by L. M. Reed
Chapter 30
“I’m pregnant,” I said abruptly, bowing my head to stare blindly at my breakfast plate, unsure of the reception my words would receive.
James and Elsee were suddenly still and I could feel their eyes on me watching me cautiously, gauging my mental state.
“Don’t worry, Elsee,” I smiled wearily, meeting her eyes “I’m not going to come unglued. James and I planned this one, although he wasn’t sure about it. I’m ready to try again.”
“I’m glad,” the relief in her voice was obvious. “I’ve been very worried about you.”
“I know,” I conceded contritely “and I’m sorry. I’ve never felt that kind of…anguish before. I honestly didn’t think I would ever be able to handle being pregnant again, but thanks to you and James and my little prince,” I reached over and ruffled Mark’s curly blonde hair while he squirmed in his high chair “I want to have another baby.”
“Bebe,” he demanded beating his spoon on his tray as we all laughed.
“See, Mark wants one, too,” I laughed.
“Do you want a baby brother or sister?” Elsee asked him.
“Want Gramsee,” Mark said reaching his arms out to Elsee, demanding to be picked-up.
I smiled at the name Mark had come up with all by himself for his grandmother. When he first began talking he’d tried to copy everything we said, but sometimes he picked up on things we would rather he not. The first time he called his grandmother ‘Elsee’ I was shocked and quickly corrected him.
“No Mark,” I said firmly “you must call her Grandma.”
“Elsee,” he demanded.
“Grandma,” I insisted.
“ELSEE!” he had screamed.
“Allie, it is fine if he wants to call me Elsee,” the grandmother in question had intervened, but I was determined.
“You can call her Grandma Elsee,” I conceded. “Grandma Elsee,” I repeated slowly.
“Gramsee,” Mark had yelled ecstatically.
We had all burst into laughter at that.
“Gramsee,” Elsee said thoughtfully. “I like it. Somehow it fits.”
“Gramsee it is,” James pronounced laughingly.
Bringing myself back to the present, I noticed that Elsee had taken Mark over to the sink to allow him to wash his hands. He loved running water, squealing with delight as he splashed himself and his Gramsee.
“Are you really okay?” James asked quietly, taking my hand in his.
“I’m better than okay,” I smiled happily. “We both have a lot to be grateful for, and I’m through feeling sorry for myself, thanks to Elsee…and you.”
“I love you,” James leaned towards me, touching my lips briefly with his.
“I love all of you so much,” I returned earnestly, “I’m sorry I let my grief over the baby overshadow everything. I promise I’m better now.”
“Mom,” James got up from the table and pulled me up after him “if you don’t mind watching Mark for a while I thought I would take Allison out to do a bit of last minute Christmas shopping.”
“That sounds like fun,” Elsee beamed at us as she set Mark on his feet. “Mark and I will be fine, won’t we sweetie?”
“Gramsee play f’ball,” Mark grabbed her hand and pulled her towards his bedroom.
“Well, Gramsee isn’t as good as Daddy,” Elsee laughed, allowing Mark to lead her by the hand out of the room, “but you aren’t old enough to know that yet.”
“Are you up for a trip to Midland?” he asked anxiously. “I thought we could walk the mall and then find a good place to eat.”
“That actually sounds like fun,” I agreed enthusiastically. “I haven’t been out of the house much except for work in a long time.”
“Go get ready and I’ll pull the car out,” James kissed me on the forehead and, picking up his keys headed towards the garage whistling merrily.
After settling me in the front seat, we headed out on the highway towards Midland.
“James,” I began tentatively “I’ve been thinking…”
“That’s always trouble,” he teased.
“Very funny,” I replied sarcastically “you’re hilarious.”
“Sorry,” he grinned obviously not sorry in the least “please continue.”
“Only if you promise to behave yourself…”
“Okay,” he laughed. “I promise.”
“I think we should trade in this car for one of those mini-vans they’ve been advertising,” I suggested hesitantly.
“You want to trade in your convertible for a mini-van?”
“Why not?” I asked defensively. “We’ve paid off your pickup now and I think we need more of a family vehicle.”
“You’ve had this car longer than you’ve had me,” he commented playfully. “Does that mean I’m next?”
“Oh I don’t know,” I replied airily “I’ll think about keeping you a bit longer.”
“Gee thanks,” he responded drily.
“Seriously, though, James,” I frowned “It’s just a car and I think we need something bigger with a baby on the way.”
“I have to admit I’ll be sad to see it go.”
“You will…? Why?”
“Because it’s like a part of you, something I’ve always associated with you, and for me it will be like…losing something,” he knitted his brow in concentration. “I’m not sure I can explain it, even to myself, but…I don’t know…”
“I think I understand,” I smiled tenderly at him. “It is part of your nature; the same part that kept your 8 tracks and LP’s all these years even when everyone else had already switched to cassettes, as well as your box of favorite childhood toys, your favorite sweatshirt from high school…”
“Okay, okay I get it,” James laughingly interrupted me “I’m a packrat.”
“And I love that about you,” I conceded “but this is just a car, it’s not me.”
“I know that up here,” he took one hand off the wheel and tapped his head with his index finger “but here is a different matter,” he tapped the same finger on his chest over his heart.
“I am not going to keep this car for the next thirty years just for sentimental reasons,” it was my turn to laugh.
“Good point,” James half smiled. “So when do you want to trade it in?”
“Maybe sometime before the baby is born?” I suggested tentatively. “That might give you some time to adjust to the idea.”
“I’m not sure whether waiting would make it easier or harder to let go,” James responded wryly. “The bandage approach might be better. Just rip it off quickly.”
“Well, I’m happy to let you decide when,” I assured him “As long as we do it sometime in the next eight months.”
“But no pressure, right?” he joked.
“No pressure,” I repeated grinning.