The position he had me in was so similar to the one I’d been in with Braddox. It could end differently, or not. I hated that I wanted more than he was going to give me.
What if I could convince him to do it right then? What if he slept with me? My mom wasn’t around. I hadn’t even heard from her. I had no idea where she was, and I wasn’t bothered by it. I really just wanted to take advantage of the fact that she was gone and wasn’t nagging me with constant calls and texts.
Finally, I couldn’t fight Jaxon any longer. I leaned my head back, offering better access to my neck as he moved his lips over the sensitive skin along my collarbone.
Heat poured over my skin when he spoke, his mouth barely moving but his words penetrating. “This is as far as I can take it with you, until you know. I won’t share with him.”
Jaxon pulled back, holding my gaze with his. He searched my face a moment and then in an instant he crashed into me, his lips claiming mine with an almost insistent demand. The connection burned to my toes and when he pulled back, I gasped.
I clutched at his shoulders, shaking my head. “Then let’s not go any further. That’s okay. We don’t have to. Do you have to leave?” I slid my hands up to his neck at his hesitation. It was my turn to return the burn. I slid my feet from between his legs and wrapped my legs around his waist, slowly pulling him closer to me. I scooted to the edge of the counter and anchored him to me. Offering a soft smile, I got closer and closer, pushing myself into him. I could feel the heat and hardness of him through his jeans.
Regardless of the fact that he said he wouldn’t go further, I had no problem admitting I wanted more. I could feel how much he wanted more from me, too.
We kissed again, this time the hunger seemed all-consuming and I forgot where I was. All that seemed to matter was grinding myself against Jaxon and the way our tongues tangled together. Nothing else mattered.
Oh, shit. Wait. His hand moved to my front, cupping my breast as we moved. Yep, that mattered a whole helluva lot more than I thought it could.
I moaned deep in my throat and scraped my nails down the back of his neck as I tried to push closer to him.
He made a noise and then forcibly separated us with a hand on each of my biceps.
We panted for breath and I searched his face, but he avoided looking directly at me.
After a minute – seriously, a whole damn minute – he straightened and dropped his hands. He put a couple feet between us and our breathing evened out.
He rubbed his lips together and shook his head. “No. I’m serious. I’m not sharing.” He turned to the door and didn’t look back. I was glad when he shut the door behind him. He couldn’t see my frustrated tears or the fact that I picked up a plastic drinking cup and threw it at the wall.
I wouldn’t have been able to say no. If he’d pushed, I would have been naked in two seconds and ready for him. I didn’t care about what was between Braddox and him.
I wanted Jaxon and to be honest, I think I wanted Jaxon to be my first.
When I was with him.
When I was with Braddox, my feelings were different because I wanted Braddox to be my first. I hated that. The inconsistency was enough to drive me to my room.
But I had no control over Jaxon and what he wanted. I’d just driven him away, thinking I could get him to lose control. Obviously, he felt differently about me then I did him. It wasn’t that I wanted to be shared. It had nothing to do with that. All it had to do with was the fact that I wanted to have the option of who to choose.
I wasn’t a toy they could fight over.
Part of my fear stemmed from the fact that I had no idea if Jaxon and Braddox were interested in me for me, or if there was something there because of the fact that each brother had a shot.
If they got me, whoever, and they won, would they lose interest? It was very plausible and that’s what terrified me. If they lost interest, where would I be?
Torn up and discarded. That’s where.
I’d lost my dad. Did I really need to deal with losing two guys who had a significant role in my life? I was getting to know Jaxon and Braddox was someone I already knew.
Did I have to lose everything with my father’s death? Wasn’t it okay for me to hold onto something for just a little while longer?
Whether it was okay or not, I was doing it. I needed Jaxon and Braddox. I just wasn’t sure in what capacity yet.
They couldn’t blame me for being cautious.
When you messed with fire, you got burned. Jaxon and Braddox burned and I had no idea how to make it safe.
Maybe that’s why I wasn’t ready to quit yet.
Chapter 20
Olivia
I didn’t want Braddox picking me up from the apartments. It felt too much like having Braddox cross into Jaxon’s world. Something Jaxon obviously didn’t want to happen. He didn’t want to consider sharing me. His own stomping grounds were easily understood as hands off.
I texted Braddox to pick me up from school. Since he’d already been there, it wasn’t going to be a problem for him to find, nor did I have anything to be ashamed of.
He couldn’t see my rundown apartment complex or the small living quarters my mom and I had downsized into.
Downsized… like it was a lifestyle choice we made.
I stood outside the front doors of school, waiting for Braddox to pick me up. The time I’d told him was a solid hour after the final bell rang.
Most of the students were gone with the start of the weekend upon us. Clouds hung overhead like they weren’t sure if they were raining, snowing, or coming or going. Thankfully, I’d worn jeans and a long-sleeved shirt layered under an olive-green Fox shirt.
For some reason, I had a hard time wanting to dress up for Braddox. Something Jaxon said the night before left me feeling like I didn’t need to do everything to make them happy. They needed to try to make me happy. Especially if this was some kind of competition for my affections.
I heard his car before I saw it. The rumble familiar as it gave me a glimpse back at what my life had been like last fall. When I’d had money, my dad, and my life the way it was supposed to be.
I was a Ramirez. I was supposed to have my life mapped out for me. Now… We’d lost everything and the only thing I might be able to hold onto still had the potential to slip away since I went to a lackluster school with classes that did nothing for my academics.
I could pretend for just a minute, as long as I didn’t look behind me or too closely around me, that Braddox was picking me up after school at WSA and that we were going to hang out at a friend’s house or something. Like everything was normal.
For some reason, that left me feeling sadder than before.
I stepped into the road when the black Nova came into view. Flashes of memory from the amateur night earlier that week crossed my mind. I hoped my cheeks weren’t as pink as my embarrassment led me to believe.
Braddox slowed to a crawl and then stopped. He jerked his chin my direction in a hello and leaned across the seat to open my door. I slid in, shutting it behind me and smiling shyly at him.
He tore off down the street, the sound of the engine rebounding off the buildings as we passed.
Braddox smiled, keeping his hands to himself. “How was school?”
I half-expected him to make a disparaging comment or put the school down – something or anything to make me remember the difference in our stations, but he didn’t.
I cocked my head his direction. “It was good, thanks. How about you?” I didn’t go into the fact that every time I looked at Jaxon, I found him watching me with sadness and anger in his eyes. Or the fact that if Jaxon would have let me the night before, I would have lost my virginity to him.
Why tell Braddox any of that? He hadn’t asked about Jaxon. He’d asked about me.
Maybe it wasn’t just about him and me. Maybe Braddox genuinely had missed me when I’d disappeared. I couldn’t help the little reminder in the back of my head that Braddox had taken on
a whole new interest when he’d learned about Jaxon.
“It was school. I found out about Stephanie and Ryan.” He shook his head as he steered the car toward the airfield on the north side of town.
I glanced sharply at him. “How’d you know?” As far as I knew, Stephanie hadn’t told anyone but me.
Braddox gave me a knowing look and then I remembered he’d had my phone. What else had he seen in there?
I took a deep breath. “You read my messages.” Was I okay with that? No. Actually, I wasn’t. What if someone had messaged me that I hadn’t wanted him to know about – like Jaxon?
I pressed my lips together and looked out the front windshield. Maybe I didn’t want to go out with him. There was a definite wave of judgment coming off him. “Why would you go through my phone?” That seemed like a mild question when I was screaming at him on the inside.
He parked the car in the lot beside the hangars. He turned to me and shook his head. “I shouldn’t have. I felt bad. The phone kept buzzing. I grabbed it to turn it off or turn the sound down and I saw a bundle of messages from Stephanie in preview mode. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. You know? I just saw it.”
That was believable. I had an annoying buzzer that could wake you from the dead with its incessant vibration.
I decided not to be mad. Choosing between Jaxon and Braddox meant I had to give them both a fair chance. So far, I was mad at Brax already and that wasn’t fair. I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“What are we doing, Brax?” I turned to face him and not for the first time I was amazed at how much he and Jaxon looked alike. Minute differences like the lighter eye color that was easy to distinguish in the daylight and a thicker stubble on Jaxon’s jawline, but overall, they could have been carbon copies of each other.
I couldn’t speak for a minute as I considered him. The last time I’d been alone with him, I’d stripped for him. He hadn’t talked about it since, but I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to know if he’d liked it, or if he’d been embarrassed. While I probably should have been ashamed, I couldn’t be. For some reason, it felt natural. Kissing him had felt natural.
That worried me.
“I thought we’d go for dinner. I didn’t want to have you out too late. I think our parents are coming back tomorrow or the next day.” He spoke, but I was having a hard time focusing with the image of me sitting on his lap. The memory was a new one and it melted my resolve to be mad at him about the phone. I had been sitting on him in my underwear. He hadn’t taken advantage. For some reason that was hotter than I could explain.
After a second I licked my lips and blinked at Braddox. “I’m sorry. What? We’re going where?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Come on. The chopper is going to leave without us, if we don’t get going.” He climbed out of the Nova and waited for me to join him. I left my backpack in the front seat, but tucked my phone in my rear pocket. Who knew what would happen next?
Brax had mentioned the chopper. I had no doubt he had a helicopter. His dad was filthy rich. I just didn’t know why we were taking a chopper to go to dinner when the chef at his house could make anything we wanted and probably better than most of the restaurants on the western hemisphere.
He grabbed my hand and tugged me after him and I couldn’t help the giggle as I followed. I know, I’m pathetic.
A shiny black helicopter waited for us with its blades spinning slowly while it sat on the center of a pad behind the hangar emblazoned with the O’Donnell logo.
Wind whipped my hair and clawed at my clothes. I ducked, feeling like the blades were going to come for my head.
Braddox placed his hand on the small of my back and offered me his other one at the door to the chopper. He helped me up while also directing me inside. He followed closely, shutting the door behind him and turning to show me how to buckle my seatbelt.
After handing me a headset with microphone, he tapped the pilot’s shoulder and gave him the okay signal. In just a matter of minutes we lifted off.
I stared at him in wonder. Even when I’d lived on the west side of town, I’d never been in a helicopter. My dad flew them, but he was always too busy to take me up in one or he was going on a work trip and that wasn’t the place for girls.
I leaned over, speaking into the microphone a little loudly. “Where are we going?” He’d said he would get me home early, but I wasn’t sure what that meant.
“Just up to Seattle for dinner. We’ll come back and I’ll get you home. Sound good?” He grinned at me, speaking normally into the headset.
I lowered my voice because he obviously didn’t need me yelling in his ears. I nodded and turned to look out the full-length windows around us. I felt like we were in some kind of clear glass bubble.
Suddenly, Braddox reached out and took my hand in his. I didn’t do anything, or say anything. I just continued staring outside. I didn’t know what to say. There was heat, but it wasn’t driving me insane.
Until he started running his thumb up and down the inner padded part of my palm. Something tickled in my stomach and I turned toward him, keeping my hand in his.
I searched his face. “What are we doing?”
He had to know I wasn’t talking about where we were going. He had an agenda. I wasn’t stupid. Braddox was one of the smartest guys I’d ever met and when he wanted something, he usually went right for it. No side games, nothing.
He ignored my question, just continued teasing my palm with his fingers and staring at me from languid eyes. His expression seemed all-knowing, all comfortable, and all craving. Like he was a cat dipping a finger in the cream and just every once in a while, licking some from his whiskers.
He knew what he was doing to me. I could see what he wanted to do. I just wasn’t sure when.
I swallowed and sank back in my seat, keeping my eyes on him as if he might do something I needed to be prepared for.
He spoke into the headset and it was like his voice was all around me. “We’ll be there in a little bit. Is it okay, if I kiss you?”
Kiss me? When had Braddox ever asked me permission to kiss me? I couldn’t remember when, if ever.
I swallowed and nodded, wanting more and wishing one of the brothers would step up and take care of the cravings they stirred in me.
Yeah, they both created a tsunami of desire inside me, but they did it differently. Jaxon wanted to take while at the same time needing to make sure I was only his, while Braddox seemed to leave his pushing aside as he took on a gentler role. Both tactics were effective. I just didn’t want them to know that.
He leaned over, pushing the microphone down and gently pressing his lips to mine. The heat was there. Oh hell, was it there. But he didn’t deepen the kiss. He lifted away just when I was ready to start pushing for more. He left me wanting something he wasn’t going to give me and I couldn’t figure out what was going on.
Had I done something to make the boys pull away? Maybe they didn’t want me as much as I was proving to want them? Maybe they weren’t as invested as I was.
I couldn’t engage much more the rest of the evening. I stumbled after him when we landed.
All I kept thinking about was how I must be embarrassing myself. Did I really think I was something special? The only thing I really had going for me was that these two amazing guys were chasing me. They probably had some kind of a bet going, or something equally competitive and there I was thinking it was real.
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d looked like an idiot.
We sat across from each other at a fancy table in a restaurant whose menu items could cover our rent for a few months at least.
Braddox ordered for me and we ate as if I wasn’t sitting there in jeans with my hair twisted into loose side braids and a t-shirt. A t-shirt and jeans for hell’s sake. He could have at least warned me. But then again, this was Braddox we were talking about. He wore jeans, too. In fact, as casual as his clothes looked, he had an air about him that made them seem like fifteen-
thousand-dollar suit and tie.
We ate something decadent – I want to say it was a filet mignon and some fancy scallops, but I can’t remember. Braddox talked about things I can’t remember. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why I was so annoyed, but I couldn’t get it out of my head that he was just playing some kind of game with me.
At the end of the meal, I chewed on the inside of my cheek and leaned over the chocolate mousse thing he’d had brought for me and him.
I think I cut him off, whatever he was saying with a wave of my hand. “Sorry, Braddox, I have to ask, are you and Jaxon making this some kind of game?”
Braddox closed his mouth and blinked at me, then he narrowed his eyes. “What exactly are you talking about? Making what a game?”
I set my jaw to the side and motioned between his chest and mine. “This. You and Me. Me and him. Are you guys talking about me and trying to see who can have sex with me first? And since neither of you is screwing me, is it possible that you’re trying to see just how far you can get me but no sex and then calling that the win? Or maybe you have a bet going on which of you can make me beg for it? I don’t know. I’m just having a hard time understanding what exactly it is I’m supposed to be doing with you.” I leaned back in the well-padded seat. Righteous anger bloomed out of my irritation. I wasn’t sure what he expected from me – him or Jaxon – but it didn’t seem to have anything to do with what I wanted.
Braddox set his spoon on the table beside his plate and he cocked his head to the side. “Actually, if I remember correctly, you said you wanted to sleep with me last week. Then I heard that you already slept with my brother. I think I had the opportunity to take advantage of you Monday when you strip-teased for me, but I didn’t, did I? If I remember correctly, again, I waited until you’d slept off some of the alcohol before getting you dressed and getting you home. I never once made you do anything you didn’t want to do. I didn’t let you make that decision when you were drunk because let’s be honest, drunk means you’re not in a condition to make any real decisions.”
Forsaken: A bully romance (An Academy Twin Rivalry Series Book 1) Page 18