Phoenix Everlasting

by Rebecca Royce

  He cut me off. “Not true. I recognize he’s a smart guy. I think he’s a good father. I just think he treated you really shabbily and you forgave him too easily, but truthfully, I don’t give a shit because I have you in my bed, naked and mine.”

  “Okay, all of that aside, what I was saying was, Levi can do this. If anyone can build this thing and make it work, it’s Levi. He might give you a shot.”

  He nodded once. “He might. What do you want to do until noon?”

  I ran my finger down his chest. “What do you think I want to do?”

  Victoria held Jack close to her and wandered the house with me. We were supposed to be trolling for shadows while the guys built the cage in one of the kids’ rooms upstairs. I wasn’t even certain we were going to be able to get in the house, but we had. The shadows in the rooms weren’t even dancing. The house was empty of paranormal activity.

  “Why this place?” I picked up a vase off the dining room table. The owners were dead. Malcolm had handled them. At what point would they have been missing enough time that people noticed? When their utilities went unpaid? When someone at work noticed they’d been gone long enough?

  Victoria stopped moving. “Surely you must feel it.”

  “What?” I stopped. It wasn’t cold; I wasn’t getting buzzed by ghosts or demons. “I’ve got nothing.”

  She pointed at me, and Jack started crying. “See.” She spoke loud enough to be heard over the baby. “This is why you need me. This place is icky.”

  Jack cried louder. “Is that a technical term?”

  “Completely. This place is wrong. I can feel it in every cell of my body and so can Jack, which is why he and I are going to go outside. Kendall, this place is a vortex. Somewhere in this house, energy is cascading in and out.” She scratched her head. “Damn it. The constant pull. It’s everything I can do to not go find it.”

  I put out my arms. “I’ll take the baby outside. You find the vortex. I can’t see it. But if there’s one here, we need to plug it.”

  She passed Jack to me. He was usually such a happy baby. If he really could feel what his mother could, then I didn’t blame him for screaming. I stepped outside into the sunshine. Jack let out a sigh, stopped his bellowing, and pushed his baby head against my chest before promptly falling asleep in the way only babies did. I kissed his soft head. His hair still felt more like newborn fur than the thick hair which would follow later.

  Shadows were everywhere, but not the bad kind. If I believed in magic, I’d say the universe had picked a perfect day, like a gift, and handed it to us as a perfectly wrapped package to disguise the whirlwind inside the box. Days were like that. They could look ideal and really be hell in a handbasket.

  “Jack, your aunt Kendall has lost her mind.” I kissed his head again.

  “If you ever had one to begin with.” Block came out the front door and sat next to me. “Victoria asked me to come out. She has identified the vortex. It’s in the same room where we were already putting up the Cage. Levi’s really smart. We’d never have come up with this on our own.”

  I smiled at Block. “Thanks for telling me. There are no shadows out here at all. And they’re letting us wander around this place they picked under no observation. Something feels wrong.”

  “The whole thing is wrong.” He touched Jack’s thumb. “Malcolm should not be dueling Top Hat. Not yet, anyway. They don’t have enough shadows up here. The Cascade should be in full swing before we battle the leadership of the shadows. They’re supposed to be the last through. That’s what we were taught. They must really not think we’re much of a threat to be so unconcerned with us.”

  “Right.”

  Levi came out the front door and sat on my other side. “Everything good out here? Victoria’s saying some chant inside my Cage to keep the ghosts out. They apparently vortex in and out through the bedroom. Your team suggested I get some air. Apparently that can get kind of messy.”

  “Malcolm must not want you to get possessed.”

  Levi opened and closed his mouth before he finally spoke. “This is such a weird world. The Cage is almost constructed. It’s not a perfect construct. Faradays still let radio waves in, for example. If they’re getting their power through some sort of surge from a sunspot, I can’t stop that either. For a few minutes at least, this should cut them off.”

  “Thank you.” I patted his arm. “You’re very likely saving the day.”

  Block smiled at Levi. “We’re all grateful. I’m going to go inside. See if I can help. Besides, the sun is not my friend. Two minutes out here, and I’m going to fry from the sun.” He winked at me before he went inside.

  “I could go help, but since no one is shouting at me for help, I’m going to assume they’ve got it. Malcolm is as capable as anyone to clear ghosts.”

  Levi nodded. “Was it always just the two of you clearing, or were there others? The ones that are missing or dead?”

  “All four of our missing people—the not-dead ones—can clear, although they’re more likely to have visions. Three of them had their memory erased like me. They may have no idea what they can do. Chase is seeking them out. He hasn’t had success yet.”

  He nodded. “Bet you wish you had them tonight.”

  “I don’t know. What would we do with more hands?” I kissed the baby’s head again. He smelled like baby powder. I loved it. Breathing it in gave me such a high. “Thank you for your help.”

  “Yeah … well. I have a vested interest in keeping you alive. Here’s the thing.” He rubbed his forehead. “I couldn’t sleep last night. At first it was about the Faraday Cage. It turned into you and me. You were with Malcolm last night. I told you that doesn’t bother me. It does. I don’t want to bat my head against a wall. You’re with him. If he dies, I don’t want to be your second choice. If he lives, you’re staying with him, at least until you change your mind. Then the whole second-choice thing.” He shook his head. “I’m going to stop being an ass about this. You’re dating. I’ll start doing so again. I really only want you to be happy. I do love you, Kendall.”

  I placed my head on his shoulder. “Thank you. I do love you, too. I think it’s time. For both of us. To figure out how to move on.”

  “Yeah, well, this is a horrible conversation. I hate it. I’m not really as calm as I’m playing.” He rocked forward a little bit. “I’m going to go inside and finish this thing. Then I’m going home to crash. I’m keeping the kids until Saturday, right?”

  I touched his arm. “If I call you and tell you to run, I need you to do it without arguing. Take our children and go far and fast.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  “With Friday tomorrow I was wondering, I know it’s not my day, but could I get the kids from school and just spend some time with them tonight? I’ll bring them to you for dinner.”

  Levi stood. “Sounds good. How about family dinner? I know it’s not Sunday, but with things being as they are …”

  “Yeah. Sounds good. I’ll cook.”

  He laughed, throwing his head back. “No you won’t. I will. I’ll grill steak. You look good with the baby on your chest. I forgot what a natural you were at it. You used to be outside when I’d come home, with each of them on you. By the time Molly came around, the boys would be playing in the yard. You would sit on the step with the baby asleep on you. I’d feel like the luckiest guy on the planet.”

  I held the baby tighter. Time had a way of making off with the best parts of me. When I’d sat on the steps of our home, holding our babies, I hadn’t really appreciated the simplicity of that experience. I’d been tired. Up all night when Dex was colicky or pacing the halls when Molly wouldn’t nurse. I’d wanted them to be older; I’d wanted them to be easier. I didn’t want to have to sit still. I loved them, and I was enormously grateful for their presence in my life. But I’d found their baby years burdensome from the sheer tiredness alone.

  I’d never imagined there would be a time when I’d be holding my best friend’s baby, sit
ting on a porch, and wondering why I didn’t see how easy that period actually was. I hadn’t known the shadows were coming.

  “Hi.” Malcolm sat next to me with Levi on my other side. “I got rid of the ghosts that came up when the witch started poking at the stream. Victoria’s almost got the vortex closed. Little guy is conked out, huh?”

  “He is. If I walked into the house, he’d probably wake screaming. Bad mojo in there apparently only he and Victoria can feel.”

  “Levi gave us a fighting chance. Top Hat won’t have extra energy. It’ll be a match I’ll have a chance of winning.” Malcolm leaned on the steps, letting the sun hit his olive skin.

  “I believe in the moon. I believe in the sun. I believe in the air. I believe in you, Malcolm.”

  He smiled but didn’t answer.

  ***

  Grayson pushed popcorn into his mouth and gunned down three more zombies in his video game. Dex jumped next to him, cheering him with the kind of hero worship one could only get from a younger sibling. Molly shrieked at her Barbie dance game. I hadn’t been to the video arcade with them in almost a year. I hated the place. The beeping gave me headaches. Still, they loved it, and today was all about giving them a great memory.

  I didn’t know what would happen next. I wasn’t prepared to die, and I didn’t think I would. I couldn’t think about Malcolm and focus on my kids at the same time. He was actually working tonight, giving out jobs and setting up Block to run his half of the business in the event of things going sour.

  If Malcolm didn’t win, the kids’ lives were about to alter hugely. The entire universe would alter, and it wouldn’t be only my family affected. Still, I wanted them to have this so if it all went dark, they would remember.

  Grayson popped up next to me and sat at the table. Dex had taken over the video game they’d been playing. I side-hugged him. “What’s going on, big guy?”

  “School was fine. I think I’m going to get an A in math. Dad’s so excited he might float away. I know he thinks I’m going to do something like him someday. I’ve got news for him. I never want to build or design anything.”

  “Yeah?” I took his hand. “What do you think you’re going to do?”

  He shrugged. “I want to be a writer.”

  “You do? This is the first time you’ve ever mentioned it. What do you want to write?”

  “Graphic novels. I have this idea for a dog who …”

  He kept talking, and even though I listened to every word he said, I was more taken with how grown up he suddenly was. The chubbiness was all gone from his face; he’d gotten leaner. The things he thought about had changed, too. A year ago he’d never given any thought to the future at all. Of course, he’d been possessed. Maybe he would have thought more about the future if he hadn’t had a demon inside of him. He looked me in the eyes when he spoke and waited for responses instead of storytelling all the time.

  He never got to finish his thought because Molly ran over, interrupting him. Grayson didn’t even snap at her. He grinned instead. Dex hoorayed at the video game. This was simple, too. It wasn’t baby-on-the-steps-easy, but it was close.

  Levi grilled us some delicious steaks, and I left the kids in his hands before I went home. My house wasn’t empty, not with my parents upstairs. Or at least my mother. My father waited at the kitchen table sipping tea. I stopped in front of him.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  He looked at me with Michael’s eyes. I took a deep breath. “I hate when you do this.”

  “I know.” He sipped his tea. “Tomorrow is a big day. I thought you might like to communicate.”

  “You thought I might like to communicate.” I sat across from him. “I have lots of things I’d like to say, only none of it will be particularly helpful right now. Is there something you wish to communicate?”

  He set down his glass. “Rafael is gone. He would have told me to be direct and honest with you. So that is what I will do. We have no idea what will happen, lightbringer. This was not a statistical probability we foresaw.”

  I leaned over the table. “Maybe this doesn’t matter; maybe it does. Since you know nothing about tomorrow, I might as well ask while I have you here. Was I supposed to be the lightbringer, or did it fall to me by default?”

  Michael’s eyes faded away, leaving my question completely unanswered. So much for communicating. My father blinked rapidly. “How is my Kendall?”

  I jumped out of my seat and threw my arms around my father’s neck. “I’m bad, Dad. Everything is going to fall apart tomorrow, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  He took a long breath and then squeezed me hard. “Chicken.” It had been such a long time since he’d called me “chicken” as a nickname I couldn’t help my laugh. “If everything is going to fall apart, and there really is nothing to be done, then the best thing you can do is make sure you have been true to yourself and those who count on you. If you’ve done everything you can do, then there is nothing else to be done.”

  Inevitability drove me crazy. I let my father hug me for a while.

  I fell asleep still wearing my clothes and on top of my covers. I expected the blackness of sleep that comes with exhaustion, but instead I dreamed.

  I stood outside of my house, and the kids ran around in a circle. We were all in shorts, and the sun beat on my head.

  “Mama.” A much younger Dex tugged on my arms. “The shadows are coming.”

  I bent over to look at him, the small spray of freckles on his nose catching my attention. He really shouldn’t be out here without sunblock. He had a tendency to burn. “I know. We should get you inside and get you greased up for the summer. It’s too hot for you to be unprotected.”

  Grayson tugged at me. “Mom. The shadows are coming.”

  “I know.” Why did they have to keep reminding me? It wasn’t like I could ever forget. I still had to take care of them. Shadows or no shadows, they weren’t prepared for the sun.

  Michael walked past us, waving at Molly before he stopped in front of me. “Lightbringer. “

  I shoved at him, and he didn’t move. “I was never meant to be the lightbringer.”

  “You were always his lightbringer. The one who moved him from darkness. But he has to feel the darkness first.” Michael turned his face toward the sun. “Don’t forget what they want. Don’t forget what you already know.”

  I woke bathed in sweat and managed to get to the bathroom without my knees giving out. I turned on the cold water and stood under it, letting the shower wash away my weird dream. I didn’t have visions. I wasn’t Dex or my mother. But dreams could mean things all on their own. My subconscious wanting to talk to me when I wouldn’t listen to it during the day. Or maybe I’d eaten too much steak, and my anxiety played havoc with my head.

  What had been the deal with all the sunblock?

  I went downstairs and opened my fridge. I needed a drink. Soda had way too much sugar for the kids, but I always kept one hidden in the back for me. There were times I needed the buzz whether it was good for me or not.

  I stopped short. The entire fridge was filled with nothing but orange juice, and not even the brand I bought but the kind that had the sun on the label. It wasn’t even real orange juice. What the hell was going on? This couldn’t be. Was someone playing a joke on me?

  “You okay, babe?” Malcolm walked past me to a cabinet and took out an empty glass. “Oh good, you got more. You know this is the stuff I need.”

  “What is going on?” I grabbed his arm. “Why is there only orange juice in my fridge?”

  He didn’t answer me. When he turned to look at me, his face was only in shadow. I screamed, shooting up in bed. I’d still been dreaming. I’d still been …

  An arm grabbed me, pulling me against him, the scent of sandalwood filling me with calm. “Are you okay? I knocked earlier, and your father let me in. I didn’t want to wake you; I just wanted one more night to hold you.”

  I pressed against him. “Weirdest dream ever.”

>   “Do you want to talk about it? I’m not really great with dream analysis.”

  I shook my head. At this point, he might as well have been wearing me like a blanket. I couldn’t get close enough to him. Malcolm didn’t complain; the more I hugged, the more he let me. Why had the kids needed sunblock? What was the deal with the constant sun references? Dreams usually fade, and this one didn’t want to.

  Malcolm stroked his hands down my back. “I love you. What can I do?”

  I sat straight. The sun. Why hadn’t I realized it before now?

  “Kendall?”

  I knew exactly what I had to do. Malcolm would object loudly if I told him and then try to stop me. I needed to save my energy and not have a huge fight right this second. Harnessing the light from the sun wasn’t something I’d ever even considered before. But I was the lightbringer; whether I should have been or not, there was no one else to do it.

  I touched the side of his face. “You’re here. That’s enough.”

  And if I had anything to say about it, he wasn’t going anywhere. Not for a very long time.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I woke wrapped in his body again. I sighed. I could get used to this feeling again. I wasn’t ready to give it up, and I didn’t want Malcolm as a memory. I also wanted to help him kick the shadows’ asses.

  I kissed his cheek. “I’ve got to get up.”

  He didn’t open his eyes. “You don’t. The fight is much later today. We’re warm and happy. Let’s stay like this for several more hours at least. Then we’ll have really great sex. It’s a plan you’ll like. Don’t get up.”

  I ran my hands through his thick hair, refusing to consider all the petting I did on him as having anything to do with needing to touch him a lot in case I never got to again. “I actually have something to do today.”

  He opened his lids. “You made plans?”

  “Sort of. It’s complicated. Listen, we can have a fight about this if you want to. I never promised not to lie to you. I made that promise to Levi, and I kept it. He might prefer me lying. I promised you I’d not make any deals with bad guys. I haven’t. I won’t. But if you ask me to tell you what I’m going to do now, I’m going to lie to you. That’ll suck. If you need the lie, I’ll give it to you.”