Rosanna's Gift

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “Sure, but a person doesn’t always get what he or she wants. We take whatever the Lord Gott gives us. He gave me Mollie, and if she is the only boppli I ever have, I’m happy to have her.”

  “Hmmm. I’m thinking she won’t be your only one. I’m also thinking you won’t be raising her alone.”

  “I haven’t any idea what or who you’re talking about.” Rosanna nudged Emma with an elbow. “Start stitching. Listen, your grossmammi is about to launch into another story. She’s always so much fun to listen to.”

  Mollie barely let out half a whimper before Mary jumped up from the table and skittered around the quilting frame. Rosanna started to push herself from her chair but caught Mary’s nod and her whispered, “I’ve got her.” Mary had moved faster than either Rosanna or Sarah. Usually the two of them raced to see who would reach Mollie first.

  “She sure seems infatuated with your boppli.” Emma nodded in Mary’s direction.

  “Jah, she seems to really love holding and caring for Mollie.”

  “I hear her son rather dotes on Mollie, too.”

  “Where did you ever hear that?”

  “A little birdie told me. Maybe Mary’s son dotes on Mollie’s mudder, too.”

  “If your little birdie told you that, too, it must be a cuckoo.”

  Emma laughed. “Would that be a bad thing?”

  “What? That your birdie is a cuckoo?”

  “Nee, silly. Would it be so horrible if Paul Hertzler was interested in you?”

  Emma’s voice had dropped so low, Rosanna practically had to read her lips. She spoke equally as soft. “Paul is a very nice fellow . . .”

  “Don’t you dare say, ‘But he isn’t Henry Zook’!”

  “Shhh! I wasn’t going to say that.”

  “Then what were you going to say?”

  “Before I was interrupted, I was going to say but Paul was just being kind. He’s the type of person who would go out of his way to help someone.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Absolutely nothing. It’s a wunderbaar quality. The point is he’s nice to everyone, so it’s not like it’s anything special if he’s nice to me.”

  “I think there might be a little flaw in your logic.”

  “How so?”

  “You apparently haven’t seen him stealing glances at you during church services.”

  “You haven’t, either.”

  “I have, too. You were too busy peeking at Henry.”

  “You must have missed every sermon if you’ve been so busy watching everyone else. And which fellow’s eye were you trying to catch?” Rosanna slid a sideways glance at her freind. Emma’s normally pale face took on a rosy hue.

  “Um, not anyone in particular.”

  “Somehow I’m not convinced that’s entirely true.”

  Emma clapped one hand to her chest and gasped in mock horror. “Are you saying I’m telling a lie?”

  “Never! But maybe you are in denial. I’m sure you must have been looking at some certain person.”

  “We’d better quilt more.” Emma dipped her head, but not before Rosanna saw the other girl’s scarlet cheeks.

  “Uh-huh. Now you want to quilt.” Rosanna made a few stitches before turning her attention to Mary. The older woman sat in a well-used oak rocking chair near the stove. She shook the bottle to mix the formula as she gently rocked Mollie. After she placed the nipple in the infant’s mouth, she looked up at Rosanna and smiled. Rosanna returned the smile. She experienced a twinge of guilt that someone else was caring for her little one’s needs, but she knew Mollie was in capable hands. And Mary seemed to enjoy caring for the boppli so much. How could Rosanna possibly refuse her help?

  * * *

  Mamm sure had been in a gut mood since she got home from the quilting frolic. Paul amended that thought. Mamm was normally pleasant. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone. It was just that this evening she seemed extra chipper and chatty. At supper, she’d caught them all up on the latest news and had even shared a story or two told by Grossmammi Martha, as everyone called Emma Kurtz’s elderly grossmammi.

  Most of Mamm’s chatter, though, centered around a certain fair-haired infant and her dark-haired mudder. Paul was reluctant to admit, even to himself, his interest in the same two people. He struggled not to appear too eager to hear Mamm’s report, lest his bruders commence their teasing the moment they all left the supper table. Paul feigned a casual interest while in reality he soaked up his mamm’s comments like the sponge absorbed the milk his youngest bruder spilled all over the table when they first sat down to eat.

  “And the boppli has the cutest little dimples, just like Rosanna,” Mary gushed. “You could almost believe Rosanna gave birth to her.”

  Paul had noticed the dimples, too. Another little tidbit he’d stored away in his treasury of Rosanna’s qualities. That observation was filed away with the images of big chocolate eyes, silky, dark hair, and a smile that could light up a room . . . “Hey!” His fork flew from his hand, causing peas to fly off and roll across the table like marbles. He rubbed the arm that Joshua, his twenty-year-old bruder, had elbowed none too gently.

  “I asked you three times to pass me the biscuits. You’ve been mooning over something—or someone. I had to get your attention somehow.”

  “I’m not mooning. I’m thinking. Here.” Paul plunked down the basket with only a few biscuits remaining next to Joshua’s plate. He chased the escaped peas and dropped them onto his own plate.

  “Heavy-duty thinking if you couldn’t hear someone sitting right beside you.” His bruder sliced the biscuit open and spooned a dollop of jam inside before smashing the halves back together. Strawberry jam oozed out around the edges as he took a huge bite. “Who’s got your thoughts all befuddled?”

  “You’ve got jam all over your face.” Paul avoided the question.

  Joshua flicked his tongue around to mop up the mess made by his drippy biscuit. “Who?”

  “Not a soul, Josh. Eat your supper.”

  “Did I hit a nerve, Bruder?”

  “Of course not.” Paul briefly considered shoving the rest of the biscuit into Joshua’s mouth to keep him quiet but thought better of that action. He knew Josh was teasing, but he was not in any mood to be teased at the moment. Besides, he didn’t want his family to figure out he had feelings for Rosanna when he didn’t know if those feelings would ever be returned. Thankfully, Daed asked a question that drew his bruder’s attention. With a slightly shaky hand, Paul scooped up a new forkful of peas and sought to get them into his mouth without spilling any.

  Mamm shot him a knowing glance, as if she could read his mind. She probably could. Mudders seemed to have a knack for that. At least his did. Paul wondered if Rosanna would be able to do that same thing with Mollie. There he went! Right back to thinking of Rosanna! He would have turned his internal sigh loose if it wouldn’t draw more attention to himself. He had to determine what he should do. He lifted a bite of meat loaf—one of his favorite foods—to his mouth and chewed without tasting it. His thoughts could not stay focused on the meal before him.

  If Rosanna attended the next singing, could he muster his courage and approach her afterward instead of watching the action from a hay bale and stuffing himself with cookies? She most likely wouldn’t seek out Henry, not if Frannie had her way. Frannie and Henry might slip out early anyway. That would give him the opportunity he needed. Would Rosanna ride home with him? Should he even ask, or was it too soon? Maybe she needed time to get over Henry, if she truly cared about him. But if he hesitated, might some other fellow beat him to Rosanna’s side?

  What if she didn’t attend the singing? Should he show up at her house in the dark of night to shine a light in her window and toss pebbles at the house? What if she didn’t respond? Worse yet, what if she refused to kumm outside but sent him away instead? He’d be humiliated, for sure, but his heart would be crushed. This courting business was so hard to figure out. Did all fellows feel this
way?

  Another nudge from Josh brought his thoughts scurrying back to the present. He quirked his eyebrows at his bruder. Josh probably didn’t have a single problem talking to girls. In fact, Paul had seen him head out of the barn with several different ones after singings.

  “If you’re just going to play with that meat loaf, I’ll eat it.” Josh nodded at Paul’s thick slice of meat with only two small bites missing. He reached his fork over, ready to spear it.

  Paul scooted his plate out of reach. “Keep your hands off my food.”

  “I hate to see gut food go to waste.”

  “It isn’t going to waste. It’s going in my stomach.”

  “It sure seems to be taking a long time to get there.”

  “Not everyone inhales their food like you do. You probably don’t taste a thing.”

  Paul hadn’t tasted a thing either. He cut another piece of meat loaf and popped it into his mouth. A quick glance around the table told him everyone else had nearly finished second helpings of food. He didn’t know how many biscuits Josh had consumed while his mind gallivanted. The basket was almost half full when he set it down a while ago. Now one lonely biscuit crouched in the corner. When had Josh eaten all the others? That guy could pack away more food than all the horses in the barn. Paul forced himself to eat a little faster.

  “Is there pie for dessert, Mamm?”

  “Nee, Josh. I was gone all day and didn’t get pies made. Someone ate all the pie from yesterday.” She wagged a finger at her second-oldest son. “I did bake a chocolate cake this morning, though.”

  “Chocolate cake will do just fine, Mamm. And I’ll take Paul’s piece too, since he’s never going to finish his supper.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “I really don’t want to go, Mamm.”

  “You need to get out and have some fun. You’re only young once.”

  “I don’t want to leave Mollie.”

  “Don’t you think I can take care of her properly?”

  “I know you can. It isn’t that at all.”

  “I’m offering my services free of charge—not that I would ever charge to watch my grossdochder.”

  Rosanna smiled. It warmed her heart to hear her mudder call Mollie that. She counted her blessings that her family loved and accepted Mollie as their own. “What if you need to attend a birth tonight?”

  “None of my women are due this month or next month. You know that as well as I do.”

  “Right, but someone might need you anyway.” Rosanna bounced Mollie in her arms.

  “If one of my women goes into labor tonight, she will need lots more help than I can give. She will have to call the rescue squad.”

  “But . . .”

  “What is the real reason you don’t want to attend the singing, Rosanna? You always liked to go before.”

  “Before I wasn’t a mudder with responsibilities. I was young and carefree.”

  Sarah burst out laughing. “And now you’re old and decrepit and can’t have fun?”

  “Nee.” Rosanna’s lips twitched. She tried hard not to laugh along with her mamm but gave up the effort and joined her. “Sometimes I feel old,” she gasped when her laughter faded.

  “Every sleep-deprived new mudder feels that way. You could use a little break.”

  “Other women don’t get a little break to run out on their bopplin to have fun.”

  “Other women have slightly different situations.”

  “Exactly. I don’t really fit in with the youngies anymore.”

  “Ahh! So there’s the issue.”

  “That’s only a small part. Mainly, though, I just like being with Mollie.”

  “I completely understand that. Other new mudders sometimes take little breaks and leave their infants with a family member or a freind for a while. A break is gut for you. It helps keep you energized.” Sarah reached out to stroke Mollie’s soft pink cheek. “It helps keep you sane. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your boppli. Being a mamm is a full-time job, but unlike other jobs, it doesn’t end after eight or ten hours. It’s a twenty-four-hour-a-day job. That’s why it’s important to sneak a little break when you get the chance. And you have that chance right now.”

  “Honest, Mamm. I really don’t feel like going.”

  “You’ll be glad once you’re there and start having fun.”

  Rosanna seriously doubted that. She wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to watch Henry and Frannie talk and slip out the door together. And despite her protests, Emma had her eye on someone, and would most likely rather spend time talking to that fellow instead of to her. She’d be alone, watching from the sidelines. “I talked to people after church today. I don’t need another break.”

  “You talked to other mudders while toting Mollie around. I never saw you talk to your freinden.”

  “I talked to Emma.”

  “Briefly. And she probably tried to persuade you to attend the singing, too, ain’t so?”

  “Well . . .”

  “See? Your freinden want you there.”

  “Only Emma.” Rosanna bent to kiss Mollie’s forehead.

  “The others do, too.”

  “They don’t seem to know how to act around me anymore.”

  “All the more reason to go and show them you’re still the same girl.”

  “But I’m not.”

  Sarah blew out an exasperated sigh. “Inside you are still the same Rosanna. It is true you have taken on responsibilities none of the other youngies have. Your life has changed drastically. But you are still the same thoughtful, kind person you’ve always been.”

  “My priorities are different now. Mollie is my main concern. I am definitely not complaining about that. I love her dearly.” Rosanna bent to kiss the little forehead again.

  “I know you love her. And it is right for a woman to put her infant’s needs before her own, but you can’t deny yourself the opportunity to court and marry.”

  Rosanna smiled. “I get it, Mamm. You’re afraid you’ll be stuck with me forever.”

  Sarah laughed and playfully swatted at her dochder. “If it was your desire to never marry and add to your little family, I wouldn’t have any qualms about your living here forever. But somehow, I don’t think it is your real desire to remain a maedel.”

  “It never was.” Rosanna had to admit the truth. “I always figured I’d marry and have a houseful of kinner, but if that’s not Gott’s plan for me, I can be content with only having Mollie.”

  “Content, maybe. Happy? I’m not so sure. You won’t know if it’s Gott’s plan for you to marry if you don’t mingle with the others. Simply because you have a boppli doesn’t mean you can’t court and marry. Widows with more than one little one remarry.”

  Rosanna didn’t mention she had thought Henry was the one for her, but that dream had marched right out of her life. Her heart was still sore, and now confusion settled in her brain. How did a girl know who was the right fellow for her? If she had made such a drastic mistake pinning her hopes on Henry, how could she be sure who to give her heart to? It was all so confusing. Would any of the young fellows she knew want to take on a girl who already had a boppli, or would she have to settle for an older, widowed man with kinner of his own? Maybe she’d have to look outside her own community. Rosanna suppressed a shiver. She definitely didn’t want to have to “settle” for someone. She wanted to be in love with the man she married. She wanted him to love her, not need her to be a mudder to his passel of little ones. Was that too much to hope for?

  “What is it, dear? You’re frowning like you’re trying to solve the mysteries of the universe.”

  “I’m thinking, that’s all.” Rosanna made an effort to smooth her brow.

  “About what?”

  “I’m, um, wondering how to ever know who the right fellow is.”

  “You’ll know. Your heart will sing at the very thought of him. And it will thump wildly whenever you see him.” Sarah smiled and patted Rosanna’s arm.

  “Was that how it
was with you and Daed?”

  “Your daed still makes my heart sing, even after all these years.” Sarah’s smile broadened. Little crinkly lines fanned out around her brown eyes.

  “How did you know he was the one? Was it love at first sight?”

  “I’m not sure love at first sight ever really happens. It was like at first sight. He was so kind, thoughtful, and generous. He made me feel special, and he made me laugh. He still has all those qualities. There are fellows out there with remarkable qualities, Rosanna. You’ll see.”

  “I suppose.” Rosanna chewed on her tongue for a moment and then released it to utter, “Do you truly think there’s someone for me and Mollie?” The image of Henry and Frannie laughing together trotted through her mind.

  “I’m sure there is.” Sarah squeezed the younger woman’s arm again. “The right person isn’t always the person we have in our own mind. The Lord Gott’s plan might be totally different from ours, but you can be sure He has a plan for you.”

  “I wish I knew what it was. And I wish I knew how to tell who is right for me.”

  “Pray about it, dear. Ask for Gott’s wisdom and guidance.”

  “I’ve been doing that.”

  “The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Gott’s timing is not always the same as ours.”

  Rosanna nodded and blinked back the sudden tears that pricked the backs of her eyes.

  “I know someone who sure seemed to be looking for you after church today.”

  “Really? Who?” It couldn’t have been Henry. From her spot near the window, Rosanna had seen him leave the group of fellows he’d been talking with after the noon meal to follow Frannie around. Of course, she didn’t know if Frannie beckoned to him first or not. It had been pretty hard to tell from her hiding place in the kitchen with Mollie and two or three other young mudders.

  “If you’d socialized a little more after the tables had been cleared, you would have known that Paul Hertzler asked several people where you and Mollie were. He specifically asked after you and Mollie.”

  “How do you know that?”