Chapter Thirteen
“Can you honestly tell me that you don’t hold any bitterness toward me, Ethan, for leaving like I did?”
He looked at her for so long, apprehension crept up his spine. “Honestly? No. No, I can’t.” Ethan dropped his gaze and looked down at his hands. “I thought if you ever came back I’d forgive you. Figured I’d be so excited to see you nothing else would matter. I tried. But I can’t seem to hit the finish line. It’s like I stall a couple of yards out. The old hurt seems to be creeping back in.” He looked away. “Stupid because I understand why you did it. Hell, I even applauded you at the time even though it broke my heart but I can’t seem to let go of the pain I felt then. It’s snuck back in just enough to let me know it’s there and I can’t make it go away.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say. Back then, I didn’t think I had any choice. It was self-preservation. If I stayed here, I knew I was going to die or get run out of town. I chose to go under my own steam. You were otherwise occupied anyway, remember?”
He turned his head and stared at her, seeing the pain in her eyes. “I know but I wish you could have talked to me. All this dancing around each other would’ve been unnecessary.”
“Is that what we’re doing? Dancing?”
“Trying hard not to upset the balance then. How do you see it?”
Mari looked down the bleachers and watched her son take another kick. The ball went wide and missed the goal. She waved at him when he looked her way. “You have no idea how many times I argued with myself over that very thing.” Here was her opportunity to tell him the truth but would she take it? “But no matter how many times I wanted to do that, I’d remember what Jeff said, the way he looked at me. I knew that I’d never be welcome here, regardless of what you or Pearl said. Jeff would always go out of his way to make my life hell and I was over it. My own mother did her best dragging me down there and I’d had enough of being treated like crap. I wasn’t going to let your father make it worse.”
He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I understand that. But if I’d known, don’t you think I’d have stood up for you?”
A sad smile emerged. “I tried to tell you. But you couldn’t have done anything, Ethan. He was your father.”
“But Rake could?” Bitterness flowed from his words.
“He was different, older.”
And not scared of their father. He swallowed. Bitterness didn’t taste any better now than it did back then. “Did he tell you why he left?”
Mari licked her lips, now wasn’t the time although it was tempting. “We didn’t discuss it.”
“But you know why?”
She moved across her seat to face him. “I have an idea but it’s not something I feel happy talking about, especially not knowing the whole story and not talking to the other party involved. They deserve to hear what I have to say first. Nothing good can come of me telling you anyway. Promised you I’d tell you when I could and I will.” Mari gave him a shaky smile but it didn’t do anything to put his mind at ease.
“So leaving me without answers for the last ten years was? You and Rake had it easy, you know that?” He swore. Uncharacteristic for Ethan. “I wanted to go and find you both but I had Mom to look out for. Dad was so angry and I didn’t think it would do her any good if I went too.” He heaved a sigh. “I didn’t feel I could leave her alone with him. Not once he found Rake gone and put two and two together.”
“I thought he would have figured it out anyway. Both leaving on the same day.”
He shrugged.
“I’m sorry.” Her words did little to smother the hurt he felt right now. All the pain of that night came back to smack him in the face. All because he felt trapped by her love and retaliated without thinking it through.
“Perhaps we shouldn’t get too close. I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to try and make things right, Mari. I do and not just because of Noah. You see, I don’t thing we ever got to be the people we could have been together and I blame myself for that. I still want that for us but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do if these issues aren’t put to bed. You and Rake must have had something good together. You did, right?”
She dropped her head, hiding her face from view. “Your brother was complicated.”
Complicated? What the heck did that mean?
“Rake was driven to be the best. Sometimes I think he had something to prove and not just to himself.”
Ethan snorted. “Sounds about right. He was always reaching for that next level, never happy with what he’d already achieved. I’ve never seen anyone so focused as he was.”
She tucked her hair around her ear and glanced sideways at him, a smile curving her lips. The double lines at the edges of her mouth deepened. They’d always fascinated him.
“I know your dad had something to do with it but Rake wouldn’t talk about him. Jeff’s name was a dirty word in our house.” She clapped when Noah scored a goal. “Woo-hoo, go you!”
“He miss Rake?”
“Yes and no. He was too young to understand a lot of what happened. Rake was sick off and on for a long time before he died. He refused to admit to it most of the time and tried to pretend it wasn’t anything to worry about. Then when he did accept his diagnosis, he spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital before he finally took his life. So Noah didn’t get a whole lot of time with him in the last year or so.”
“That sucks.” He clasped his hands together, sucked in a breath, the question he wanted to ask bursting on his tongue. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have come, you know that.”
Mari stared at him, pain etched on her face. “Rake… Rake didn’t want anything to do with the family. He forbade me from calling anyone, especially you.”
“But why? My brother and I were best friends growing up. I don’t get it.” Frustration and pain sharpened his words. “I’d understand it if we didn’t get on as kids but we did.” It wasn’t fair. The brother he adored had shut him out of his life and for what reason? Only she knew and she wasn’t saying. “I would have been there for him. For both of you.”
“I told him that but it didn’t make any difference. It all became too much for him and it wasn’t worth fighting when he was in a mood.” She straightened up and her defenses settled around her. He knew the look when Mari shut down.
Had he pushed too much too soon? “But you know why, right?”
“This isn’t going to achieve anything, Ethan. Hashing over all the pain will do nothing but hurt everyone involved. Please, just leave it and move on.”
Move on? Not easy when he’d waited most of his adult life for answers. “Does it really mean that much to you?”
“It does.”
By the look on her face, he wasn’t sure if he believed her or not but it looked like he didn’t have any choice. At least, not at the moment. It might be safer to ask her later when they’d gotten over the awkward stage of trusting each other again and she’d dealt with whatever it was she wasn’t talking about. She was stubborn but also honest and fiercely loyal. If it was something Rake didn’t want known, she wasn’t going to tell anyone. It left him with no choice if he wanted her in his life.
“Mari, I don’t know how to deal with this now that I’ve had time to let it sink in. I thought I was good with it. You coming back and our past. The things you won’t say that I need to hear. I don’t know what the future holds for us.” He reached for her hand. “But I’d like to see if we can get something back. Even if it’s just best friends for now. I missed you, I really missed us. What do you say?”
“You’ll always be special to me, Ethan. You were my best friend growing up and that won’t change, no matter what’s happened in the past.”
Chapter Fourteen
“I wish you’d stop worrying about him and enjoy yourself.” Bella nudged her sister and picked up her glass of wine, leaned in to whisper into her ear. “You have a really h
ot guy here giving you puppy dog eyes and you’re worried about something that happened when you were a teenager? Ignore the old fool. Everyone else does.”
Mari was thrilled her sister, Jake, and Cory had all decided to join them for dinner but it didn’t take her mind off what had happened this afternoon as much as she’d hoped it would. And with her conversation with Ethan still foremost in her mind, she was easily distracted. “Really? The way Jeff was talking he was well liked and could easily ruin things for me.”
“Not according to my sources. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he does a great job with his cherry farm but he’s a bit of a grouch. People put up with him because of Pearl and Ethan.”
“It’s not fair to them.” She fiddled with the stem of her wineglass. None of this was fair on any of them and now she knew Ethan doubted her and wanted answers she couldn’t give him. If she continued to hold out, would things ever get back to the way they were or would there always be a thread of tension between them?
“No, it’s not, but it’s not right that you blame yourself either. If the silly old fool wants to be grumpy all his life, let him. It’s not your fault. You had a good reason to run and it’s in the past. For goodness’ sake. You need to move on and live your life.”
Ethan leaned into the other side of her. “Listen to your sister. She’s talking sense.”
The smile he gave her almost took away the guilt she held close. But not quite, not knowing how much her actions had hurt him. It seemed he had trouble moving on as well so she felt vindicated having reservations. “If I hadn’t come back to Cherry Lake, you’d all be living your normal quiet lives. Now I’ve set the cat among the pigeons just by being here. I don’t want that kind of family tension for you or Pearl, Ethan.”
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, kissed the top of her head in the same way he always used to. “So long as you’re thinking about me, I don’t care what he does.”
“Ethan.” He said that in front of friends after their conversation today?
He feigned shock. “What? I mean it. We go way back, you and me.” He didn’t let go of her and Mari quite enjoyed the feeling apart from the looks she was getting from her sister. Looks of content and I told you so.
“Yes, but…”
“No buts. We’re tight. I can feel it. And don’t forget what we share between us.” He looked at Noah sitting with Cory and frowned. “Unless you don’t want to be seen to be, ah, friendly with me.”
“I’m not sure what I want, to be honest.” Thinking about a relationship had been rather nice until this afternoon. Now she felt it would be too much hassle especially with the trust issues between them not settled. “We still have issues to deal with. Trust issues on both sides.”
Ethan tipped her chin up, turned her face toward him. “I can see you overthinking things again. You forget how well I know you.”
“I’m not sure I’m worth the hassle, Ethan. Jeff’s not forgiven me nor will he be likely to forget. I can’t have him blaming you or your mother for things that aren’t your fault.” She smiled at Noah who paused in his chatter with Cory to watch her.
“And I won’t let him blame you anymore for your mother’s mistakes. I’ve had time to think and it’s time to deal with it and I will.” He pulled her close again. “Don’t you worry yourself over it. I’ll deal with my father.”
Jake looked over. “And I’ll be right behind him.”
“See, told you. Knight in shining armor.” Bella giggled and picked up her menu when the waitress approached their table for their orders, quickly scanning the Sunday offerings. “What can possibly go wrong?” She smiled at the young girl. “What do you recommend?”
*
Ethan thought about it later that night when he lay in bed. He couldn’t deny the feelings he held for Mari. More mature now, she still made his heart flutter when she looked at him with her lazy soft smile. Perhaps it was more forced now or maybe the past had taken some of the shine from it but he had to admit, even he wasn’t as relaxed as he was back then.
The moon streamed a line of milky white in through his bedroom window onto the dark wood-paneled wall of the old worker’s cottage he’d taken over on the cherry farm where he’d grown up. He’d convinced his parents to let him take it over when it was obvious he had a knack for building and renovating. The rundown building housed nothing more than squirrels and mice for the last few years when the workers changed from wandering young people to older adults with their own RV’s in search of part-time work while traveling the country.
At last he had his own space away from the tension-filled home he’d grown up in. More than once he’d wished his mom would put her foot down, demand more respect from his father, but that hadn’t happened. The older Ethan got, the more reluctant he was to interfere in their relationship, preferring to keep his distance and leave them to it. After years of watching them bicker, it was nice to have the peace and quiet of his little space.
Now that could change. But there were things he needed to deal with. They’d always been there of course. The questions that dogged him when Mari and then Rake left without him. The fears he couldn’t get answers to. Was he going to be able to put those to rest now or was it best to let things slide?
That was what was keeping him awake now. He threw back the blanket and sat up. The questions still niggled. Still made him uneasy. But what if he pushed until she answered and he didn’t like what he heard? Mari had every right to privacy. He got that. And it shouldn’t have any bearing on their relationship now but it did. No matter how much he tried to let it slide, he couldn’t.
Ethan stood up and walked over to the window. He leaned on the window ledge and pressed his head on the cool glass. They were children back then. Everyone made mistakes, didn’t they? Mistakes they regretted, mistakes they forgot about because they weren’t that big a deal. If he pursued his questions, would he push her away? He couldn’t bear to think of losing her again. The awkward first date vibe that hung around them for the first couple of weeks had faded and they were comfortable with each other again.
He could even wrap his arms around her without the little flitter of fear crossing over her eyes. Noah had taken to Ethan and treated him like a favorite uncle and he hoped that soon they’d be able to get even closer. Pearl had slipped into the role of grandma like she was born to it. Did he really want to upset all of that so he could drag up the past and what might or might not have been his fault?
Chapter Fifteen
The next couple of weeks flew by as Ethan and the team brought the job to a close. He’d gotten closer to Noah and ended most days with him if even for only a few minutes checking out the job’s progress. He found the quiet times with Mari over a coffee gave him so much insight about the last ten years of her life. She’d opened up about her job, the career she’d built, and what it had meant to give it all up to come back and honor Rake’s last wishes.
He fell for her more each day. Her easygoing nature still shone through. Even when put on the spot, Mari managed to deflect any negativity and put her best foot forward. He’d felt proud when another wedding had been booked and inquiries increased. The interest in the old hotel as a venue made him think his brother was cleverer than Ethan imagined.
And now the job was done. How was he going to cope tomorrow when he headed off to another site? Mari wouldn’t be there to offer him coffee or a ready smile to brighten his day. He was going to have to stop in regularly and see them. He wouldn’t be able to go without his feel-good fix every morning and afternoon when Noah bounced down the stairs and greeted him.
The biggest question now was, where to from here for the three of them?
Ethan tossed the last tool bag in the back of his truck and turned back to the hotel. The men had already left and gone back to the yard but he wanted to clean up more before he called Mari down to go over the job. It’d turned out to be a beautiful room, just as he’d imagined. Now the two ballrooms were merged into one with the rotten ce
ilings rebuilt with new beams, he could breathe a sigh of relief.
Mari had been upset about the extra work but pragmatic as well. With such an old building, it was impossible to tell how much needed to be done until they were into it and she understood that. But now it was finished, she’d be able to decorate it like the photos she’d shown him. Make it bride-worthy and finally announce to the world she was open for business.
Rake had done well setting her up before he died. His brother always did have a sense of right and wrong even when he hid his sensitive side beneath his tough exterior. Pity he hadn’t thought to reach out to his family before it was too late. Ethan would have loved a chance to catch up and try to make amends for whatever he’d done that earned him the silent treatment.
“Ethan, you’re finished.” Her breathless voice echoed in the ballroom as she hurried in. Mari stood looking up at the ceiling, a joyful smile on her lips. “It’s perfect. Just like I imagined.” She wrapped her arms around her waist and closed her eyes. Her feet jiggled and she screwed up her face. An excited “yes” burst from her lips before she started laughing.
“So glad you’re pleased.” He watched her with amusement, the depressing thoughts of a moment ago brushed to the back of his mind. He’d kept her out of the room the last week insisting she’d appreciate the finished product better that way. It seemed he was right to surprise her.
“Oh, you have no idea.” She wiped a finger under her eyes, brushing away the hint of a tear. “I was so scared this wouldn’t come together.”
“Why?”
She gave him a quick glance and jammed her hands in her jeans pockets. “Because as much as your brother thought I could do it, I wasn’t entirely convinced I had it in me to go for something this big and involved.”
“But you had a good business in LA. Why should that change just because you moved back here?”
The Moore Sisters of Montana: The Complete Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 58