Shock rendered his mom speechless for all of five seconds. “Ethan. How can you say that? The poor girl ran away from home because your father accused her of trashing our house right on the back of her mother dying and you did nothing to help her. If anything, you stacked the odds against her for some petty, childish reason. You two were so close up until just before she left.”
She wiped the back of her hand over her cheek, leaving a smear of dirt on her skin. “And Rake left as well despite us wishing he’d choose a safer career. This family was so traumatized at the time. Losing both of them did nothing but make you and me question everything we’d done, every decision I made for you boys.” She shook her head. “Do you know how many nights I lay awake sick over what happened, wondering if they were both okay? Until I found out they were together, I imagined her sleeping rough under a bridge or getting stuck in with the wrong crowd and ending up in trouble. I had nightmares about it, wondering if she was going to follow the same path as her mother.”
“But she didn’t.”
“No, she didn’t. We all knew your brother could take care of himself because he was older and he did, even though I missed him like crazy. We knew he had somewhere to go, a place to stay while he chased his dream. Still, I worried about her more, even though she had Rake to look after her.” Tears swam in her eyes. “So many wasted years, Ethan. Years we’ll never get back now that he’s gone. Things we’ll never know, questions we’ll never get answered because he’s not here to tell us.”
“We all know how well he did for himself. She was okay with him.”
“That’s beside the point. I missed my son. Being a big pro boxer didn’t keep him safe, did it? And it certainly didn’t bring him home.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Not until after he died and that doesn’t count because we didn’t know she was bringing him back.”
They’d been told after the fact that his ashes had been scattered near the gym he trained at as per his wishes. It’d taken the family a long time to get over that information. Some days he didn’t think they had. That seemed to upset his mom more than finding out her son was dead. The final straw he imagined. He held out his arms and his mom leaned against him. Ethan hugged her tightly. How was she going to take the rest of his news?
“Remember I said we were doing the renovations for the Lake Hotel?”
“Yes, you did mention something about it before we went away on our vacation.” Two months away not thinking about the farm before the next cherry season started.
His folks wouldn’t get a chance to take another breath until it was all over for another year and they deserved a well-earned rest.
She pulled away and wiped her cheeks with her palms. “Is that where you saw her? Is she staying there?”
“Mari owns the place.” He waited for the response and wasn’t disappointed.
Her mouth formed an O-shape. “She does? How come nobody told us that, Ethan? Are we still being shut out of her life?”
“No, Mom. Not at all. You and Dad were away and I’ve been working in Poulson. I get the feeling she’s been trying to work up the courage to see you again. There’s a lot to try and figure out between us all and that’s why she’s come back.”
“She told you that? She’s not going to ignore us anymore?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. She wants to belong again.” He patted her on the back then pulled her close for another comforting hug.
Her voice was muffled against his shirt. “Well, that’s wonderful. I’m so proud of her for coming back even knowing how much she hurt us all. That shows guts. I loved her so much but I still want to ground her for life.” She pulled away and his heart broke at the pain in her eyes. “She still should have told me she was coming home.”
Her face crumpled and tears ran down her cheeks again. She always wore her heart on her sleeve and the mix of emotions was playing havoc with her. “After all that mother of hers put her through and what happened between us all, she deserves all the happiness she can get. We all do. A body can only take so much pain.”
“I agree and I think she’s doing okay.”
His mother wiped her face once more and ran her hands over her shirt. “Is she married again?”
“No, Mom. She’s on her own as far as I know. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow and I’ll let you know how that goes, okay, so you have as much information as you can before you go over there.”
“I’m scared, Ethan. Part of me wants to see her but I’m afraid I’m going to be angry at her and the last thing we need is more arguing. This family has had enough grief, I’m not sure I can take any more.”
*
“Mom, what’s wrong?” Noah stared at her across the table.
“Nothing, honey. Eat your dinner. You still need to do some reading for me and have your bath before bed.” Of course he’d notice her nerves.
Noah was a sensitive child, so much like his father it hurt. That was another secret she had to share and the one that scared her the most. Rake had been so good to her. Taking her with him when he found her sitting by the side of the highway with her thumb out, waiting for a lift out of Cherry Lake.
She’d climbed in his old truck and promptly burst into tears.
“What’s my little brother done to you now?” He’d asked her one question and it’d opened the floodgates to a crying fest that had lasted halfway to his destination. The other half of the journey had been Rake trying to convince her to hang with him, that he would look after her better than Ethan had.
“Why would you want to saddle yourself with me?”
He’d turned and grinned in the cocky way he had that made the local girls weak at the knees. “Because, my mom brought me up to be kind and I know how she feels about you. Hell, I’ve caused her enough grief by leaving and I’m pretty sure knowing you’ve gone too will just about kill her. My folks and I might disagree over most things but if she ever found out I hadn’t looked after you, she’d skin me alive.” It was the wink he threw her way that convinced her she was making the right move. Full of confidence and bravado, with a good dash of kindness, something she needed right then.
Mari had wiped at her tears and laughed for the first time in weeks. Rake had always been kind to her and he made her feel safe. “Thank you. I could do with a friend right now.”
She blinked, brought herself back to the present. She had to tell Noah the truth. It was only fair and only one of the promises she’d made to Rake.
“Sweetheart, I need to tell you something.” Mari chose her words. “You know I’ve mentioned your dad’s family lives here, right?”
He nodded his head.
“Well, I saw someone today that you’re going to meet very soon and things are going to get a little bit awkward.” And possibly fiery and nasty and I don’t know how the heck I’m going to protect you from the words that will get thrown around, especially at me. I’m a fool for ever agreeing with Rake. It would have been so much easier to stay away and not tell anyone the truth.
But as much as the thought of coming clean stuck in her throat, Mari had to tell Ethan he had a child. If she’d known before she ran that the one night they’d shared would result in a pregnancy, she never would’ve left.
Rake had taken it in stride. “I guess you have two choices then. Go back and face Ethan or stay here and marry me. I’ll look after you, Mari. I promise we can have a good life together.” He’d reached for her hand. “We get on well, balance each other out. I’m cool with what we have.”
She’d been almost six months along before she’d made the decision to marry him. Ethan had made his position clear in their last heated argument. One day out of the blue, he’d informed her he didn’t want to get married to her nor did he plan on having children any time soon, if ever and the hopes and dreams they’d shared were no longer important to him. Those had been his words and they’d been the deciding factor in her decision. It didn’t seem right to go back and announce she was having his child, giving him no choice but to take
her and the baby on. That wasn’t the kind of life she wanted for either of them. Standing in front of the judge taking her vows with Rake, she was convinced she was doing the right thing.
Now she wasn’t so sure. Noah listened without a word until she’d finished.
“So Dad wasn’t really my dad?” Tears filled his eyes.
“Honey, Dad was your dad in every sense of the word. He raised you and loved you from the minute you were born. Nobody can take that away from you. But Ethan is your biological father. You both have the right to know that.”
He hung his head down and fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. “Does this mean I have to go and live with him? What if I don’t like him or he doesn’t like me?”
“That’s something we’ll have to deal with when it happens. I’m pretty sure we can work something out, Noah. Your father and his family are good people.”
He raised his eyes to hers. “How come you didn’t marry him then?”
“It wasn’t our time, honey.”
Chapter Three
Mari was waiting downstairs when Ethan arrived early the next morning. Her palms were sweating and she had a tension headache that threatened to split her skull in two. After she’d settled a confused child to bed last night, she’d lain awake knowing she had no choice but to put all her cards on the table. Ethan had to know and the sooner the better. She’d already left it far too long.
She’d dropped Noah off to her sister Bella’s early so she could get him to school, giving Ethan and Mari some uninterrupted time to discuss everything. When he drove into the back parking lot, her heart pounded. You’ve got this, stay calm. Easier said than done. If she’d ever felt like passing out from stress, this would be it.
“Mari.” Ethan climbed out of his truck just as a larger vehicle pulled in behind him. His team had arrived as well. She hadn’t even thought of them being here while she told him about Noah. Foolish. Guilt made her sloppy. “Everything okay to start work? You look a little troubled.”
“Yes, yes, that’s fine. Sorry to pounce on you before you start but could we talk?”
He glanced at his team. “Can you guys go ahead and unload and I’ll be with you shortly. Ben, this is Mari, the hotel owner. Mari, meet Ben, my foreman. You two will be seeing a fair bit of each other.”
She smiled, held out her hand. “Nice to meet you.” His big hand engulfed hers and gave it a shake.
“Likewise.” He turned to the back of the truck and started unloading gear as Ethan followed her inside.
She led him upstairs and inside the apartment. “Please, have a seat.” Mari stood with her back to the kitchen counter, closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing.
“Are you okay? If this is about the job, maybe we should call in Christian. He deals with the financial side of things and…”
“Ethan, I have a child. A little boy. His name is Noah.” She stared at him to gauge his reaction.
He stared at her with his mouth open. “I have a nephew and you never bothered to tell us?” He stood up, pushed away from the table, and turned away from her. “What did we do to you that makes us deserve this, Mari? Mom should have been told she had a grandchild, don’t you think? I can understand you being bitter with me and Dad, but Mom? That’s just, just unbelievable.”
“Yes, and that’s why I’m telling you now.”
He threw his hands up in the air and scoffed. His mood had changed as soon as she mentioned the word child.
“Oh, please. You only told me because you knew I’d find out.” Ethan glared at her. “I guess I was right back then. I made the right decision dumping you, didn’t I? We never would have been good together if this is what you’re capable of.”
The pain of his words whipped up and lashed at her heart but she swallowed them down regardless of how much they hurt. “I employed you so you would find out. I wanted you to know, Ethan, and having you do the work on the hotel made it so I couldn’t not tell you. It was my failsafe method in case I panicked.” She swallowed again and forced the words out before her throat closed over. “He’s your son.”
*
He slumped against the chair, all the air sucked from his body. His son? What on earth did she mean?
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner but it didn’t work out when I tried.” Tears ran freely down her cheeks.
“My son?” He couldn’t fathom what she was saying.
“When I left I didn’t know I was pregnant.”
“But…”
“After the way you broke up with me and the things you said…”
“But my son?”
“The thought of coming back and going to jail while I was pregnant… She couldn’t finish the sentence, wiped a shaking hand over her face, and sucked in a shuddering breath.
Ethan was torn between his own pain at finding out about his child and the difficult decision she’d had to make while he’d been oblivious to it all.
“When we found out, Rake offered two choices. He would arrange for me to come back here or he would marry me.” Mari reached for a tissue from the top of the refrigerator and blew her nose. “After many sleepless nights, I knew I couldn’t come back. The risk was too great. Besides, you’d made your position clear, Ethan. You wanted nothing more to do with me and I wasn’t going to force you to make a situation you wanted no part of.”
“But we were kids. What I said was in the heat of the moment.” He wanted to plead with her to understand but it was too late. She’d made the decision without him and laid the blame firmly at his feet where it perhaps totally belonged. How was he going to deal with this?
“In a way you were right. We were too young to get so serious. Who knows what you want to do at eighteen, nineteen? You had things you wanted to do and I would’ve been a hindrance to you. Besides, you made it clear that children weren’t in your future, and neither was I.”
“Don’t you think I should have known? Even if you didn’t want to be with me, you owed me that much.” Too many times he’d thought over that night and the words he’d said to her. He’d been petty and mean but something had burst inside him, made him angry and he’d taken it out on her. “I don’t blame you for hating me, but this—I didn’t deserve this.”
She shook her head. “I never hated you, Ethan. Yes, what you said was cruel and unforgivable but I never hated you. I tried to get in touch but you ignored me. What was I supposed to do?” Her voice had risen and bordered on hysterical.
“You never got in touch. Don’t you think I would’ve come and brought you home if I’d known you were going to have my child? What kind of asshole do you take me for?”
“I messaged you twice and both times you ignored me. I tried calling but you didn’t answer the phone either. What the heck was I supposed to think? I did what I thought was best.”
He’d never seen her so fired up but then, he felt like he hadn’t really known her at all.
Ethan walked over to her. “I never got any messages. Are you sure you sent them to me or is this your way of covering your butt?”
The look of astonishment in her eyes said it all. He could be such an idiot at times and it looked as though this was one of the best yet. Mari took her old cell phone from her back pocket. She scrolled through the messages and turned it around for him to see.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:58 p.m. “Ethan we need to talk. Pls. xoxo”
He raised his eyes to hers, hated the way the tears trickled down her cheeks. He looked back at the phone.
August 1st, 2008 at 6:48 a.m. “Ethan, pls, talk to me. I need to tell you something important.”
“I didn’t get these, I swear.” He swallowed hard.
The lump in his throat was more than mere disappointment. It was regret mixed with a hefty dose of reality. She was telling the truth.
“I didn’t want to ruin your life any more than I already had. I wanted you to have a good life, not be saddled down with a drug addict’s daughter and a child you didn’t want.” She grabbed another
tissue. “I thought I had the right to a decent life too and your brother offered me that. I’d have been a fool to say no to him.”
Chapter Four
They managed to call a truce for the day and Ethan went back to work, but not before telling her he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but the fact that he’d had a son he didn’t know. He looked as though he was shattered and appeared like a zombie staggering around the jobsite while his brain spun uselessly over and over.
But Mari didn’t want him to meet Noah like this. He had to get himself under control and process the news. He had a lot to think about and no headspace for any of it. Mari urged him to take his time. She wanted him more settled before he met Noah so she kept out of his way until later in the day when the school bus was due to stop outside the hotel. Mari walked out and waited in the shade for her son. He was so nervous about meeting his father when she dropped him at her sister’s that morning, she wanted to reassure him.
His face was pressed against the glass as the bus pulled up. She smiled at him hoping to waylay his fears. He came clomping down the stairs and dragged his backpack over to where she waited. “Noah, it’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”
“Is he going to take me away?”
She crouched down and pulled him close, willing the emotions to settle down. It was a very real possibility but she didn’t think Ethan would go that far. But when people were hurt, anything could happen.
It was a risk she had to take. “No, honey. But he does want to meet you. In fact, he’s inside working now. Are you up to it?” She wanted him to think he had some say in the process.
“I guess.” He looked toward the back door. “Is that him?”
Mari looked over Noah’s shoulder. “Yes. That’s your father.” She stood up and took his hand. “Come on, let’s do this together.”
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