by Robin Roseau
While I slipped into a bathing suit, I was both excited and terrified at the same time. I didn't know if Alyssa would join me. I didn't know if I wanted her to. In a way, it felt like I was dreaming.
But in the summer, I liked to go swimming in the evening. It is usually very serene, and the water is calming and sensual. It had been a difficult weekend for both Alyssa and me. I thought a swim might be good for both of us.
When I returned to the water, neither Alyssa nor the dogs were in sight. I didn't worry about my dogs; they always stayed close to the inn. Our nearest neighbors were private cabins a half-mile away and rarely occupied besides. I presumed Blues was with Alyssa.
I had brought two towels, one for Alyssa. I left the towels on a chair on the dock, kicked off my sandals, and dived into the cool, clear water.
It felt wonderful.
I decided I could use a little loosening up, so I began swimming hard directly away from shore. I've been known to swim all the way across the lake, but this time I went about a hundred yards out, then began swimming back. As I got closer, I heard barking, but it wasn't one of my dogs. I looked up, and I saw Alyssa and all three dogs on the dock, and it was Blues that was barking.
Alyssa wound up, and I saw a tennis ball come flying in my direction, landing twenty strokes in front of me. All three dogs launched themselves from the dock and began swimming madly for the tennis ball.
Blues won the race, snatching up the tennis ball and immediately turning for shore. Henry tried to steal the ball from Blues as she swam past him, but she ducked her head away and kept swimming, Henry now in slow pursuit. Flapper ignored Blues and swam out to me, circling me once, panting and coughing a little before turning around and heading for shore.
I followed after her, veering off towards Alyssa. I stopped short of the dock, treading water and staring at her.
She was wearing a stylish black bikini and she looked stunning. Her body wasn't perfect. Whose was, after all? But it was damned good, and I realized something.
I wanted her. I wanted that body writhing underneath me. Or above me. Or however I could get it.
"She's not staying," I said under my breath.
"What was that?"
"Coming in?" I asked her.
"How is it?"
"Feels great," I replied.
Then Blues came up, still in possession of the tennis ball, and dropped it right at Alyssa's feet. The dog immediately began barking again.
"Hush, Blues," Alyssa said.
The dog stopped barking, but continued to pant, looking between Alyssa and the ball.
"Her only weakness," Alyssa said. "She loves chasing tennis balls." Alyssa bent over, and I got an excellent view of her ass. She threw the ball into the lake, and Blues dived in after it, Henry chasing her. Flapper, however, got a head start by running along the dock from shore and launching herself into the water. It was a close race for a bit, but Blues was more streamlined than the Goldens and snatched the ball from the water just a muzzle length before Flapper got to it.
"Coming in?" I asked Alyssa again.
"Yes," she said. "One more toss first."
Three dogs swam to shore. My dogs shook off the moment they were out of the water, but Blues ran to Alyssa, dropped the ball, and then shook the water from her coat, drops flying everywhere. Alyssa shrieked, then laughed before throwing the ball.
Blues jumped in. Flapper and Henry jumped in. And then I watched as Alyssa dived in, cutting a graceful arc into the water. She disappeared underwater, and I didn't know where she was until I felt hands on my legs. I shrieked in surprise, then Alyssa surfaced in front of me, grinning.
"Did I scare you?"
I laughed and splashed her briefly. She returned the favor, but I didn't let it turn into a splashing war. Alyssa smiled at me before beginning to swim backwards away from me and towards the dock. When she got there, Blues was standing at the edge, holding the tennis ball. Alyssa reached up and took it from her, throwing it quickly. The three dogs went diving in after it.
It was still dusk, but it would be dark soon. I didn't think there would be very many throws before it was too dark for the dogs to see the ball bobbing in the black water.
I watched the dogs swimming for a minute then rolled onto my back, spreading my arms out to the sides, and took a deep breath, floating on the surface of the water. I felt like I was cradled in the softness, all the cares and worries of the day floating away from me.
I stayed like that, my ears bobbing in and out of the water as I took breaths of air. I heard the dogs jump into the water twice more, then as I heard Blues shaking off, I heard Alyssa tell her, "No more, Blues. Go play."
There was relative silence, punctuated only by the sounds of dogs panting and running on the wooden dock. Then I felt rather than heard Alyssa approach. I glanced over to my right, and she was treading water, watching me.
"You look so peaceful," she said.
I closed my eyes. "I love this time of night," I told her. "Any concerns I have can wait until morning."
Alyssa didn't respond, but the next time I glanced over, she was floating in the water much as I was, but turned so she could watch me. We exchanged quick smiles.
But I closed my eyes again. The sight of her breasts bobbing out of the water in her skimpy bikini was almost too much for me to resist. Inviting Alyssa to a swim was definitely a mistake, if I intended to remain chaste.
"What would an evening of fun hurt?" my body asked.
"You like her," my heart appended.
"Don't be an idiot," my brain said.
My brain was the quietest of the voices.
I floated in the water, intentionally sinking slightly deeper into the water so my face was barely poking from the water, my ears under the water. All noises were muffled by the water. I tried to relax. I tried to ignore Alyssa's sexy body floating just an arm’s length away from mine.
I didn't do very well at ignoring her.
I began fluttering my fingers slightly, giving me just a small amount of movement through the water. Alyssa did the same thing, following me around as I swam very slowly in front of the dock. Eventually I reached the end of the L of the dock where we kept a ladder. I used the ladder to climb out of the water. Alyssa followed me. I handed her one of the towels before wrapping the other around myself.
I turned to face Alyssa, not realizing how closely she was standing beside me, brushing wet hair from her face. She looked luscious, and it was everything I could do to stop myself pulling her into my arms for a deep kiss.
"She's going away," I told myself. "And it was just days ago she was crying for her dead girlfriend. She's not ready to move on, anyway."
The look she gave me suggested I might be wrong, that she actually was ready to move on. But I didn't intend to be her rebound girl.
"What would it take to convince you to go back to my cabin with me?" she asked.
"Convince me you aren't leaving in a few days," I replied.
She considered my response and nodded understanding.
I turned away. "Flapper. Henry. Let's go."
Alyssa grabbed my arm, turning me back to face her. "Thank you for the swimming invitation, Janis," she said. "Is there any chance you could take me fishing tomorrow?"
"Jenna is authorized to sell you a fishing license," I said. "Fishing would be nice."
* * * *
We set the tone for the rest of the week. I tortured myself by spending as much time with Alyssa as I could. Our time together was a mix of business and pleasure. Alyssa focused first on the web site, which went live Wednesday morning. It was a work of art. She also designed new business cards and brochures for us. We got together Wednesday afternoon at her cabin and she showed me what she had.
"I need to know if you're willing to spend money on marketing," she said.
"I thought I was trading a cabin for it."
She smiled. "You're trading a cabin for my time," she explained. "But not for the cost of printing brochures or pla
cing advertisements."
She described the associated costs. "I don't know how much of that I could afford," I told her.
"There are ways to get free advertising," she said. "But I want to ask you. Have you thought about advertising the inn as gay friendly?"
"You want me to put a big rainbow out by the road?" I asked.
She laughed. "No. I was thinking more about special events during the off-season. You don't need more guests over summer weekends. You need more guests during off-season mid-weeks. I think we can get them here. But I don't want to spend a lot of time working on my ideas if you're going to veto them."
"You're not talking wild orgies out on the lawn, are you?" I asked her.
She laughed. "No."
"I'm happy to pursue any tasteful ideas you may have," I told her.
"Excellent," she said. "I need to muddle through the ideas and do some research, but I'll have ideas for you to consider in a few weeks."
Later, I stopped by the boathouse to talk to Jenna. Jenna looked at me and grinned.
"What?" I asked.
"You seem to be spending a significant amount of time with one special guest this week," she said.
"Business," I told her. "Have you looked at the web site?"
"Yes," Jenna said. "It looks amazing. So does the person who designed it."
"She wants us to become known as gay friendly. She wants to hold special events."
"I bet she does," Jenna said.
"Knock it off," I told her. "We're just friends." I turned away, looking out the doors of the boathouse towards the lake.
Jenna walked up to my side. "You should go for it," she said.
"Go for what?"
"Don't be coy. You two look like a couple of lovesick puppies when you're together."
"She's leaving, Jenna. I don't need my heart broken."
"Convince her to stay."
I glanced over at her. "Yeah. She strikes me as a northern woods girl. Not a city girl at all. Besides, she has a job."
"Which she does from home. She can do it from here instead."
"What do you think about special events?" I asked. "Will the staff rebel?"
"Of course not," Jenna said. "They sound like fun. Janis, everyone knows you’re…” She changed her voice, whispering as if it were a big secret, “One of those lesbians.” She gave a little bark. “You don’t have any bigots working for you. Trust me.”
And so I nodded. I did trust her.
* * * *
Thursday after dinner, Alyssa and I went for our customary walk followed by swimming. We swam until dark. Then, as we left the dock and stepped onto dry ground, Alyssa reached over and grabbed my hand. I tried to head towards the lodge, but instead she tugged me towards the path leading to her cabin.
"I want to talk to you," she said.
"Talk?"
She nodded. "Talk."
Her hand felt nice, and I let her hold it all the way to her cabin. The mosquitoes were definitely out, so instead of sitting on her deck, she pulled me into the cabin, the dogs following us. We were both wet, but she grabbed two more towels and spread them on two of the kitchen chairs, beckoning me to sit. She sat opposite me.
"I'm leaving in the morning," she said.
I looked away. "Oh." I said. "There's a room in the lodge with your name on it, you know. I thought you'd stay the weekend."
"I'd like to come back," she said. "If you'll have me."
"Next week?" I asked. "This cabin is available again beginning Tuesday."
"Not next week," Alyssa said. "There are things I need to do next week. After that, I want to watch the weather. I want to take more photographs. And of course, come up when you have space. I don't want to take space away from paying customers."
I was disappointed. I had gotten used to spending time with her. But of course she was going to leave. I'd known this all along.
I tried to smile, but it was hard. Alyssa stood up, taking my hands, and pulled me into her arms, taking me by surprise. I found myself nose to nose with her, our faces inches apart, her arms wrapped around my shoulders. Without even thinking about it, mine had wrapped around her waist.
"Alyssa," I started to say.
"Just a kiss," she said. She didn't wait for permission but pulled me the rest of the way to her.
My heart was pounding even before her lips brushed against mine, and I could feel hers doing the same thing. One hand reached to the back of my neck, guiding my mouth to hers, and then our lips touched.
It was everything I thought it would be. She kissed me gently at first, but then her tongue slipped between my lips and danced against my tongue, and instead of simply holding her, I was clutching at her, afraid to let go, even though I knew I was going to have to.
For me, it was the kiss to end all kisses.
Of course, it did eventually end, both of us panting and flushed with desire. I pushed away from her and turned my back on her.
Why had she done it? Didn't she know what torture I was going to go through?
She didn't get mad at my rejection. Instead she stepped closer to me. "We both wanted that," she said quietly. "Janis, I am coming back."
I looked over at her, the pain clear on my face. "But you won't be staying."
She didn't answer with words but instead wrapped her arms around me, hugging me, my back to her front. I leaned against her for a moment, then tried to pull away, but she held me tightly.
"I know you're afraid," she said. "So am I. But I don't intend to deny how I feel about you."
"You're rebounding," I told her. "That's all this is to you."
"No," she said. "But I understand why you are afraid that's what it is."
"Please, Alyssa, I need to go." I squirmed in her arms, but she continued to hold me tightly, her warmth intoxicating, her arms a welcome restraint even as I tried to flee with my fears of a broken heart.
"Tell me you didn't want that kiss and I'll let you go," she said into my ear.
"I don't want a broken heart!" I told her, anguish clearly filling my voice.
"Tell me you don't want me, Janis."
"Of course I want you!" I wailed. "But I can't have you, can I? Let me go."
I could have broken her grip, but deep down, I didn't want to. And we both knew it. I didn't want her to let me go. I wanted her to stay. But of course she wouldn't.
"Promise me you'll see me off in the morning," she said.
"Alyssa," I said. "Please." I started to shake.
"Promise me," she said again.
"Of course I'll see you off," I said. "Please let me go."
"You don't have to be afraid, Janis," she said. "I wouldn't hurt you. You're too precious."
"So you want a fling? A quick night together, then leave in the morning?"
"No," she said. "Tonight I want a kiss, which I have had, and two promises. You've offered one. I want one more."
"What?"
"When I come back, you promise not to hide from me. No taking some excursion to get away. No putting me off. That's all."
"Of course I wouldn't hide from you," I said.
"Promise me."
"I promise, Alyssa. I need to go."
She kissed my cheek then slowly released her grip. My heart broke as I felt her arms releasing me, and I ran for the door. "Flapper! Henry! Come!" I said over my shoulder.
"I'm coming back, Janis," Alyssa said quietly. I looked at her as I flung the door open, and she was smiling. "I'm coming back."
"But you'll leave again!" I said, flying out the door.
Despondent
In the morning, I tried to hide from her. I couldn't stand to watch her drive away. I'd tried so hard to hold my emotions in check, but I'd failed terribly. I stayed in my office during breakfast. At nine, there was a knock, and then the door opened without waiting for an invitation. Jenna stood in front of me, her hand on her hip.
"Don't start with me," I told her.
Jenna walked up to me and reached out with one hand t
o clasp my chin. She looked at my face carefully. "Go kiss her goodbye."
I pulled away and turned back to my desk, but Jenna wasn't having it. She clasped my chin again, pulling me back to face her. "Go say goodbye, or I quit."
I stared at her, unbelieving. I didn't believe she would quit over this.
"I'm serious, Janis," she said. "You go say goodbye like you promised her, or I'm gone."
"You wouldn't really quit," I told her.
"Ted and I will open our own outfitters," Jenna said.
"Why are you doing this?" I said, barely stifling a cry.
"Because if you don't go say goodbye, you're going to feel like shit for breaking a promise. I won't have it. She's waiting for you in the boathouse. Get your ass down there."
I sighed and stood up. Jenna stepped out of my way then followed me out of the office. I turned back to her halfway to the boathouse and said, "I don't want to do this."
"Tough," she said.
Alyssa wasn't in the boathouse. She was sitting on the dock, her feet dangling in the water. I walked down to her, kicking off my own shoes, and sat down next to her.
Alyssa glanced over, smiling, but I saw her troubled look before she hid it. "You tried to break your promise," she said.
"I'm sorry," I replied.
"You're afraid," she said. "I understand. Are you going to break your other promise when I come back up?"
"Jenna will quit if I do."
Alyssa laughed then bumped me with her shoulder. She turned to look out across the water at a family of loons swimming slowly past.
"Where is Blues?"
"Waiting in the car," Alyssa said. "Do I have permission to call you?"
"You have the number for the inn," I told her.
"I'm not calling the inn," she said. "I want to call you, Janis. Will you answer?"
I glanced over at her. "Yes."
She smiled. "Please walk me to my car."
We stood up together, and Alyssa hooked our arms together. We turned towards shore, and I saw Jenna watching us. She didn't try to hide it.
We walked past the boathouse and along the path leading to the parking lot behind the lodge. As we approached Alyssa's car, I saw Blues in the back of the car, her head hanging out an open window, watching for us. Alyssa seemed to understand I'd want to say goodbye to the dog, as she led me straight to the friendly face, letting me go. Blues licked my face, and I kissed the top of her head, running my fingers through her fur.