Sunshine Spirit

by Barbara Willis

  Jane wasn't quite sure what to do as she watched the pain in their eyes and tried not to register the final toast. Although she felt a deep sorrow at Harry's loss, it was an ache for Will and this lovely family rather than a void she felt herself. As much as she had a vision in her head of Harry and the man he'd been, provided by the collage of different images given to her by those who loved him, it wasn't enough.

  Jane was disturbed from her thoughts by Maggie's voice.

  'Come on now. It's Christmas; a time to rejoice in what and who we have. Harry's here in our hearts.'

  'And probably shaking his head at us,' added Daniel. Everyone nodded, agreed or chuckled. Then the moment of joint recollection and reflection was over and the party dispersed, each keen to deal with the moment in their own way. Jack headed outside, followed by Daniel, and Maggie left quietly for the kitchen.

  'Should we help?' Jane asked Will.

  'No sweetheart, leave them to their thoughts,' was Will's advice as they sat down, both perched on the edge of the settee. Will watched the flames leaping carefree in the hearth and Jane followed his gaze. They sat quietly for a while before Will relaxed back into the chair. 'You know, Jack and I had quite a chat earlier.' Jane didn't comment and let him carry on. 'He was saying how we all declare that life's precious but we don't really know it until we lose someone, especially someone young. It's like saying a flower or a day is beautiful; we don't really see it, we just say it because that's what we say. So many things are said for the sake of being said, just because that's the done thing. We sometimes say what we feel, but we rarely feel what we say. We don't stop to truly appreciate things do we?'

  'No, I suppose we don't.'

  'What I'm trying to say, in my clumsy way, is that I'm going to enlist as soon as I can.' Jane wasn't sure exactly what she'd expected Will to say but it wasn't the sentence she heard. Not yet. She nodded, numb. The connection between this statement and his previous profundity was quite blurry. 'I'm amazed that I haven't been called yet, but I pray it waits just a little longer; so I know that this nightmare is truly over before I leave you. Then, if I've not heard, I'm stepping up.'

  'Then another nightmare begins.'

  'Maybe, but that's a nightmare the whole country shares. Life is precious Jane, and if we don't stand up and fight for it our lives won't be the same. Call it duty, obligation, whatever you want. Maybe it's fear of the alternative, or thinking we might just be the one person who tips the balance.' He watched Jane for a response and finding none he carried on. 'I won't leave you until Mrs Cartlyn says everything's over, until I know you're safe. I know that she somehow safeguarded your job, but can you think about maybe coming out here instead, staying on the farm?'

  Jane hadn't seen this coming either.

  'No Will, I can't. I couldn't.'

  Will took her face in his hands. 'Just think about it. Please.' His hands dropped and found Jane's. 'Jack knows I'm going, but I haven't told Maggie yet. He said they'd love to have you and I know Maggie will be over the moon if you do come to stay. Please, don't dismiss the idea yet. Just think about it.' Jane nodded and the room was silent apart from the gentle strains of Over the Rainbow reaching their ears from the wireless. 'There's something else too.' Jane wasn't sure she wanted to hear more; losing Will to the forces and being asked to leave her job and the city were more than enough.

  'Will, no more please. I don't want to hear any more.' He kissed her lips to silence her, then drew back to look her in the eyes.

  'This is different Jane, I promise.' Jane looked away. 'Please Sunshine, listen to me.' Will bent his head into her line of sight and she gave up and turned back to him. 'I won't do what a lot of the lads have done, hastily marrying their sweethearts before they leave.' Jane felt a blush rising up her chest. 'But I'm warning you now; the moment it's all over and I'm back for good, I'm going to ask you to marry me so get your excuses ready if you don't want to marry a struggling actor.' Jane's face tilted downward again, camouflaging its self-conscious flush with shadow and the glow of the fire, but Will bent his face down to meet hers. 'Is that alright?'

  'It's alright.'

  Maggie returned to the living room not long after, proudly carrying a tray bearing slices of cake. She'd saved coupons and 'put by' ingredients bit by bit so that she could afford her family the luxury of what she called real cake. Soon, Jack and Daniel appeared and Daniel said a quick goodnight and left for bed. The adults were left alone to talk of the farm, friends and local news then to listen to the latest announcements from London before discussing these too. By the time the mantel clock's delicate hands pointed to the twelve of Christmas Day, the room had fallen silent in anticipation. Will, Jane, Jack and Maggie all wished each other a Merry Christmas, with each one silently praying for the gift of peace and safety above all else.

  As Will and Jane retired to their room they both thought of friends and loved ones. Jane tried not to let her face show her feelings when Will removed his shirt and the legacy of his beating could still be seen. She was shocked, despite knowing that he'd still bear the marks of the men who'd flogged him. She wondered how much pain he still bore silently and turned discreetly away; she didn't want to see any more of his bruised skin. They climbed into bed, letting the comfort of the farm and the season overpower any sadness that they felt, and lay there silently. Eventually Jane laid a hand across Will's bare chest, gently touching the worst of his injuries.

  'Is it still hurting you?'

  Will's hand covered hers.

  'No. Not really. I promise it all looks worse than it feels. I'm just going for the sympathy vote.'

  Before leaving the living room, Jane had discreetly picked up the small, flat rectangular gift that was under the tree. She rolled away from Will and leaned down to pick this up from its new hiding place just under the bed and sat up to hand it to Will.

  'I'd like to give you this now if that's alright. Merry Christmas.' Will looked surprised to receive a gift. 'It's only something small.'

  Will sat up and unwrapped the small parcel, beaming with delight when he saw the framed postcard and remembering their pork pie picnic. He leaned across to thank Jane with a kiss.

  'Thank you. It's perfect.' To his surprise, Jane took it from him and started to remove the back of the frame to take out the card. 'What are you doing?' Will tried to retrieve his present but Jane pushed his hands away as she withdrew the card and put the frame on the bed.

  'No, please, just a minute.' Jane hopped out of bed to reach for her handbag, then pulled a pen from its depths and returned to the bed. Leaning on her knees she wrote on the back of the card as she spoke. 'As you'll be leaving me soon, I want you to take this with you. You can keep it in your wallet, or wherever. We can put it back in the frame when you come home.' Jane handed him the card.

  Will took the card from her and turned it over to read the new inscription. Until we meet again. Will paused for a moment, then to lift the melancholy he said 'Here, Merry Christmas' as he handed Jane the discarded empty frame.

  Jane feigned annoyance with a raised eyebrow until Will jumped out of bed and moved towards his clothes on the chair. From his jacket pocket he pulled out an envelope. Coming back to kneel on the bed next to Jane, he smiled and handed it to her. Jane nervously opened the envelope and pulled out a small piece of newspaper, neatly cut out. She frowned as Will smiled. 'Turn it over,' he instructed. Jane did as she was told to see a modest advert for a jeweller's shop, with a sketch of a pretty ring part of the advert. Handwritten neatly above it was an IOU. Will winked.

  'Well, I'm keeping that safe and sound. You do realise that's as good as a contract, a binding agreement?' Jane teased as she flamboyantly tucked the piece of paper down her top.

  'I do.' Will declared solemnly before they both started to giggle like schoolchildren, each shushing the other with a finger to their lips.

  Christmas was soon over, lost in an excited haze of children, singing and playing games, simple gifts and sharing meals. The morning had raised
the household early with Sylvie rapping on each bedroom door as she ran past giggling. Everyone assembled downstairs as the children examined the contents of their stockings. With animals fed and checked by Jack and Daniel, and lunch ably in hand courtesy of Maggie, everyone ate breakfast together before heading off to church bundled up against the cold.

  Although an inflated price could easily be asked, Maggie and Jack had decided that one of their chickens would not be sold or even kept for eggs but served for Christmas lunch. Because of this the returning party were welcomed by a wondrous smell that was both foreign and familiar. When lunch was consumed and dishes washed, gifts were exchanged and boisterous games played. The afternoon brought quieter pursuits as everyone settled in the living room. Evening approached quickly, bringing with it a warm and relaxed atmosphere.

  Jane felt a mix of emotions as she watched the others in the room between her goes at a variety of gentle children's games. Part of her wasn't looking forward to heading back to London the next day as she'd enjoyed her time at the farm so much, yet she had to find out from their elderly protector whether the adventure was over. Despite musing over the next day's practicalities, the biggest share of her thoughts was taken up with the awareness and dread that sooner or later she'd be on her own without Will and he'd be in danger once again.

  Maggie was watching Jane and, as their eyes met, Jane blushed a little knowing that she'd been caught staring at Will and daydreaming. Maggie smiled and stood up, touching Jane's shoulder as she passed. Jane followed shortly after. Will looked up from his discussion with Jack over a world map and winked at Jane as she passed.

  Maggie was starting to put clean dishes away in the kitchen when Jane walked in. Maggie, although now on her knees and reaching into the back of a low cupboard, knew from the footsteps that it was Jane who'd joined her. She stood up and closed the cupboard, then turned to Jane.

  'Troubled?'

  'A little.' Jane didn't want or need to lie. Maggie beckoned her to sit at the table and both women sat down next to each other. The older woman waited for Jane to talk. 'I don't quite know where to start.'

  'Anywhere.' Jane laughed a little, more of a nervous puff than anything else. 'Shall I help?' Jane nodded. 'Alright. Well, I know what Will is planning. I know he's going to join up despite him and Jack trying to keep it from me at the moment. Is that what's bothering you love, Will leaving?'

  Jane wasn't sure how Maggie was so certain of Will's plan, but nodded. 'Yes; that and so many other things.' She knew that she couldn't mention the events of recent weeks; Will's beatings, the exodus to Richmond Row, hiding at the house in London. 'Will wants me to leave the city too.'

  'He won't want you there if he's not with you, with air raids every night now.' Maggie was right but Jane knew that her appraisal was just the tip of the iceberg as to why Will didn't want Jane in the city, especially alone. 'You really are more than welcome here; I don't need to tell you that. We'd love to have you.'

  'Thank you Maggie.' Jane put her hand over Maggie's.

  'You have to let him go love.' Maggie now took her turn to cover Jane's hand, sandwiching it between hers. 'We have to let our young men do what they know is right, no matter how it tears our hearts out.' Her eyes dipped momentarily, looking for a composure she'd temporarily lost. 'No matter what happens.' The last of four hands, Jane's now lay on top and completed the pile.

  'I'm so terribly sorry for your loss Maggie.' Jane had said it before but never in the way she felt it now, in a moment where it meant more and touched her more. 'I really wish I'd met Harry.' Jane felt a squeeze from one of Maggie's hands beneath her own in the pile as they sat there entangled but not freeing themselves.

  'Yes, so do I love.' Maggie looked thoughtful for a moment. 'You've not heard his voice or felt his embrace, but you've met him in Daniel, Sylvie and Jacob, in Jack and in me, in Will. You've seen a hundred parts of him in everyone who loved him.' Maggie smiled and seemed more at peace in her smile than before.

  A quiet moment of connection followed. The two women sat together sharing but alone with their thoughts; happy and peaceful and hands still piled together.

  'Are you alright ladies?' A gentle question from the doorway. Jane and Maggie turned to greet Will. On seeing that the two were genuinely smiling at him, and all was indeed alright, he felt it acceptable to joke. 'We suspected you might be in here knocking back the cooking sherry.' Maggie stood up and started scolding him, smacking at his backside with a tea towel. 'But I see you were just playing One Potato, Two!'

  'Get away with you,' she called as she chased Will around the table pretending to give him a good hiding for his cheek. Jane was still laughing as the pair stopped their charade and Will pulled Maggie into his arms for a hug, just as Jane thought Harry might have done had he been there acting the fool instead of Will. He kissed the top of her head.

  'Is it alright if I whisk Jane away mother?'

  'Of course, go on.' Maggie said as she turned back towards the living room, giving Jane a warm and knowing look as she passed.

  Will and Jane sat in the same spot they'd chosen during their first visit to the farm together. London rested in the distance, shrouded in darkness with hardly any illumination to be found. Jane sheltered under Will's arm, neither having put on a coat to venture into the cold night.

  'Home in the morning then.' Will said.

  'Yes.'

  'I'm going to telephone Mrs Cartlyn. I can't wait any longer for her to call.'

  'Good idea.' Jane wanted to know as much as Will did, but knew that an all clear from the old lady also signalled his permission to leave Jane.

  At her response Will pulled back to look at her. 'You're not going to ask me to wait?' Jane shook her head. 'Why?'

  'We can't wait forever. It's tiring looking over our shoulders all the time Will. We're spending so much time looking behind us we're not looking at or enjoying what's in front of us.'

  'Profound.' Jane looked at Will, unsure whether he was making fun of her, but she couldn't read his expression in the evening light so she waited for him to carry on. 'It's funny. I'll be glad, obviously, to get rid of this weight that bears down on us, the horror I brought to our door, but part of me will be sad.'

  'You're mad,' was Jane's jibe, although she agreed with him wholeheartedly.

  'No. Not mad. I've enjoyed spending so much time with you. We wouldn't have been together half as much if all this hadn't happened. We'd have just been grabbing the occasional evening or Sunday afternoon. As it is, we've fitted a year into a few months. I've known you all my life Jane; somehow I've always known you. When we first met in the school hall it wasn't like meeting someone new, it just felt right.' Jane blushed, glad once more of the darkness that concealed her awkward glow.

  'What do I do if you don't come back?'

  Will pulled Jane closer. 'I will.' He could feel the tension in her shoulders and the dampness on her cheeks as he leaned in to kiss her, so he added. 'Besides, I've got quite used to living in sin.'

  When Jane and Will returned to the farmhouse it was still relaxed and calm. The pair joined the others for their final evening there.

  When Jane woke the next day she was surprised to see that it was almost ten o'clock. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and a dream from her mind, she heard the sounds of activity downstairs; Maggie called to one of the children to take a message to Jack on the top field, another called for the whereabouts of their boots, the kettle whistled, a dog barked. Once she registered these sounds of morning routines, Jane jumped from the bed and washed and dressed as fast as she could. Just as she was finishing there was a light knock on the door before it opened and Will's smiling face appeared.

  'Out of bed sleepy head.'

  'Why didn't you wake me?' Jane wasn't amused, but Will was. He closed the door with his foot as he leapt across the room, tackling Jane to the bed in one swift movement. She struggled from his grasp and stood while he looked up at her, crestfallen. 'I'm cross Will. You should have woken me up, not
left me to sleep like a spoilt guest.'

  'Sorry.' Will took her hand and tried to pull her back down, but gave up at her resistance. 'Sorry.' He patted the bed in invitation and she begrudgingly sat down, prim and upright on the edge. He sat up next to her. 'Come on, let's not fight. We've got too much to do. As soon as we've spoken to Mrs Cartlyn, we have to get busy.' He moved to sit closer to her and slid each of his fingers between hers. 'There's a lot to organise. I need to give notice at the flat and get my things sorted. I'm going to leave all my kit here, and the Sunbeam; Maggie and Jack are happy for me to use the farm as a base. Makes sense as I'll be coming back here to see you whenever I'm home. We can stay in town for a few days. I'm not sure how long it'll be before I leave.' Will's words ran away from Jane, giving her no time to catch them or trip them up, voice her own or contradict. 'We need to return Mrs Cartlyn's key and her cash. And we'll need to take the Christmas tree down. There'll be your things at Mrs Foster's too; we'll need to collect those. And there's your notice to give at the Grandchester. I bet you'll want to catch up with the girls too. We can still stay at the flat while we're in town, if you're alright with that.' At a pause, Jane saw her chance.

  'Yes, we have lots to do. But I'm not coming back to stay with Maggie and Jack, Will.' Eyes met and unspoken arguments danced between them. Both waited for the other, already knowing what they'd say. Will sighed. Jane bit her lip and watched his face. Eventually Will sighed again and stood up, restlessly moving round the room; straightening a picture, closing the wardrobe door.