by London James
My hands dive into my pockets, and I stare out towards the town, the view we own now. “Yeah, we did. We need to celebrate.”
“Let’s buy it first before we go too crazy.”
“Good idea.” I wave my hand at the agent who is standing off the side, talking on the phone. When he sees us, he ends the call immediately and gives us a large grin, the one that says he knows he is about to make a lot of money.
“Gentleman, have we come to a decision?” Weston, our agent, asks.
“Yes. We’ll take it,” Gray nods.
“And we will be making a cash payment,” I add. I never thought at twenty years old I’d be able to say that. And it feels fucking great.
Weston’s grin took over his entire face. I guess for him that is great news. “Absolutely, let’s go back to the office and dot those I’s and cross those T’s, shall we?” he says, holding his arm out to lead the way back to the cars.
A few hours later, Gray and I are the proud new owners of the Overlook, which still makes me laugh, and are on our way home. Regardless of the memories that the Overlook holds, I’m excited to see what the future brings. Not many people can say they started a multi-million-dollar company when they were eighteen in their college dorm. I need to start being prouder of myself.
“We need to meet with a construction company. I want to break ground soon.”
“Really? I thought you’d want to wait.”
I roll down the window to our new company truck we got earlier today and put my arm out the window. “Nope, I’m ready.” Ready to move on, ready to grow, ready to make my dreams come true. I use my other hand and dig in my pocket for my phone. I need to tell Everly.
Scrolling down, I tap where her name is supposed to be and pause. I don’t have her number. Right. I always forget that I deleted it a long time ago because every time I got excited and wanted to celebrate my successes, I wanted to tell her. She’s always the first person I want to tell, and I have a feeling that will never change.
The only person I can really share it with is sitting right next to me. And that just isn’t the same as telling the person that is your soulmate—was. Was my soulmate.
With a lump in my throat, I tuck my phone back in my pocket. Gray pulls the truck up to the black, gothic style gate of my dad’s house, and they open inward, revealing a long, familiar path. Douglas Firs line each side, looming like standing skyscrapers casting shadows along the driveway. When the huge house comes into view, we make our way around the circle.
In the circle, there’s a huge fountain with sirens on each side. Usually, they are spewing water, and the garden beneath them is in full bloom, but not during winter.
“Whoa, is that… Everly?” Gray asks, narrowing his eyes at a woman leaning against her car, talking to… Philip Ladson? Seriously? What is that prick doing here at my house?
I hate that guy. He always had his eyes on Everly like she was a damn snack. Wait a minute, is this her date? Oh, no. That isn’t happening.
“Who’s the guy?” Gray asks, turning the engine of the truck off.
I clench my fingers in a tight fist. “No one important.”
“With how she’s smiling, I don’t know if I’d say that.”
The muscle in my cheek twitches when I see he is right. Her smile is genuine. While it doesn’t look like the one she used to give me, it’s close.
“And holy shit, dude. Her hair is amazing. It’s short.”
“What?” I lean forward and press my hand against the dash as I stare out the windshield. Oh my god, she cut it. She really did it. Her long, beautiful, hair is gone. But it looks good, so fucking good. She reminds me of a little pixie. She has it styled in her natural waves, which she doesn’t do much because it is a lot of work when her hair is long.
“It looks hot. I’m not going to lie, that girl is fucking beautiful.”
Deep breaths, Rowan. You have no right to get mad. She isn’t yours.
Isn’t she?
“Let’s go,” I growl through clenched teeth. I’ve been doing that more than I’ve been wanting to lately. If I keep it up, I’ll crack a tooth.
Gray chuckles, knowing that what he said got under my skin.
I slam the door a little harder than necessary to grab her attention, but it’s locked on Phillip. Why do I care? I shouldn’t. It means nothing. She means nothing to me.
Yeah, that’s not true.
“Hey, Everly!” Gray waves, and I’ve never wanted to punch him in the face so hard before. “Your hair is so great! Looks good.”
“Thanks, Gray!” she shouts, completely ignoring me to slide her attention back to Phillip. Okay, that’s not going to work for me.
I might not want her attention right now, but that doesn’t mean someone else gets to have it while she’s right in front of me. Yeah, I know how it sounds, but it’s just how it is. I turn course, and instead of going in the direction to the front door, I walk over to her car.
“What are you doing?” Gray hisses, trying to grab my arm to stop me, but I yank it away. “Stop it. Don’t make an ass out of yourself,” he whispers right before I make my way up to the duo.
I toss my arm around Phillip and stare at Everly, who has a look on her face that can only be described as fear. “Hi, buddy. Long time no see.”
“Rowan,” Gray warns, but I ignore him.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Everly’s new friend.
He points to Everly. “She had a flat tire outside the salon, and I helped change it. I followed her back to make sure she got home safe.”
My heart drops, and my stomach plummets to know she counted on another man to help her. “Why didn’t you call me?” I ask, feeling a little offended.
She wraps her arms around her midsection but doesn’t take her eyes away from mine. “Come on, Rowan. You know why I didn’t. Phillip was just being nice.”
“Yeah, and whose fault is that?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Phillip moves to stand in front of Everly, protecting her. Like I would ever hurt her. He has got to be kidding. “Hey, man. There’s no need for that.”
Everly’s hand grabs his arm and steps to his side. “It’s fine, Phillip.”
“Let’s go,” Gray says.
I yank my arm out of his hand again, trying to walk away, and be a better person, but the anger, so much fucking anger is coursing through my veins right now.
“So, I was wondering if you’d like to get a cup of coffee tomorrow? Just to catch up? I’d love to know what you’ve been up to,” Phillip asks Everly.
My Everly.
I turn back around and laugh, “You know, I wouldn’t recommend going on a date with her. She’ll just make you fall in love with her and leave the next day. Isn’t that right, Everly?”
“Stop it,” Everly sobs.
“What? It’s true. Isn’t that what you do, Everly?”
“What the fuck is your problem?” Phillip pushes my chest, and I stumble back. “Do you want to fight? Then fight me. Don’t pick one with her.”
I have so much built up emotion bursting inside me, spewing all kinds of things through my mind. I want to scream. I want to hit something. I want to feel fucking better than I have been since the day she left. I just want the feelings to go away.
“I like your hair better long,” I say with a smirk, before turning around and walking away. Gray shakes his head, disappointed in me. I know. I’m disappointed in myself, but I don’t know how to stop the venom from pouring off my lips.
And it’s not even true. I actually love her shorter hair. I want to tell her she is still the most beautiful woman in the world.
But the resentment is too strong right now.
“Good thing I didn’t get it cut for you,” she shouts after me.
I open the door to the house and slam it as hard as I can, causing the stained glass in the middle of the wood to shatter and fall on the floor.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Gray pushes my s
houlders, but I’m numb to it all.
“She is, man. She’ll always be what’s wrong with me,” I whisper and hit his shoulder with mine as I run up the steps. I feel like I’m eighteen again, nursing my broken fucking heart.
And I have a feeling the only one that can put it back together is Everly Madison.
I’m not proud of how I just acted, but these feelings that have been pushed aside seem to be stronger than my self-control.
Chapter Six
Everly
“Are you okay?”
I rip my eyes away from Rowan’s retreating form and stare at Phillip, who has been nothing but kind and sincere since we met earlier. He was an ass in high school, but he grew up and matured into someone I didn’t think he could be—it’s a good surprise. The old Phillip would have driven past the woman with the flat tire, maybe laughed or yelled something rude and inappropriate.
Blinking my tears back, I somehow bring a smile to my face. “I’m fine.”
“I thought you and Rowan were as thick as thieves.”
“Things change,” I say with a shoulder shrug.
“I didn’t think anything could tear you guys apart,” he frowns.
“Well, I messed up really bad, and these are my consequences.”
Phillip tilts my chin up with his fingers and gives me a sad expression. His blue eyes crinkle with understanding, and his lips frown with empathy. “You shouldn’t have to continuously pay for your mistakes. What a lot of people don’t get, is when you do make them, you already treat yourself worse than anyone ever could. I understand people for being mad for disappointing them, but how long can a beating take before you break?”
I wipe the tear struggling to not fall from my lower lash line and nod, “You’re a lot smarter than you used to be.” I make sure I say it in a way that sounds like I’m joking. I don’t want him to think he isn’t intelligent.
He shoves his hands in the pockets of his brown Carhart jacket and swallows, causing his Adam’s apple to bob. “I’ve had a lot happen to get me where I’ve needed to be.”
I place my hand on his shoulder and duck my head down to catch his gaze as it moves to the ground. “If you ever need a friend, I’m more than happy to lend an ear.”
“Just a friend?” he raises an eyebrow.
“Yeah, I’m not good to date right now.”
“It’s because of Rowan, isn’t it?”
I sigh, not wanting to admit anything, but it’s obvious. Even though Rowan and I no longer speak, the feelings I have for him control everything I do. “It’s a long story.”
“Maybe friend to friend, you can tell me one day.”
“I’d like that, Phillip,” I say with a big, earnest smile, and to my surprise, he gives me one right back. Yeah, this is a different Phillip. An older, wiser, yet somehow jaded and empty Phillip. One who is kind, but he somehow seems to have gotten some of his life ripped from him.
“Great. How about we exchange numbers to keep in touch? I swear, just friends.”
“I believe you.” I get my phone out, and we give each other our phones.
After punching a few buttons, I have my phone back in my hand. “Jeez, your number really weighed it down.”
“Oh, she has jokes, funny.” Phillips wraps his arm around me and pulls me to his chest for a hug.
I don’t mean to compare, but I do. I don’t get the same heart-thumping, blood-rushing, lip-tingling feeling with Phillip like I do with Rowan, when Phillip holds me. He is taller than Rowan, built, but that’s where the similarities end.
Turning my cheek to lay against his pec, my hands come up and lay flat against his chest, and I sigh. I haven’t been held by a friend in a really long time, and it feels nice. I wish I felt something for Phillip. I’d take a microscopic ounce of what I feel for Rowan, just to get over him and move on.
Phillip doesn’t make my body come alive or my skin buzz. When he looks at me, I don’t feel my world tilting or my soul shifting. His chest isn’t as firm and muscular as Rowan’s, and as his heart pumps against my ear, the only heart I can think about is Rowan’s.
“You’ll be okay one day, you know.”
“I’m okay now,” I lean back and stand on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks for being a good friend. I have Blaire, but sometimes another person to have in my corner is great. I’m not saying I deserve to have someone in my corner, what I did was really messed up. I don’t blame Rowan for hating me.”
“If you think Rowan hates you, your mind is clouded just as bad as his, and what did I say? He can’t hold it over your head forever.”
He obviously didn’t know Rowan like I do. “It’s fine. I’m a big girl. I’ve lived with it for this long. I only have a few more days here, and then honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.” I know the words are a lie as soon as they leave my mouth. One because we are practically family now, and two, I know I can’t go the rest of my life without seeing him.
It’s just the sad truth.
“Well, I hope you don’t feel the same way about me. I know I haven’t seen you since we graduated, but I’d love to see you again. Just as friends. Maybe I can come see you and Blaire in New York? Is she still rocking out at concerts doing the—what’s it called—the wall of death?”
I sputter laughing, the sound so loud that it carries through the quiet surroundings, bouncing off the trees. “Yes! She is a madwoman. I go to concerts with her sometimes, and she is in the mosh-pit, or crowd surfing, or the wall of death. Why anyone would do that is beyond me. She came home with a bloody nose and a black eye one time, and her exact words were, “‘That was the sickest show I had ever been to.’”
“The little maniac,” he laughs. “I always liked that about her. She never cares what other people think and just lives how she wants to live.”
“Yeah, I envy her for it. She’s always been really amazing at living unapologetically. And we would be happy to have you visit. We live in a shoebox apartment, and sometimes it smells like the pizzeria two buildings down, but if you can deal with that, the couch is yours.”
“I love pizza, so it’s perfect.”
“I used to love pizza too. Until I had to smell it every day. Now I get sick when it wafts by. Too much of a good thing, you know?”
Phillip unlocks his car and opens the door, pausing before he gets in. “There’s never too much of a good thing. And if you’re wondering how something can be so good all the time, it’s just cause it’s that—it’s good. Take a note from Blaire’s book. It was good seeing you; I’ll keep in touch. I gotta go see my dad.”
His words hit me dead in the chest, taking the air right from my lungs. His dad. His dad who went to prison when Phillip and I were in high school for murdering his mom and little sister. It’s something the entire town knows about but never speaks a word about it.
“Oh my god, Phillip.” I run up to him and give him another hug. “Text me later, let me know how it goes, and maybe we can meet for coffee tomorrow?”
Phillips smile is sad, and that’s when I see the loneliness shine through his sapphire eyes. I’m not sure why he is going to see his dad. As far as I knew, he had stopped caring for his dad the moment his father was sentenced to the death penalty. “I’d really like that, thanks.”
He ducks himself into the car and pulls out of the driveway. I wave to him as he looks in the rear-view mirror. My heart goes out to him. I don’t know what he is going through, I can’t even compare, but I’d be happy to be there for him. And it feels good to have a friend here. I was starting to feel trapped.
My phone dings, and when I pull it out of my pocket, I smile when I see Phillip’s name. “I think your hair looks great by the way.”
“Thank you,” I text back. “And drive safe.”
“Will do.”
I stuff my phone in my back pocket and make my way inside. When I open the door, I ready myself for a fight, but the lobby is empty. The house is quiet. Too quiet. And I feel a storm brewing.
The air is charged with anger. It’s so heavy, the hair on my arms stand up. I hurry up the steps, hoping to miss the fury and verbal storm from Rowan, but no such luck.
There he is.
Standing by my bedroom door.
Chapter Seven
Rowan
Everly sighs and charges forward, reaching for her door handle. “Can you wait to use me as a punching bag tomorrow? I’m not really in the mood, Rowan.”
“Well, that’s too bad, Everly. I wasn’t in the mood when you left me high and dry and ditched me for two years. I just want to know something.”
“What?” she asks, not turning to look at me. I keep my eyes drilled on her back, my body shaking. We aren’t touching, but the familiar surge of energy starts to course through my body. It’s the same every time she is close to me. It always has been. It’s like we are magnets, trying to stick together, but we are fighting the natural pull.
“What’s he have, that I didn’t?” My voice breaks a little, right at the end, and I hang my head low.
She doesn’t say anything, just covers her mouth with her hand, muffling the loud sobs as her tears break free.
“I need to know what made me lose my best friend, Everly. I need to know why I wasn’t good enough.”
Seeing her with Phillip broke something inside of me. It’s why I’m standing in front of her, asking her to just tell me what I did. It’s one thing to lose someone, but losing my best friend and my lover, it changed something inside of me forever. It’s like a part of me is lost without her, and I have no idea how to find it.
She sniffles and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her shirt. She tilts her head up but doesn’t look back. Her eyes remain locked on the wooden door. “Phillip is no one, Rowan. He is no one. He is a friend, that’s all. He has nothing. No one ever does. It wasn’t you that wasn’t good enough, Ro.”
My breath catches when she calls me that. She hasn’t said my nickname since we were kids playing on the swing set. I’m not sure what makes her say it now. It makes me wish for some type of connection with her. One besides pain.