back down anytime soon. Maybe he just needs to do this, to get it out of his system ...”

  “To do what? Torment Callie for something he can’t let go of? Where will it end? How far will it go? She could get hurt. I’m not going to sit back and watch that happen.”

  “What other option is there? You were in on this, too. Now you’ve gone soft and want to call it quits, but you know it’s not that easy. You can’t just change your mind because you have fallen in love with her.”

  “I’m not in love with her,” Ethan rasps, low, “but she matters to me.”

  “She didn’t matter to you when you were setting those girls in the prison onto her, Ethan. How do you think she would feel if she found that out?”

  My heart explodes.

  Pain, so much pain.

  I make a wounded sound deep in my throat and grasp at my chest, which feels like it’s going to bring me to my knees.

  Ethan was behind Trisha?

  No.

  It’s not possible.

  It isn’t.

  No.

  “Don’t,” Ethan warns. “Do not. I know what I’ve done, but I refuse to be part of this any further. You need to stop. I believe her, Andrea. I also think there is more to this than even we know. She’s going to find that out, and when she does, she’s going to bring all of you down.”

  Andrea goes silent for a minute, then exhales. “Yes, so do I, but we all made this choice, we can’t just back away from it now. Tanner will lose his mind, and that is when something bad will happen.”

  “I’m not going to let him keep doing this.”

  “You haven’t got much choice. You try to stop him, or you go to the police, we all go down. Is that what you really want? To lose everything?”

  Ethan curses under his breath. “I’m leaving. I can’t deal with this much more. Tell Tanner to back off, or I will do something about it. No matter the risk.”

  I hear Ethan’s footsteps go toward the front door, and I turn, rushing out. I’m so angry I can’t think. So hurt, I can’t breathe. I lock the door when I leave, and then I rush around to the front of the café, still out of sight. I see Ethan walking off down the street toward his car. I go after him. Risking it all and not caring.

  I can’t.

  I just can’t do this anymore.

  Hearing my footsteps approaching, Ethan turns.

  When his eyes fall on me, his mouth opens, and he begins to say my name, “Call—”

  I reach him and slap him. I slap him so hard his head swings to the side and the sound echoes through the still night. Then I slap him again, harder this time, so angry my whole body is thrown into the movement.

  “How could you?” I scream, shoving his chest, over and over. “How could you do this to me? How could you pretend to be my friend all this time when all along I was just part of some sick, twisted game you were all playing with me?”

  “Callie,” Ethan tries, but tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I’m not done.

  “Don’t!” I cry, throwing a hand up. “You let Trisha hurt me. You let her attack me and make my life hell.”

  “I let her get to you once,” he defends himself. “Once, and then I couldn’t do it. I did protect you, that wasn’t a lie.”

  “Everything is a lie!” I scream. “Everything about you is a lie!”

  “Callie, please ...”

  “I trusted you, Ethan,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “I trusted you more than anyone else in my world. You were my best friend. You kept me sane. How could you?”

  I turn on shaky legs and start walking away, my body heaving with sobs as I cross the road. I hear him call my name, but I don’t stop.

  I just keep walking until I can’t see him anymore.

  Until I can’t feel the pain in my chest anymore.

  Until I can’t do anything but numbly put one foot in front of the other.

  How much more can I possibly take?

  SOMEONE BANGS ON MY door.

  I press pause on the Hot Pocket in the microwave and listen for a moment. My stomach grumbles and my heart aches, a combination that calls for serious overeating. The knock sounds again.

  Great.

  It’s likely Ethan, considering I just abused him, slapped him, confessed that I know, and ran.

  I probably screwed up telling him, but I don’t care.

  I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
/>
  I proceeded to come home, drink more, and now I’m eating to make things all that much worse. I know I shouldn’t, that I should probably do something productive, like write in a journal or something. Eating seems like a better idea right now, though.

  Exhaling, I ignore the knock, knowing it’s not Jo because she’s in bed asleep, and anyone else isn’t worth seeing. There isn’t one other person right now that I’d actually want to see outside of these walls. Not my family, not Tanner’s family, no one. I have all I need right here, which is incredibly sad, if you ask me.

  “Callie, I know you’re home.”

  Tanner’s thick, husky voice radiates through the door, touching my skin and making it prickle. Damn him for still having that effect on me. Sometimes, when it hurts really bad, all I want is to curl up in his arms and feel the way his strong body encloses mine. Then I remember he’s the reason for my pain, and it just makes it hurt even more.

  “Not leavin’ until you open the door.”

  Fuck.

  I walk over, alcohol giving me far more courage than I actually have. Maybe Ethan told him I know. Maybe he’s here to confront me.

  Bring it on, I say.

  Bring it the fuck on.

  I swing the front door open and am faced with a very rugged, very drunk, very gorgeous Tanner Yates.

  He stares at me, his eyes glassy, his hand resting on the door to help support that big body.

  Why is he here?

  “What do you want, Tanner?”

  My voice is snippy and short. Do I care? Absolutely not.

  He tips his head to the side. “How can you be so beautiful?” he murmurs. “I hate that you are so fuckin’ beautiful.”

  God.

  Why does he have to go ahead and say things like that? Things that make my heart ache. Things that confuse me even more than I already am. Things that make me wish, for a single second, that things were different.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “Tipsy,” he corrects, with a wave of his finger.

  I roll my eyes. “Drunk. Why are you here?”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  A not so subtle snort leaves my lip. “I’m not entirely sure why.”

  Considering you’re a sociopath currently trying to ruin my life.

  “Me either,” he says, his voice low. “I shouldn’t be here, but there is something about you ...”

  “Go home, Tanner,” I say, my voice tired, my body sore, my heart broken. “Please.”

  I go to close the door, but he stops it with his hand. “Tell me something about you, Callie. Tell me something nobody else knows.”

  I lean in close, smelling the beer on his breath, loving the way it tickles my face. Then hating myself for loving it. A range of emotions in a matter of seconds. “I’m not a liar,” I whisper.

  His eyes flash with a strange emotion, and then he says, “So you say. Tell me something else.”

  “You are.”

  I push the door, but he stops it again, narrowing his eyes. “What did you say?”

  “Go home, Tanner.”

  “I’m not goin’ home.”

  “You are.”

  “I’m not.”

  I exhale and rub my hands over my face. “I have enough going on without you being here. Please, leave.”

  “I shouldn’t be here,” he says, leaning his big body against the door. “So, tell me why the fuck I can’t stay away?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.

  He steps closer. I don’t move back, even though I know I should. I know I should move and shut the door and never look at Tanner Yates again unless I have to, and yet I can’t seem to get my legs to agree on that. I stand firmly in the spot I’m in.

  “It’s complicated,” he tells me, his voice slightly slurred. “It’s so fuckin’ complicated. Wish I could make sense of the fuckin’ mess in my head.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tanner,” I say again. “You need to go.”

  “What if I don’t want to go?” he asks, holding my eyes, making my tummy do a silly little flip flop. “What if I just want to stay here and forget everything else in the world? What if that’s all I fuckin’ want? What if you’re all I fuckin’ want?”

  “You can’t have everything you want,” I whisper.

  He steps closer, reaching up and curling his hand behind my neck. “You think I haven’t learned that by now, Callie? You think I don’t know that life is a big fuckin’ mess and never works out how you want it?”

  “I don’t know what you’ve learned, I don’t know a single thing about you, Tanner. You’re a mystery. You’re a lie.”

  He tips his head to the side. “Aren’t we all?”

  “Please,” I beg, my voice shaky. “Please leave.”

  “It’s so fuckin’ hard to stay away from you. I try, I fuckin’ try, but there is somethin’ about you ...”

  He’s killing me.

  Because I’m so conflicted.

  A huge part of me hates him and, yet, when he’s here, touching me, saying things like that, another part of me becomes confused and I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to think or how to feel. I hate it. I hate that he somehow has this effect on me, when all I want is for him to just leave, to forget about me, to stop tormenting me with these little mind games.

  “Don’t,” I plead when he leans in closer, his lips so close to mine I can feel his warm breath puffing against my face. “Don’t kiss me.”

  “I shouldn’t,” he growls. “I shouldn’t for so many reasons ...”

  “Tanner ...”

  “Fuck, Callie ...”

  He kisses me.

  Everything in my body jerks to life, and I melt against him, my lips part, and I let him in. For a small second, I forget everything else, and I let him kiss me. I let myself feel the way his hands tangle in my hair. I let myself love the way his mouth feels against mine. Then I’m reminded of who he is, and what he is, and how damned manipulative he has been. He’s here because he’s drunk, but he has made so many choices to hurt me.

  I can’t let that continue.

  “No,” I say, pulling away. Tears burn under my eyelids, and I hate that I’m crying so much lately. I hate that my emotions are becoming stronger than me. I’ve been through more than most people will ever go through in their lives, I’m stronger than this. “I can’t. I just can’t. Leave me alone, Tanner.”

  I turn and rush inside, slamming the door.

  Then I press my back to it, slide down to the floor, and cry.

  Will this ever get easier?

  8

  “I overheard them talking this morning when I went to visit Tatum,” Jo tells me, sipping her coffee and leaning over the café table a little farther so nobody hears us. “I dropped by. It wasn’t easy, considering I had to play along with his texts and chatting in the last few days, but I had to let him think we’re friends, because I needed to get some answers. So, when he invited me over for a coffee before work, I accepted.”

  “Wait, you and Tatum caught up?” I ask, scrunching up my nose.

  “I told you I was going to find out as much as I could about Chase. Tatum likes me, it made sense.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Are you sure it’s not more than that? You and Tatum, you have this weird connection ...”

  “I’m married, Callie,” she mutters.

  She might be married, but she’s also incredibly unhappy. She’s confused and she’s lost. A man like Tatum could very easily make her think she has found her way, only to send it all crashing back down around her when she realizes it’s all a lie. I don’t want her to get hurt. I don’t want her to get too close to a man like that. Tatum is just as wrong in all of this as Tanner, I just haven’t figured out exactly how yet.

  “Just be careful, honey. He likes you, that much is clear, I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t think Tatum is entirely a bad guy, but I do know you’re going through some really hard things with P
at and it can be tempting when you’re getting attention from someone as gorgeous as Tatum.”

  “I’m not a cheater,” Jo scolds. “I’m sad you think that of me.”

  I exhale. “No, no, you’re reading me wrong. I just mean when you’re in that situation, your judgement can become clouded and you can think someone is something they’re not because you’re looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re smart, Jo. I trust you. I’m just saying be careful.”

  She nods, and I feel bad, hoping I haven’t upset her. “I’ll be careful,” she says. “Anyway, do you want to know what I overheard?”

  I nod, sipping my coffee.

  “Well, I left my coat there, on purpose, of course. I wanted to see if I could catch any conversations by turning around and going back in after they thought I left. Tanner was there, as well as Andrea and Luka. I said my goodbyes and left, but then turned around ten minutes later and went back claiming to have forgotten my jacket. I walked inside, only they didn’t hear me come in. . .”

  I swallow, remembering Tanner’s visit, remembering the things he said to me, the way he kissed me, and wondering what the hell is wrong with him if he’s still planning on doing something horrible to me. Is he planning on doing something horrible? It breaks my heart to even consider it.

  I’m so stupid.

  I should have never kissed him.

  “They were arguing again over the issue with Celia. Of course, Tatum was all for calling you out, which made me angry, if I’m honest. I mean, I know it’s because he knows Chase did wrong and he’s trying to keep it hidden, but how dare he try and keep the focus on you. Anyway, Tanner was hesitant, Andrea was, too. They’re confused, I could tell by their conversation. Anyway, Tanner suggested getting proof. Maybe if they had something, to prove that Celia didn’t commit suicide, then they’d feel better about what they were doing.”

  “What sort of proof could they possibly get?” I mutter. “They already believe she didn’t do it, what else do they think they could find?”

  “That’s where it got interesting. If you’re lying, which part of them still believes you are, then they figure you’d have something to prove that. Maybe you’ve talked to someone, maybe you’ve got something that shows you are lying, I guess they’re looking for justification for what they’re doing.”