Love At Every Size

by Jordan, Jesse

  “I know I won’t lose Cathy, you’re too good of a mother for that to happen,” I reply, and Lana clucks her tongue again. “What?”

  “It’s not Cathy you’re afraid of losing,” Lana says. “It’s Denise. I like her too, Louden. And she’s good for you. But you can’t be afraid of losing her, you need to trust her. She’ll be there for you if she’s the right one for you.”

  The right one for me. Huh. “I thought you were for a long time.”

  “I thought I was too,” Lana says, a little sadly. “But not any more. I’ll always be your friend though. Denise is the one for you now, Louden. And yeah, even though Craig’s a great guy, a little part of me’s jealous of her. Go home, and I’ll give you a call Saturday. Goodbye, Louden.”

  Lana’s words help me even if they make me think, and I’m able to at least start my car and drive home safely. I get home, I send Billy a quick message saying that I had some stuff happen and I’d update him on the try-outs tomorrow morning, then take a long shower before the babysitter drops off Cathy.

  As the hot water splatters on my shoulders, I try and think about what I can do. Denise might trust me now, and maybe Lana’s right, the idea of losing her scares me, but I’m still behind the eight ball when it comes to work.

  Suddenly, I get one of those moments. Back when I was with Lana she called them my Archimedes Moments, which I didn’t understand until she had me read up on the guy. For some reason, I get good ideas when I’m in the shower, and this is no exception.

  Tape.

  Melissa talked about watching tape.

  What if I turn the idea around on her?

  I get out of the shower, ignoring the towel for a while to walk down the hallway, glad that Cathy’s going to be dropped off by the babysitter in thirty minutes and I can still air dry in the time it takes for me to make this phone call. I just hope that Denise isn’t in a session right now still.

  I call her cell phone, ignoring her office line and hoping she gets the point. On the third ring, she picks up. “Louden?”

  “Denise, I have an idea,” I tell her. “What I might be able to do to solve my problem. But I need your help.”

  “That’s great!” she says, but then lowers her voice. “But I’m in a session. Listen, can I call you back in about forty five minutes?”

  I shake my head, glancing at the clock. “I’ll be making dinner for Cathy then. Call me back after nine? She’ll be asleep, and I can tell you all about it.”

  “Okay, I’ll do that. Thanks, Louden,” Denise says, and I smile. I can hear what she’s saying between her words. It’s touching.

  “By the way, if this works out... maybe this weekend you and Cathy can meet. I bet she’d like to meet you. I’d like it too if you got to know her. You know, since you’re so special.”

  Denise’s voice catches, and she stutters her reply. “I’d... I’d like that too. I’ll talk with you tonight.”

  Denise hangs up, and I hang up my phone, looking for a pen and paper. It’s another problem with my Archimedes Moments, if I don’t tell someone or get it written down quickly, then I tend to forget them.

  And this one is too damn important to led fade away.

  Chapter 20

  Denise- Plans & Doubts

  It feels strange, and a little wonderful, to have Louden over at my apartment in the morning again. The last time had been during our first weekend together, when I’d realized that whatever this is, it certainly isn’t a one night stand. So having him over is sort of special in that regard.

  What isn’t so great is the subject we’re discussing. After he’d outlined his plan to me last night, I still couldn’t believe him, I had to look him in the eye as he explains it again. “Louden, what you’re asking me to do is help you wiretap someone.”

  “Not really, I just need you to play the conversation in front of the right people,” Louden says, opening the box he’s brought over. It’s a Bluetooth microphone, small and when Louden takes it out of the box, it looks like a tie tack more than anything else. “If this thing works the way it’s supposed to, you’ll be able to listen in fully. I just have to make sure I’m talking with Melissa when you have the AD and the Chancellor in the room with you. Hope my timing is right.”

  “What is that thing, anyway?” I ask, and Louden turns the box over, squinting as he tries to read the words, his voice becoming a little hesitant as his nerves and his dyslexia strains him.

  “The Speechtracker 4000 is designed for anyone who makes public speeches,” he says, his voice slow but steady. “Using short range Bluetooth technology, the mi... microphone can connect to any Bluetooth capa... capable device up to twenty feet away, including sound systems, cell phones, or voice recorders. Note, the Speechtracker does not have an earphone, so an ex... ex... external speaker must be used for cell phone calls.”

  “Can you use it then?” I ask, and Louden nods. “Really?”

  “The guy I talked to at the store said it does connect like a headset mike, you just don’t get sound back out. Which is kind of what we want anyway. Here, let’s try it out. I’ll take my phone into the other room, connect the mike, and give you a call. See how the sound is.”

  Louden fiddles around with his phone for a bit before finding the right settings, then gets up, going into my kitchen. A few seconds later, my phone rings, and I pick up. “Hello?”

  “There once was a man from Nantucket,” Louden says, and while he sounds like he’s on speaker, it’s pretty clear. “Yell if you are getting me?”

  “YOU’RE GOOD!” I holler, and the call ends, Louden coming out a moment later, looking sort of silly with a tie tack in the middle of his t-shirt, but that makes sense. “Good quality. And you couldn’t hear me?”

  “I put the phone in my pocket, using speed dial to call you. I could hear a buzz, but I think in the bar she won’t be able to make it out over the other noise,” he says, taking off the microphone and sighing. “I can’t believe I’m having to play James Bond on this crap.”

  “It could be worse,” I say soothingly. “You could be doing this alone.”

  Louden chuckles, sitting down on the couch and looking over at me. “Yeah, there is that. Denise, I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t believe me.”

  “There’s a part of me that says that I’m the reason you’re having this problem though,” I admit. “Louden, if we weren’t together, you could have just done what she asked without too many issues. I mean, she’s hot enough you probably could have gotten it up.”

  Louden blinks, then shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I could have. Denise, since I’ve been with you, I know it sounds stupid but I’m not checking out other women at all. You’re everything I want.”

  “Even more than Lana?” I ask suddenly, not knowing why. I shake my head, horrified. “Sorry, Louden. I shouldn’t have asked that.”

  “No, you’re perfectly right to ask,” Louden says, putting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. I can see he’s thinking of the right words, and when he speaks, his voice is clear and honest. “Lana’s always going to be in my life, Denise. She’s my friend as well as Cathy’s mother. She helped shape me into the man I am today, and I’ll always be grateful to her for it. And I wanted to marry her. But that was then. The two of us have moved on. You’re not more than Lana, you’re not less. You’re you, you’re special to me. You’re who I want to be with, not Lana. She’s... not my past, but you know what I mean. You’re my future.”

  His quiet intensity and honesty makes my heart burn for him, and I reach over, putting my hand on his knee. “Louden?”

  “Yes?” he asks, looking over at me, the words in his eyes, and I realize Lana was right, I don’t need them. I need to accept Louden for who he is, and who he is is who I want in my life.

  “Can you join me in the bedroom?” I ask. “Before you have to go?”

  Louden nods, taking my hand and walking with me into my bedroom where he turns, taking my other hand and pulling me closer. At the f
irst touch of his lips on mine all sense of taking it slow disappears, and I melt into his arms, pressing myself up against his muscular torso and tugging at his t-shirt.

  We pull at each other’s clothes, throwing them wherever momentum takes us as we tumble into the bed, the headboard smacking against the wall hard and I stop, mortified. “Sorry.”

  “For what? Telling your neighbors what we’re up to?” Louden says with a small laugh. “Let them know. I’m with a beautiful woman, and I’m going to make her feel good.”

  Reassured, I lean down and kiss Louden, moaning as he runs his hand inside my panties to cup my ass, his cock already hard and pressing between my legs. My nipples ache for his touch though and I lift up, straddling his waist and dangling them in his face, where he nibbles on them hungrily, sparks flying from my breasts to my brain.

  He knows exactly how much to give to each one before he switches sides, keeping the heat building inside me as he kneads and massages my ass, squeezing it like it’s bread dough before letting go and regripping, rolling his hands around and spreading my cheeks playfully. “Baby got back. Delicious back, too.”

  I laugh and bury him in between my breasts, Louden’s lips and teeth nipping playfully while my hips start moving on their own, rubbing against the bulge of his cock through my panties. “Mmm, so big and hard. Is that because of me?”

  “It’s always because of you,” Louden says, pulling his head back. “Will you do me a favor?”

  “Hmmm?” I ask, running my hand through his shaggy, dark hair to look into those intense green eyes. “Want me from behind?”

  “No,” he says, shaking his head. “I want to watch you ride me.”

  I stop, surprised. Since going into the plus sizes, I’ve rarely had a chance to get on top, the men I had before Louden were always hesitant I was too much for them. Louden’s confident look though reassures me, and I nod, lifting off just long enough to pull my panties off before I slide his underpants down, gripping his thick manhood by the shaft and marveling at the soft texture of the skin stretched over the hard core of his sexual power. “You seriously have the perfect cock, you know that?”

  “Hall of Fame?” he teases, and I nod, smirking as I give him a kiss right on the top of his cockhead before I swing my leg back over, positioning him at the entrance to my pussy.

  I pause before I start sinking down, marveling at the man underneath me. A light sheen glistens on his chiseled body, each muscle full and swollen, his biceps straining against the skin as he puts his hands on my waist and helps guide me.

  He’s a sculpture in the flesh, a living sex god and as I sink down onto him, his cock fills me perfectly, the thick head rubbing just the right way inside me as I sigh happily, desire making me bite my lip as I settle into him. When I’m all the way down I wiggle, making us both jump at how good it feels. “My God, I could do this all day.”

  “So could I,” Louden says as I begin to ride him slowly, relishing the slow withdrawal of his cock before I sink back down, guiding him with my hips to just the right places, just the right angle. Louden lets me have full control, his right hand coming up to cup my left breast and rub his thumb over the nipple, making my eyes flutter shut for a moment it’s so intense.

  I lose myself in the feeling of riding Louden, his perfect cock slipping in and out of me, my hips rolling back and forth over him and rubbing my clit against the hard muscles at the base. Louden helps me, his soft words of encouragement and hands let me abandon myself to the feelings, the waves of pleasure rolling inside me. I open my eyes and look down, drawn almost magnetically to the intensity of his eyes.

  “So wonderful,” I growl, feeling my friskiness grow. I scratch his chest lightly, loving the trio of marks on his left pec from my fingernails, and Louden gasps, his hips rising to drive his cock into me a little harder, an electric tingle coming from the shock. “Oh, so you like that?”

  “When you do it,” Louden groans, his hips rising to meet me as I squeeze him, riding him faster. “It’s hot and sexy that way.”

  “Maybe I’ll mark you permanently then, make you mine forever,” I tease, and his hips speed up even faster, his words failing him as his body takes over, and I realize what he’s trying to say. I give up my own words, and instead put my hand on his heart, letting my body take control.

  We ride, his hips meeting mine with each stroke of his cock, faster and harder until the bed is shaking, the headboard crashing against the wall in a fast rhythm that builds within us, accented by the cries and gasps coming from me, the harsher, deeper grunts that Louden replies with.

  I’m in a place without time, without space except for this man underneath me, the strain of my heart as I lift and plunge his cock into me, the sweat trickling down my body and between my breasts, the pulses of pure pleasure that come faster and faster. I wish it could last for eternity, but in a epic explosion, I come, throwing my head back as my body shakes and my fingers clench.

  Louden shudders, and I feel his cock fill me with his sweet, precious cream, so wonderful that a tear slips from my eye as I pause, frozen in pure ecstasy until my muscles unlock and I collapse bonelessly onto him, gasping for air.

  Instead of having me roll of off him, Louden wraps me in his arms, holding me tenderly as the minutes pass. Sure, we’ll have to get dressed, we both have work today. But for these few precious minutes, I’m completely at ease with the world.

  Louden holds me, kissing my temple tenderly. “Thank you for believing in me.”

  All I can do is hold him close, I’m too shaken to answer.

  How could I?

  * * *

  That feeling of being at ease comes to a complete stop at seventy twenty eight PM. I’m in my office when Cassandra comes by, her face stony as soon as she steps through the door. “You’re skipping tomrrow’s BoPo meeting for him.”

  I’ve been racked with guilt all day after Louden left to go to the office. I mean, despite our fantasy and desire to make love all day, we both do have jobs.

  It had been so easy to agree to his plan when he was face to face with me, the power of his magnetic personality making it seem so reasonable to skip the BoPo meeting.

  But after he left and I had my three sessions for the day, I started to wonder. I mean, sure it’s a plan, but in talking with my patients, listening to their problems, I wasn’t so sure it’s a problem I should be helping with.

  Wouldn’t his head coach be a better fit anyway? Coach Two Eagles is respected, a trailblazer in college basketball and still one of the few Native Americans who coach at the college level. Why didn’t Louden ask him to bring in the Athletic Director and the University Chancellor for this little surprise?

  Am I being led around by my hormones?

  In bed with him, it feels like the world doesn’t matter, but I know it does. I know that after he wraps up his tryout today, he’s going to drop his daughter off at her mother’s while he goes to his meetup with Melissa.

  Am I really ready to let my friends, my BoPo group that depends on me, down? Even if it is for just one night?

  Obviously Cassandra doesn’t think so, her face is pinched behind her glasses, her eyes glittering with anger. “I’m asking you to take over the meeting because I have something I have to do at Mount Reston, yes,” I reply, trying to maintain my professional calm. “Cassandra, I have a meeting with the Athletic Director and the Chancellor. They’re not people who are willing to shuffle their schedule for a group that meets in a church basement every week.”

  “You’re lying to me, Denise. You always squint your left eye when you’re lying, it’s why you’re a sucky poker player. You’re doing this for him, for that idiotic meatheaded cisgender BP man.”

  I take a deep breath, barely hanging onto my calm as Cassandra plants her hands on my desk, staring at me hard. “Cassandra, I invited you here to make sure everything is prepared for tomorrow, not to argue over my meeting.”

  Cassandra snorts derisively, but takes a seat at least. “Argue over your me
eting? No, I don’t need to argue over your meeting, because there isn’t going to be a meeting, Denise. You’re going to call him and tell him you’re not going to do it.”

  “Why?” I ask, not realizing that I’m confirming Cassandra’s accusation until the words are out of my mouth.

  Damn. I really am a bad poker player.

  Cassandra catches my slip though, shaking her head. “Really, Denise? Come on, how long have we known each other? Years at least, I was one of the first people that accepted you when you reached out to the BoPo community. All of them thought that you were just another one of the BPs, another skinny bitch who was going to poison our community with your half measures and bullshit. They thought you were going to twist it, try and start peddling some Lululemon Gwyneth Paltrow healthy eating ‘freedom’ bullshit instead of real acceptance. I could have done the same, instead I became your friend, and I thought you were for real. I thought you were done with the whole pretty boy lifestyle.”

  “It isn’t like that!” I growl, but still her words are creeping in, Cassandra’s always had that skill.

  “Oh, it isn’t? So when I saw you and him streaking through the park the other day on those ridiculous looking kid’s cycle looking things, that was what, you trying to go green on your commute to work? Because it sure as hell looked like you were exercising to me. In fact, it looks like you’ve dropped a few pounds. Are you dieting?”

  No, I’m having massive amounts of amazing, mind-blowing sex that are stripping off the pounds faster than I can strip off my clothes when he and I are together I want to answer, but I hold my tongue as my worries hit me.

  Have I been dieting without knowing it? I mean, I didn’t eat lunch today, was that because I was really running late like I told myself since I’d taken a little longer in the shower after Louden left, or was it because I didn’t want to eat the calories?

  Cassandra notices my hesitation, and shakes her head. “Jesus, Denise. He’s really got you fucked up in the head, doesn’t he? I thought you were stronger than this, babe. I figured the first time he hit on you, you would have whipped out your ta-tas and smothered his stupid ass to death. Instead you’re practically his lap dog. What next, a tighter, sexier wardrobe in order to fit in with him and his buddies? Maybe joining him at the gym, getting a few more pounds off? I mean, it’s just a few pounds, right? What could go wrong? Oh, wait, last time you thought that way you ended up in the fucking hospital! You forget that little tidbit?”