Phoenix Everlasting

by Rebecca Royce

  “Little after eight.”

  He fell on the pillow. “Do you always get up at the butt crack of dawn?”

  “You’re funny. This is downright late. I wake at five thirty in the morning to be ready before the kids need my help. Eight o’clock is vacation for me. I only get to sleep this late when Levi has the kids. Even then, I’m usually already awake by six because of my body clock.”

  Malcolm scrunched his face. “When we work a job all night, you get up at five thirty in the morning the next day?”

  “Yep.”

  He rubbed his eyes. “Shit. You have coffee somewhere in this house?”

  I crossed to my closet, pulling my underwear out before standing in front of my pants. What level of comfort did I require to get through today? Was it a sweat pant, yoga pant, jeans, or dressier kind of a day? I had a hot man in my bed who wanted me. I couldn’t have him, but I didn’t want him deciding he didn’t want me because I was too dowdy. Seriously, what was wrong with me?

  “You’re being pretty quiet over there about the coffee question. Please tell me you have coffee in this house.”

  I poked my head out of the closet. “Many kinds. You can even pick. I love my little coffee maker.”

  “Fancy stuff. I’ll drink whatever you make.”

  Opting for a skirt, I grabbed a short, gray cotton one I’d bought on sale in Bastrop during one of Grayson’s travelling Lacrosse games and paired it with a blue tank top that showed off my arms. Since I’d started kick-boxing to keep in shape for what might be an inevitable fight with the shadow creatures, my muscles were pretty defined. Vanity, thy name is Kendall Madison. I groaned at the thought before I stepped out of the closet.

  Malcolm’s gaze appreciated me, and he shifted in the bed in a way that made me wonder if he suddenly had an erection. I determinedly didn’t look.

  “Toothbrush under the sink. Feel free to use my shower. See you downstairs?”

  He rubbed his eyes. “Are you always this alert first thing in the morning? You don’t want to come here, lie down, and let me cuddle you for a while?”

  If I’d thought we’d end up simply cuddling, I’d have run right over. I needed distance and to not get caught in sex just because he looked like sex on a stick first thing in the morning. “See you downstairs.”

  I cooked eggs. I didn’t even know if Malcolm liked his poached; in the other world we’d eaten concoctions meant to keep us strong. They had basically tasted like cardboard. The Others didn’t eat, at least not that we’d ever seen. I glanced out the window and saw my parents’ van wasn’t there. Frequently, my father took my mom out on the days when my kids weren’t at home. They needed alone time. They’d come for a visit, which now looked like a permanent stay. I was grateful for their presence. I wasn’t sure I could manage life without them anymore. Certainly, Dexter needed them. Between my mom’s training with the visions and Dad’s homeschooling, I relied on them heavily.

  Footsteps on the stairs caught my attention, and seconds later, Malcolm’s arms came around me at the stove. “Smells good.”

  “Little protein after last night’s assault.”

  He kissed my neck, and my body turned into one ball of heat and mush. I almost dropped the wooden spoon I used to cook the eggs. “Sounds like a good idea. Keep your strength up.”

  “You snore.” I turned off the oven and shifted until I pressed against him. The smell of my soap on his skin seemed strange. On me the aroma, I hoped, came across as feminine. Yet nothing on Malcolm could ever be construed as girly. Somehow, the roses still worked on him. Or maybe I’d become addicted to him, period. I ran my hands over his chest then gripped his shirt.

  He shook his head. “Shut up. I do not.”

  I raised both my eyebrows. “Oh no? The Mystias of the world haven’t told you that you snore? They must be too overwhelmed with your presence to dare let you know.”

  “You’re trying to have a fight with me. It’s easier for you to kiss me when you’re mad. I get it. At least let’s own it. I haven’t slept with Mystia. She’d have no idea if I snore or not. I think you made that up anyway.”

  “Nope.” I tweaked his nose, and he grinned. “Snored. All night. In my ear.”

  “Sorry?” He kissed my cheek, once, then twice. “Why didn’t you kick me?”

  “Must be a glutton for punishment.” I closed my eyes and his lips met my own, softer than I would have expected. Malcolm didn’t push. Light kiss after light kiss left me dizzy. Eventually, he picked me up so I wasn’t leaning against the stove and placed me on the counter, his body between my legs. Still, he didn’t do anything but kiss me gently.

  After a while, he stopped and then pressed his forehead to my chest. I held him against me, stroking his dark hair and placing small kisses on his neck. When he lifted his head to meet my eyes, he grinned. “Good morning, sunshine.”

  “Good morning. The eggs are going to get cold.”

  He nodded once. “Where are your plates? Forks and knives?”

  “You’re helpful in the kitchen?” I jumped off the counter and went back to the eggs before I pointed to the cabinet and drawers where he would find all the stuff. “Be still my heart.”

  “Don’t fight it, baby. You’re going to get so used to having me around you won’t even worry about Michael and his bullshit anymore.”

  I highly doubted that was possible. “Speaking of which …” I spooned the eggs onto the plates he handed me and walked with him over to my table. We sat across from one another. The place Levi used to occupy, the head of the table, remained empty. Malcolm and I faced each other instead. “I asked you a question last night that you said we’d work out in the morning.”

  He took a bite of the eggs and then pointed at his plate. “Sage, you can cook.”

  “Sounds like a cooking show. Cooking with Sage.” I still hated that nickname.

  “Right?” He gave me a crooked smile. “Remind me what you asked me. My memory of last night is gone. I don’t even remember taking off my pants.”

  “That would be because you didn’t. I took them off you.”

  He leaned forward in his chair. “Thanks. Kind of hot, actually. You undressing me.”

  “Eat your eggs.” I didn’t want to think about the shape of his muscular legs or the way dark hair covered them. I didn’t want to imagine his boxer shorts. Not when I needed breakfast and answers. “I asked you if the ghosts were acting the way they did because of the Cascade.”

  “You know as much as I do. My years without you did not illuminate anything for me on that subject. I wish they had. Best guess? Yes, of course. Seems likely. Nothing weird happens for years and then, boom, shadow people and their plan to take over this dimension? The Cascade, as the Others called it.”

  My father used to refer to the onslaught that way too, and he’d not known anything about the shadow people. Of course, until recently Michael had used his body as a vessel whenever he wanted to. Maybe my dad knew more than he said …

  Malcolm waved his hand at me. “Where’d you go in your head?”

  “Nowhere good.” I blinked to clear my thoughts. “Did Block text you? You know about the meetup at Victoria’s to summon Michael and crew?”

  “He mentioned it, and then you did again before the ghosts came. How is she going to do that?”

  I shook my head, taking another bite of my food. “Don’t ask me. I can’t do witchy things, and it has something to do with a goat. I really don’t want to ask.”

  “What are your plans for today? Want to go see a movie?”

  “I …” He’d asked me on a date. A non-paranormal, nothing-weird-about-it date. “I wish I could. I have to buy plane tickets and hopefully return by Sunday to talk to the crew. Chase thinks I need to go to St. Louis for some answers. I’m going to breeze in tonight if I can manage, since Levi has the kids, and get back Sunday afternoon.”

  He dropped his fork. “By yourself?”

  “I’m a grown woman. Sweet of you to worry. I can get in a
nd out of St. Louis just fine.” I supposed I should be offended on behalf of myself and all of womankind. Only, I’d experienced what it felt like to have no one care, and I’d take overprotective male instead of being alone any day of the week.

  His eyes danced in their sockets. “I have a full docket tonight. Five talents clearing houses. I can’t go with you.”

  “I didn’t ask you to. Seriously, I’ve got this handled. I promise.” I touched his hand. “Ask me to the movies again another time.”

  He squeezed my fingers. “You’re warming to the idea of us. I can see it. On the days when you don’t have the kids, we could have this.”

  I didn’t drop his touch. “Hear me, okay. Really hear me right now. I don’t have to warm to us. I know how hot we would be. What I’m looking for is more. I need someone in my life who can be in all parts of my life. I don’t need you to father them. They have a great dad.” Whom, if I was honest, I still missed a lot, even with what had happened between Malcolm and me. “I won’t have an us versus a them. I have to have someone who can be with me all the time. I get it. That’s not you. But this”—I pointed between us—“it’ll stay very surface and fizzle out if I can’t have you in all the places I am. Think about it. You don’t have to want that. Levi can’t do it either. He can’t manage the part of my life you want me in. All the way in, or not in at all. I’ve told him the same thing.”

  Malcolm nodded. “I hate the chasm between us. I never imagined such a thing could be possible, not until the day I found you married and clueless about your life. We died and came back to life together. What more proof do we need? But you’re right. I don’t do kids. They’re something I have to worry about, to protect, to keep away from evil. How do you manage it? With them in your house? How do you not sit up all night and obsess over something happening to them? I’d go crazy. Who needs that mess?”

  “As it is, I didn’t do such a great job, right? My son was possessed for a long time by a first class demon who was able to hide himself from me— “

  He waved his hand. “No one could have done better than you did. The demon was determined. You love that kid. I could feel his love for you in our brief link. There is no blame there. You were not neglectful.”

  “I appreciate your confidence. Some of the blame belongs on me. I’ll own it. I have to live with it. The rest of the worry? I guess you get used to it. Day by day. I can’t let it drag me under and at the same time be there for them.”

  He rose from the table, clearing both our now empty plates. Malcolm’s phone beeped, and he looked at it. “Ah. I’ve got a fire to put out. Homeowner is home when he’s not supposed to be. One of my sagers needs some assistance.”

  “You sent someone to sage a house?”

  He leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I have the deepest respect for sagers. What would we do without them?”

  I wrapped my arm around him for a longer, mouth-to-mouth kiss. It would be so easy to drown in Malcolm. It was a good thing he was leaving right away. I was too close to saying yes.

  ***

  I stood by the gate in Austin-Bergstrom International Airport with my mouth hanging open. I was five minutes from boarding the flight to Lambert-St. Louis when Levi appeared in front of me.

  “What are you doing here?” A million questions banged through my head. Did he have a business trip he’d forgotten to tell me about? An announcement boomed over the system, but it wasn’t for my flight, so I tuned it out.

  He lifted his shoulders. “Surprise?”

  “Surprise?” I still didn’t understand.

  “When you called to see if I could give you my travel points, I decided to come. Your parents were game to watch the kids. So I booked you a seat, and then I went and booked me one.”

  I counted to five. One-two-three-four—five. “Levi. I’m very glad to see you.” Kind of. I was always glad to see Levi. He was a glow of light in the spinning world and always had been. “This isn’t a vacation. I’m not popping over to St. Louis to eat dinner and see the sights. I have to look into my past, to see if I can work out what I still don’t know.”

  He took my hand, squeezing my fingers. “Look, I can’t clear houses of ghosts or demons. I can’t keep you safe. This? I can do. I’m a really smart guy. You have a mystery to solve. Guess who’s going to work it out with you? Me. I can still be part of your life.”

  We boarded the plane and took our seats. I wasn’t a great flyer, but Levi did it so often I was more at ease with him than alone. He thought he could help; maybe he would. At the very least, despite my bravado with Malcolm, it was nice to not be on my own. When I was twelve, I’d arrived at my parents’ van naked and alone. And terrified.

  I needed to know what else I’d done.

  Chapter Four

  “So, it was pretty cool that Dex helped the other night. His vision came in enough time to help. He read it correctly. That’s a big deal, right? A really big improvement.” Levi’s voice startled me from my air travel coma. I couldn’t do much when I flew, not even read. I stared at the seat in front of me and zoned out, anything to not think about the fact that I hurtled through the air at thirty-thousand feet.

  “What?” I rubbed my eyes. One downside to having Levi with me was he automatically got the aisle and I had to sit in the middle. Maybe I could have fought it but his legs were longer than mine. I didn’t need the fight. Arguing with Levi didn’t give me the same kick it did with Malcolm. I only felt tired when we fought.

  “Dexter did well last night. He’s really ahead in ability. Even your mom doesn’t get her premonitions so quickly. My boy is an overachiever.”

  “Levi.” My head pounded. “He saw me die. A possibility where I died. I’m proud of the gift, of how he’s managing the talent. Don’t get me wrong. But none of this makes me very happy.”

  He sighed. Next to me, the third person in our row looked at me cross-eyed through her bifocals. Normally I’d care about exposure, only I’d never see this woman again, and if she wanted to tell stories about the crazy people on her flight who talked about weird stuff, more power to her.

  “I think we have to try to find the positive where there is positive to find. Awful that he had such a bad vision; wonderful that he controlled it and verbalized it the way he did.”

  The plane bounced in the air, and I white-knuckled my seat. “Okay. Sounds great. Really.”

  He put an arm around me. “You never have faith in the airplane or the pilot. So, see, it’s a good thing I’m here to piss you off and make you forget how truly unhappy you are right now.”

  “You don’t piss me off.” If he thought this was me mad, he’d clearly not spent enough time around me really annoyed. “I agree Dex is really special.”

  “Well I should hope so, considering you’re his mother.”

  Okay, enough. “Levi …”

  He placed his hand on my arm. “I’m giving you a hard time. Ignore me. I’m still rattled Malcolm was at our house at midnight.”

  Technically, it wasn’t Levi’s anymore. I’d gotten it, warts and all, in the divorce. Still, he’d taken to paying some of the bills again, so I wasn’t going to complain. I actually earned enough through the work I did for Malcolm outside of the shadow situation to pay for it, which meant I had a savings account finally. Playing word games with Levi didn’t rank high on my agenda.

  “Do you really want to talk about Malcolm?” Because I really, really didn’t want to, not with him. The plane jerked again, and I closed my eyes.

  Levi squeezed my fingers. “No. I want to talk about us.”

  “I really think I’m not such a great catch. Hear me out. There are tons of women out there who would fall to the ground happy to have either you or Malcolm. I don’t have to be fought for. I’m a fully functioning person by myself.” Even if I did get lonely … “And I think, honestly, you could do better than me at this point. I’m not criticizing myself. Only look at the situation here. It isn’t going to get better, just worse.”

  “Do you
remember the first time I took you on an airplane?” He was ignoring me. Great.

  “Really? That’s what you have to say?”

  “Come on, Kendall. Work with me here.”

  I took a deep breath. “We went on an airplane for our honeymoon. Before that, I’d never been on a plane. I’d been all over the continental United States but never on a plane before. We got married and took off to Hawaii.”

  “You were a nervous wreck even though you pretended you weren’t.” He ran the pad of his thumb over my hand. “I could tell. You were afraid, and yet you never said a word. I wanted to be your hero, so I talked to you the whole time about all the things we were going to do, and I managed to distract you.”

  Actually, if I remembered correctly, we had no one in the seat next to us that time and he’d very quietly put his hands in my panties. I’d been really happily distracted. I squirmed in my seat, and he grinned. I’d clearly had the memory Levi wanted me to have.

  He grinned. “By the time we landed, you weren’t afraid anymore.”

  I pointed to the woman next to me. “Not happening.”

  “I’m not done making my point. But would it be an option if the seating situation was different?”

  “No.” Yes. I really didn’t know.

  His lips twitched. “The point is, I see you the same way as then, and it has nothing to do with the plane. You’re afraid, and you’re pretending you’re not. I always have your back.” He held up his hand. “Or I do again after temporarily being insane in which I lost you, and I curse myself about it every day.” Having delivered his speech, he closed his eyes.

  I knew that signal. Levi was done talking. I could have pushed the subject. I liked that he thought he could be there for me even if I highly doubted he could. Airplanes weren’t the place for this type of conversation. I returned to staring at the seat in front of me.

  We landed and made our way to the motel where we’d been staying. I wanted to be in the same general area where I’d come back to life. The Grove had changed a lot over the years. These days, it was a very friendly LGBT neighborhood with rainbow flags flying everywhere, even inside my hotel room. When we’d arrived, Levi had asked if we were going to be staying in one room or two. Since I’d insisted on two, he was in the room next door.