Rock Chick Renegade

by Kristen Ashley

  I wished I could turn on a light. I’d never seen him asleep. He was always up before or with me.

  I studied him. There was something about him asleep from what I could see in the near-dark, he seemed almost… boyish.

  God, I wanted to kiss him as in really wanted to kiss him.

  This gave me pause for reflection. Not as to why I’d want to kiss him because that was obvious but as to why I didn’t. He was my boyfriend (or whatever). We were exclusive. He was sleeping in my bed. We’d had incredible sex not seven hours earlier.

  Why not? Why couldn’t I kiss him?

  So I kissed him.

  Not a full-on, full tongue, let’s-have-sex-right-now kiss but I touched my lips to his.

  When I pulled back, his eyes were open.

  “Good morning,” I said and smiled.

  He stared at me and he didn’t look boyish anymore.

  Um.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him.

  As he kept staring at me, my smile began to fade.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake –” I started.

  Then he moved, arms going around me, body rolling in to me, thigh pressing between my legs, mouth on mine.

  His kiss was a full-on, full tongue, we’re-going-to-have-sex-right-now kiss and I responded. I had no choice however if I was given one I’d have said yes.

  He was all over me and it became clear very quickly he wasn’t in the mood for me to be all over him. I figured this out because he eventually pinned my hands to the bed, his at my wrists and he did magnificent things to my mouth, neck and breasts with his mouth and tongue and, shockingly but very effectively, with his teeth.

  When I was making noises I couldn’t control and struggling at his hands in order to touch him, he went lower, letting my wrists go so he could spread my legs then his mouth was there.

  Yay! My brain screamed.

  My hands slid into his hair, his hands tilted my hips and very shortly after I was panting, rocketing to Grade Ten with my entire body on fire and enjoying the ride.

  “Vance,” I whispered, coming close.

  He kept going and my rocket ride kept ascending.

  “Vance,” I breathed before I hit the stratosphere, dazzled by the stars and Vance came up over me. I was still flying high when he rolled us, him on his back, me on top. He pulled up my knees so I was astride him, came up with me and reached to the shelf, nabbing a condom.

  “I’ll do it,” I whispered, still breathing heavily.

  “Quiet.”

  Obviously he didn’t feel like playing around. One second he was tearing the packet open with his white teeth, the next second he was inside me.

  My head fell back.

  He rolled again, him on top of me but not for very long. He kept my legs bent, lifted up his torso, coming to his knees, he pulled up my hips and drove into me. The whole time he moved inside me, he was watching me and I was watching him.

  Even though he was far away, the intimacy of our connection, the beauty of him, the way he was watching me with that fierce “mine” look on his face overwhelmed me and although I’d descended to a Grade Six or Seven after my orgasm, it started coming over me again.

  It was helped when his hand took mine, moving it between us so I could feel him sliding inside me then his fingers pressed mine deep, just at the right spot and manipulated them. It didn’t take long before I let go, saying his name again.

  * * * * *

  While Vance went to the bathroom, I laid in bed thinking that I’d spend my newly-free evenings trying to learn how to knit so I could make Vance sweaters.

  I was mentally designing a sexy turtleneck when the alarm sounded. I rolled over and slapped the off button, rolled back and cuddled into the pillows.

  Boo said, “Meow,” which meant “Breakfast.”

  “Not now, Boo, Mommy just had two orgasms. She’s recovering.”

  Boo was not impressed with this new and unusual excuse and gave me a kitty pouty face.

  Vance came back and curled me into his arms, full frontal, thigh pressing between my legs so I was forced to wrap one around his hip.

  “What was that?” I asked him.

  “What?”

  “What you just did.”

  He grinned his shit-eating grin. “It was good morning.”

  “Good” didn’t quite cover it.

  He sure did “good morning” a lot better than me.

  “Next time I get to pin your hands down to the bed and have my wicked way with you,” I said.

  I wanted to try the teeth thing on him that was nice.

  He didn’t answer but he looked amused.

  “No, seriously. It’s only fair,” I said.

  “You could try.”

  Hmm.

  He said, “try”.

  Whatever.

  I was feeling too mellow to bicker.

  “What’s on for your day?” he asked.

  “First up, doctor’s appointment,” I started but Vance interrupted, the remnants of his amused look faded and his body got tense.

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why are you goin’ to the doctor?”

  “Um…”

  “Are you okay?”

  I felt that whoosh of warmth through my belly at his concern and I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Yeah, we just need to discuss, erm…” Why was this embarrassing? He’d just had his mouth between my legs. I told myself to get over it and forged on. “Contraception.”

  His body relaxed and he kissed my forehead. “That’d be good,” he said softly, “then what?”

  “Work. I need to get to Fortnum’s, break it to Tex that his nights as a sidekick will be short-lived. Then I’m going to the hobby shop and picking up a How-To-Knit Kit.”

  I didn’t know if there was such a thing as a How-To-Knit-Kit but I didn’t have time to wonder for long because Vance’s body started to shake with laughter.

  “How to knit?” he asked, voice still amused.

  “Yeah, I’ll need to do something in the evenings that doesn’t involve getting me kidnapped and other things that freak me out. I tried baking. That, as you could see, didn’t work. Now I’m going to try knitting.”

  Knitting didn’t burn when Daisy came over to give you an impromptu facial and you forgot it so I thought it was a safe bet.

  He rolled into me so he was partly on top of me, partly at my side. He was shaking his head and he had that look on his face, the look that said I was too adorable for words. His hand went to the side of my head and his fingers ran through my hair.

  “What’s on for your day?” I asked and I found that I liked this. I liked cuddling and talking after spending the night together and morning sex. It didn’t cause a belly whoosh or flutter or plummet, it just made me feel warm, relaxed, mellow… happy.

  I hadn’t felt really happy in twelve years and it was nice as in super nice.

  “I’m gonna take Roam and Sniff out later. Can you bring them to Fortnum’s when you talk to Tex?”

  Okay, I was back to the belly whoosh.

  I nodded, smiling at him again, this time I suspected it was giddily. This was confirmed when Vance’s eyes got warm and soft or warmer and softer.

  “Doesn’t take much with you, does it?” he murmured.

  “This may not seem much for you, Crowe, but it’s gonna rock Roam and Sniff’s worlds.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “What does it take for you?” I whispered and wished I hadn’t.

  That was a moonlight question. Even feeling mellow and happy, I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for a moonlight conversation in the morning. We’d had one yesterday and I was thinking once a week was my quota.

  Surprisingly he didn’t hesitate in giving his response, clearly not sharing my moonlight restrictions on deep, meaningful, soul-shattering conversations.

  “Making you come, watching you come, hearin’ you say my name when you do.”

  Well one thing you could say
for that, it had a theme.

  He wasn’t finished. “Not knowin’ what ridiculous shit is gonna come out of your mouth and make me smile, Yoko Ono, learnin’ to knit, namin’ your car Hazel.”

  Okay, I was back to needing the moonlight. That was too much. Especially since his face had changed and so had the air. He still had that warm and soft look but somehow it was mingled with intensity and I didn’t know what was going to come next. What I did know was that I wasn’t going to be prepared for it whatever it was.

  “Crowe –”

  I was right, he’d saved the real whammy for last and I wasn’t prepared for it.

  When he spoke again, his voice had that fierce undercurrent and it slid across my skin, shrouding me in velvet. “Knowin’ I got something to live for now that you’re mine. Keepin’ it that way, workin’ at keepin’ this good like it is right now.”

  I stopped breathing and he kept talking.

  “I can go back now, to the rez, to my family with you on the back of my bike.”

  My lungs started burning with lack of oxygen but that was okay considering my heart had also stopped beating. I figured I was going to die at any moment and I was totally fine with that.

  Vance continued. “They can see that, despite them, I made it to the other side, passed their shit. While they lived their dysfunction, I worked my way to something better, ridin’ up with you wrapped around me.”

  I butted in, it took a great deal of effort, mainly because I was overwhelmed by what he was saying. “Vance, you’re defined by more than just me giving my virginity to you.”

  After I said that he kissed me softly then he did it again then again. Then his face an inch away from mine he said, “You’re right, Princess. That’s not what I’m sayin’. It isn’t about that, though that was a bonus. Even if I hadn’t been your first, I still would claim you as mine. But any man is defined by the woman who shares her bed with him.”

  “That isn’t true.”

  “It is and it works the other way too.”

  Oh my God.

  Did he really think that?

  “Crowe –”

  “Which means, if someone like you, someone as unbelievably beautiful as you, as crazy and sweet as you, filled with attitude and courage with her heart in the right place, in a lot of right places even though her head normally isn’t… if someone like you shares her bed with me, then that says something about me.”

  Oh… my… God.

  (I was going to let the comment about my head not being in the right place slide because the rest of it was so fucking nice.)

  “Vance –”

  “Shut up, Jules.”

  I decided to give up telling him not to tell me to shut up and desperately looked for a different topic that was safe for morning discussions. I needed to move on, process this later perhaps in the night-time hours with the moonlight coming in the window and Vance asleep while we were test-driving another Most Favorite Sleeping Position.

  Finally I blurted, “You never answered me. Do you like The Beatles?”

  He stared at me a beat then said, “What?”

  “The Beatles. Do you like them?”

  He totally had my number. I knew it when the intensity slid away, a slow grin spread on his face and he kissed me softly again. Thankfully, he let the moonlight conversation go and I knew this was because he knew I needed him to let it go… for now.

  “Yeah,” he answered.

  “Stevie Wonder?”

  “Yeah,” he repeated.

  I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, that’s a load off my mind.”

  He shook his head again, eyes amused, then he switched the subject. “Today, I want you checkin’ in with me regularly and if you can’t get through to me then call the surveillance room. Yeah?”

  I nodded. I could do that, that didn’t sound hard.

  Vance carried on. “I’ll get a panic button from the office. I’ll give it to you at Fortnum’s.”

  Um.

  No.

  I scrunched my nose. A head crackin’ mamma jamma with a panic button? I didn’t think so.

  Vance’s relaxed grin faded. “I’m not arguing about this, Jules. You either take the panic button or you got a bodyguard whether you want one or not. Your choice. You’re protected one way or the other until we pick up Shard, Jermaine and Clarence and convince them to change their minds.”

  Hmm.

  Macho-speak.

  My eyes narrowed.

  “Chose, Jules.”

  “Is there a door number three?” I asked.

  “Yeah, they can pick you up, gang rape you repeatedly while alternately beatin’ the shit out of you until you wished you were dead. Then I’d have to hunt them down and kill them and, after that, I’d spend the rest of my life in prison. That’s door number three.”

  Um.

  Yikes.

  “I choose the panic button,” I said immediately.

  His body relaxed, he kissed my forehead again and said, “Wise choice.”

  * * * * *

  We were sitting in the Arby’s drive-through in May’s Grandma van, May at the wheel and me in the passenger seat. Clarice was in the backseat with Roam and Sniff. She was on the phone taking orders from Daisy who was at Fortnum’s where we were heading after Arby’s.

  I had three months of birth control pills in my purse and I was supposed to start taking them after my next period, which I hoped and prayed would come right on schedule in two days. Things were going well with Vance and I, super well, beyond-quantum-powered well in the way that only these badass boys seemed to be able to pull off. Still, I didn’t want to be carrying around a mini-Vance just yet.

  I’d told Roam and Sniff that Vance was picking them up after lunch. Roam was playing it cool. Sniff was jumping around the seat radiating excitement, unable to contain it.

  I’d called and checked in three times, once when I got to the doctor’s; once when I got to work from the doctor’s; and then when I left the Shelter with May and the kids for lunch. Vance had answered his phone each time.

  The last time I called, I said, “I’m kind of… um, over this checking in shit.”

  He laughed. “Princess, it’s only been half a day.”

  “You think you could round up Jermaine, Clarence and Shard quick-like? This is cutting into my whole head crackin’ mamma jamma vibe.”

  “I thought you were going to learn how to knit.”

  “Yeah, for now. Once you take care of the bad guys then Tex and I are back on the street.”

  Silence.

  Then, “Christ.”

  “Vance.”

  “Later, Princess.”

  Disconnect.

  Obviously Vance didn’t feel like bickering (or arguing) today either.

  After picking up enough utterly delicious processed roast beef covered in orange cheese and even more orange special sauce to feed an army, we headed to Fortnum’s.

  I knew something wasn’t right the minute we walked in. I knew this because both Zip and Heavy were there and neither of them were the kind of guys who hung out at a bookstore.

  Indy was behind the espresso counter, Jet was walking up to me and Daisy was sitting on a couch. The skinny, tall lady was behind the book counter and there were about five customers sitting around on the seating area enjoying coffee.

  I looked to Heavy and Zip and gave them a smile. “Hey. What are you guys –” I started to say but Heavy stormed right up to me.

  My Arby’s bags were confiscated by Heavy who shoved them in a surprised Jet’s hands. Then Zip, Duke and Tex descended and I was hustled, bouncing off one man into another then another then another until I was down the aisle of the book section and shoved right into one of the rows.

  “What’s going on?” I asked when they’d stopped me, my back to the books. They had surrounded me, all wearing identical father-about-to-speak-to-recalcitrant-daughter expressions (except Tex, who looked like he wanted to rip someone’s head off and I just hoped it wasn’t
mine).

  “You’re off duty,” Zip said.

  “No more night patrol. Done,” Tex shocked me by booming.

  “Everywhere you go, one of us goes with,” Heavy announced.

  “If you ain’t in Fortnum’s, at the Shelter or home, you got an escort,” Duke declared.

  I looked around the pack of them. “I take it you heard about Shard, Jermaine and Clarence,” I guessed.

  “Sure thing, Sugar,” Daisy had arrived. She burrowed into the beefcake to stand in front of Tex. “My husband gave me the scoop last night and I told your boys. Rumor on the street is you’re a marked woman. Whatever they have planned, we’re gonna make sure it ain’t gonna happen, comprende?”

  Shit, now even Marcus Sloan was looking after me.

  I didn’t know what to do with that and didn’t have a chance to process it.

  “No discussion,” Zip broke into my thoughts, “no, ‘Zip’ is gonna talk you out of this one,” Zip imitated my word-is-law voice when he said his own name and it was hard not to laugh.

  The good thing about this was Tex wasn’t going to be pissed that we weren’t going out that night. The bad news was I didn’t much like people telling me what to do. I’d already decided to lay low until the coast was clear, I didn’t need the Grumpy Middle-Aged Men Posse and Daisy telling me what to do.

  “Listen, folks –” I began to say in my word-is-law voice.

  May forced her way into the group.

  Not good.

  “What’s goin’ on?” she asked, eyes narrowed, she planted her hands on her ample hips, elbowing Zip and Duke as she did so.

  “Nothing, May. Everything’s fine,” I answered even though it was an obvious lie. I didn’t need May to know what was happening. She’d freak.

  May’s narrowed eyes focused on me. “You thinkin’ of breakin’ up with Crowe again?”

  “No!” I snapped, exasperated. So I broke up with him once and it almost took effect. I’d learned my lesson. Was I going to pay for it for the rest of my life?

  Jeez.

  “Vance and I are solid, we’re real solid,” I went on, assuring May. “We’re… good.”

  I started smiling to myself. I couldn’t help it. Vance and I were good. Even I, Miss No Relationship-or-Sex Experience, knew enough to know we were seriously good.

  At the sight of my smile, Daisy gave a tinkly bell laugh.