Underdog

by Tobias Madden

  ‘Well, you didn’t even ask me if I needed the car,’ Olive points out.

  ‘Do you need it?’

  No. But that isn’t really the point.

  ‘Do you want to come to the movies with us?’ Rose offers. ‘I’m going with Ella.’

  Olive doesn’t mind Ella, especially compared to some of Rose’s other friends, but Olive can’t just go to the movies. All week she’s planned on spending Saturday afternoon studying. In fact, she spends every Saturday afternoon studying. She can’t just throw that plan out the window to go see a movie. ‘I’ve got study to do.’

  ‘Suit yourself,’ Rose shrugs, not bothered either way.

  Olive fights the feeling of annoyance building in her stomach as Rose turns from the door with some parting words: ‘You’re only a teenager for seven years of your life, you’ve got decades to be an adult.’

  Olive’s mouth tightens as she listens to Rose’s footsteps heading out to the car. She lets herself wonder for just a second if Rose is right, but quickly pushes the thought away. All this that she’s doing is part of a lifelong plan.

  Rose just doesn’t get that.

  Olive arrives home after her morning job at the newsagency, followed by an afternoon volunteering at the local nursing home. Her feet are aching from standing up all day and she’s tired but has hours of study ahead of her.

  She moves into the lounge room where Rose is propped against the couch. Magazines are sprawled across the floor, scissors in hand as she cuts out pictures. It reminds Olive of art projects they had to do years ago, in early high school.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Making a pin board of all the places I want to travel to.’ She chucks her mobile at Olive. ‘Take a photo of me. Make sure you get all the mags in.’

  Olive sighs but takes a photo and hands the phone back. ‘What are you going to caption it? “How to make your lounge room look like a disaster zone”?’

  Rose laughs, choosing to be amused, rather than offended. She quickly clicks at her phone, uploading the photo straight away. As she types, she tells Olive, ‘Future plans! Hashtag WorldHereICome.’

  Olive feels her body tensing as it often does at Rose’s carefree attitude. She spies a picture of the Eiffel Tower and can’t help but shake her head. ‘How are you going to afford to get to Paris? You borrowed money off me last week for petrol to get into town.’

  But Rose isn’t fazed. ‘You gotta dream, sis.’

  Olive studies her little sister’s face. There’s an innocence and naivety about Rose that always makes Olive feel much more than thirteen months older. Logical thoughts don’t seem to enter Rose’s head, just wistful ones. Olive wishes she didn’t continuously have to bring her back down to earth. ‘You’re still going to need money.’

  Rose shrugs. ‘I’ll figure it out.’

  Olive doesn’t know why she lets Rose’s laissez-faire attitude bother her so much. Olive’s always planning and thinking three steps ahead, whereas her sister only ever lives in the moment. Olive feels like she’s waiting for it all to catch up with Rose, and then she can have her moment of victory.

  ‘Don’t you want to travel?’ Rose peers up at her as she cuts around the Statue of Liberty.

  Of course she does, but after school she’ll be going to uni. ‘One day,’ Olive shrugs as she realises Rose has pretty much cut out pictures of all the major landmarks around the world. ‘Maybe you should stick to places in Australia? Might be a bit more realistic?’

  But Rose, happily cutting, doesn’t even look up.

  Olive casts her eyes over the sprawl of pictures, magazines and abandoned scrap paper. Her skin prickles with irritation. ‘It’d be easier to do this on Pinterest.’

  Rose looks up now. ‘You mean neater?’ She smiles, well aware Olive can’t handle mess. ‘But this way is more fun.’

  Olive forces herself to take a breath. ‘How long have you been doing this?’

  ‘I dunno, what’s the time?’

  ‘Almost five.’

  Rose is amused. ‘I started after breakfast.’

  ‘You’ve been doing this all day?’

  ‘All day,’ Rose confirms.

  Olive doesn’t know whether to feel jealous or sorry for her sister. Rose has wasted a whole day mindlessly dreaming of faraway places from their lounge room floor.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said.’

  Olive looks up from pouring a green smoothie into a bowl. She says a lot of things, so who knows what Rose is talking about. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘About travelling around Australia instead of the world.’

  Olive grabs the homemade muesli she managed to make late last night and sprinkles it over the smoothie.

  ‘Did you know there’s a “Dog on the Tuckerbox”?’

  ‘A what?’ Olive can feel her face all scrunched up as she places two extra green apples, a stick of celery and some spinach on the chopping board.

  ‘A statue of a dog on a tuckerbox,’ Rose says. ‘It’s at a place called Snake Gully. It’s near Gundagai… I wonder if Mum and Dad have been there?’ Rose produces her phone to show Olive a picture she found online.

  ‘And you want to see it?’ Olive pushes herself up on top of a stool, so she has a bird’s-eye view of her green smoothie bowl and extra greens.

  ‘Yeah,’ Rose smiles wide, ‘it’s cool.’

  ‘Is it?’ Olive pulls her phone from her pocket and takes a photo.

  Rose shakes her head. ‘You don’t get it.’

  ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘There’s a whole story about it on here. It’s in honour of the pioneers. You’d appreciate it—you like history and all that stuff.’ Rose reaches out and moves Olive’s spoon farther away from the bowl and reangles the celery.

  Olive nods at Rose, acknowledging it looks better, and takes another photo. She uploads it straight away with the caption ‘Start the day right. Green smoothie bowl love.’

  ‘Anyway,’ Rose says, ‘I’m going to travel around the country and check out all the weird things in Australia.’

  ‘Rose’s Weird and Wacky Aussie Tour,’ Olive jokes.

  ‘Yes! That’s what I’m calling it,’ Rose exclaims as she picks up Olive’s spoon. ‘You’re a genius,’ she adds, scooping a mouthful of Olive’s smoothie bowl. Olive thinks about shooing her hand away, but instead just sighs; she knows by now that Rose will help herself anyway.

  ‘I had the best afternoon,’ Rose announces as she collapses into her chair at the dinner table.

  Olive watches her younger sister as she slides into her own chair. Her head hurts after a full day at school and an afternoon of study. She still hasn’t checked everything off her to-do list, so she will be back at her desk after dinner.

  ‘What’d you do, love?’ their dad asks, his head down, focused on his Tuesday-night tacos—his favourite, second only to their weekly Sunday roast.

  Rose shrugs, pushing her hair off her face. ‘Me and Ella just hung out at the beach.’

  ‘Ella and I,’ Olive corrects as she assembles her taco.

  Rose rolls her eyes. ‘Ella and I sunbaked and went for a swim.’

  ‘And had the “world’s best ice cream”,’ Olive quotes from Rose’s Instagram post, which she tagged ‘#getinmybelly’. It already had seventy-two likes, compared to Olive’s smoothie bowl from yesterday, which only has thirteen. Olive found herself fighting the familiar feelings of not being good enough, pretty enough, popular enough, when she noticed it earlier. Insecurity always haunts her when she compares her popularity to her sister’s. Sometimes Olive wonders why she bothers posting at all.

  ‘It was so good!’ Rose’s face fills with happiness just thinking about the ice cream.

  ‘Sounds like a lovely afternoon,’ their mother comments.

  ‘The best,’ Olive reminds them.

  Rose knows Olive is having a dig. ‘You should try it sometime.’

  But Olive doesn’t get it. She never gets it. For Olive, a ‘best day’
is when she tops an exam or when her report card comes home. ‘Did you do any study for your exams?’ Olive can’t help herself.

  Rose jerks her head up and meets Olive’s gaze. Her bright sunshiny eyes have quickly turned stormy. ‘Really?’ Irritation tugs at her face.

  ‘When are your exams, Rose?’ their father asks, suddenly looking up. Their parents have never had to hassle Olive about studying or assignments, and they often seem to forget that Rose is more about everything else than she is about school work.

  Rose shoots Olive a look, her mouth twisting, probably debating whether or not to tell the truth.

  The words are dancing around in Olive’s mouth, desperate to escape, but she forcibly bites down on her lip, knowing it’ll cause a fight if she says any more.

  ‘Rose?’ their mum’s tone has tensed. ‘When are they?’

  ‘My first one is on Wednesday,’ she says finally.

  ‘As in tomorrow?’ their mum clarifies.

  Rose exhales loudly, confirming this is the case.

  Their parents exchange a familiar look of frustration.

  ‘Olive, the dishes are yours tonight. It sounds like Rose has some study to do.’

  A stream of arguments come battling to the forefront of her mind. It’s Rose’s turn. She has her own study to do. Why should she be punished because Rose once again has neglected her school work? But instead of saying anything, she just sighs. Fighting won’t make a difference.

  She casts her eyes back over to Rose, who, despite being annoyed about her own impending study, smirks that Olive’s been lumped with the dishes.

  ‘Hurry up, Rose! I need the bathroom!’ As Olive waits in the hallway she uploads a photo she took of her yoga mat and the early morning light. ‘Yoga Zen Wednesday’. She didn’t actually get the chance to do yoga this morning, but nobody needs to know that, right? She knocks again. ‘Rose?!’

  ‘All right, all right.’ Rose flings the door open. She’s still in her pyjamas and her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head.

  ‘What have you been doing? You’re not even ready for school.’ Olive’s exasperated; she’s been waiting to get into the bathroom for the last twenty minutes.

  ‘My makeup’s done,’ she says a little proudly, but quickly dismisses Olive’s annoyance. ‘Did you know there’s a place in South Australia called the Blue Lake? And it changes colour at different times of the year?’

  Olive shakes her head as she grabs her brush and starts running it through her hair. ‘No, I didn’t know that.’

  ‘And did you know that there’s a place in the Northern Territory that’s known as the UFO capital of Australia?’

  Olive’s confused. ‘Are these facts for your exams?’

  ‘No!’ Rose laughs, amused by the thought. ‘I did some more research for my Weird and Wacky Tour.’

  Olive feels like screaming. This time last year, Olive had spent months studying for her Year Eleven exams, but Rose, on the morning of her own exams, is reciting facts for a dream holiday. How are they even related? ‘If you want a lift with me, I’m leaving in twenty. Otherwise you’ll have to catch the bus.’

  Rose checks the time on her phone. ‘It’s still early. I’ll catch the bus. What nerd-ing activities have you got on?’

  It doesn’t even bother Olive when Rose refers to her as a nerd. If anything, she likes the title. ‘I’m tutoring some Year Nine girls in maths, have a meeting with Mrs Hammond about a practise essay I’ve asked her to read, and I told Ms Lyons I’d help set up the library for the leadership talk.’

  ‘All before classes start?’

  ‘All before classes start,’ Olive confirms as she leans across her sister to put toothpaste on her toothbrush. Rose holds out her toothbrush for Olive to put paste on too.

  ‘You know you don’t have to do it all?’

  Olive just stares at her sister, her lips twisted, wishing she had one ounce of the easy-going spirit Rose has. Olive wishes she didn’t feel the need to put up her hand and offer help every time it was asked for. She wishes she could turn a blind eye to it all. She wishes the words ‘I can do it’ didn’t fall out of her mouth so easily. She wishes she could choose herself over everyone else, but she never, ever does.

  ‘I’m just saying, you’re going to burn yourself out.’ Rose holds up her phone and snaps a photo of the two of them in the mirror, toothbrushes wedged into their mouths with paste foaming at the edges. ‘Sisters who brush together…’ she types, uploading it online.

  Olive wants to say, ‘I know’. She wants to admit how terrified she is of running herself into the ground and how scared she is that she’s going to crash so hard that it’ll be impossible to recover. But instead she says, ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Want to go for a swim?’

  Olive considers, which in itself is unlike her, given the mountain of homework in front of her. It’s only spring, but it’s a stifling hot day and the ocean would be amazing. She ignores the longing to have the waves wash over her, and shakes her head. ‘I washed my hair this morning.’ She also straightened it because she had a speech assessment earlier in the day.

  ‘Yeah? So wash it again.’

  Olive’s eyes fall on her homework schedule. She has hours of revision to do tonight after dinner. She really doesn’t have time to wash her hair again.

  ‘Olive, come on. It’s about a billion degrees,’ Rose moans. ‘Just come for a swim with me!’

  Fifteen minutes later, the two sisters are at the beach. They float in the water, which feels like silk against their skin, and peer up at the big clouds in the distance. The waves are calm as the girls somersault around and around, washing away the day.

  ‘Remember how we used to do this when we were kids?’ Rose says. ‘We were going to be mermaids when we grew up,’ she laughs.

  Olive smiles. It really wasn’t that long ago. They’d been best friends. They did everything together and even though they had always been different in their ways, it hadn’t bothered them.

  As they head back into the shore, Rose suggests they make a sandcastle. Olive’s usual reaction would be to roll her eyes, but instead, she finds herself down on the sand, digging with her bare hands. The two sisters shape the sand into an impressive castle, complete with a moat for the incoming tide to fill. They collect seashells, sticks and seaweed to decorate it.

  ‘I wish I had my phone to take a photo,’ Olive says.

  But Rose shrugs the suggestion away. ‘We’ll just take a snapshot in our heads, so we can remember it forever.’ The words fall out of Rose’s mouth so naturally. Olive’s sure if she tried to say anything like that she’d just sound like an idiot.

  But then they both just stand there, taking in their castle and its beautiful coastal backdrop. Rose leans in, putting her head on Olive’s shoulder and wrapping an arm around her waist. Olive relaxes into Rose. She feels herself smiling.

  ‘We better get home,’ Olive says eventually, big, dark clouds now rolling in overhead.

  They begin up the beach to collect their towels as the rain starts. They haven’t even reached the dunes when it comes pouring down. They start running, the wild weather hitting hard. The sisters can’t help but laugh as the wind tries to knock them over and the rain pelts down on their skin. They run the whole way home, leaving a trail of laughter behind them.

  When they get home, they collapse onto the kitchen floor, dripping with water, but their faces aching with grins.

  ‘I haven’t laughed that hard in ages,’ Rose declares, resting her head against the cupboards.

  Olive considers, ‘I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much.’

  Olive’s sitting at the kitchen bench—one of her favourite places to study—while her mum gets dinner ready. Rose drifts into the kitchen, her bare footsteps light against the floor, bringing with her the sweet scent of vanilla.

  ‘Where are you off to, darling?’ Their mother’s voice fills the air.

  Olive looks up from her books and sees Rose dressed in a floaty dres
s, her long hair straightened, her lashes thick with mascara.

  ‘Tom Henderson’s Eighteenth.’

  Olive looks back down at her books, trying not to think about it. It’s been the hot topic of conversation at school all week.

  ‘Oh, Olive, do you remember when Tom gave you a Valentine’s Day card when you were in primary school?’ their mum says. ‘What a sweetheart.’

  ‘Yes, Mum, I remember.’ Olive keeps her voice level.

  ‘He’s always had a bit of a thing for you.’

  Olive can feel her cheeks warming. She knows he’s got a soft spot for her. He asked her during the week if she was coming to his party. She’d seen the hope in his eyes.

  ‘Surely you’re coming?’ Rose smiles a little suggestively.

  But he’s too popular for her and she’d be a total disappointment if they started going out. ‘I’m kind of studying for some really huge exams coming up. The HSC? You might have heard of it?’

  Rose groans. ‘Live a little.’

  ‘You do plenty of that for the both of us.’

  Rose doesn’t seem to realise the comment is a criticism, or if she does, she doesn’t let it bother her. ‘It’s going to be the biggest party of the year.’

  Olive exhales loudly. ‘Because I haven’t heard that phrase before.’

  ‘Your entire school year will be there. Give yourself the night off study and have fun for once in your life.’ Rose rolls her eyes.

  ‘Because standing around in some paddock in the dark drinking cheap wine is so much fun.’ Olive doesn’t usually go for sarcasm, but she can’t help herself.

  Rose goes to say something else, but their mum sighs, ‘Girls, that’s enough.’

  Olive wakes up with a jolt. She eyes the clock: it’s right on curfew. She listens for a few moments, wondering if she heard Rose get home. She expects the usual sounds of her banging about in the kitchen, cooking two-minute noodles or cheese on toast.

  But there’s silence.

  Olive pushes out of bed and opens her door. Rose’s door on the opposite side of the hall is wide open, as she left it. Olive knows there’s no point trying to get back to sleep when Rose is going to wake her any minute.

  She grabs her phone from her bedside table and starts scrolling through the photos that have been posted that night from the party.