by Helene Gadot
She’s clever and has certainly been through a lot in her young life, but she still has a naivety to her since this place is the only world she’s ever known. She hasn’t been able to go on adventures or explore or stick her feet in sand or climb a mountain or even soar through the sky as her nightingale.
There’s so much life she needs to experience before she’s tied to three too-old, too-violent, too-insane males who have their own dark baggage fucking them up.
And I’ll keep telling myself and the others the same thing over and over until we start acting like we believe it.
No matter what the bond makes us feel, I won’t let it take her choice from her.
At least today, she’s looking a little better, not so shell shocked and pale and scared. She avoids Borus’s gaze and keeps her head low, focusing on her work, but she’s not huddled in a corner crying, which is probably what I would’ve been doing in her shoes.
We didn’t have a lot of time to plan what we’re going to do to him, but I’m willing to bet Sterling is spending his time digging up carrots and potatoes coming up with something incredibly creative.
And I can’t wait to hear it.
Tahira sidles up next to me, keeping her voice low and her lips as still as she can, with one eye on the prick. “Do you have a way to get in contact with your mage and get them back here sooner?”
I frown. “No. Why?”
“Because I want Allegra out of here as soon as possible with him back.” Her voice hardens.
I wish I could get Dara back here. Setting up a safe house turned out to be a waste of time.
We could’ve already been gone.
Before Borus returned.
If we’d only gotten to know our mate the slightest bit.
“Can you convince her to flee now? Out of all of us, she’d be able to get out of here sooner. It could even possibly help with the diversion, if they’re all looking for her.”
She could just transform into her bird form and fly away before the guards even noticed.
Tahira chuckles. “You’re welcome to try to convince her of that. I look forward to watching the explosion when you suggest she abandon all of us to the man she hates more than anything. Besides, if she does disappear, it’ll ruin your plans to get out of here. We’ll all be put on lockdown in the dungeons, unable to leave for days, possibly longer while they head out searching for her. Then they’ll keep an even closer eye out and call for reinforcements.”
“How do you know this?”
Tahira’s eyes glaze over with memories. “We’ve had a breakout before. About two years ago. A lot of Arcanes died down there — some starved, some died of injuries, and some killed each other. It was horrible. We were trapped down there with no food and little water for over a week.”
Horror makes my stomach churn. “I can’t wait until we rip this place down to rubble.”
My mate lived through that. Through hell. Over and over.
Tahira’s smile is bloodthirsty. “Me either. It’ll be good for her too.”
“I hope so.” I glance over at the woman in question who has finished her prep and has moved over to the workstation of a seelie next to her to help him catch up.
Tahira follows my gaze. “She needs you three, you know. Well, I guess four since she and Zakar are a matched set.”
“I don’t think she needs or wants us. Clever woman.”
She is strong and amazing enough to do just fine without any of us.
Tahira kneads her ball of dough with a grunt. “I had two mates. I lost them a long time ago, way before I was tossed in here. We fought it at first too, scared the humans would realize we were mates, unable to all live together without having to pretend one of them was a family member. So we denied the bond. For years. I even went out and fell in love with a human of all things. But we kept running into each other, over and over, fate threw us back together.”
“So you decided to give in to the bond?” I ask, fascinated in spite of myself.
A bleak expression crosses her face. “Nope. We had a huge fight and we all decided we were going to move far away from each other.”
How sad.
“And you regret it?”
She pauses her kneading and narrows her eyes on me. “Are you going to let me tell my story or keep interrupting?”
I suck my cheeks into my mouth to hide my smile. “You keep pausing.”
She is so much like my own grandmother, it’s freaking me out.
“I have to breathe boy. And collect my thoughts. Mercy.” She shakes her head.
“My apologies.”
She harrumphs. “Anyway. My human and I were very happy together for years, but I did always feel a missing piece inside of me. Nothing that brought me any real regret over my human or made me love him any less, but still a constant ache. My human never forced me to choose, he was fine with me bringing my mates into our lives, but I was determined to stay safe, not wanting to end up here or dead. And there was an element of a giant fuck you to fate for trying to tell me who I had to be with.”
I snort. Sounds very familiar. Sterling has some similar problems with mating.
She continues as we work side by side, her voice staying low so she’s not overheard. “We lived our lives, simple as they were, and I was happy for the most part. And then I ran into one of them again. The magic inside of me almost burned down the village, it got so excited and determined to claim him. But he was married and had two children. She refused to accept any sort of merging with our families. Even though he and I were tempted, we respected her wishes and I never saw them again.”
That must have been so hard.
What if we win the war, and we go to find Allegra and instead of getting a happily ever after, we find out she’s moved on and started a family and they refuse to have anything to do with us?
It’s not fair of us to expect her to wait.
Even though deep down, that’s what I’m hoping for.
I swallow hard, scared of the answer to my next question. “What about your other mate?”
Tahira winces. “I found out he died not long after that last time we, mostly I, denied the bond. And I still ended up here, hunted and caged. Even though I did everything right — I kept my magic buried, denied my mates, lived life with my head down with a human. They still found me.”
“How?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter. The point is, there are no guarantees in this life of safety or happiness or security. You can’t protect everyone and you have no control over who lives or dies. Don’t let fear make your choices for you. I could’ve had a beautiful life with my human and other two mates. It probably would’ve ended the same, me here and them all dead, but maybe not. At least I would’ve had them for however much time we were granted. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”
Her story is heartbreaking and definitely gives me something to think about.
But it’s not enough to change my mind.
“I’m truly sorry for your loss. And I’ll keep your advice in mind.”
She snorts. “You probably won’t, and if you don’t, then you definitely don’t deserve her.”
“Are you planning to tell her the same story? You act like we’re the only ones denying the bond when she’s even more determined than we are.” I raise my brow.
“I have told her the story. She knows everything. It’s what convinced her to accept Rowan in the first place. And look where that got her. She’s not too keen on listening to the same advice again.”
My chest tightens. “Fuck.”
“Pretty much.”
We work in companionable silence for a few minutes as my mind races over everything she’s just told me.
What a hard life. All that heartbreak only to end up here.
So many have similar stories.
It’s what I’m fighting for.
A world where these stories vanish.
“How do you keep going?”
She looks over at me. “What d
o you mean?”
“All the pain you’ve been through and witnessed others experience, how do you not just give up?”
She smiles. “Love.”
I jerk back. “What?”
She plops one section of dough into a loaf pan. “Love for those in my life, wanting better for them. That’s how I keep fighting. If I didn’t care about anyone or only cared about the dead, I would lie down and die right long with them. But I remain open to more connections even though it opens me up to more pain. And that’s why I fight. And how. You know this. You’re fighting for Archer and Sterling, for your family, for those you’ve lost. Sure, maybe you tell yourself it’s vengeance. But you want that revenge because of things done to your loved ones.”
I stare at her with my mouth hanging open, at once enchanted by her words and chagrined.
And most of all, I’m reminded of another woman whose wise words have never led me astray.
“Once we finish our mission at the other prison, I’m going to have to come find you and bring you to meet my grandmother.”
The edge of her lips rise. “Oh?”
“At first, we agreed the two of you could never meet, but I’ve changed my mind. You remind me so much of her.”
“Clever and delightful?” Tahira’s eyes sparkle.
I huff. “Wise and terrifying.”
She beams. “Oh yes, that’s better.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“I look forward to meeting her. And I’m interested to hear about you coming back for us. I thought you were planning to go your separate ways.” She shoots me a sly look through slitted eyes.
“I don’t think there’s any way we’ll be able to stay away for good.,” I admit. “But I do believe we all need some time before we accept the bond.”
“Fair enough. There’s no need to rush into things. Prisons aren’t the most romantic places to get to know someone.”
“It worked for her and Rowan.” I don’t like the stab of jealousy hitting low in my gut.
It makes me feel like an asshole.
“True. But he was her first love. And she wasn’t quite as damaged as she is now after losing him and believing it’s her fault.”
My eyes wide. “She blames herself?”
Tahira sighs with a sad shake of her head. “Of course she does. The guard who was obsessed with her killed him.”
Dread fills my chest when I look up to check on Allegra and she’s not here in the kitchens.
And neither is the guard.
Chapter Forty-Two
Allegra
I’M SO BUSY I ALMOST forget Borus is here watching me. It’s canning season and my fingers are burned from the hot jars.
We’re working so hard at it, we run out of vegetables, so I head out to the gardens to refill the baskets, hoping to grab more flowers. The chill in the air this morning was even more bitter than it has been lately, signaling winter’s approach.
I’m actually relieved I’m trapped in this hot kitchen rather than out here with only my thin uniform to protect me from the biting wind.
Even with Borus constantly staring at me and Tahira and Gavyn whispering to each other in between shooting me concerned looks, I’d rather be in the warmth.
I hate the cold.
Once the first frost comes, we’ll lose our chance to gather those flowers. They’ll be dead and useless if we don’t harvest the seeds first.
We need a lot more than we’ve gathered so far if we want to take on the entire platoon of guards here.
But coming out here by myself was a foolish choice. I didn’t even consider mentioning to anyone I was slipping out.
Which makes it easy for Borus to follow me and grab me without a single person, guard or inmate witnessing it.
He yanks me back into him, his breath hot and moist against my ear. “I’ve missed you, flower. We have a lot to catch up on.”
I STRUGGLE AGAINST his grip, but barely budge. He’s too strong and I’m too weak.
Even though they told me to shift into my nightingale and escape when he gets his hands on me, I can’t. If I do, the prison break will fail.
Whatever he does to me, I’ve survived before and I can again.
He can’t break me. Not after everything they’ve put me through. I was born to this. It’s been my whole life. I’ll survive to fight another day.
I force a thick wall without a single crack or hole in the center of my connection with my mates, not wanting them to know what’s going on, not wanting them to feel what I’m about to feel.
Their Arcane sides will attempt to force them to come to the rescue. Something impossible and will only get us into more trouble.
And could possibly endanger the entire prison break plan.
I sink deep into myself as Borus drags me away from the kitchens and the gardens, back to a dead and haunted spot I’ve avoided for the past six months.
My heels dig into the ground, scrabbling for purchase as I struggle to get away from him, my pulse pounding so hard I’m worried my heart will beat itself right out of my chest.
My body breaks out in a cold sweat and I shake uncontrollably as he grabs a handful of my hair and pulls my arms even tighter behind my back, leaving me with no hope of escape.
Even if I shifted into my nightingale form, his grip is so complete and tight, I don’t think I’d be able to get away. And I still can’t fly.
I’m trapped. Like always.
At the entrance of the abandoned mine, my anxiety spikes, and I pant as I try not to scream.
This is the place Borus always brought me before. A hidden place at the edge of the prison yard, a forgotten mine entrance on the opposite side of the regular working mine.
The cave here doesn’t go very deep, most of it boarded up and closed down a long time ago. But it’s just deep enough to banish almost all natural light and to smother my screams.
My blood still stains the floors and walls of this place.
Chapter Forty-Three
Allegra
BORUS CHUCKLES AT MY feeble struggles, lifting me into the air to carry me as deep inside as the place goes before he throws me against the wall, leaving me crumpled and bruised on the floor, pain radiating through me.
And this is only the beginning.
He’s just getting warmed up.
I roll over onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Where the rusted and bloody manacles still hang, taunting me.
Borus stomps over to me with a leering grin, laughing when I scramble away from him, pressing myself into the stone wall like I’ll somehow magically sink through the rocks and dirt and escape this nightmare.
My hands sweep across the ground, searching for any type of weapon I can use against him.
I want him dead. I don’t care if I have to do it with my bare hands wrapped around his stupid throat.
He needs to suffer and die for what he did to me over so many years.
And he really needs to die for what he did to Rowan.
The last time I was strung up in here, I had to watch as Borus forced Rowan to strip and then whipped him bloody, sparing not a single inch of his flesh.
He was an unrecognizable lump of bloody meat by the time Borus finished.
I felt all of it like it was my own pain. Every blow, every lash.
And I felt him die.
All he left me were memories hidden in my still-beating heart. A heart that only ever beat for him.
Borus left me hanging here for hours while he disposed of the body and went about his day. He didn’t return for me until late that night.
Then, the next morning, Borus was gone too.
Now, he’s back.
Right before I escape from here and get my first taste of freedom.
If only it was Rowan who showed up instead of this asshole.
Cruel excitement shines in his eyes as he grabs me by the upper arms and hauls me up to my feet. “You remember the drill, I’m sure. Arms up.”
I glare at him, lettin
g my rage show through my wet eyes, trying desperately to keep the fear I have of him from showing or from filtering to my mates.
He cackles. “I have missed that fire you try to keep hidden that you only let me see. You’re such a good girl for everyone else, but for me you show your true self.”
I can’t help but rattle the chains, double checking just in case, the tiny bit of hope inside me dashed.
Who am I kidding?
I’ve never escaped him before.
And I probably never will.
The doctor didn’t succeed in killing me, maybe Borus will.
My whole mind goes numb and I let the roaring inside of me grow louder and louder until I can’t hear anything else. I let the black rise until I can’t see anything else.
He can’t touch me.
Whatever he does to me won’t reach me.
Not really.
He may break every bone in my body, he may soak me in my own blood, he may violate me in every way he can.
But my soul remains untouched. It remains my own.
This place and the people in it have tried every day of my life to twist me into something dark and ugly, but I keep resisting.
They can’t tame me. I was born to fly free and wild. To soar above their petty and small lives.
One day I’ll be free of this place, free of them.
And they’ll never touch me again.
Chapter Forty-Four
Archer
PANIC RIPS THROUGH me and then disappears late in the day.
Again?
What’s happening this time?
Is that guard giving her trouble?
I try to reach for our bond, checking on her, but she’s got her emotions locked tight. We’ve all gotten better at blocking each other out these past couple days. Something necessary for all of our sanity and to help mollify our Arcane sides.
I shrug it off, hoping it was just a small thing and nothing I need to be concerned about. Not much I can do about it if it is something big.
Zak shoots me a concerned glance, but I wave him off, not wanting to stress him out when I have no real cause for alarm.