by Lexi Wilson
“Is Daddy coming?” she asked.
I didn’t know how to answer the question.
“He…he said he would, baby. He should be on his way.”
To that, Nan gave me a skeptical look, knowing I’d told her something that might not be true.
“Do you think Nick could come hang out with us?” asked Jamie. “I bet that’d be fun.”
“I don’t know if we’re going to be seeing much of Nick anymore,” I said.
Jamie appeared shocked, hurt. “What? Why not? He’s really nice.”
“Because I don’t work for him anymore. And daddies don’t really like it when other grown-up men are around.”
She was confused. “How come?”
“You’ll…learn when you’re older.”
But it was a fate I wished I could spare her from. Never did I want her to make the same mistakes I had. Sometimes it seemed like having Jamie had been the only good decision I’d ever made.
The growl of a car engine sounded from outside the house, followed by the squeal of tires, then a “thunk.”
“What’s that?” asked Jamie. “Is that Daddy?”
“No doubt,” said Nan.
I went over to the window and peeled the blinds open. Outside of the house was a black Dodge Challenger, one tire up on the curb in what had to be one of the worst park jobs I’d ever seen in my life.
“Yep,” I said. “It’s him, alright.”
The driver’s door open and out came Marcus. It took less than a second of seeing him stumble out of the car for me to see he was drunk as a skunk.
“Yo, ladies!” he shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth and bellowing so loudly the entire block could hear him. “Daddy’s here!”
An expression of excitement flashed on Jamie’s face before she ran off toward the front door.
“Jamie!” I called out after her. “Wait for Mom!”
Nan and I hurried through the house, and I just barely beat Jamie to the front door, opening it up to see Marcus staggering toward us. The stench of cheap whiskey was thick in the air, and it only grew with each step closer he took.
His eyes lit up, a big, dopey smile on his face.
“There’re my girls!”
Without saying another word, he reached down to scoop up Jamie. She let out a squeal of happiness as he effortlessly picked her up and put her on his shoulders. But he wavered, the booze in his system making him uncoordinated.
“Alright,” he said. “What you two want to do tonight? I’m thinking some burgers, maybe a movie.”
“Yeah, burgers!” shouted Jamie. She stuck her fist into the air, but the sudden movement made Marcus unsteady.
“Whoa!” he cried out, shifting his weight from one foot to the other to regain his balance.
“Marcus!”
I reached out to them, but he managed to right himself. Jamie only laughed, thinking it was nothing but fun and games.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to blow up at him in front of the entire neighborhood. Already a few people in the surrounding houses were looking out of their windows or standing on their porches, his loud park job and shouting having attracted their attention.
“Put her down, please,” I said, my voice firm.
Marcus appeared confused. “What? Why?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
“What’s drunk?” asked Jamie.
“I ain’t drunk,” said Marcus.
“Are you kidding me, Marcus?” I asked. “First of all, you’re late as hell. Second, you hopped up onto the curb like an idiot. Third, I can smell the Jack on you. Don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you’re not hammered.”
He looked at me sheepishly before kneeling to let Jamie crawl off his shoulders. Relief hit me the moment she was away from him.
“You got an excuse?” I asked.
“I was out with some of the boys,” he said. “We had a little bit of a welcome-back party last night.”
“And you’re still drunk?”
He held up his palms. “Now, now – let me finish. We had some drinks last night…”
I’d danced to this tune with Marcus enough times to know “some drinks” meant he’d likely killed an entire bottle.
“…Then this morning we were all kinds of hungover. So, we had a few hair-of-the-dog swings, and that turned into more partying. But it’s been a few hours since my last drink – I’m all sobered-up and ready to spend some QT with my family. So, let’s get going!”
He followed this up with an attempt to clap his hands together. But he was so drunk he missed the first time, laughing out loud at this mess-up.
I had no idea if he was telling the truth about stopping drinking hours ago.
“Marcus, it’s not happening tonight.”
“What?” he asked.
“I don’t know if you’re telling the truth about stopping drinking a few hours ago. But either way, you’re too damn drunk to go out in public.”
“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m good now, and I’ll be right as rain in a few hours.”
“I don’t care, Marcus. You want to see Jamie, you need to sober up. Go home and sleep it off, then if the hangover’s not too bad tomorrow we can give it another try.”
He shook his head. “No way. I came over to see my little girl, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
By now Jamie could tell something was wrong. She looked up at me with a worried expression in her eyes.
“No, Marcus – you’re not.”
He narrowed his dark eyes, a wave of fear washing through me.
Marcus wasn’t a man who took “no” well.
“What did you say to me?” he asked, stepping close until he loomed.
“I said, tonight’s not the night. I…I want you to be a part of Jamie’s life, Marcus. But it can’t be like this. Do you want her seeing her daddy three sheets to the wind? You think that’s being a good role model for her?”
I was using reason, knowing that Marcus wasn’t exactly the reasonable type.
He continued to stare at me, his eyes in little slits. My heart thudded hard in my chest, and for a moment I worried he might reach out and take me by the throat, to hit me in the way he’d almost done all those years ago.
“Fine,” he said. “Fine. Feeling tired anyway. But lemme do something first…”
Before I could react, he swept in and wrapped his big arm around my waist, pulling me close and planting a kiss on my lips.
The taste of whiskey flooded into my mouth, and I let out a shriek, pushing him away from me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the neighbors still watching.
“Marcus!” I shouted. “This…you can’t be doing that!”
“Why?” he asked with a shrug. “You’re my wife, remember?”
I turned, and thankfully Nan had already brought Jamie into the house.
“You get one more try,” I said, raising a finger. “And that’s it.”
He laughed. “I’m your husband and her daddy – I get as many ‘tries’ as I want. See you tomorrow, babe.”
With that, he turned and started toward his car. I considered calling the police, letting them know there was a drunk driver on the road. But damn but of good it’d do. If anything, it’d just make Marcus come down on me harder.
I watched him drive off before going back into the house and shutting the door, locking it behind me. His tires squealed and he was gone.
“Where’s Daddy?” asked Jamie. “Does he not want to see me?”
Damn him, I thought, furious that his shitty behavior was making Jamie feel this way.
“Daddy’s…sick,” said Nan.
“Right,” I said, happy for the save. “Did you smell that stinky smell on him and see how funny he was walking?”
She scrunched up her face. “Yeah, he smelled weird. I didn’t like it.”
“He really wants to see you, but he needs a little rest first. So, how about tonight we watch a movie and order some pizza?
”
“Yeah!” she said. “Can we invite Nick?”
Her words were like a knife to the gut.
“Sorry,” I said. “But…no Nick tonight.”
She didn’t like this answer.
We went to ordering the pizza, my heart still racing from my encounter with Marcus.
I had a feeling my troubles were only just beginning.
I’d chosen between Marcus and Nick, and all I could think about was whether or not I’d made the worst decision of my life.
Chapter 38
NICK
All I could think about was that kiss.
And it killed me knowing it might be our last.
I was out on the second-floor balcony of my house, sipping coffee and watching the sun set over the city. I was a beautiful sight, but more than anything I wished I could share it with her.
But Amber had made her choice.
I couldn’t hold it against her. She had a husband, a man who was the father of her daughter. It only made sense that she’d try to make things right with him ever since he’d come back into her life.
She had to give the man a chance, after all.
But I’d taken a chance of my own, opening my heart after having it ripped apart all those years ago.
And it’d blown up in my face.
Maybe love wasn’t for me, after all. I had a good job, one that I could pour my heart and soul into. I made good money, and my kid sister was ready to start a life of her own.
Was it too much to ask for to want the love of a good woman on top of that? Maybe I was being greedy.
Either way, I was paying the price. My heart…hurt. There was no other way to put it.
I took a few more sips of my coffee, watching the oranges and reds of the LA sun over the towers of downtown give way to a purple night sky, the stars twinkling overhead.
I couldn’t sit still any longer. After tossing back the rest of my coffee I went downstairs.
Damon and Natalie were on the couch, Damon’s arm wrapped around Natalie as they watched some old black-and-white comedy, big smiles on their faces.
Seeing them…it was hard. Not only was it a reminder that my kid sister had become her own woman, married and pregnant and eager to go out into the world, but it was also a reminder of what l didn’t have – love.
The two of them wiped the happy smiles off their faces as I came down the stairs, sitting upright like a couple of high school kids who’d been busted making out.
“Hey, bud,” said Damon.
“Hey!” said Natalie, waggling her fingers at me.
“We were, uh, just grabbing a few things from Natalie’s room to take over to my place. But we got kind of distracted.”
“It’s fine,” I said, waving my hand through the air as I walked past them into the kitchen. “Mi casa es su casa, you know?”
As I spoke the words, I could hear in my own voice own down I was.
“You alright, bud?” asked Damon, looking back over the couch.
“Fine,” I said, opening the fridge and trying to decide on something for dinner, despite being not hungry in the slightest.
“You don’t sound fine,” said Natalie, getting up and coming over, sitting down at the kitchen bar. “Nick, I know you’re hurting right now. I’d be too if I were in your shoes.”
“I…I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, my face still in the fridge.
Damon came over to join her. “I know this is hard to talk about, man,” he said. “But there’s still a chance.”
I stood up and shut the fridge door. “A chance of what? She quit, telling me that she can’t even work with me because of her husband. Seems pretty clear-cut to me.”
“It might not be,” said Natalie. “What happened when she told you?”
“I…I kissed her.” I felt embarrassed saying the words, as if I were sharing something far too personal.
“You kissed her, and then what?” asked Damon.
“Then she left.”
“Let me ask you this,” said Natalie. “Did you tell her how you felt?”
“Why would I need to tell her how I felt?” I asked. “Doesn’t kissing her say the same thing?”
Natalie and Damon shared a smile, as if I’d asked a question they’d both known the answer to.”
“It’s not that simple,” said Damon. “It’s one thing to do something. It’s another thing to say it.”
“With Damon,” said Natalie. “It was obvious there was something between us. But I didn’t know for sure. As silly as it was, I wanted to hear it. Because when you say something, you put yourself out there. You give yourself over to the other person, your heart in their hands.”
“So that’s what I did. I told Natalie my feelings, and that was what did it. From that point on, there was no separating us.”
It was still weird as hell to see those two like that. But their words rang true. I hadn’t shared exactly how I’d felt to her.
“Then what am I supposed to do? Call her up and tell her?”
“That’s too impersonal,” said Natalie. “Go over to her place, share your feelings.”
“Just like that?” I asked.
“Just like that,” said Damon.”
Tension formed in my stomach at the words.
“But…what if she says ‘no?’ What do I do then?”
“It’ll hurt like hell,” said Natalie. “But at least you’ll know. Then you can start the healing process.”
“I’m telling you, bud,” said Damon. “You have to do this. Otherwise you’re going to be spending the rest of your life wondering ‘what if’.”
Determination rose in me. It was scary as hell, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew they were right.
“OK,” I said with a nod. “I’m doing this.”
They both grinned. “Good luck,” said Natalie. “And we’ll be here for you.”
“No matter what,” said Damon.
“Th…thanks, guys,” I said.
There was nothing else to be done. I grabbed my keys and phone and hurried out the door.
Moments later I was behind the wheel of my car, driving like a Wildman to Amber’s home. I stopped at a flower store on the way, buying the biggest, most gorgeous bouquet I could spot.
Once that was done, I kept on driving. I rehearsed words in my head, trying to find the perfect thing to say. But the closer I got, the more my mind got muddled, the more I couldn’t think of anything to say other than three simple words.
“I love you.”
They seemed insufficient at first, like I needed some kind of grand speech to really get my point across, something from those romance movies, like what Natalie and Damon had been watching.
But I began to realize all I needed was to tell her how I felt, so she could know. Then she could decide. I had to give my heart over to her and let her do with it what she wanted.
That was it.
I pulled up to her home, and right away I laid eyes on a jet-black muscle car parked in front.
And it was about the worst damn park job I’d ever see in my life. There were skid marks behind the wheels, and both tires on the right side were up on the curb. Whoever had been was either blind, or drunk.
As soon as I parked behind the car, I realized what was going on.
It was Marcus.
He was there.
I opened the door and got out. And as soon as I was in the quiet night air, I heard a commotion from the inside of the house.
Something was happening – it sounded like a fight.
“It doesn’t matter if I’ve had a damn drink or two – I’m spending the evening with my daughter!”
Shit. Whatever my plans where, they’d just changed. I ran toward the front door, and as I drew closer I saw it was open.
To be more accurate, it was smashed open. Someone had kicked it, breaking the lock. And it didn’t take a detective to realize who had done it.
I pushed the door open and stepped through.
/> Everything afterward passed in a blur.
Marcus was there, looming over Amber. He raised his hand and brought it down hard, right toward her face.
I acted on pure instinct, rushing toward him, grabbing his wrist and yanking it back. He regarded me with a surprised expression.
And then I punched the shit out of him.
I brought back my fist and connected it to his jaw, Marcus flying backward and sending all his height and weight slamming into the wall. He dropped to the floor, out like a light.
“Oh…oh my God,” said Amber, realizing what had happened.
I hurried over and checked Marcus’s pulse. He was alive, of course.
“Where’s Nan and Jamie?” I asked, turning back toward her.
“They’re…they’re hiding in the bedroom.”
“Grab some things now. I’ll call the police. We’re going to my place. Got it?”
She nodded, still in shock.
I stood over Marcus, dialing the cops and telling them what had happened, letting them know we were going to be long gone when they got here. I gave them my address for any questions.
Then Nan and Jamie and Amber appeared, all with bags.
Moments later we were in my car.
It sure as hell wasn’t the kind of reunion I was expecting.
Chapter 39
AMBER
Only about halfway through the trip to Nick’s did I even begin to calm down.
I was seated in the back of car, Nan next to me and Jamie in the passenger seat.
My heart was racing.
But I was safe.
We drove in silence, Nick only breaking it every now and then to confirm we were all doing OK.
When we pulled up to his home, more relief washed over me.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you all inside.”
He grabbed all the bags, leading us into the house. Natalie and Damon were there, both totally surprised by us showing up.
“What’s going on?” asked Natalie, pressing “pause” on her movie and getting up.
“Hey, Jamie,” said Nick. “Are you hungry?”
She nodded. Luckily, Jamie had been in her bedroom the whole time with Nan. She had to have known something bad was happening. But she didn’t see Marcus, didn’t see how close he’d come to hitting me.