by Helene Gadot
Today has been its own special level of hell working in the same small space as Allegra, her scent teasing me, her lips drawing me in, her emotions filtering past the blocks we both have in place, making me want to go to her.
It’s not just me, the others are suffering as well. I can’t tell if she is, she hides her real feelings so well and is shockingly good at avoiding us.
If it wasn’t for a few times when her longing reached me, I’d believe she is completely indifferent to us.
I’m so torn, relieved Sterling interrupted us but at the same time disappointed. I barely got a taste and I want more. Her desire is enough to strengthen me for the next two weeks and nothing even really happened.
Is this what mating can do for you? Strengthen us so much we can take on anything?
“Are you feeling this too?” I ask Archer.
He rolls his shoulders as he drums his fingers against the floor. “Like I could take on every single guard here without a problem and then punch my way through these walls with energy and strength to spare? Yes. I am.”
I grimace. “Fuck.”
“Pretty much.” He snorts.
Sterling scowls over at us from his spot in the corner where he’s been brooding since we returned to our cell. “What are you two talking about?”
Archer smirks, rubbing at his lips like he can still taste her. “Just that little taste the two of us got of her packed a real punch. We’re both feeling nice and strong right about now.”
A thoughtful expression passes across Sterling’s face. “Really? Interesting.”
We exchange a glance of consideration and I try not to feel guilty at the possibilities this knowledge raises.
Archer growls, his fingers curling into fists. “No. Absolutely not.”
“What?” Sterling tries to play it off.
Archer scoffs. “I know that look the two of you just shared. We are not going to use her to strengthen ourselves. Don’t be pricks. I’m willing to do all sorts of awful things to win this war, but that’s too far. I’ll warn her off before I let you do that to her. Leave her the fuck alone. Damn, she deserves so much better than us.”
He rises from the floor and turns his back on both of us, his shoulders stiff and arms crossed.
The guilt grows stronger inside me. It was just a thought, but a shitty one. I am a prick. I’m so obsessed with leading our people into a new world, I’ve crossed so many lines, and have so much blood on my hands.
I sigh. “Of course we’re not going to do that.”
He turns back around to glare at me. “You considered it for at least a second.”
I groan, hanging my head. “Only a second. But you’re right. She does deserve a lot better than us. And she seems to have found it.”
Something Zakar seemed to fully realize today when he walked in on us. He couldn’t hide his lust. Not from me. Especially not when my incubus was already feeding. We got a nice little snack from him as well.
Tahira shoves past Archer into the room and scowls at all of us, hands on her hips. “Not everything is about you men, you know. She can have a wonderful and fulfilling life that’s shockingly not based on some idiot with a cock he thinks is the most important thing in the world to her. Who she ends up with doesn’t matter. What she does with her life is what matters. Same for you three fools. Now, try to get over yourselves and focus on the plan to get us all out of here and not your romantic drama.”
My jaw drops at her rant, even as each word she speaks spears right through my chest.
Sterling and I jump to our feet, shuffling awkwardly in the tight space.
Archer’s lips quirk in amusement. “Sorry, Tahira.”
I clear my throat. “She’s right. The only thing different from our original plans is to send Allegra and her friends to a resistance cell instead of a safe house.”
Everything’s different now that we can feel her, but at the same time, everything’s the same.
Once we separate and head into two different directions, the bond should fade so we aren’t experiencing her emotions all the time and sharing ours with her.
I hope it’ll be easier on all of us.
Because I’m starting to forget why staying away from her is a good idea. Why we decided to ignore the mate bond. Why we’re so determined to stay alone.
Especially now that I’ve gotten a taste of her desire.
And it is delicious.
I’m already craving my next taste of her, but more.
My incubus pushes me to go find her and taste every inch of her.
Sterling shoves me. “Snap the fuck out of it. You’re supposed to be our leader, so lead.”
I blink away my lustful thoughts and push my incubus to the back of my mind for now.
Sterling is right. So is Tahira.
What we’re trying to do is bigger than mates, romance, love.
We’re trying to create a better and safer world for Arcanes. A world where we’re free to openly accept our mates and use our powers. A world of freedom and equality, instead of hiding and captivity.
This is what we’re fighting for. This is what matters.
It would be selfish to focus on our own desires instead of the long fight ahead.
I blink the remaining tendrils of lust from my mind. “All right. I’m good. Tahira, did you need something?”
She holds up the bucket I hadn’t even noticed in her hands. “You three forgot your bucket. Allegra asked me to bring it to you while she cleans up my cell for me.”
Asher takes the bucket from her. “Are those other two Arcanes all right?”
She shrugs. “They will be. Eventually. The most we could do for them was make sure they don’t die.”
I frown. “How common is that punishment?”
So far since we’ve been here, I haven’t seen anyone new replace those already locked up when we arrived.
I can’t believe the vampire is still alive after spending so long in the sun.
“Every week or so. Depending on how bored or annoyed the guards are. And they have something worse.”
“What’s worse?” Sterling’s voice deepens.
Tahira brushes at her uniform. “The solitary pit.”
“Do we want to know?” Archer asks.
Tahira slumps, looking tired. “It’s exactly like it sounds. There’s a pit over by those same cages where they throw those they want to almost die for days or weeks at a time with nothing but one small hunk of bread every day.”
“Does their cruelty know no bounds?” Archer rears back, horrified.
Tahira sighs. “No. It doesn’t. Which you should know if you’re fighting against them. Maybe it was a good thing you ended up here so you can see how bad things can get for Arcanes.”
It has been an eye-opening experience. And a good reminder for who we’re fighting for.
My shoulders straighten and even my incubus takes it seriously, ending the constant poking and prodding at me to go get our mate.
He wants the world we dream of to exist as much as I do. Even more now that we’ve found her. She won’t be safe until that world exists.
For the first time since we arrived at this place, my incubus and I are finally on the same page again.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Allegra
IGNORING THE EMOTIONS blasting through me from my mates is more of a struggle to control today.
What happened between us yesterday seems to have opened us up further to each other.
As I peel potatoes, trying to save as much of the vegetable as I can, Sterling’s frustration and exhaustion, Archer’s sulking and energy, Gavyn’s determination and doubt rattle around my center.
I’m sure they’re experiencing how overwhelmed and confused and humiliated I still am.
Knowing what they’re feeling is confusing and frustrating because I don’t know what the source is of those feelings. I can’t read their minds, so Sterling could be frustrated because his huge muscles keep breaking the carrots he’s
supposed to be digging up. Archer could be sulking because no one laughed at his joke. And Gavyn could be determined not to burn the meat he’s cooking.
I’m trying not to read into the few things slipping through our guards, but it’s hard not to. Especially after what happened last night with Archer and Gavyn.
A mistake I cannot make again.
Guilt pulses through me as memories of the last time I felt anything like that reappear in my mind.
“You all right, Allegra?”
I startle at Gavyn’s low question, too wrapped up in confusion to pay attention to my surroundings.
“I’m fine.” I scrub at the counter, trying to bury my emotions.
He props his hip against my work station, effortlessly attractive. “I can feel you. Just like you can feel me. I can feel the guilt. Talk to me.”
I don’t want them to know what I’m feeling. It makes me too vulnerable. And I certainly don’t want to talk about Rowan.
“Why?”
He shrugs. “Why not?”
I scowl and scrub harder. “We’re not friends. We’re allies at best.”
“We’re mates.”
“No, we aren’t.” I shake my head.
He covers my hand and takes the rag from me. “It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Even without the connection, I’d care about you. You can talk to me.”
I sigh, but decide to give him what he thinks he wants. “The guilt was over what happened between us and Archer last night.”
He blows out a loud breath. “You have no reason to feel guilty. We’re the ones who should feel bad. We took advantage of the situation and we both got possessive over that vampire touching and tasting you. You were uncomfortable and in pain and we took it too far.”
Oh. Is that why they looked so horrified when Sterling stopped us?
“I consented to it. You didn’t force it on me.”
“Then why the guilt?” Gavyn asks.
I glance around the kitchen, but no one’s paying us any attention. “Because of Rowan.”
Understanding falls across Gavyn’s face. “Was he your mate?”
“Yes.”
He hesitates a moment before asking, “Do you think you have to spend the rest of your life alone out of loyalty to him?”
Do I? No, I don’t think that’s what it is. But if I do move on from him, I want it to mean more than a feeding or a mistake.
“No. But it’s only been six months. I shouldn’t exactly be moving on so easily.”
Gavyn purses his lips. “What was Rowan like?”
I appreciate how Gavyn uses Rowan’s name.
My lips curl into a fond smile. “He was grumpy, but in a charming and amusing way not so much an angry way. He was patient and kind and protective and loyal. He was quiet and smart and brave. He was always there for me, there to cheer me up or talk me down.”
I swallow the grief trying to crawl up my throat.
Gavyn’s eyes soften. “He sounds like the perfect mate.”
I let out a soft, sad chuckle. “He wasn’t perfect. But he was who I needed.”
Who I still need.
Gavyn sighs. “I’m so sorry you lost him. And that the three of us have shown up and made everything worse. None of us are in any shape to accept a mate. It has nothing to do with you. You’re amazing and brave and kind. You’re everything we could ever want in a mate. If we wanted one.”
The wave of sadness washing over me is a surprise.
I suck on the inside of my cheek. “I understand completely. I feel the same way. Well, other than Sterling. He’s kind of an asshole.”
Gavyn barks a surprised laugh. “He definitely has a tendency to act like one, but he isn’t really. He just... well, it’s his story to tell. But he has his own demons chasing him. He’s lost a lot too. We all have.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” I don’t see it, but I admire Gavyn’s loyalty to his friend.
Gavyn flashes me a smile, unbothered at my skepticism. “But you have nothing to feel guilty about. We’re your mates and you got hit with a vampire bite and incubus lust at the same time. Those three things combined, it’s a miracle more didn’t happen. And based on everything you just told me about Rowan, he doesn’t sound like he would want you to remain faithful to his memory forever instead of finding love again.”
“True. But why try to convince me to move on when the three of you aren’t options?” I don’t understand his goal for this conversation.
His shrug is a little too innocent to trust. “The three of us may not be, but there’s no law saying you’re only allowed to love and build a life with your mates. You’re about to get out of this place and have choices for the first time in your life. Real ones. There’s no telling what you might find out there.”
“When you say it like that, it sounds like an adventure.”
Though once I’m free of this place, romance is the last thing I’m going to be looking for.
His lips quirk. “It can be. And Zakar will be with you so who knows what might happen?”
His tone makes me raise a brow in suspicion. “What do you mean by that?”
Gavyn shoots me a wicked grin. “I’m an incubus, songbird. I can see desire and lust and love and affection between people. And you guys have all four of those between you. Who knows what might happen when you’re off experiencing the world and saving it together.”
I stare at him open mouthed, a buzzing in my head.
We’re interrupted with the demand to start bringing in the food before I can come up with a response. I’m a little relieved since I have no idea what to say to his allegations.
After the way Zak watched me caught between Gavyn and Archer yesterday with blatant desire and the way I liked it, I certainly can’t deny the attraction between us bigger than mere friendship.
A problem for another day.
First, we need to get the hell out of here without getting ourselves killed and see where it takes us.
The hair on the back of my neck rises as I walk into the refectory carrying the potatoes I made for the midday meal. My grip on the bowl tightens as dread thuds in my chest, my nightingale shrieking inside me, aware and warning me of something I haven’t noticed yet.
Her fear infects me, making my hands shake and pulse pick up.
When I see what has her so freaked, the bowl of potatoes slips from between my fingers and smashes to the ground at my feet.
He’s back.
Borus is back.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Archer
THE PICKAXE CLATTERS to the floor beside me as my knees give out. Zak reaches out and grabs my arm, keeping me from going all the way down.
“What’s wrong?”
Panic and terror riot in my chest, taking over until I’m a trembling and sweaty mess, all the strength and energy from Allegra’s blood being siphoned out of me.
Zak grabs my other arm, getting in my face. “Arch? You need blood or something? We aren’t mates, but I like you enough it shouldn’t be too uncomfortable.”
That’s news to me. He certainly hasn’t acted like he likes me too much.
“It’s Allegra. Something’s wrong.”
His eyes widen, the panic in my chest infecting him. “What do you mean? How do you know?”
I clutch my center. “I can feel her. She’s terrified. Overwhelmingly so.”
“You need to block that out before a guard comes over here and figures out our little secret. Tahira and Gavyn are with her. There’s nothing we can do right now.”
“How are you staying so calm?” I ask.
Allegra may not be his mate, but he’s protective as hell over her.
He hauls me back to my feet, keeping me steady. “Because I can’t feel what you feel and I also know how strong she is and what she’s already survived. This is part of our plan to get her the fuck away from all this, so we’re not going to screw it up. We’re going to stay focused.”
I blink at him. “You sound
like Sterling right now.”
He jerks away from me. “Go fuck yourself.”
“Okay, stop it. You’re freaking me out.”
“Is it helping you?”
I tilt my head to the side. “Oddly, yes. Thanks.”
Zak acting like the unicorn distracted me enough to calm down a bit.
Allegra is still panicked and scared, but it’s a bit muted now.
Zak pats my chest. “Good. Now what is going on? What exactly did you feel?”
I swallow hard. “Panic. Debilitating fear. Weakness. Nausea. Cold.”
“Pain?” Zak frowns.
I shake my head. “No. No pain. Not physical anyway. Definitely mental.”
Coming to that realization calms me even more.
Zak blows out a breath and nods. “So, she may be in danger but no one’s hurting her.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“We’ll find out soon. They should be coming to escort us to the refectory any minute now. You good?”
“Yeah. I blocked her. Mostly.”
I think. Or she blocked me.
There’s still a whisper of her horror and hopelessness prodding the back of my mind, but I’m able to mostly ignore it with my vampire’s help, alarmed as he is at the thought of someone hurting or threatening our mate.
Zak releases me. “Good. Let’s hurry and get back to work before they come get us.”
I bend down and scoop up my fallen pickaxe. “Right. You’re really good at compartmentalizing.”
He snorts. “If I lost it every time she was hurt or scared or in danger, I’d never stop rocking in the corner. You three act like you have the monopoly on dangerous lives, like you’re some kind of martyr to the cause by denying the bond to keep her safe. But you’re full of shit. You’ve experienced a blink of our lives here, but you haven’t actually seen how bad it can get.”
His words make me wince. Mostly because he’s right. We’ve done nothing but make assumptions and plans without taking the time or making the effort to really figure out what’s going on here or who our mate really is.
“I believe you. But the other two will never agree. And neither will she. I’m holding out hope we all survive this and once things look a little brighter, the five of us can be one big happy family.”