“Mari said he didn’t want me to feel guilty that I knew who my father was and he didn’t. Is that why you were always so hard on him, because he wasn’t yours?”
Jeff turned, a thunderous look on his face. “I was hard on your brother because he needed it. Not because he might not be my son. Regardless of whether or not he was, I treated you both the same.”
“No. You didn’t. You gave him hell, especially when he got to high school and wanted to box. You hounded him until he couldn’t take it anymore.” All the anger and pain he felt over losing his brother rose to the surface. “It’s your fault he ran away and I got left behind. If I’d known they were leaving, believe me, I’d have joined them rather than stay here and put up with your bullshit.”
Jeff dropped the grease gun and turned his guilt-ridden face toward Ethan. “He had some fool ideas of how to go about hitting the big time. I wanted him to ease into it but there was no telling him once he put his mind to it.”
“And look what happened. He never spoke to us again. Wouldn’t it have been better to go along with what he wanted rather than what we ended up with?”
“Maybe, but you never know how it’s going to go, do you? You do what you think’s right at the time and it can still blow up in your face.”
“So none of this had anything to do with him not being yours then?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Raising kids isn’t easy but you wouldn’t know about that. Your brother raised your son. How do you feel about it? Cheated, hurt? Do you even know if you’re going to have any say in his life now that he’s living here?”
*
Had she told Ethan too much? Guilt circled her all morning while she cleaned the ballroom. She’d promised Rake that she’d tell his father everything first but something about Ethan last night made her spill that little snippet of information before talking to Jeff. She regretted it because it’d rocked him. That much was obvious but it was too late now. When he found out what else she had to say, he was going to regret asking, she was sure of it.
“Mari.” April’s voice rang out as she walked in the back door of the hotel. “Where are you?”
“In here.” She threw her cleaning rag into the bucket and held her arms wide as April bounced in.
“Wow. Just wow.” April gave her a hug and then spun around, looking at the room. Her gaze went to the ceiling, a shudder rippled over her shoulders. “That looks so much better without your feet hanging through it.”
“Certainly does. They did a great job, didn’t they?” The sun shone through the open stained glass windows, throwing shafts of light over the polished wooden floorboards.
“It’s fabulous, but we knew it would be.” April walked over to the window and looked out before turning back. “So, what did you want me to do?”
“I need to decorate the room so I can take photos for the website and I need your help.”
“Tell me what kind of look you’re after.” She stood in the middle of the room with her eyes closed.
“Bridal. Whimsical. I want pretty but sensual, dreamy but fresh. Does that make sense? I want something different to what I’ve had before. You’ve seen my website.”
“I have. Let me think.” She stood for a moment, a smile on her lips as something came to her. “I’m seeing a table set for two in the middle of the room. The lights low but lots of candles on the floor at different levels behind the bride and groom. Crystal on the table, the light shining through the bubbles of the champagne. Maybe the two of them dancing in the foreground.” She opened her eyes. “That photo of Dakota’s Christmas tree. Could we recreate that tree in the corner of the room?”
Mari could see where this was going. “Yes, I believe we could. I’m sure Dakota would help us. She still has that gorgeous angel tree topper at her house.”
“That’s it then. Since this is going to be a destination wedding venue, you need to focus on what you can give here that you couldn’t in LA. According to David, Cherry Lake does snow very well. Since winter will be sneaking up on us soon, why not go with that? You can always change the photos later to something by the lake when the seasons change. A beach wedding theme for summer but we can look at that idea later.”
Thank goodness for April and her forward thinking. “You’ve nailed it, kiddo. That’s exactly what I want.”
“Cool. When you’ve finished cleaning and want my help setting up, give me a shout.”
They both looked up as footsteps sounded coming through the back door. Ethan appeared in the doorway. The look on his face made her stomach clench.
April screwed up her face, signaling her immanent departure. “Gotta go. Talk later.” She scurried out and left them alone.
Chapter Eighteen
“Am I ever going to be able to have any say in my son’s life?” He should have led up to it, not blurted out the question. It wasn’t as though she was trying to keep them apart. Quite the contrary, but still, not having control of the situation was digging at him.
“I’m sorry. What are you talking about?”
Ethan should have planned it better, spoken the words in a softer tone. Warmed her up to the discussion they needed to have, that he desperately wanted to get over and done with so he knew where he stood in Noah’s life.
“Noah. He’s my son. I want to know if you have any intention of me having a decent say in his life. You’ve had him for ten years making all the decisions. I want to know if I get a chance to have my say now?”
“Ethan. What do you think we’ve been doing lately? I’ve involved you in his life. We’ve done things together, talked about Noah’s future. I’m hoping we can move slowly so he doesn’t freak out. A lot’s changed for him in the last few years.”
“I get that but here’s the thing. Regardless of the reasons, you kept him to yourself for ten years. I want to know if you’re going to give me a chance to be a real father or, despite what you’ve been saying, are you planning on being his only parent?” He should back off now before things got out of hand but he couldn’t stop himself. All the questions he wanted to ask her and the horrible thought of her cutting him out was enough to open the flood gates.
“How can you question me after the way we’ve been getting on lately?”
“Look, don’t go getting upset. I’m sorry if I didn’t say it right but here’s the thing. Noah is my son. I desperately want to have some say in his life, some control. I need to know that you won’t try and block me if I want to take him away or spend time without you around. Some man-to-man time.”
“Why would you think that?” She tilted her head and stared at him. “Ethan, have you been talking to your father about me?”
“Why on earth would you think that?” He avoided eye contact with her.
“Because you’re sounding exactly like you did when you broke up with me, that’s why. The same attitude, the same tone.”
“No, you’re overreacting.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. You’d tell me if you were thinking of suing for custody, wouldn’t you?”
How could she’ve known that exact idea had been lurking in his mind? No, he didn’t want to take Noah away from Mari but when the idea had first poked up its ugly head, he’d told himself it was because he was feeling left out of his son’s life and was only thinking ahead in case things didn’t go well between them. He never should’ve started this conversation without thinking it through better. That was what happened when his father put ideas into his head.
Obviously his silence spoke volumes because all the color drained from her face. “How could you? I came back here so you would get to know him, Ethan. Not for you to try and take him away from me.”
“I never said I was going to do that.” It was too late now to try and back down. How to save the situation was going to be the thing.
“But the thought had crossed your mind, hadn’t it?”
It was hard to deny it. “Yeah, it had.”
“Leave now before I
lose control and start screaming.”
“Mari, if we could…if you would just listen to reason.”
“I said get out.”
He’d never seen such pain and betrayal in her eyes before. Not even when her mother had done her best to cause mayhem between them. Not when he broke her heart and told her he didn’t want anything to do with her again. That had caused her to run. How could he not have thought this through better instead of just blurting it out? He’d just taken stupid to a whole new level.
He reached for her. Nothing today had gone the way he thought it would. But Ethan had to know the truth. “Would you have kept him from me if things had worked out different when you told me the truth?”
Her chest heaved and the tears trickled down her now pale cheeks. “How could you ever think I’d do that to you? What kind of woman do you take me for?”
“Please, after everything you’ve done and all the secrets you’re keeping? What’s one more in your book? Look, I don’t blame you for some of it but he’s my son. I have to know how much of a future Noah and I would have together, especially if you and I don’t see eye to eye.”
“Get out now before I have you thrown out.”
Ethan wasn’t ready to give up. “Please tell me.”
She dashed away the tears, took a threatening step forward. “Why? Are you going to try and take him from me if I don’t let you have what you want, take me to court? Jeff put you up to this, didn’t he? To get back at me. You’re more like him than you know, Ethan. And I thought I understood you. I was so wrong.”
Surely she didn’t believe that? Was it too late to calm the conversation or had he ruined everything between them? “No. That’s not what I’m trying to do. You know how much you mean to me, both you and Noah, but it’s niggling at me. And after what you told me last night, I started thinking about what we had together and I wondered if we really did have a future together? If we don’t, where does that leave me and Noah? Is that really too much to ask for?” He walked closer but this time she took a step away from him. He had his answer.
“I’ve never lied to you, not once. That was a promise we made each other years ago and I’ve kept that promise. Friendships are built on trust, Ethan. Relationships are too. It’s pretty obvious that you made the right decision years ago and no matter how much we try to kid ourselves we could go back to the past and pick up where we left off it won’t happen. So, I’ll tell you again. Leave, now.” The shutters came down on her eyes.
He’d blown it. Well and truly lost any chance he might have had of making a go of it with the only woman who’d ever given him sleepless nights. The truth was, he believed Mari would never keep Noah and him apart but people changed when their backs were against the wall. Who was to say he and Mari would never have a falling out over Noah but what if they did? What if she decided to leave Cherry Lake again and took his son with her? Would he have any chance of being in Noah’s life? After losing the first ten years, Ethan wasn’t prepared to find out. Even if it meant blowing what chance he had of having a relationship with Mari, he had to be sure of his son’s future.
To say it out loud would make him sound needy and disrespectful of his brother and the job he’d done raising him. He’d caused enough pain for one day without adding to it.
“I’m sorry you feel that way but it’s important to me. You’re holding secrets you won’t share. If we can’t be honest with each other, what chance do we have?”
“If we can’t trust each other, secrets included, even when I’ve promised to let you know when I can, what chance do we have?”
*
Thinking about falling into a relationship with him hadn’t been the wisest thought she’d had but at the time, it felt right. They had history, which had to mean something. At least that was the excuse she told herself when she questioned the wisdom of it all. And she’d been alone for too long now. She ached for someone to hold her, to comfort her and he was the only person she knew would be able to take away the pain.
She’d seen him almost every day for weeks while they were doing the renovations on the ballroom, and it’d been easy to get into the habit of spending time with him. Every day more and more memories came back to remind her of what they had before. Memories that made it seem like the relationship would work for them again.
The odd dinner in their apartment when Noah kindly offered the invitation without her prior knowledge, not that she’d say no anyway. The moments when he’d pop into her office on the pretext of asking her advice or informing her of their progress and staying beyond the time the other workers left of an evening. The “casual” appearance at a family dinner she was attending that one of her sisters had organized and thought to invite him.
Mari had sat Noah down again after the visit from Pearl and asked if he had any questions about his family. He knew Pearl was his real grandmother. Noah had taken it without question from the very beginning and they were great together. “Cool. So that means Ethan is my real dad and I have a grandfather too. Right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“So when can I see Granddad then? He wants to see me, doesn’t he?”
It’d been up to her to explain away Jeff and that left a sour taste in her throat but Noah seemed happy with her explanation that he was still hurting over losing Rake.
Pearl had managed to visit most Sundays too much to Noah’s joy and that helped smooth her guilt at the deception she’d carried on. He loved having Grandma Pearl around. The hardest part was fobbing off the questions he asked about her not being there when he was little. Distance and his father’s career seemed to cover it for now but there was no doubt things would change when he got older and thought more about it. She’d deal with that when the time came, but at the moment, she had enough on her plate.
And now that was all put in jeopardy because she couldn’t bring herself to break her promise to Rake. Jeff still refused to talk to her and instead of being relieved at not having to confront him with the news, it was digging at her. She’d try one more time and if he didn’t want to talk to her she would go out to the cherry farm and confront him. Then she’d try and salvage what she could of the relationship between her and Ethan.
It’d been nice to feel wanted again. She couldn’t deny that but with that commitment would come the questions and she’d been right. It was inevitable, but still, Mari wasn’t ready to open her heart and tell Ethan his brother’s darkest secrets. Not yet. Not until she was sure they would all be able to deal with them. The first one hadn’t gone down well. The next one might break the family apart and they were already on thin ice. She didn’t want to be responsible for wrecking everything. But she wasn’t ready for Ethan to destroy what trust they still had either.
Rake should have thought what would happen if everything went wrong but, at the time, she didn’t want to throw that hammer into the works. Returning with Noah to Cherry Lake was the only thing that kept him going at the end.
She and Rake had a good life together. It didn’t have the passion she might have had with Ethan but they were good for each other. He was caring and looked after her when she needed it most. She gave him something to come home to, to focus on while he strived to be the best he could be and to prove to himself that he could go to the top of his game with sheer determination.
Noah was the thread that bound them together. The thread they both clung to when Rake was first diagnosed and the reason he kept fighting when he’d been told it wouldn’t do any good. A clever man, he’d set things in motion for their future after the first professional fight. Instead of wasting money on parties, fast cars, and rich men’s toys as many sports stars did, he’d invested wisely. Determined to leave Mari and Noah with a tidy nest egg to see them right for the future, he wanted to make up for what he called his “lack of security and knowing who he was.” And of course there was his life insurance, which thankfully still paid out even though he’d taken his own life.
Financially she was set, but it was her hea
rt that needed help right now.
Chapter Nineteen
“You’ve done an amazing job, Christian.” Mari opened the doors and walked into the now finished ballroom. It’d been given a good clean once the builders had finished and the windows opened to get rid of the paint and varnish smells. Every surface glimmered with the promise of her vision for the room and the prevailing smell was now furniture polish. She looked up at the ceiling that only weeks ago had been the cause of sleepless nights and the loss of a big chunk of her bank balance.
But it had all been worth it. April was going to help her decorate it so she could take photos to put on her website. Once the first wedding was held here, those photos would be added showing potential brides how beautiful the room looked all decked out in wedding finery.
“Good. I have to admit I was more than a little bit perturbed when Ethan pulled off those ceiling boards and found the rot underneath.” He looked up now at the polished timber returned back to its glory. “He did a brilliant job.”
“Yes, he did.” She swallowed and turned away. Don’t bring him up, just don’t.
“What happened, Mari, this time? Between the two of you?”
“I’d rather not discuss it. As you said, it’s between the two of us.” She ignored his sharp intake of breath.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pry into your business but…”
“Please don’t then.”
“I don’t know if I want to go through all this again.”
She turned to him, looked into his face. A flash of something she couldn’t place wavered over his eyes. Concern or understanding. She couldn’t figure out which.
“When you ran away, he was a mess. His folks were so concerned about Rake and who was to blame that they didn’t even stop to think what this was doing to Ethan.”
“I’m sorry but I don’t think that’s entirely true. There wasn’t a lot of love lost between Rake and Jeff. Especially at the end.”
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