Rock Chick Renegade

by Kristen Ashley

  His forehead came to mine, his one hand between us at my belly, his other hand came to my neck and we just stood there looking into each other’s eyes and breathing.

  “Fuck,” Eddie murmured.

  “I love you,” I told him.

  His mouth touched mine and with his lips still there, he said, “Me too.”

  I nodded, my forehead rolling against his. He took in a deep breath, moved away, we got in the truck and he drove us to Denver Health.

  * * * * *

  Indy

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Lee said in my ear.

  I opened my eyes and in the dark I could see his hips clad in jeans on the bed beside me.

  I was tangled up in the sheets. This meant I’d been sleeping alone for awhile. I was an active sleeper. If Lee was with me he controlled it by pinning me deliciously to the bed with his hard body. Sometime between me drunkenly falling into bed wearing nothing but my underwear and now, Lee had been somewhere.

  I came up on my elbow and Lee reached out and turned on the light.

  I stared as he did it.

  Lee’s work had no office hours but he went to pains to make certain this didn’t affect me. Never in five months of living together had he turned on the light when he got home in the dead of night which happened a lot. Every time he came home he woke me up, as he’d promised, to let me know he was okay but he’d never turned on the light.

  My eyes moved to him and my heart started beating hard in my chest.

  Lee was sitting there, for that I could be thankful. But a lot of people I loved had dangerous jobs, Hank for one, Eddie for another, my Dad, who was a cop, Lee’s Dad, who was a cop too, then there was Lee’s whole workforce.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Jules has been shot.”

  I sucked in breath, not expecting to hear that, and came up to a sitting position.

  Lee’s eyes moved with me, never leaving mine. “Chest and gut. It isn’t good. She’s at Denver Health. Vance wanted to go get her uncle but I told him we’d do it.”

  “Of course,” I mumbled, pulling the sheets away from my body.

  Lee’s hands took mine and my eyes went back to his. “Vance didn’t agree. Said he needed to do it. I want you to be there for him and Nick. They’re gonna need you. Vance agreed to that.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “Hurry, Vance is waiting downstairs.”

  I flew from the bed, got dressed faster than I ever had in my life and ran downstairs.

  Vance was standing, staring out the front window. I noticed he was wearing one of Lee’s sweaters and I didn’t want to know what that meant.

  Lee was on the phone.

  Lee said, “Gotta go,” into the phone when he saw me and flipped it shut.

  Vance’s eyes moved to mine and I felt my stomach pitch by what I saw in his.

  Or more to the point, what I didn’t.

  I bit my top lip and swallowed then released it.

  “Hey Vance,” I said.

  He lifted his chin.

  “Let’s go,” Lee was already moving to the backdoor.

  Lee had the Explorer blocking the back alley. I wanted to sit in the back but Vance opened the front door for me and motioned me in.

  “You…” I started.

  He shook his head.

  I didn’t delay any further.

  Lee drove the two blocks to Jules’s house while I was turned in my seat to Vance. “What do you want me to do?”

  Vance was looking out the window but when I asked my question his eyes moved to mine again and he said, “Just be you.”

  I nodded, not really knowing what that meant but thinking I could at least do that.

  Lee stopped and idled and Vance was out the door. I looked at Lee. He jerked his chin toward my door. I nodded again and trailed Vance to Nick’s door.

  Vance knocked and I stood next to him. I felt stupid just standing next to him so I reached out and touched his hand with my knuckles. Immediately his hand twisted and his fingers closed over mine hard. I bit my upper lip again as his hand crushed mine but I didn’t make a peep.

  The outside light came on, the door opened and Nick stood there. He looked through the screen at Vance then at me then back to Vance.

  Vance and I watched as he closed his eyes tight and before Vance or I could say a word he opened his eyes again and I had to suck in both of my lips at the pain written on his face.

  Then he pushed open the screen door and he said, “Come in and sit while I get dressed.”

  * * * * *

  Roxie

  Hank’s phone rang.

  I was warm and cozy, stuck between the heat of Hank and our chocolate lab, Shamus. I felt the cold air as Hank rolled away.

  “Yeah?” I heard him say. I was already falling back to sleep, cuddling into Shamus’s warm, soft fur when I heard Hank say in a quiet, tortured voice I’d never heard him use before, “No.”

  I turned and looked at him in the dark and as I did that he sat up, twisted and switched on the light. Then his whisky-colored eyes moved to mine and what I saw there made me stare.

  “We’ll be there. Yeah. Shit. Yeah.” He flipped his phone shut.

  “Whisky?” I called.

  He put his hands under my armpits, pulled me toward him, across his lap and buried his face in my neck as his arms went tight around me.

  “Whisky,” I whispered, beginning to tremble. Something was wrong, really wrong.

  His head came up and his eyes found mine. “Sunshine, Jules has been shot. Twice. It’s bad. We gotta go.”

  My breath caught painfully at this news but Hank either didn’t notice or he wasn’t going to be delayed. He got up, arms around me taking me with him. When he was standing, he set me on my feet.

  We dressed silently. Hank finished first (as usual) and let Shamus out the back for a quick break before we left.

  We made it to the hospital and I saw Eddie and Jet first. They were already in the waiting room. Jet was sitting with Sniff, arm around him and he was staring at the floor. Eddie was pacing. My eyes scanned the room and I saw Indy with Jules’s Uncle Nick, both sitting, Indy holding his hand.

  I kept scanning and Vance was there too, standing and staring out a window. Lee was with him, not close, but also not far.

  Hank started to go to Lee but stopped when the door opened behind us and Bobby walked in. Lee’s eyes had come to us when we arrived but when he saw Bobby he came our way.

  “What?” Lee asked Bobby when he arrived at us.

  I peeked at Vance, his eyes hadn’t moved from the window.

  I found this alarming. Vance was a Nightingale Man, an action man, Mr. Alert and he hadn’t even moved, not a muscle, not when Hank and I arrived, not even when Bobby arrived.

  My gaze swung to Jet, who caught my look and shook her head then to Indy, who did the same. I felt suddenly cold and was about to move to Vance when Hank’s hand squeezed mine and Eddie hit our huddle.

  “We had to lock Luke down,” Bobby told Lee and I drew in my breath at this latest bit of shocking news. “Mace did it. Luke lost it. Totally pissed at Hector for taking Jules to Cordova. Doesn’t give a shit that Hector didn’t know about Shard,” Bobby’s eyes moved to Vance. “I thought you might need me… Vance.”

  I didn’t know what he was talking about but whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t good.

  “Vance is hangin’ in there,” Lee said.

  Bobby nodded and his eyes moved from Vance to Lee.

  Then Bobby drew in a deep breath. “I waited,” Bobby said on an exhale and he blinked slowly then kept talking, “until Vance got up to the offices. I saw him on the monitors parking the Explorer. I figured I could wait to tell him about Hector breaking into Law’s place until Vance got upstairs. Five minutes could have –”

  “Get it out of your head,” Lee ordered.

  “I shouldn’t have waited,” Bobby replied.

  Lee leaned in, face tight and serious. “Bobby, right now, get it
out of your fucking head.”

  Bobby nodded once then his gaze sliced to Vance. He shook his head sharply then he turned and was gone.

  We all watched the doors close behind Bobby and my heart went out to him because obviously he was blaming himself for something but I turned as Lee spoke.

  “Fuck,” Lee whispered, “he shouldn’t have fucking waited.”

  I leaned into Hank and Hank’s lips went to my ear.

  “Go to Vance now,” he told me.

  I nodded. Hank dropped my hand. I walked across the room and slid my arm around Vance’s waist.

  He turned to me and when his eyes hit mine, I blinked.

  His eyes were dead. They weren’t blank, they were dead.

  I felt my nostrils burning as I stared at him and I knew I was going to cry. I turned into him, pressed my forehead against his shoulder, breathing deep to control the tears and his arms went around me.

  We stayed that way for a long time and I managed to hold back the tears. He let me go and I took his hand.

  We stood together, Vance looking out the window, me standing beside him. Daisy arrived with Marcus; Shirleen arrived with Darius; Ally arrived with Carl; Tex arrived with Nancy; Duke arrived with Dolores; Heavy and Zip came separately. May charged in like a madwoman, tears streaming down her face. Finally Tod and Stevie walked in carrying enough donuts from some all night Winchell’s to feed an army.

  Coffees were bought. Eddie or Hank, badges on display on their belts, walked to the nurse’s station and asked (okay, more like demanded) updates even though there were none to be had.

  Then the kids started coming. First Clarice, Daisy’s friend came in alone and sat down next to Daisy. Daisy put her head on Clarice’s shoulder and I didn’t know that it was a small miracle that Clarice didn’t move away.

  Then another couple kids came in, two young boys who took a look around, their eyes hit Sniff then Vance then they walked to a wall, slouched against it and stayed silent.

  Then another kid came in then a couple more then a gaggle of girls, a posse of boys, after awhile the room was filled with the Rock Chick Tribe and Jules’s kids.

  All of us silent or talking quietly, sipping coffee and eating donuts.

  All of us waiting.

  All the while Vance looked out the window while I held his hand.

  * * * * *

  Indy

  Dawn was breaking when the doctor walked in wearing clean scrubs and Crocs. He looked around the room, filled to capacity with people and Nick stood. I stood with him.

  “Juliet Lawler?” the doctor asked the room at large.

  Lee came up beside me but I moved close to Nick.

  “Me. Here. Me, I’m her uncle,” Nick said and he hadn’t spoken since we arrived so his voice was hoarse, croaky. He cleared his throat and I got closer.

  The doctor walked to Nick. I saw a movement behind him as Vance materialized and stood at his side. Roxie was not far away, Hank at her back. Eddie and Jet moved in beside Lee.

  The doctor stopped at Nick, his eyes scanning the crowd again, they settled on Nick and he said, “She’s pulled through. Your niece is a fighter. She’s in ICU, critical. We’ll watch her, but it looks good.”

  I took Nick’s hand as his shoulders drooped and I squeezed. He squeezed back.

  My eyes moved to Vance as Nick asked, “Can I see her?”

  Vance’s body was tense but I was relieved to see his eyes were alert. They were alive. He was back from whatever hideous place he’d been for the last several hours. I wanted to smile, hell, I wanted to scream but I kept my mouth shut.

  “A quick visit,” the doctor told Nick and started to move away.

  “Roam!” We heard shouted and everyone’s eyes swung to Sniff.

  The doctor turned back. “I’m sorry?” he said to Sniff.

  “My friend, Roam. The black kid. He was shot too. Is he okay too?”

  Everyone’s gaze swung to look at the doctor.

  “Does he have family here?” the doctor asked.

  Everyone looked at each other.

  “Information can’t be released to anyone but family,” the doctor said.

  Eddie and Hank both moved forward, information could be released to cops.

  “Sho ‘nuff, he has family. I’m his grandma,” Shirleen lied through her teeth and bustled up to the doctor, “tell me, how’s my baby?”

  The doctor stared at her a second then said, “I’ll find out.”

  “You do that doctor,” Shirleen said and the doctor turned to Nick as Shirleen’s eyes slid to Sniff then she winked.

  Nick let go of my hand and followed the doctor but stopped, looked at the floor behind him as if expecting to see something there then he lifted his eyes.

  “Vance?” he called.

  Everyone’s eyes swung to Vance but he was already moving towards the Nick.

  Then they were out the door.

  * * * * *

  Jules

  I opened my eyes and it seemed like I was lying in a bed but I felt absolutely nothing, like I had no body. I figured, since a little while ago I’d been in pretty significant pain and bleeding a lot and now I felt nothing, that I was dead and I decided kind of woozily that I was obviously an angel.

  I saw movement so I looked sideways and there was Vance staring down at me.

  His handsome face was tight, worried and maybe a little pissed off looking and my angel-self smiled at him because clearly I’d been given the chance to have a chat with Vance before I flew on my fancy, new, fluffy-white angel wings to heaven.

  “Hey,” I said and my voice sounded really weak, raspy and quiet rather than sounding super sweet and melodic like an angel’s.

  “Hey,” he replied.

  “Do you see my angel wings?” I asked, my voice still sounding raspy. “Are they pretty?”

  He stared at me a second then I was pretty certain his lips twitched.

  “Yeah, Princess. They’re gorgeous.”

  “Yay,” I whispered.

  “You’re gonna be okay,” he told me.

  “I know. I don’t feel my body.” I didn’t realize I wasn’t making any sense and wouldn’t have cared anyway. Angels probably didn’t have to make sense. They could fly around for eternity talking nonsense, who was to care?

  I was thinking about my angel outfit, wondering what angels wore and tried to look down at myself but I found I didn’t have a lot of energy so I stopped trying and my eyes slid sideways to look back at Vance.

  “This angel stuff is exhausting,” I informed him.

  “I bet.” His lips weren’t twitching anymore. He was grinning flat out.

  I really loved his grin.

  That’s when I remembered.

  “Did you get it?” I asked, realizing suddenly that I needed to take an angel nap and soon.

  “Get what?”

  “Home,” I said.

  “Sorry, Princess, I can’t hear…”

  My eyes closed and I didn’t have the energy to open them so I didn’t bother. I figured angels could fly blind. They had to have angel-like sonar or something like that. Anyway I would only bump into clouds even if I couldn’t fly blind and I didn’t figure clouds would hurt.

  But before I took off to heaven, I had to know or more importantly, Vance had to know, so I said to Vance, my eyes still closed, “I said earlier ‘home’, did you get it?”

  I felt him get close and I thought that was strange since I didn’t have a body anymore not really anyway so I shouldn’t be feeling anything. But I was certain I felt his cheek pressed against mine, his stubble rough against my skin.

  “No, Jules,” he said into my ear. “I didn’t get it.”

  I sighed huge and felt the angel nap tugging at me.

  “Jules?” Vance called and he sounded far away but it felt like his lips were at my ear.

  “Home…” I whispered and then slid closer to somewhere else, maybe heaven I didn’t know. There sure as hell weren’t any bright lights. Oh shit, they
probably didn’t say “hell” in heaven. Oh shit, they probably didn’t say “shit” in heaven either. I was already getting angel demerits and I hadn’t even been to angel orientation yet.

  I had to finish my thought. It might be my last chance.

  So I whispered in Vance’s ear because it seemed like it was really close to my mouth (although I knew it couldn’t be because I didn’t really have a mouth anymore as I didn’t have a body). “You’re home. See, Auntie Reba said home isn’t a place, home is anywhere just as long as the people you love are there.”

  Then I slid into heaven except weirdly, right before I drifted away, I felt some pain in my fingers like someone was holding my hand too tight.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  No Matter What

  I was an angel in heaven for two days or at least I thought I was.

  Really I was whacked out on drugs and in ICU.

  During these two days, I saw Vance once and Nick three times. I had no idea they came by often to spend time with me while I was taking angel naps. When I saw them I regaled them with stories of what it was like being an angel (since, for two days, I thought I was an angel). I figured they could write a book about it and become millionaires. I even shared this idea with Vance.

  The nurses told me it was the only time they’d ever heard that much laughter in ICU.

  After two days when it became clear I was going to survive, they moved me to a normal room. I stayed in the hospital a long time but it wasn’t uneventful mainly because nothing in the World of Rock Chick was uneventful.

  * * * * *

  First, Vance decided he didn’t feel much like adhering to visitor’s hours. The staff kept telling him he couldn’t spend the night, sleeping in a chair next to my bed but he did it anyway and Vance seriously was not the kind of guy they wanted to argue with so they let him be.

  I also told him, considering his job meant he always needed to be rested and alert, that he should stay at my place. He didn’t pay one bit of attention to me and still came to the hospital anyway.

  We bickered about it (because I didn’t worry about arguing with Vance).