Back In My Arms Again

by Cora Lee

  “I will add it to my list of correspondence.”

  James finally seated himself in one of the upholstered armchairs Phillip kept in front of the desk for visitors. “Is the list long?”

  “Longer than I’d at first expected. It turns out there’s more to arranging a wedding than finding a vicar and speaking vows.”

  “Can I help?”

  Cecilia allowed herself a smile at that. The tone of his voice was one part polite helpfulness and one part hurt male pride. Now that he was resigned to their impending marriage, she suspected he wanted to take the lead.

  “Yes, actually. You can start working on the terms of our settlement. I’m asking my solicitor to draw up an agreement that will include three thousand pounds for the farm loan and a clause specifying that the bulk of my estate will remain in my name, under my administration. I’ve also made provisions for any children we may have—”

  He drew in a quick breath and tried to cover it with a cough. “Is that...a possibility?”

  “It’s a fairly standard clause in a marriage settlement.”

  “But how likely is it that we would have children?”

  “If you’re asking if I’m too old to bear children, the answer is no, not yet. If you want to know if I’ll be sharing your bed...” She felt warmth unaccountably rise in her cheeks. Since when did talk of a little physicality embarrass her? It wasn’t as though they hadn’t been intimate before. “I haven’t discounted the possibility. We will be married, after all.”

  James was silent for a long moment before speaking quietly. “Would you like to have children?”

  She didn’t answer right away, rising and walking around the desk as she considered. Did she want children? “I don’t know, to be honest. I’ve been a single woman so long I haven’t thought about becoming a mother in years.” Coming to a stop in front of James, she leaned against the desk and reached for his hand, hoping for a better reaction than the one she got that morning. “What about you?”

  He flinched when she touched him, but recovered quickly this time and clasped her hand in his. “I do. Though I wouldn’t be devastated if it never happened. I have a nephew to dote on, and he’ll inherit the farm one day. There will be other nieces and nephews that come along, too, I’m sure.”

  Before Cecilia realized what she was doing, she pulled James to his feet. “We agreed to tell my family we married for love, didn’t we?”

  She reached out and took his other hand, lacing their fingers together. “Then you need to appear as if you enjoy touching me.”

  His eyes widened slightly. “Do I not?”

  “You didn’t at breakfast.”

  “I used to.”

  She took a step closer, breathing in the scent of his shaving soap and skin. No cologne for James Fitzsimmons—that hadn’t changed over the years. “Then let’s see if we can bring some of that pleasure back. Or at least help us get at ease with each other again.”

  She released both his hands and he gave her a quizzical look in return. “What now?”

  “Just touch me.”

  He remained still for several seconds, his eyes trained on hers. Then he slid his arms around her and drew her gently against him, his chest rising and falling more rapidly as his breathing quickened. “It’s like the first swim of the summer, when the water’s still chilly. If you jump in all at once, it’s uncomfortable for a minute but you get used to it pretty quickly.”

  “That’s one way to do it,” she smiled, sliding her hands up his arms and resting them on his shoulders. Her heart was pounding and she was sure he could feel it, but she carried on as though she held her former lover every day. “Will you tell me about your nephew?”

  “He’s my sister’s son, ten years old come April. Very intelligent—he’s already reading up on the latest farming techniques to help increase our crop production.”

  She felt James’s arms relaxing, his hand splayed across her back. “Do you think he’d like to go to away school? Or to university when he’s older? We could set aside some money for his education.”

  “You don’t have to do that. He may very well want to receive a formal education, but his father might not like you paying for it, particularly under the circumstances.”

  “Maybe we can make it a gift, then, if his parents approve.” Cecilia felt his breaths begin to lengthen and slow, though his heart was pounding as hard as hers.

  He bowed his head and murmured in her ear, “A gift from his Aunt Cecilia? That might be better received.”

  A little sigh escaped her as she tightened her arms around him, combing her fingers through his hair. When he spoke to her like that it was almost as if they’d never parted. “Then that’s how we’ll do it. Is there anything you want in the marriage settlement?”

  “The only thing I want right now is to kiss you.”

  Wait, where did that come from? Had Mr. Eddington said something to James after she’d left the table at breakfast? Or was James daring her to take their pretence further? Either way, it felt good to be in his arms again even if it was a little different this time.

  And she dearly wanted to kiss him. “Then do it.”

  His hand released her back to stroke her cheek as his lips found hers. It was a soft kiss at first and tentative, while they each relearned the contours of the other. Then the familiarity flooded back and Cecilia opened her mouth over his, deepening the kiss the way she knew he liked. He reciprocated, wrapping his arm about her once more and squeezing her bottom.

  She broke away laughing. “Well, I supposed we’re used to each other again.”

  He leaned in and captured her lips once more. “I’d forgotten how well we did that.”

  “You’d forgotten?”

  He rested his forehead against hers. “Made myself forget. There was no use dwelling on something I could no longer have.”

  “Except now you can have it.” She pulled him down to her and gave him one more languid kiss.

  This time he broke away with a smile. “Then we might not have to make a decision about having children—it might be made for us.”

  “We’ll see,” was all she said, but her mind was whirling. She’d offered him the chance to live separate lives after their troubles were settled, but conceiving a child would change all of that.

  Or would it?

  “Do you think your family will believe we’re marrying for love?” he asked in a low voice.

  “Think of these kisses every time you look at me, every time you touch me, and no one will ever believe otherwise.”

  He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Then that’s one thing we no longer have to worry about. Shall we get your letters finished up?”

  He released her and dropped back into his chair. The distance between them felt strange after being pressed against each other, but she rounded the desk and took up her pen as she resumed her seat.

  “Is there anything you want in the marriage settlement, James?”

  His body sagged, as if the air had been let out of him. “No. Have your solicitor draw up whatever document you think is best, and I’ll sign it. I only want to keep my farm and my family safe.”

  Chapter 5

  Two weeks later, James once again sat with Cecilia discussing their impending wedding. This time, though, they were seated side by side on the sofa in the drawing room of her Hanover Square home in London.

  “Is everything at Mivart’s to your satisfaction?”

  She’d made arrangements for him to stay at Mivart’s Hotel, just a few minutes’ walk down Brook Street, until the ceremony. “Very much so. And Eddington asked me to pass along his gratitude—it was very generous of you to secure a room for him as well.”

  “I thought it would be easier for you if you had a friend here.”

  James found himself biting back a grin. “My brother-in-law said the same thing to my sister when they were wed. She traveled to his parish church for the ceremony, with my parents and I to follow a few days later. She was so nervous
, her betrothed suggested she bring a cousin or close friend to keep her company.”

  “You were never the skittish type, though.”

  “I’m not now, either.” And that was the truth. James might have misgivings about what he and Cecilia were about to do, but the settlements had been signed and the special license issued. His family’s livelihood would be safe in a matter of days, and he wasn’t about to jeopardize that.

  She smiled and turned toward him, resting her elbow on the back of the sofa. “I expected nothing less.”

  He reflexively reached for the hand that rested in her lap and gave it a squeeze. Two weeks of pretending intimacy—or as near to intimacy as two people can get with a group of guests at a house party—had made the gesture almost automatic. “I do have a whole new appreciation for would-be brides, though, particularly the younger ones. Everything is arranged for them, and not just the ceremony. Their whole future is settled by their fathers and husbands-to-be.”

  “Women often give up a lot for marriage, but they often receive a lot in return.”

  “You said ‘they.’ You don’t count yourself one of them?”

  Cecilia shook her head, the blonde curls at her temples swaying gently with the motion. “I’m in a very different position than most women. I’m giving up only my name and a little money for our marriage.”

  “You are giving up your name, aren’t you? For some reason it hadn’t occurred to me before now. Cecilia Fitzsimmons does have a nice ring to it.”

  She gave a rather unladylike snort. “You said you sympathize with brides now, perhaps you should change your name. James Maitland sounds lovely.”

  He must have given her an odd look, for she adjusted her grip on his hand and explained further. “Sometimes when a man marries an heiress or a lady with a title of her own, one of the conditions in the settlement is that he take her name, or that they hyphenate both their names. It’s meant to keep her family name from becoming subsumed by his, when it was her money or title in the first place. It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.”

  “Is that something you’d want? I don’t have a lot to give in this marriage, but I can give you your name.”

  She didn’t reply right away, casting her eyes downward for a moment before returning her gaze to his. “Thank you for that. I don’t need to keep my name, but I very much appreciate you considering it. Most men would laugh at the very idea.”

  He leaned slightly forward. “I’m not most men.”

  “That’s one of the reasons I’m marrying you.”

  “Is it?” He felt his eyes widen in surprise. “You never mentioned it before.”

  “You think I’d offer up my family and fortune to just anyone?”

  She shook her head again, and James was taken by the sudden urge to wrap one of her curls around his finger. But that act hadn’t been part of their repertoire at the house party. Nor was there anyone in the house to impress with their faux devotion to each other.

  Yet here they sat, holding hands and sharing confidences.

  He gave in and let himself tug a lock of her hair gently through the fingers of his free hand. “You don’t have a past relationship with just anyone, either. Do you?”

  The distance between them doubled without warning. “James Fitzsimmons, what kind of woman do you think I am?”

  “That’s just it, I don’t really know.” He slid closer and clasped her hand again, wanting even that little bit of skin to skin contact with her. “I didn’t mean to imply that you were anything but a proper lady. But you were so warm and open with me, I thought perhaps you’d found someone else to share that with.”

  “Only you. You had a way of making me feel important, James, and not because of who my relations are. And you made me feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. Few people have been able to do that.”

  “So I’m definitely not most men,” he smiled, taking her other hand in his. “You are certainly not most women. You made it easy to forget that our stations were so much different, to just enjoy my time with you and be myself.”

  She smiled softly. “That bodes well for our marriage, then. I know things between us will never be what they were, but perhaps we can at least be friends again.”

  Friends who also wanted to bed each other. Cecilia had told him to keep in mind the kisses they’d shared in Phillip Maitland’s study to help sell their new relationship, but James had had trouble not thinking about them. With her lips on his skin now he abruptly understood how blood could run hot, and his mind filled with images of the two of them tangled in crisp linen sheets. Tomorrow was going to be their wedding night. And they had discussed having children...

  But no. A physical relationship with Cecilia was not a complication he needed. Better to remember his family, waiting for news back in Kent, and focus on taking care of them.

  “I think I would like us to be friends again.” To his surprise, he meant it. He still hadn’t forgiven her for casting him aside so easily before, but her efforts toward securing his family and the farm had begun to melt his resolve. And things would certainly be easier between them if they could forge a friendship.

  The carriage clock on the mantle chimed the hour and Cecilia released his hands. “You should probably go. The neighbors, no doubt, took careful note of your arrival and will be watching with great anticipation for your departure. You wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation, would you?”

  The question was asked with a wink and James grinned. She used to say much the same thing to him when they were younger, meeting in secret. “No, my lady, I certainly wouldn’t.”

  He bowed over her offered hand, wondering if the kiss he placed on her fingertips heated her blood as much as her kiss had heated his. If she felt anything she gave no outward sign, but James headed back to his hotel with more vigor in his step than he’d had in some time.

  ~*~

  Cecilia’s wedding day was cold but sunny. The vicar arrived fifteen minutes early, but fortunately so did her niece Honoria, husband in tow, and the four of them settled in the drawing room with tea and coffee to await the bridegroom.

  “Congratulations, Aunt,” Honoria said, wrapping her arms around Cecilia. “I’m so happy for you.”

  “Happiness abounds for the Maitland women this winter,” Cecilia replied, hugging her niece tightly, then hugging Benedict, too. “How is my little great-niece?”

  Benedict’s smile reached almost literally from ear to ear. “As lively as her mother.”

  Honoria laughed. “She mostly sleeps and sucks on her fingers.”

  “That’s mainly what you’ve been doing since she was born,” he replied. “Minus the finger-sucking, of course.”

  “If you’d been through what I went through to bring that child into this world, you’d need a lot of rest, too,” Honoria said, swatting his shoulder.

  He caught her hand and kissed it quickly before releasing it. “It wasn’t a criticism, my love. Merely an observation.”

  Cecilia couldn’t help but smile at the two of them. She’d wondered for a long time if Honoria might follow in her own spinster footsteps, but the girl had simply been waiting for the right gentleman to come into her life. Or back into her life, in this case. Honoria and Benedict had known each other as children and only later discovered romantic feelings for one another.

  Cecilia briefly considered a possible parallel between her own situation and her niece’s, then dismissed it. Benedict and Honoria had parted amicably when Benedict sailed away to Greece to assist Lord Elgin in his preservation of the statuary there, but Cecilia’s parting from James hadn’t exactly been on good terms. They did rub along fairly well together at the house party, though. And those kisses in Phillip’s study...

  The butler announced James’s arrival and Cecilia smiled as he entered the room. He was dressed in cream breaches and a green tailcoat that matched the leaves of the flowers embroidered on his cream waistcoat. She held out her hands to him, glad she had chosen an evening dress of rose silk
rather than the plainer day dress she’d originally thought to wear.

  “Mr. Fitzsimmons.”

  He took her hands in his and kissed them both, his lips soft against her skin. “Lady Cecilia.”

  Mr. Eddington entered behind his friend and Cecilia introduced them to the assemblage before gathering everyone in front of the fireplace for the ceremony. The vicar took his place before the couple and began the ceremony. Words were spoken and promises made, then James slid a polished gold band onto Cecilia’s finger.

  “I pronounce that they be man and wife together, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

  And just like that, she and James were joined together for the rest of their lives.

  Honoria was the first to embrace her, whispering more good wishes into her aunt’s ear. But when she released Cecilia, Honoria reached for James.

  “Welcome to the family, Mr. Fitzsimmons,” she told him cheerily as she hugged him. “Or might I call you Uncle now?”

  The color rose in James’s face, tinting his skin a pink that was only a shade or two lighter than Cecilia’s gown. “You may call me Uncle if you wish,” he murmured, slipping his arms around Honoria for a moment.

  “Honoria, would you show the gentlemen into the dining room? The staff have prepared a scrumptious wedding breakfast—”

  “—and the happy couple would like a moment alone,” Honoria finished with a wink. She accepted the arm Mr. Eddington offered her and led Benedict and the vicar from the room.

  Cecilia turned to James and took his hand. “Thank you for allowing my niece some latitude. I am her father’s only sibling and her mother was an only child, so she had no uncles until today.”

  To her relief, James flashed a smile. “Well, I had no nieces until today. It may take some getting used to, but I suspect I will enjoy the addition to my family.”

  Cecilia stepped closer and lowered her voice. “Speaking of family, I instructed one of the footman to carry a message to my man of business as soon as the ceremony had concluded. Payment is being delivered to Grimsby this afternoon, with instructions to have my letter returned to this address. By the time we retire for the evening, everyone will be safe from Grimsby’s schemes.”