by L. M. Reed
Chapter 31
“Are you cooking again?” James asked as his arms encircled my swollen belly.
“I’m nesting,” I said complacently as I scraped scrambled eggs onto a plate. “I haven’t seen Elsee this morning. Could you go see if she’s awake?”
“No problem,” he replied, picking up a piece of bacon and stuffing it into his mouth as he left the kitchen, tousling Mark’s hair as he passed his booster chair.
Predictably, Mark squealed.
“Here you go, precious,” I said soothingly as I set a bowl of scrambled eggs in front of him.
“Eggs,” he said in delight, digging in.
Thankfully, he was not as messy an eater as he used to be. He was already three and although I didn’t want to admit it, was getting to be a big boy. He seemed to be growing up too fast for me. Elsee was always chiding me about being over protective of him, it took me forever to let him sleep in a regular bed and sit in a booster chair instead of the high chair, but I wasn’t about to do anything to help speed things along.
James came back into the kitchen and sat down heavily in a chair holding his head in his hands.
“James,” I frowned “What’s wrong? Where’s Elsee? Did she decide to sleep in this morning?”
As he lifted his head up out of his hands, I could see pools gathering in his eyes.
“James?” I was alarmed. “What is it?”
“She’s…” he seemed at a loss for words.
“She’s what?” I asked urgently. “Is she sick?”
I headed towards her bedroom, but a hand on my arm abruptly stopped me.
Turning around to face James I was hauled into his arms and I could feel his sobs as he held me tightly.
“She’s…gone,” he managed to get out.
“Gone?” I asked bewildered. “She’s not in her room?”
“She’s dead.”
I’d never seen James cry before. Concerned, worried, sad, even teary-eyed, all of those things, but never anything like the grief I was witnessing. My befuddled brain couldn’t comprehend what he was saying, but I held him while he wept inconsolably.
“She’s not dead, I’m sure you made a mistake,” I finally said matter-of-factly. “She’s always been in perfect health. I’ll go wake her up.”
“No!” he protested violently. “Stay out of there.”
His tone shocked me…it was so alien to his nature.
“I have to call somebody,” he muttered as he released me and headed to the phone.
He was recovering some of his customary calm, but obviously still shaken as he reached down to pick up the receiver. I headed towards Elsee’s room. She wasn’t dead, she couldn’t be dead. Elsee was in her room asleep or something. I would prove it to him. She wouldn’t leave us like that. Elsee was always there when we needed her.
I still need her!
“I said stay out of there,” James had my arm in a tight grip and spun me around to face him.
“She’s not dead,” I denied vehemently. “She can’t be dead. I have to go to her. I have to see…”
“Allison,” his voice had gentled “You are only two weeks away from delivering and I know Mom wouldn’t want you to risk the baby’s health. Please just do as I ask and stay out of her room.”
I felt tears streaming down my face as I whispered, “She’s really gone? Are you sure?”
“Yes, she’s really…gone,” James replied heavily, his voice breaking on the last word. “It looks like she’s been…gone…quite a while. I think she collapsed on her way to the bathroom possibly sometime during the night.”
We stood there for long moments, staring into each other’s eyes, our mutual grief mirrored on our faces until the sobs I could no longer contain rose up in my throat and threatened to choke me. Reversing our roles, James held me while I sobbed out my heartbreak.