Red Paws Inn

by Robin Roseau

  She nodded.

  "The portage to Nestor is moderate, easier than the one here into Beatrice. After that, we find an open campsite."

  "If we can, I would prefer we camp on the island," she said. Those were the last words she spoke to me for the next several hours.

  "There are two islands with campsites," I said. "They tend to be popular, but maybe we'll get lucky like we did last night."

  She nodded and helped me load the canoe.

  * * * *

  The wind picked up by the time we arrived at the portage to Nestor. There was another group just arriving at the portage from Nestor when we got there, but there was room for our canoe and their three canoes. The group was all guys, and they looked kind of scruffy. I didn't like the way they looked at Alyssa and me. I didn't like the way they eyed our gear, either.

  I really wanted to one trip this portage.

  I turned to Alyssa. "I don't like this," I told her quietly. She glanced at the guys but didn't say anything. "We need to one trip this portage, but I don't think I can carry one of our packs and the canoe."

  Alyssa turned away and began rummaging through the pack with the tents and her day pack. She pulled her day pack out, which had been heavy. She grabbed a few more things out of the pack, stuffing them into her day pack, then hefted the big Duluth pack. She looked at me.

  I reached down and tested its weight. She had pulled a lot of weight out of it. "Better," I said. "Are you going to be able to carry everything else?"

  She nodded.

  I helped her into the Duluth pack with the food and cooking gear. She helped me into the other Duluth pack, now much lighter, then helped me settle the canoe on my shoulders. I waited for Alyssa to pick up our other things, and we set out.

  It was a tough portage for me, but we made it without incident. I was ready to set everything down and rest for a while. Alyssa dropped her things on the ground then helped me with everything. I collapsed with my water jug and an energy bar. Alyssa did the same. Blues collapsed between us, touching Alyssa's leg.

  "Welcome to Lake Nestor," I said.

  Alyssa didn't respond. She sat only long enough to eat her energy bar before climbing to her feet. I wasn't ready to move yet, but she moved the canoe to the water. She did it properly, so I didn't say anything. Then I watched as she loaded all of our gear. She held the canoe for Blues before looking at me pointedly.

  I sighed, climbed to my feet, and held the canoe while she stepped in. I stepped in, grabbed my paddle, and we were off.

  Alyssa seemed to have renewed energy. She paddled strongly. "What's the rush?" I finally asked her.

  "I overheard that group," she said. "They just vacated the island I want. I want to get there before anyone else shows up."

  And so we did, but barely. We landed and barely had our gear out of the canoe before a group of three more canoes came around the north side of the island, heading straight for the landing.

  "We were here first," Alyssa said, picking up one of the packs and carrying it up the hill to the center of the campsite.

  I waited for the other canoes, which hadn't turned away after seeing us there. In the back of the lead canoe I recognized Damon Ivories, one of the guides from an outfitter in Grand Marais. He got closer and recognized me.

  "Hey, Janis," he said as they got closer. He didn't wait for an invitation but brought his canoe right to shore, although the other two canoes stayed out from shore. Damon stepped into the water and walked to shore. We shook hands.

  "It's just the two of you?" he asked.

  Alyssa stepped back down to me and whispered quietly in my ear, "Make them leave." Then she collected the other pack and carried it to camp. I watched her. She looked very tense.

  "It's a big camp," Damon said. "We can set up on the other side. We're still under ten." Ten was the limit for number of people at a campsite in the Boundary Waters.

  I stepped closer to Damon. "Normally I'd share," I told him. "But my client is asking for privacy."

  "She's a looker," Damon said, watching Alyssa. "But she seems stand offish. My group is pretty cool though."

  I looked out the water at the other two canoes. The man who had been in Damon's canoe with him finally climbed out of the canoe and stepped up to shake my hand. "Fred Cox," he said. He had a crushing grip. Asshole. "Plenty of room to share," he declared loudly.

  Damon and I weren't exactly friends, and there was natural rivalry for business. But we'd never had a run in before, and the few times we'd shared campsites, we'd gotten along. I looked at Damon then at the asshole. Damon finally said, "Give us a minute, Fred."

  "Sure," he said. He started past us, heading towards Alyssa. I didn't like that one bit, but Alyssa was an adult.

  "Damon," I said. "I don't know what's going on with her. She said she's here to do something, but won't tell me what. But she was adamant this be a girls-only trip, and she really wants her privacy. She wouldn't even let me sleep in the tent last night."

  "I was wondering where those mosquito bites came from," he said, gesturing at my neck. I resisted the urge to scratch. He stepped back and forth between his feet. "This is a big camp. You could let us have it and take one of the smaller ones."

  "This camp is important to her," I said. "I don't know why."

  "It's important to my group too," he said. "They were here last year."

  "Then you should have paddled faster," I told him.

  Damon took it good-naturedly. "Right. We'll leave you be."

  "Thanks," I told him. We turned around and watched Fred trying to coax Alyssa into a conversation. She was ignoring him by playing with Blues instead.

  "Come on, Fred," Damon said. "There's a campsite closer to the best fishing. We'll go there instead."

  Fred gave up on Alyssa and returned to us. "We wanted this site," Fred said loudly.

  "And they beat us here," Damon responded. "If there weren't other open sites, they would be obligated to share. But there are other sites, and we're going to give them some privacy."

  Fred wasn't happy, and I watched Damon's tip disappear. I offered a wry grin, and Damon just shrugged. Maybe the fishing would be good for them, and they'd forget about this.

  I watched them disappear around the north side of the island.

  Alyssa waited until they were out of site before coming to stand next to me. "Thank you," she said.

  "I'm sorry about Fred," I replied.

  "It wasn't your fault. What an ass."

  "That was my impression, too."

  "I'm sorry," she said after a moment.

  "What for this time?"

  "You got those mosquito bites sleeping outside, didn't you?"

  "It's nothing," I said.

  "If you don't jabber at me and give me some time alone first, you can sleep in the tent."

  I looked over at her. "It's okay," I told her.

  "No, it's not." She paused. "I'm going to need your help tomorrow." But she wouldn't say anything else, simply turned around and walked back up to the camp.

  But she helped with the tent. When I started setting up a separate place for me, she vetoed me by the expedience of grabbing my things and taking them to the tent. I was more than happy with that.

  After lunch I asked her, "Do you have a fishing license?"

  "No. I haven't fished since I was a little girl. My grandfather used to take me."

  "Mine, too," I told her. I looked away. I suddenly missed Gramps. Then I looked back. "Do you eat fish?"

  "Yes. I love it, actually."

  "I'm going to try to catch some for dinner. Did you want to come with?"

  "Is it okay if I stay here?"

  I nodded.

  * * * *

  We had fish to go with our dinner. I didn't catch enough for it to be the entire meal, but it was a nice supplement. Alyssa didn't talk much to me, but she ate her dinner, offering a little tidbit to Blues at the end. She didn't help clean up, leaving that to me. That was fairly common for guided trips, and I was used t
o it, thankful it was just the two of us and not a full group I was cleaning for.

  After dinner I made a fire. Alyssa ignored it but collected her daypack and Blues. The two of them sat down beside the shore, staring out over the water, with Alyssa talking quietly to the dog.

  She could talk to the dog, but not to me. It was difficult not to be offended.

  I wrote in my journal for an hour or so until it became too dark to write. The mosquitoes came out, driving Alyssa into the tent. "Please give me a while," she said.

  I heard her murmuring to the dog, but couldn't hear what she was saying.

  Eventually it grew quiet in the tent. I put the fire out, checked one more time to make sure our food was well secured out of reach of bears and raccoons, then approached the tent. "May I come in?" I asked.

  "Yes," came her voice. "Blues, stay."

  I zipped the tent open then took my boots off before slipping the rest of the way into the tent. I set my boots just inside the door, zipped everything back up, then moved onto my sleeping bag.

  Blues was lying on her mat in the middle of the tent, watching me. Alyssa was in her sleeping bag, her head at the far end, and she was also watching me.

  I climbed out of my clothes down to my panties and sports bra before climbing into my own sleeping bag. Alyssa didn't say anything, but she was petting Blues before rolling over, facing away from me.

  * * * *

  I woke sometime in the middle of the night to hear Alyssa crying. I could tell she was trying to be quiet. Blues was lying beside her, and Alyssa's face was buried in the dog's fur.

  "Hey," I said, reaching out a hand to caress Alyssa's hair.

  Alyssa pulled away from my touch but otherwise ignored me, pulling Blues more tightly to her. Blues accepted the attention stoically, and I wondered how often she did this.

  I made soothing noises, worried about what was wrong. The crying eventually stopped. Alyssa dug in her daypack for a moment, then I heard her blowing her nose in the dark.

  "Are you all right?" I asked.

  "Yes. I'm sorry I woke you."

  "Did you want to talk about it?" I asked as kindly as I could.

  "Not tonight," she said. "I need your help tomorrow."

  "Of course," I said.

  "There's a spot out on the water," she said. "I need you to take me there. I'd go myself, but I'm afraid I'll tip the canoe over or something if I try to handle it alone."

  "I'll take you," I said. "Alyssa, what's wrong?"

  "Nothing," she said. "Please just go back to sleep."

  "You aren't going to do something, um, stupid tomorrow, are you?" She was clearly grieving about something, and I was worried she was planning to drown herself.

  "No," she said. "Nothing like that. I already told you. Please, Janis, I know you're trying to help. If I could have done this by myself, I would have. Let it rest."

  I didn't press after that.

  Goodbye

  Things were tense in the morning. Alyssa woke when I did. While I was putting clothes on, she said, "I want to be on the water before ten. I want to be in place by eleven."

  We ate silently, Alyssa talking to Blues from time to time, but not to me. I left her in peace. She was clearly working something out, and I was nothing but a ride for her. That was fine. I'd do what I could to help and hope for the best.

  After breakfast, I cleaned up. Alyssa grabbed her daypack from the tent and sat next to the water with Blues. I stayed in camp after cleaning up but at 9:40, walked down to prepare the canoe.

  "Where are we going?" I asked her.

  "There's a cove," she said. "I think it's that way." She pointed to the northwest. "It's not that far, but it needs to be the right cove."

  There were a lot of coves and bays. This was a twisty lake.

  The three of us settled in and began paddling. I took us on a tour of the coves. At some of them, Alyssa shook her head before we even got close. At a few others, she wasn't sure until we were in the cove. We'd been by or through seven before we arrived at one she thought might be it.

  She pulled a picture out of her pocket and compared it, then shook her head. "This isn't it."

  "You have a picture?" I asked. "May I see it?"

  She reached back, and I took the photo from her, careful not to tip the canoe while retrieving it. I looked at the photo and recognized the place. There was a particular cliff wall with a tree hanging off the edge. In a few more years, the tree would undoubtedly be in the water instead.

  "We came the wrong direction," I told her. "It was northeast, not northwest."

  Alyssa glanced at her watch then looked over her shoulder at me. "We need to be there by eleven, Janis. Please."

  I looked down at my watch. It was 10:45. I leaned forward to give her the photo.

  "Please put Blues into a down-stay," I said. "We're going to have to paddle hard, but don't risk tipping us."

  "Blues, down," she said immediately. The dog went from her well-behaved sit to a well-behaved down. "Stay," she said. Then Alyssa turned around and began pulling with her paddle. I pointed us in the right direction, and we zipped across the wide part of the lake.

  It was two minutes before eleven when we cruised into the bay. Alyssa recognized the tree immediately. "This is it," she said. "Out there, please," she said, pointing to a place out in front of the cliff. I realized she was taking us to the exact place the photo had been taken.

  She pulled the photo out to match it up, directing me. "Here!" she said. "Please, stop us here!"

  I put the brakes on, bringing the canoe to a swift stop. We sat for a moment, Alyssa looking around before she looked over her shoulder at me.

  "I need to turn around," she said.

  "Keep your weight very low," I said. "Three points of contact at all times." I dug my paddle into the water and prepared to counter balance any abrupt movements.

  Alyssa did a good job. The canoe rocked as she turned around, but she was soon facing backward towards Blues and me, sitting back down. She didn't say anything but pulled her daypack out from under her seat. She held it to her chest for a moment, then opened it.

  "We're here, Caroline," she said. "The exact spot." And then she pulled a funeral urn from the daypack. I stared at it. Alyssa ignored me. She dropped her pack to the floor of the canoe and pulled the urn tightly to her chest. Her eyes were glistening.

  "Blues," she said. The dog perked up. "Sit."

  Blues immediately climbed to her feet, rocking the canoe, and I steadied us. Then the dog was still again, watching Alyssa. We were both watching Alyssa.

  "We met at Christmas four and a half years ago, Caroline," Alyssa said. "You looked so hot. I just wanted to get you out of your clothes for a quick little fuck, but you had other ideas." Tears started rolling down Alyssa's cheeks. "I didn't believe in love, but you taught me how wrong I was."

  Alyssa hugged the urn, crying quietly. My heart was breaking for her, and I felt tears begin sliding down my own cheeks.

  "I used to hate dogs," she said. "But you introduced me to Blues. Now what would I do without her?" Alyssa leaned over and kissed her dog's forehead. Blues gave her a quick lick in return.

  "We couldn't have been more opposite, Caroline," I said. "I'm a city girl. You camp and hunt. You wouldn't leave it alone until I agreed to go shooting with you. But it took you a year and a half to convince me to come up here with you."

  By now the tears were cascading down her face, and her voice shook, but she kept talking to her dead girlfriend.

  "I was such a bitch," she said. "I complained about everything. Somehow you stayed cheerful, taking care of everything, taking care of me. I was being a complete shit, hoping you would call the trip early and take me somewhere with running water. Instead, exactly three years ago today, at exactly eleven AM, we sat in this exact spot. You made me turn around in the canoe, and then you got on one knee and asked me to marry you."

  At that pronouncement, I started sobbing with her. Alyssa glanced at me once, but did
n't say anything. She looked back to the urn in her arms.

  "I'd been such a complete bitch, and you still wanted to marry me, Caroline," she said between sobs.

  She sobbed for a while, cradling the urn, and I cried along with her.

  "I don't want to do this, Caroline," she said, finally. "We talked that night, and you said when you died, you wanted your ashes dumped in this spot. You even made me promise. I told you I didn't care what you did with my ashes, but you made me promise to dump yours here." She sobbed loudly. "I don't want to do this, Caroline. This is all I have left of you."

  I watched as Alyssa rocked back and forth on the canoe seat, hugging the urn.

  We sat there for the next ten minutes, Alyssa rocking as she cried, saying over and over she didn't want to do this, punctuated by the occasional, "But I promised. I promised."

  Finally her tone changed, the sobbing fading away. "I know I promised, Caroline. And I know it's time to move on, too. I'm going to love you forever, but I'll try to learn to love someone else. Blues will help. She's always introducing me to other people. She misses you, too. She waits for you to come home. Two years and she still waits for you."

  She looked at her dog. "Blues, it's time to say goodbye to your mommy." Blues licked the hands holding the urn.

  She opened the top of the urn, glancing inside at the ashes. "I love you so much, Caroline," she said, and the sobs returned as she began slowly dumping the ashes into the lake, saying over and over, "I love you, Caroline, I love you."

  Finally the urn was empty. Alyssa stared into the water as the ashes swirled slowly away into the depth of the lake. She looked up at me, holding the now empty urn. "How deep is it here?" she asked me.

  I looked at the nearby shoreline. The lake walls were cliffs here, the land rising rapidly away from the water. A slope like that usually continued into the water. "I don't know exactly," I said. "But it's deep."

  Alyssa nodded, kissed the urn once, and said, "Goodbye, Caroline. I will love you forever." She tipped the urn into the water, letting it fill, then released it, the lid following. She watched as it sank, then began to sob again, holding her knees in her arms.

  We stayed like that for a while, drifting slightly, both of us crying. Blues put her head on Alyssa's knees, and she buried her face in the dog's scruff.