Reflections

by Reflections (epub)

  Before going downstairs she stopped outside her father’s closed bedroom door. She had only entered it once a week to clean and change his bedding. Now, putting down her things, she went inside to feel a little closer to him, the man who had willingly adopted her and provided all her needs, including affection. Evie knew pangs of guilt. Davey had never smacked her or even raised his voice at her. His only failing was that he had deviously tried to keep her to himself, away from Rob and Beth and her uncle. Selfish yes, but he was not a cruel man. She should have told him she was going off to marry Rob. He could have done nothing to stop her. Yet everyone in the cove, and she herself deep in her heart, knew that she had done the right thing. Davey did not have a valid reason to try to prevent her marrying Rob.

  His room was just as it always was, functional and bare. Evie was heartened to see two photographs of her on the tallboy, one as an infant and one taken on the quayside three years ago. Her greatest fear was that he had disowned her; apparently not, but she was anxious about his reaction when he next saw her. Davey had always stressed she put his ironed clothes on the bed and he would put them away. Evie had thought he was kindly saving her a job but now she wondered about it. Had he been keeping secrets? It was quite likely for he was such a secretive man. That aside, she was curious to learn anything she could to give her a clue to his withdrawn and possessive attitude. Feeling bad about it she opened his single mahogany wardrobe. It creaked and she blinked in remorse for she was intruding. There was just Davey’s few clothes and pairs of highly polished shoes; no boxes or containers to hold anything of a personal nature. To delve inside his four-drawer chest would disturb his clothes and be obvious, so she opened the small cupboard at his bedside. She hated what she was doing. If she saw nothing unusual she would leave the room. Once downstairs she would take the writing paper out of the dresser drawer and leave her father a friendly note, stating that while she did not regret her elopement, she was sorry to have slipped away secretly, and that she would come round to see him as soon as he got home and imploring him to let her talk to him.

  In the cupboard she saw a large rectangular tin box, one that had once held biscuits. She stared at it. Don’t touch it, shut the cupboard and leave, a voice in her head warned. But Evie could not help herself and going down on her knees she pulled out the tin and put it on the planked floor. Her heart thudding, she levered off the lid. On the top were her birth certificate and then her parents’ marriage certificate. She laid them carefully face down so she could put them and the rest of the stuff back in as it should lie.

  Next was a faded photograph of two young smiling fishermen, in the familiar caps, smocks and over-the-knee sea boots with their arms resting on each other’s shoulders. One was Davey. Evie turned the photo over finding as she had hoped an inscription – Cyrus and Me. Evie knew whom the man Cyrus had been, his name was on the war memorial, Able Seaman C. L. Mitchell. Evie leafed on, taking out documents, Davey’s will and insurance papers, and things connected to his parents and a late brother, lost in childhood. Then came more photographs of him and Cyrus, all smiling, some larking about. There was a local newspaper cutting announcing Cyrus’s death, among others, and the black-edged card from his memorial service. Evie felt sad for her father, he had lost a very close friend, one reason perhaps why he had closed himself off so much from others. Perhaps he felt guilty that he had stayed at home in a safer, but vital, occupation while his friend had fought and died on a torpedoed ship.

  Then came a batch of letters, all written by the same angular hand, Armed services letters that had to have been sent from Cyrus; sad and poignant memories for Davey. Evie noticed a spelling mistake on an envelope. My had been written instead of Mr D. Vage. She smiled, but saw that more were titled that way; strange. Pulling in her lips she gingerly opened one of the envelopes and began to read the single page of paper. Then laying it aside carefully she opened two more. Sentences jumped out at her. I miss you so much my old dear… remembering all the times we shared keeps me going… I can’t wait until I’m next on leave and we can go to our secret place… think of your smile… what a wonderful time we had that day… All could be sentiments from a mate but equally, Evie thought, disguised messages from a lover. It had not been many years ago she had learned about same gender love, coming across it in a Bible passage. Such a thing was condemned in the scriptures and was against the law, and Evie had not wanted to think about it again. She might be wrong, but she was sure she was not, her father had been in love with another man and it was vital his secret was never discovered. She had the answer to his guarded way of life, why he had never slept with her mother, although it did not excuse him trying to deny Evie of the man she loved. He knew the pain and grief of losing his lover. Sad for him but horrified, trembling, she quickly put the letters back together and replaced everything as it had been in the tin and put the tin back in the cupboard.

  ‘Evie darling, are you ready yet?’ It was Rob and he was on his way up the stairs.

  She ran out of the room and slammed the door.

  ‘Oh sweetheart, I can see this has upset you.’ Rob held her close but she soon pushed him away. ‘Let’s get out of here.’ Then with her husband she left her father’s house without leaving him a note, but dropping her back door key on the table.

  Thirty

  ‘You are happy?’ Beth asked Evie at the wedding party, when she was finally able to drag Evie outside for a quiet moment. It was so hot in the overcrowded cottage, packed with adults and children, and they were both glad of some fresh air. They hurried past the few others outside taking a breather or having a smoke. ‘I mean, everything is all right between you and Rob? You seem blissfully happy but I can’t help feeling something is wrong. I know you must be disappointed that your father hasn’t showed his face here, that you and he haven’t even spoken yet, but I sense there is something more.’

  ‘You’re right, it is about Dad.’ Evie walked Beth down to the end of the back garden and whispered. ‘I’ve found out something about him. I can’t tell Rob about it, it would be too awful and the source of a lot more trouble. I can’t tell you here. Rob is joining the Young Maid on Monday and I’ll call on you then. I heard that Kitty and Stuart have left, are you still at your mother’s or have you gone home to Mor Penty?’

  ‘I’ll be at Owles House for a few more days. Evie, you will take care, won’t you?’

  ‘Why do you say that?’

  ‘Well, Davey did set out to cause Rob harm. I’m worried he might try something similar again.’

  ‘But Dad knows we’re on to him now, and he would never do anything to hurt me,’ Evie protested mildly.

  ‘No, I don’t suppose he would ever dream of it, but if he does go after Rob again you may find yourself involved, and hurting your husband would hurt you unbearably. Why don’t you spend the night at Owles House? Mum would be glad to have you both.’

  ‘But Beth—’

  ‘Please don’t argue, Evie, humour me. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I couldn’t bear any more pain after all that’s happened recently. Talk to Davey tomorrow, you and Rob together and demand to know what’s on his mind.’

  ‘But I could never convince Rob not to stay in his own house tonight. He’d never let Dad hound us out. If I insisted on your idea Rob would demand to know the whole story and I just can’t tell him that, not ever. I owe Dad that much loyalty, without him my mother and I could have ended up in the workhouse. You’ll understand why when I tell you all the facts. Rob will certainly agree to us facing Dad first thing tomorrow.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure,’ Beth said, still unconvinced.

  They began strolling back to the house, and Evie said, ‘Now, tell me how you are? You must be missing Kitty.’

  ‘Very much so, but we keep in regular touch over the phone. It’s nice to be able to speak naturally to her, and to Stuart too. He’s sold his house already. The nearest neighbours were eager to get it for their daughter, about to return with her family from years in K
enya. He’ll live with Kitty for the foreseeable future, but he’s also considering he might move to Ireland to be near the children. He’s resigned from the college, thinking of doing something different entirely. So it’s a complete fresh start for him. Sadly, I get the impression Kitty is still feeling rather lost. I’ve told her she’s welcome to come back to Owles House at a moment’s notice. There’s someone else who is very keen to see Kitty again, Mr Benedict. He called three times for news of her when you were on honeymoon.’

  ‘It will be interesting to watch if anything comes out of that when Kitty comes down again, possibly another wedding. Oh, and surely even another one, Mark’s got Claire with him tonight. No one would have guessed those two would get together,’ Evie said, a dreamy bride again. ‘But what about you, Beth? Do you want to find romance and a lasting love?’

  ‘I’m sure I’ll get round to it eventually now all the old issues in my life have been resolved,’ Beth replied thoughtfully. ‘After all, who knows what’s just round the corner. You and Rob, and Mark and Claire didn’t. I’d just like things to settle down for a long while.’

  * * *

  For long hours Davey had been sitting in the dark. He had allowed the fire that Evie had banked in to go out and the cottage had long lost its warmth. Ages ago he had heard Evie and her husband return quietly home, not even pausing outside Davey’s gate. It was not like Evie to be so distant. As he had expected, she had come round at some point to air the home he now lived in alone and to collect the rest of her things. But she had left no other little touches of care. She had not laid out the things on the table for when he made a meal, or filled the kettle with fresh water or left the teapot standing by with tea leaves in it. She had not left him a note. That omission spoke of her hurt and the lost of affection for him. He had pushed her too far. But it was not like Evie to give up on Davey even after all he had done to prevent her marriage. Of course, she was now under the influence of that wretch, her new husband. Praed had worked on her gentle mind until she had willingly run away with him, and he would go on poisoning Evie’s mind until she hated him. Praed would also soon seek revenge on Davey for messing with his property with evil intent. Praed had a vindictive side, as Davey acknowledged he had himself. They both used dirty tactics to get what they wanted. To ensure Evie stayed estranged from Davey, Praed would, even though he had sworn not to, reveal Davey’s secret.

  My secret, my love for Cyrus. The pain of losing Cyrus, even from the day he had told him he had enlisted in the Navy, was as raw as the first moment. It was love as ardent and wonderful as any other, and Davey had sworn to always protect what he and Cyrus had had, and to protect his memory so people would always read his name on the war memorial with pride. It was why it had been so easy for Davey to set in motion and act out his plan to annihilate Francis Vyvyan. Vyvyan had gleaned the true nature of Davey and Cyrus’s relationship, when as a parish councillor Vyvyan had looked through old local photographs the former vicar had taken on various parish outings and events.

  The highly respected, almost saintly, Vyvyan had confronted Davey one day when he was tending his allotment. ‘Seems you and a certain young fisherman-cum-sailor were very, very close.’ Vyvyan, a powerfully built, exceedingly handsome brute, had displayed a fist full of the old photographs. ‘Bet you’ve never seen these. The vicar let me look through them. I’m sure he didn’t see that extra little connection you had with Cyrus Mitchell. I would never have guessed we had a pansy living in our midst. I wonder what the rest of the crew on Morenwyn would think, eh? They’d keep a careful watch on you, that’s for sure. Men like you make me sick. Mitchell wouldn’t be thought quite the war hero if people knew he’d liked holding hands with men.’

  The hurt caused by Francis Vyvyan’s jibes went past the unbearable, there was no way Davey was going to allow Cyrus’s name to be reviled. His love for Cyrus had been, and still was, as deep as between conventional couples. He had waited his chance, and when Vyvyan had gone out alone in his boat Davey had followed on in his personal punt, knowing where Vyvyan would stop to do some line fishing. Davey had not listened to Vyvyan’s fresh round of jibes. He had got close enough and cracked the intimidator across the head with a ship’s block and pushed his body into the sea. Then he had rigged Firefly to drift and make it look like the death was a tragic accident.

  Suddenly afraid, Davey leapt up in the darkness. Finding matches he lit a candle and hurried upstairs to his room. His heart racing like drum beats, he opened the bedside cupboard and studied the old biscuit tin, which held his treasure trove. He was always careful to put it back in the exact middle of the cupboard, having marked out two straight lines with a dart’s tip as a guide. The tin was now slightly off centre. Evie! When she had come for her stuff she must have come in here to look through his things. She knew! She knew about him and Cyrus and now she loathed him. It was why she had left without a note and tossed down her key.

  His first thought, once again, was to protect Cyrus’s memory. He had promised Cyrus he would always love him first and the years had not changed that. He would not let anyone take precedence over Cyrus, not even the quiet, caring woman he had brought up as his own daughter, a daughter to be proud of. Davey would gladly deal out the same fate to Praed as he had to Francis Vyvyan. The problem was that even if Praed were dead it would be unlikely that Evie would move back in with Davey. She would own Rob’s cottage and she would turn to her posh sister. Davey came to the conclusion, without emotion, that it was necessary for Praed and Evie to go together, and that way Cyrus’s sanctity would stay safe.

  In the candlelight, sitting with his back against the bed, Davey looked and looked at every photograph of Cyrus, remembering every place they had gone together and every word of love and laughter they had spoken. He read every one of Cyrus’s loving letters, and was able to recall every word of his replies.

  Years of tears flooded down over his face and dripped off his chin and wetted the photos and letters. It was some time before the shaking of his body stopped and he wiped his eyes on the bedspread.

  Then while sobbing intermittently he replaced all the other documents and mementoes in the tin and pushed the tin into the cupboard and closed the little door. Weak from crying and the throes again of his first grief, he gripped the bedspread to get him to his feet. ‘Time to say goodbye to all this, Cyrus,’ he got out in a hoarse whisper.

  Downstairs, he raked out the ashes in the little range and kindled a fresh fire. Numbed all through yet nearly broken with sorrow he burned the keepsakes of Cyrus one by one, making sure all was consumed in the flames. ‘You’re safe now, my darling. Those old photos the old vicar took are either packed up in his nursing home or been thrown away. Now it’s time for me to leave and to come to you. I’ve had enough. My own crew mates can’t stand me for trying to stop the girl’s wedding. That was silly of me. I should have seen long before that it’s better to put an end to the bitter loneliness of this existence without you. She can keep her man and her new life. She’s welcome to inherit this cottage and my little bit of money. She’ll get all the things that belonged to her mother. She’ll be happy with me out of the way. God bless her for that. Don’t know how I could have thought I’d ever have hurt her, not Evie. I’ll drop her a line of goodwill and push it in under her back door. Then I’ll go for a walk; be getting light soon. Remember our special place on the cliff, way past the hotels. I’ll meet you there in the sea.’

  Davey hugged himself with ecstasy. ‘Why didn’t I think of this before? As soon as Evie reached twenty-one she would have been capable of looking after herself. I don’t care, Cyrus, what people think, whether I fell or whether I jumped. No one would have cared about us if they had known about our love.’

  He dashed off the note. Dear Evie, Just to say I wish you all the best for your future. Be happy and follow your dreams. God bless you. Your loving Father; Davey Vage.

  ‘Well Cyrus, that should prevent her from blaming herself for anything. She wouldn’t deserve that.�
�

  He put on his cap and coat and left his home, shutting the back door silently and not locking it. It would show Evie how welcome she was to the place. He crept next door and put his hand on the gate but then was halted by a tall figure looming at him.

  ‘Oh, no you don’t. What wickedness are you up to this time Davey Vage?’ Douglas Praed spat, low and furiously at him. ‘I knew you’d do something, and I’ve been spying on you all night.

  Before Davey could catch his breath he was bundled round, his arms pinned with Douglas’s hand across his mouth. Davey did not struggle but allowed his weight to go limp as Douglas dragged him round the end of the terrace where they could not be seen. Douglas dropped his hand then pushed Davey hard against the wall. ‘Speak up before I wake Rob and then you’ll have to deal with both of us.’

  ‘I was only going to leave a note for Evie. Read it, you’ll see I wish her no harm.’

  Striking a match, Douglas scanned the message of the note. ‘Seems harmless but I don’t trust you. Why do this in the early hours? What were you going to do next?’

  ‘I couldn’t sleep. It’s not easy when everyone’s against you. You know how that feels. I decided to let Evie know I care then I was going for a walk.’

  ‘Put this under Rob’s door,’ Douglas growled. ‘Then I’ll walk with you, make sure you aren’t up to any mischief.’

  Fragments of light stealing in on the horizon turned the men from shapeless black lumps to threatening grey forms. ‘I intend to walk a long way,’ Davey rasped. ‘I don’t intend to come back, ever. I’m sure you’ll be very glad about that. Go home Douglas Praed. People will be stirring soon. Make sure you’re seen, if you don’t want to be implicated in something you wouldn’t want to be.’