by Robin Roseau
She was leaving, but at least I knew I could care about someone again.
We spent one more night in the tent before arriving back at Left Bend Lake and the Red Paws Inn.
Jenna met us at the docks. Alyssa was talking animatedly, telling me about a horrible client she'd had. We'd been exchanging horror stories for the last two hours. We both had some.
Flapper and Henry barked at Blues. Blues didn't wait for permission, but launched herself from the boat, and in four feet of water, for the first time on our entire trip, the canoe tipped over.
I'm not sure which of us was more surprised. Alyssa and I both came up sputtering. Jenna saw the whole thing and was standing on shore, laughing her ass off. Blues was already out of the water, chasing Flapper around, all three dogs barking excitedly.
We were lucky it happened where it had. Neither of us was wearing a life jacket, the day having grown warm and the dog having been reliable.
Alyssa turned to me. I looked at her. And then we moved together, falling into each other's arms and laughing along with Jenna.
Alyssa was warm, and being held by her felt good. Our clothes were soaked, and I could feel our breasts pressed together through the wet shirts. We slowly stopped laughing, and then the laughter turned into something else. Alyssa leaned away, searching my face, then brushing wet hair away from my eyes.
I was the one to look away. "If you were staying," I said.
"I know," she said quietly. Then she pulled me back into her arms. "But I feel alive again. For two years I've felt as dead as Caroline. And now I feel alive again. Thank you." She kissed the side of my neck, and the two of us clung to each other for a moment before we each pulled away.
Jenna had continued to laugh at first, but she had grown quiet, waiting on shore and looking away, giving us the illusion of privacy. When she heard us splashing apart, she approached.
I pulled the now soaking Duluth packs out of the canoe, tossing them onto shore, then tipped the water out of the boat. Alyssa took one end, I took the other, and we carried the canoe onto shore, making squishy wet noises once we reached dry land.
Everything in the packs that could be ruined by water was well-packed in watertight containers, so there was no damage by being dumped into the water. Still, Jenna ferried both packs into the boat house then came back to help me put my canoe away.
Alyssa ferried the lighter things into the boathouse, then stood around, dripping onto the concrete and waiting for me. Jenna avoided my hug but asked quietly, "How did it go? She doesn't seem like the same person I saw five days ago."
"I'll tell you everything later," I said. "Her girlfriend died. Don't put your foot in your mouth."
"Looked like she's ready for her next girlfriend," Jenna said.
"Shut up," I told her, offering a stern look. "She's leaving today. You know I don't do that."
"You looked like you were ready for your next girlfriend, too," Jenna said. "Decide maybe she's your type after all?"
"Shut up, Jenna," I said firmly. "She's leaving. We didn't go there. We're not going there. If she were staying, maybe we would have. But she's not. So we didn't. And won't."
"Right," Jenna said. "Sorry." She looked hurt that I'd spoken roughly to her. So I tried to hug her again. She scampered away, laughing.
I loved that woman.
I followed Jenna into the boathouse. Alyssa was still standing, waiting for us. "I'm so sorry, Janis," she said. "She's been so good."
"That's the first time you tipped over?" Jenna asked.
"Yes," I said.
"I'm glad I was there to see it," she said, laughing again. "Remind me to thank the dog."
"Shut up, Jenna," I said, but I was smiling when I said it.
I looked at Alyssa. She looked like a drowned rat. "Did you have more dry clothes?"
"Just what we brought with us," she said. "I'd rather not put it back on. They all smell like sweat and bug spray."
"I can loan you sweats and a tee shirt," I said. "You can mail them back."
"Actually," Alyssa said.
Jenna was fiddling with the packs, opening them up and taking everything out. But I swear her ears twitched.
"I was thinking, if you had space, I could stay for a few more days. If you were interested in trading a free room for some free marketing."
"Really?" I said.
"I can have a new website design for you," she said. "And I have some ideas for some promotions during the off season. But if you're booked, maybe we could trade another time. If you're interested."
"I'm interested. Jenna?"
"Cabin three is free until Friday," she said. "And the reservations for the green room cancelled next weekend." The green room was our smallest room in the lodge, but it had the best view of the lake. "I told them they'd get their down payment back only if we managed to book the room."
"Jenna," I said. Our official policy was that weekend cancellations required two weeks' notice, but I never enforced it if they actually told us they were cancelling.
"They told me they decided to go to Door County instead."
Alyssa began laughing. "I told you!"
"Yes, you did," I said. She'd been exactly right. I wonder what else she would be right about. "How long did you want to stay?"
She smiled. "Cabin three until Friday sounds perfect," she said. "If you'll have me."
"And the weekend?"
"If no one else takes it, we can talk about that on Friday," she said. "But I absolutely have to be back in the cities for a client meeting next Monday."
"All right," I said. "Let's get your clothes in the laundry. You can borrow some from me in the meantime."
* * * *
I brought Alyssa to my room in the lodge. I kept a single room in the back. It was my only place of privacy, but if I ever wanted to be alone, I had the entire Boundary Waters off my front step.
"This is nice," Alyssa said, looking around.
"It's home," I said. "I don't spend much time in here."
Alyssa looked at the photographs. "Is this you?" she asked, pointing to one of them.
"I was fourteen," I said. I was holding up a trophy largemouth bass I'd caught. Gramps had taken the picture, then I'd returned the fish to the water, sending her out to make more little fishes for us to catch. We hadn't even weighed it. We weren't in it for that. We fished for company and for dinner, not for trophies. But when you catch one that big, you are obligated to take a photo.
I showed her a picture of my grandparents. "Grams and Gramps," I said. "And here are my parents."
"Is this your mom?" she asked, looking at another. "Who is she with?"
"Jenna's mom." I looked at the photo. "They were best friends. She still helps out around the inn from time to time."
There were more photos, family, pets, the occasionally well-loved guest. "This is your grandmother with Flapper and Henry?"
"That's Grams," I said. "But the picture is twenty years old. Grams liked Golden Retrievers." I thought about it. "I think that's Sammy and Piranha."
She laughed. "Piranha?"
"She was kind of nippy as a puppy."
We were both still wet, although no longer dripping. I left Alyssa to look through the last few photos while I pulled out a change of clothing for her: panties, shorts, a sports bra, and a blouse. I even found a pair of sandals for her.
"Is there a shower in the cabin?" she asked.
"Yes. We can grab your computer from my office, then I can show you."
I gave her an abbreviated tour of the lodge, ending at my office. Her computer was under my desk. I carried it for her and collected the key for cabin three. We headed that way.
Cabin three is our most secluded cabin, shielded from the rest of the cabins by a screening of trees. On the way I told her, "There's wireless Internet in each cabin. It's the only significant improvement I've added since Grams died. The password is listed in the guest book. We change it yearly." We got to the cabin, and I gave her another brief tour: two bedro
oms, living room, kitchen, bathroom. It was pretty basic.
"This is nice," she said. She turned to me and pulled me into a spontaneous, wet hug. "Thank you, Janis."
I hugged her back and told my heart to knock off the backflips.
"Have dinner with me," she said.
"You may not be leaving today," I told her. "But you're still leaving."
She stepped away. "I'll have designs to show you," she said. "And I don't want to eat alone. Do you?"
I smiled. "Dinner would be lovely."
* * * *
We ate dinner together in the dining room, allowing the wait staff to attend to us. Conversation stayed light and meaningless. We neither talked about Alyssa's marketing plans nor our budding attraction.
I knew I couldn't hide from how I felt about her. All I could do was hope to maintain perspective, but every time I looked into her blue eyes, my heart entered into a boogie-woogie beat I couldn't control. From the returning glances, I thought perhaps Alyssa felt the same way. But neither of us gave voice to our feelings, and I very carefully kept my hands to myself. So did she.
Over dessert, I pointed out, "You lured me to dinner with promises of a new web site and marketing ideas."
She laughed. "So I did. But I didn't want to bring my laptop to dinner. Perhaps you'll walk me to my cabin, and we can discuss things there."
I eyed her suspiciously.
"Honestly, Janis. It's time I moved on from Caroline, but really, I just want to show you what I have for ideas so far. That's all."
"What kind of ideas?" I asked her, still suspicious.
She laughed. "Innocent ideas."
We finished our dinner and exited the lodge. Flapper and Henry were waiting for us on the front deck. It was a beautiful June evening with an hour until sunset, and we both stood on the deck staring out at the lake for a moment. When Alyssa took my arm, I didn't pull away.
She felt good, and I hadn't had a lot of touch in two years.
We descended the three steps down to the walkway that led along the cabins, turning right. We walked past the front of the boathouse and two of the cabins, the dogs bounding around us. Alyssa kept hold of my arm the entire time, but we didn't talk.
The thing was, I was happy there. Yes, I would have liked someone special in my life, but I was happy. For me, happiness came from having my expectations met. I didn't expect to be with someone. I didn't expect sales for the inn to come easily. I didn't expect anything like that. Alyssa on my arm made me think I could have someone after all.
And that was dangerous. I might expect it. And when it didn't happen, I wasn't sure I could be happy.
But she felt good, so good. I couldn't possibly pull away from her, but I couldn't let it go any further than this.
We arrived at her cabin, and she turned me to face her. I was sure she intended to kiss me. "Alyssa," I started to say.
"Shhh," she said. "I only intended to thank you. Being up here is helping me to heal. Being with you is helping to heal."
I suddenly felt like a different kind of heel. But I smiled. "Maybe it's good for me, too," I said.
We both nodded in agreement, and she dropped my arm, stepping away, then turning up to the front door of her cabin. As soon as the door was open, Blues came bounding out and immediately gave greetings to Flapper and Henry. Soon they were cavorting around the yard.
Each of the cabins had its own deck with several chairs and two small tables. Alyssa gestured. "Sit. I'll grab my computer." She disappeared inside and was out immediately, just as I was getting settled. She sat down next to me, setting her computer on the table in front of us, but we watched the dogs for a minute.
"The dogs get along," she said.
"Flapper runs the entire resort," I said. "She's definitely alpha dog."
"Just like her mother," Alyssa said.
I sighed. I was the boss around the resort, but when it came to relationships, that wasn't necessarily true. Alyssa looked at me but didn't ask what the sigh was about. Instead she opened her computer, tapped for a moment, then brought up the Red Paws Inn website.
"This is your existing website," she said. "I want to show you what I have so far, but this is preliminary. It's not done or polished. I want to see if you like the direction before I spend more time on it. I don't want to finish it then have you tell me you hate it."
"I'm sure I won't hate it, but I understand," I said. "I understand it will be a little rough."
Then she did more tapping and a second page opened. "And this is the direction I thought we should take it." I stared at it.
It was our existing site, but she had cleaned it up. The original site was cluttered. I'd wanted to share everything so people knew what to expect. She'd removed all of that and played with the colors. What I was left staring at was beautiful, if somewhat bare.
I looked at it, unsure what to say. Alyssa let me look at it for a while.
I didn't hate it. It was beautiful. But I'd put all that information there for a reason, and it was all gone. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it was my inn, and I wasn't going to be pushed into anything I didn't want, either.
"All right," she said after a minute. "I know you're troubled. But I wanted you to get a chance to absorb what I'd done before I said anything. Tell me. Is this more attractive?"
"Yes, definitely, but-"
"Wait, Janis," she interrupted. Along the bottom of the front page, clearly visible, were a variety of links. "Your information is all there, but it doesn't need to be on the front page. It's too much. It's especially too much for someone using a smaller device, like their phone or an iPad."
Then she gave me a tour of the site. It was spread out over more pages, but all the information I'd had on the front page was there, and it was better organized. Then she went back to the first page.
"You don't want to overwhelm your visitor. What you want to do is welcome her. You want her to arrive at your website and think about how calm and beautiful it is to come here." She gestured at my version. "That doesn't say calm. That says busy, cluttered. It's the wrong message."
Then she turned the computer to me, maximized the window with her version, and told me, "What would you do if you were looking at someplace relaxing to stay?"
"I'd want to know what it was like. Then I'd want to know what it costs. After that, I might wonder about things to do."
"Can you find those here?"
I clicked on the links on the bottom, spending several minutes on each page. I tried to pretend I was new to the web site. Alyssa didn't say anything. I looked through everything she had done. Finally I turned to her. She glanced at her watch.
"You just spent twelve minutes interacting with the web site, and it's not even done. People who come to your old version might spend a few minutes. But after twelve, someone is going to be emotionally invested. She is going to want to know more. She's hooked."
I was suddenly embarrassed. My version was terrible. She was absolutely right. I looked away, watching the dogs, my lips thinning. Alyssa reached out and patted my hand. "Honey, this is what I do for a living. And I am very good at it. Yours was good for an amateur."
I looked back at her. "Yours is better?" It was a question.
She nodded. "But you don't have to take my word for it. What do you think?"
"Yours is better," I said, no longer a question.
"Do you like it?"
"It's beautiful," I said. "I don't understand why you said it's not done."
"I'm barely started," she said. "I want more photos. Better photos. And I want to raid your old pictures. This place has been in your family for a long time, and I want to convey that. People like a personal touch, and knowing that the inn is owned by the great granddaughter of the people who started it will mean a lot. I want photos of you and all your staff. I want photos of the lake and the boathouse."
"You're going to clutter it back up?"
"No. I'm going to give more opportunities to interact with the site."
/> I looked through what she had so far. "When can we switch? Even this is better than what I have."
"We need a different service provider," Alyssa said. "And I'll have to change the DNS entries." She rattled off several more things.
When she was done, I said, "Could you repeat that in English?"
She smiled. "Will you trust me to just handle it? You'd have to authorize me. I'd need your passwords."
I looked at her with relief. "Everything is in a file in my office."
"Now, here's the, um, bad news," she said. "I have to come back."
"That's bad news?" I asked.
* * * *
We talked for another hour before I suggested, "Put your computer away. Let's go for a walk."
Alyssa set her computer inside then returned to the deck, taking my arm again and leaning against me. My heart did another boogie-woogie beat, but I told it to knock it off. "She's leaving," I told it.
"She's coming back," my heart said.
"Not to stay," I told it.
"I don't care," the rest of my body said.
I sighed.
"What?" Alyssa asked.
"Having an argument with my body," I admitted.
Alyssa smiled. "I am too. Where are we going?"
I tugged her down the steps of the deck and called to the dogs. They cavorted around us as I drew her along the path leading to the main lodge. When we arrived at the beach in front of the boathouse, I turned right, bringing Alyssa out onto the dock. The dock extended into the water then turned to the right in an L-shape. The water at the end was up to my chest, dropping off to over my head just a little further from shore.
"I like to watch the sunset," I said. I kicked off my sandals then sat down on the dock, my feet in the water. Alyssa did the same. We sat quietly and watched the sun go down directly across the lake from us. Once the last rays settled behind the trees on the other side of the lake, I asked Alyssa, "Did you bring a swim suit?" I hadn't seen one.
"Yes," she said.
"I am going to go for a swim," I said. "Maybe you'll join me."
Alyssa looked over at me for a moment, studying me.
"It's just a swim," I told her. "Come if you like." I rose from my place on the dock and slipped my sandals back on. Alyssa stayed where she was, so I left her there.