by Robin Roseau
There was another car in the garage. Alyssa brought us to a stop, and I was sure she was staring at it. “I can’t bring myself to sell it,” she said. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I just realized I’m taking you to the house I shared with my dead wife.”
I reached over and took her hand. She stared for a minute, not pulling the car in, then finally said, “Caroline would have loved you.” She pulled forward, and we came to a stop. Alyssa hit the remote to begin closing the door, then didn’t move.
“Alyssa?”
“Sorry. If I let Blues out, she runs around the car and interrupts the door sensor thing.”
“Oh.”
Once the garage was quiet, she cracked her door, and we both carefully climbed from the car. I stretched. She let Blues out of the back. The dog jumped down and ran to the service door into the house. Alyssa followed her, and I headed for the trunk to collect our bags.
I carried everything into the foyer then went in search of Alyssa. She was standing in the back yard, watching the dog as she sniffed the bushes. I found the door and stepped out. Alyssa didn’t turn, but she held her hand to me.
It was a lovely yard, just like the house, and fenced for the dog. “I bet she likes it here.”
“She likes it more six hours away,” Alyssa said. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you about to break up with me?”
She turned to me, shock on her face. “Why would you ask that?”
“Are you going to make me stay at a hotel?”
“Janis. No.”
“Then I’m not sure why you feel you need to apologize.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“That may be. Why do you say that?”
“I haven’t done anything with her clothes. I kept meaning to.”
I set my fingers over her lips. “Caroline brought us together,” I said gently. “We never would have met without her influence. If you’re not ready to share your home with me, I understand.” That last part was a lie, but I was going to do what I could for her. She stepped to me, and I wrapped around her. “You picked the house together?”
“Blues helped.”
“You took a dog looking at homes?”
“She came with us in spirit. Let me show you something.” She turned back to the house. We took five steps together and she pointed to a rectangle in the side of the house. I cocked my head. “It’s a doggy door,” she said. “It was already here. The previous owners had a Golden Retriever. Blues loves it. She can come and go whenever she wants.”
“Ah. Not bad.”
“We didn’t make a fenced yard a priority, because you can always add a fence. But we found this, and it was perfect for the three of us.”
“Show me,” I said.
We stepped in. Blues would find us in a few minutes, but for now, she was happy making sure no strange dogs had been in her yard while she’d been gone. “The kitchen,” Alyssa said.
“Who was the cook?”
“Both of us, although we were terrible about sharing. We have very, very different styles of cooking, and we drove each other crazy.”
She showed me the entire house. We stepped into the master bedroom, coming to a stop. “I’m such an idiot,” she muttered.
“No,” I said. “You’re not.”
“We decorated together.”
I turned to look at her. “She was your wife,” I said. “You’re only an idiot for bringing me here if you suddenly don’t want to share this with me.”
“I-”
I looked around. On the dresser was a picture frame of two women clearly dressed for a wedding. I dropped her hand and headed for it. As soon as Alyssa saw my intent, she tried to step in front of me. I didn’t want to steal her privacy from her, so I let her, but then I grabbed her and turned her to me.
“Alyssa,” I said. “If you’re upset because you don’t want me to see any of this, I understand.” That was another lie. “It’s your home with Caroline. If you’re upset because you’re worried I am, knock it off. Now, I’d really like to see that photo, but not if it’s going to hurt you to let me look.”
She stared into my eyes then turned around, collecting the photo from the top of the dresser. I thought she was going to shove it away, but she hugged it for a minute before turning to me. The pain in her eyes was clear, but then she held the picture frame out to me.
I took it from her and turned it to me. I stared at it for a minute. “You were both so beautiful that day.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“This woman,” I said, brushing my fingers across the picture frame. I looked up. “As far as I’m concerned, she’s part of this relationship we have, and I’m just fine with that. If you can’t handle it that way, I’m fine with that, too. But if we ever get to the point we’re sharing a house, I really, really hope this photo finds a good spot in our home.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“If you can’t stand to look at it anymore, that’s your choice,” I said. “But my preference is to accept her into our home together.”
“I love you,” she blurted, catching me entirely by surprise. I stared at her, and when I didn’t respond properly, she began to panic. “Oh, no. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“Hey,” I said. I reached for her, pulling her into a hug. I kissed the side of her neck and held her tightly. “I love you, too.”
We clung to each other for a minute. Then, slowly, I relaxed. “I can’t believe I said that while you’re looking at a photo of Caroline.”
“Would she approve?” I asked.
“I think she would,” she said. She separated from me and took the photo. She looked at it for a minute then back up at me.
“Alyssa,” I said. “I meant every word. I really hope that goes back on your dresser.”
“I have ones of you on my phone,” she said. “But none printed.”
“Do people still print photos?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said with a laugh. She turned around and replaced the picture frame on top of the dresser.
“I don’t know where in our house I’ll want that photo,” I said. “But I want it somewhere special.”
“Maybe not watching us in bed, though,” she said. “Wait here.” She took the photo and stepped from the room. I didn’t hear where she went, but when she returned, Blues was with her. The dog jumped up on the bed and settled in, watching us.
“Where did you put it?”
“Living room,” she said. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said.
She pulled me to her, and this time we kissed, rather deeply, then moving into a hug. We held tightly, and she whispered, “Welcome to my home.”
“It’s beautiful,” I told her.
* * * *
Blues wasn’t impressed with us some hours later. We kicked her from the bedroom when we made love. When finally we wore each other out, Alyssa slipped from the bed long enough to let Blues back in, and the dog was back before the woman was. There was some amount of adjustment, but then Alyssa lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. I happily snuggled against her.
Finally, I asked, “Are you all right?”
“Yes,” she said, a whisper. “No. I don’t know.” She turned to look at me. “We…” She didn’t finish the thought, but I was fairly sure she was thinking about Caroline. “It strikes me sometimes.”
While I wasn’t necessarily happy that she was thinking about another woman while lying in bed with me, I understood.
“You must think I’m terrible,” she added.
“You know I don’t,” I replied. “Alyssa, could I ask a few questions?” She nodded. “Do you want me here?”
“Yes!” she said firmly.
“I don’t think either of us really believes in some sort of afterlife, but if you thought Caroline were up there, somewhere, looking at us, do you think she’d be happy?”
“She’d be sad s
he wasn’t here,” Alyssa replied. “But I think she’d like you, and I think she’d like knowing I wasn’t alone.”
“Do you still talk to her family?”
“No. We were cordial, but they never really warmed to me. I get a Christmas card. It’s probably easier for everyone this way.” She paused. “I think I’m terrible.” She turned her head. “Part of me, a big part of me, is ready to move on. I’m invested in us. But at the same time, I can’t entirely let go of her.”
“That’s good, because I don’t think you should.”
“You don’t?”
“It’s not completely the same, but we’ve both known loss. There are changes I should make at the inn that I haven’t made, because it’s the way Grams and Gramps did it, and I don’t want to lose that connection. I’ll do some of them eventually, but I’m not ready, and I don’t know when I’ll be ready.”
“I know what you mean.”
“This house is yours now, and you don’t need permission from anyone to do what you want,” I pointed out. “You have responsibilities. You have to pay the bills, and you have to give Blues a good home. I have responsibilities. I have to pay the bills. I have an obligation to my employees and to my guests. And I have to give Flapper and Henry a good home.”
I smiled and stroked her arm for a moment then said, “There’s nothing wrong if I take my time making changes. There’s nothing wrong if there are some changes I never make, because leaving them the way they are remind me of Grams and Gramps. There’s nothing wrong if you never change a thing about the house. I’m glad you moved the photo downstairs, but if my choice were on the dresser or put away, I’d want it on the dresser.”
“Downstairs is better.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “I know our situation isn’t identical. She was your wife, not your grandmother. But she was an important part of your life, and she deserves a place in your heart for the rest of your life. It's not like I’m ever going to stop loving Grams.”
“It’s not the same,” she said. “But it’s not that different, either. Your grandparents were a much, much bigger part of your life than mine have been. Heck, it sounds like they were a bigger part than my parents have been to me. Mom and I fight if we share a roof, and I never moved back home after college.”
“Never?”
“Never. I lived in a few crappy places, but they were mine.” She kissed my nearest shoulder. “I’m sorry you lost your parents and grandparents.”
“I’m sorry you lost Caroline.”
“I’m glad you’re in my life.”
“I’m glad you’re in mine.”
We stared into each other’s eyes for a minute, then she asked, “Will you spoon me?”
“I’d love to spoon you.”
* * * *
I had a lovely stay. Then Jenna came down to the cities for a little Christmas shopping, and I rode home with her. Halfway to Duluth, I finally asked, “Jenna, what am I going to do?”
“For a while,” she said, “You’re going to continue to do what you’ve been doing. I need to ask something.”
“I won’t sell the resort,” I declared. “I can’t.” I turned to look at her. “Jenna, I can’t.”
“I know,” she said. She glanced over at me then reached and took my hand. She squeezed it then turned her attention back to the road.
“What were you going to ask?”
“Whether you were thinking of selling. I want you to be happy, but I can’t stand the idea of you selling.”
“I’m not. The Red Paws Inn has been in my family now through four generations, and it’s staying that way.”
“Then you better start thinking about kids.”
“Maybe I’ll half adopt yours,” I said.
“I’m cool with that,” she said. “Did you want to carry them, too? I already asked Ted, and he only laughed.”
“I bet he did.”
“I have a request.”
“Time off?”
“No. Well, yes, but that’s not what I mean.” She glanced at me. “Shut up.”
“That’s your request?”
“No, that’s not my request,” she said, sounding exasperated. “Will you please let me get this out?”
“Sorry.”
“I want you to consider changes.”
“What kind of changes?”
“At the inn.”
“I didn’t think you meant my hair.”
“I don’t know what kind of changes,” she said. “I just want you to keep an open mind.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have a very open mind.”
“On a lot of things, yes, you do.”
“Can you give me an example of the sort of changes you think I would reject without a proper hearing?”
“Anything that’s different from what your Grams did.”
“I’m not that bad.”
“Yeah, kind of you are.”
“I added internet.”
“The example that proves the rule. Look, I don’t have anything specific. There’s nothing I have in mind. I just…” She glanced over again. “Promise me you’ll keep an open mind if a reason for us to have had this conversation pops up.”
“You’re priming me for something.”
“I have nothing specific in mind. I’m just worried you’ll say ‘no’ some time when you should say, ‘convince me’.”
I stared at her profile for a while. “I’ll try. If I say no, remind me of this conversation.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I will.”
Family
“So,” Alyssa said over the phone two nights later. “Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching.”
“So it is,” I agreed.
“And then Christmas.”
“Followed a week later by New Year’s Eve.”
“Would you like to meet my parents?”
My breath hitched. “Yes.”
“How do you feel about a destination Christmas? My family is dispersed, but we get together every other year. It’s this year.”
My breath hitched again. “I can’t. We actually get a few guests, and we’ll be running short-handed. I really want to, Alyssa. I- I reserved a cabin for you instead, but I suppose I should release it.”
“No, you shouldn’t release it,” she replied. “We’re spending Christmas together.”
“I’d like that,” I said. “But what about your family?”
“What about Thanksgiving? Filled to the rafters?”
“Dead as a doornail.”
“Then how do you feel about a destination Thanksgiving? Could you find someone to take care of Henry and Flapper?”
“Yes. Jenna, her mom, and Ted will stay here. What about Blues?”
“Would she be welcome up there, too?”
“She would.”
We discussed the arrangements.
* * * *
Leaving the dogs was hard for both of us. We had clasped hands tightly as she drove us from the inn. The dogs had looked accusingly at us, but Jenna had promised they’d be spoiled rotten by the time we got back.
That had been yesterday. It was now the Monday before Thanksgiving. We settled into our seats for the flight to Tampa. I set my hand, palm up, in Alyssa’s lap, and she collected it in hers. We smiled at each other. “What are your parents like?”
“Horrible,” she said. “They have big, sharp fangs and…”
I nudged her with my shoulder. “Really.”
“They’re okay. They moved down here six years ago. Dad’s ten years older than Mom.”
“You’re the baby of the family.”
“Mom was nearly forty when she popped me out. Mom was a realtor. Dad was an engineer with Lockheed. They’re both officially retired. Mom golfs three times a week, and dad putters with his ‘toys’.”
“Toys?”
“He likes automating the house. Every time I go, there’s something new he’s done. It drives Mom nuts, which I think is half the reason he does it.”
“They were okay,” she said. “They haven’t been that good to all my girlfriends, but they liked Caroline. They weren’t shitty or anything, but they didn’t necessarily warm up to the ones before her. They’re going to like you, but it might take them some time to get to know you.”
“Who else will be there?”
“Probably just us,” she said. “Unless someone decides to surprise us. At least Mom stopped trying to invite guys for me to meet.”
“Seriously?”
“She hasn’t done that for a while. I think she thought it was a phase, or experimentation.”
“Or just hadn’t met the right man?”
“Yeah, maybe. She wasn’t mean about it or anything. I had to tell a few guys I wasn’t interested, but that it was nice meeting them.”
“Awkward.”
“Yeah, but not my fault.”
“No, not your fault. I hope this wasn’t for major holidays.”
“No, but we’re here for a week. She would have ample time to arrange something any of the other nights.”
“Well, I have to ask. Did you warn her you’re bringing a girlfriend?”
She laughed. “Yeah, but that hasn’t stopped her in the past. But as I said, she hasn’t done it for several years. I don’t think you need to worry.”
Still, I was about to meet Alyssa’s parents, and it sounded like Mom wasn't as supportive as I might have preferred.
“What will they want me to call them?”
“Your Majesties,” she replied. My eyes bugged out before I realized she was teasing. Alyssa laughed and pointed to my face. “You should see your expression.” She offered another laugh. “You can use their names: Oberon and Bernice.”
“I can’t believe your father is named after the king of the faeries.”
“My grandfather was an English teacher. My aunts and uncles are all named after someone from Shakespeare.”
“Hamlet?”
“No, and none of the tragic characters. I have an Aunt Titania, though.”
“That’s a heck of a legacy to saddle on a kid.”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
* * * *