Alive Like Us

by Hallows, Quinn

  “Sanna wants you to meet her in the alley,” she whispered, her breath warming his ear. “Now.”

  The men burst into more boisterous laughter and the little imp ran off before Kai had a chance to respond. He rose from the hard, wooden bench, thankful for a reason to leave the noise and heat of the overcrowded hall.

  “Careful.” Baldy grabbed hold of his arm, his thick fingers pressing hard into his bicep. “That girl is—”

  “Cursed,” Mack’s smile fell as he stared into his frothy ale. “I lost my own Carlo because of her last summer.”

  An icy finger of dread slid down Kai’s spine. “What do you mean?”

  “Everyone close to her winds up dead,” Baldy said.

  “She killed him?”

  “She led a mission to the nearest outpost to get more medicine. Claims there was a bunch of mutant Infected waiting for them. Like a trap,” Mack glowered, shaking his head. “Everyone knows Infected ain’t smart enough to do stuff like that. She got em’ killed. Every last one.”

  “Infected get people all the time.” Kai jerked out of Baldy’s grasp, then added to Mack. “No offense.”

  “Yeah,” Mack surveyed the room before leaning in, his voice lowering to a whisper. “But do they talk to the Infected? Do the Infected treat them like they’re one of their own?”

  “She’s like catnip to them,” Baldy nodded, his eyes shining. “We outta just kill her ourselves before we all wind up—”

  Mack lurched across the table, knocking over his mug, and shoved a finger into Baldy’s face. Ale cascaded to the floor.

  Baldy raised his hands. “You’re right. You’re right. I’ll shut up.”

  Mack released him, sitting back down. A serving boy appeared with a rag to mop up the liquid, but Mack snatched it from him and did it himself. He shot a worried glance up at Iron Tooth, whose head was thrown back in a full-bellied guffaw.

  “What are you looking at?” Baldy glared at the men and women further down the table, who were watching them with concerned interest. They swiveled back to their groups, and the talk rose again.

  “I don’t know.” Kai feigned disinterest, even as Iris and her powers flashed in his mind. “She looks human enough to me.”

  “My Carlo thought so too. Now he’s wormfood.”

  “Now Haven,” his friend said with a leering grin. “I’d walk through the Gauntlet butt-naked if it’d win a chance with her.”

  “If she saw you naked, you’d never get one, you nasty old goat,” chortled a plump woman seated a few places down. Laughter erupted.

  Kai slipped away, hoping to avoid notice. A woman leapt in front of him, shouting at an old man for leering at her. Children scampered around like tiny woodland creatures, their clothes so mended and worn they resembled quilts draped around their scrawny frames.

  The huge central fire washed everyone’s faces in a golden light and made giants out of their shadows. The setting was almost bacchanal to him, after his months in the solemn quiet of the Deadlands.

  After barely avoiding a waterfall of ale and maneuvering around a clutch of giddy teenage girls, the heavy arched door finally sealed shut behind him. He breathed in the cleansing night air, exhaling a cloud of vapor.

  The men’s gossip had left him uneasy. Iris had never said she could talk to the Infected. What if Sanna was different? What if she was...something more?

  She’s not safe here. It didn’t matter if the story was true. All these backwoods idiots needed was a rumor and the slightest coincidence before they got out their pitchforks.

  He climbed down the worn steps, passing a stone that had the numbers “1940” carved in high relief.

  The church predated the First Night by exactly a hundred years, offering solace and sanctuary to countless soldiers, fishermen, and farmers desperate to eke out a living. Though given the size of the horde yesterday, its days of relative safety and obscurity were over. The Infected were drawn to areas with a growing population and this giant rock jutting into Lake Superior was no different.

  Freshly fallen snow glittered like crushed diamonds beneath the full moon. The whole town seemed washed in a cool, sapphire light, transforming the humble shacks and cabins into a dreamy fairyland. For a brief, blessed moment, he might as well be the only person in the world. Except for Sanna.

  The fine hairs on his arms prickled in awareness. He hadn’t seen her since they arrived, though he’d thought of her far more than he cared to admit. Perhaps that’s why he sensed her presence now as she stood in the dark alley of the church.

  He should run. He should head straight back to Iris’s hut, get Esme, and head north. Leave this cursed territory before it was too late.

  And yet, like the night before, the very ground seemed to tilt towards her. Even when he’d fished her out of the lake, he’d felt the subtle pull.

  At the time, he’d chalked it up to his lack of female contact. But now, his very bones felt drawn to her, like metal to magnets. Perhaps it was her strange mix of pheromones that beckoned him. Or, maybe it was something far more dangerous.

  Desire. Attraction. Things he couldn’t afford.

  He stepped deeper into the alley, his chest heaving as though he’d sprinted and maybe—maybe he had. He couldn’t remember. All that mattered was that she stood in front of him.

  Those drunks in the church had said that Haven was the true beauty, but at this moment, Kai couldn’t imagine a woman more stunning than Sanna. She’d turned many heads when she walked into the sanctuary, all thanks to the fine woolen dress that hugged her curves, and the way her hair poured over her shoulder like pale gold. Some might think her cursed, but others had clearly realized that Sanna was more than just a soldier. Kai wasn’t sure he liked it.

  “You feel it too, don’t you? This...connection between us.” Her eyes were as deep and dark as the watery depths he’d pulled her from. “Maybe it’s the ale.”

  “I haven’t had any,” he answered, leaning closer. His voice sounded rough to his own ears.

  She gave a faint smile. “Me neither.”

  Her words stunned him, blurring the world into shades of color. He was afraid—terrified—that if he moved even an inch the entire moment would dissolve like a dream and he realized, suddenly, how much it ached to be alone. That deep, forbidden part of him wondered what it would be like if his family had never been exiled. If he had come to Erling as the son of a successful merchant, not as a homeless, kinless nobody with a bounty on his head.

  “That night in the cabin...” she paused. She was close enough that a deep breath would mean the slopes of her breasts would brush him, and the possibility was pure, sweet agony. “The...pull hasn’t stopped.”

  “I know,” he said, his voice rough. It was usually easy for him to talk to girls. When he’d been with the Inferno, part of his job had been charming information out of the daughters and wives of high-ranking officials. With Sanna, however, all his practiced lines dried up, leaving him feeling naked. Vulnerable.

  “Kai,” she hesitated, worrying her bottom lip. “You didn’t hear anything while we were in the Kill Zone, did you?”

  “Like what?”

  The church’s entrance swung open, spilling light and raucous noise onto the quiet street. Sanna drew Kai deeper into the shadows. Two figures staggered down the steps, leaning on each other for support. She waited until they were out of earshot before stepping into the moonlight again. “A voice. A child’s voice.”

  “No,” Kai said. He wondered if it had been Iris, somehow. “What did it say?”

  Her lips parted, but then she shook her head. “Nothing. I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drug you out here like this." She brushed past him.

  He blocked her path. “Please. I want to help.”

  “It’s stupid. I hit my head a week ago—it’s probably just a symptom.”

  She maneuvered around him, and Kai suddenly feared her absence. “Something weird happened in the cabin. While you were sleeping.”

  She halted
mid-step.

  “I wasn’t going to say anything, but it was almost like you were...changing.”

  “Into what?”

  “I don’t know. But the Infected were going crazy. I was afraid they’d ripped the place apart and then...you were back to normal and they were gone. Well, except for one.”

  Sanna’s shoulders stiffened. She turned around; the blood drained from her face. “Something’s happening to me. I feel...different. It’s...almost as if the old me is still at the bottom of that lake.”

  “This voice,” Kai stepped towards her. “What is it saying?”

  “It wants to kill me or...at least control me. In the cabin, it wanted me to kill you.”

  “Really?” Kai hid his concern behind an easy smile. Iris wouldn’t do that. Something else must be after Sanna. “Well, clearly it’s not very good at it.”

  Sanna bit her lip, her chin quivering.

  The need to fix, to comfort, was so great that Kai’s nonchalance broke. He folded his arms around her. “Hey, it’s okay.”

  “When we were in the Kill Zone, waiting for the gate to open, it happened again. I felt it take control and it took all I had to get rid of it.”

  “But you did, right?”

  “But what if it gets stronger? Wh-what if it makes me do something unthinkable?”

  “You won’t.”

  “I’m sorry—,” she drew in a shuddering breath and pushed away. “I don’t know what’s gotten over me lately. I must have hit my head pretty hard.”

  “Sanna,” Kai swallowed, his palms sweaty. “There’s something I need—"

  “Maybe we can talk later, when I take you for your blood test tomorrow?” She glanced at the church. “I bet my mom’s ready to send out a search party.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  She turned to leave, then spun around. “Oh, and by the way, I’ve been thinking a lot about your friend—the unclean girl. When the weather is nicer, maybe you could bring her to one of our cabins. She could stay there. At least for a while. I know it’s not much, but after what you said—"

  “No.” Sanna’s offer stunned him. No pureblood but Hayes had ever shown Esme kindness. “I think it’s great, actually.”

  “Good. Then maybe we could go to the store tomorrow, after the test. You could point out some things she’d like.”

  “Sure.”

  The corners of her lips quirked into a small smile. They walked to the mouth of the alley. Sanna turned to the church. “You coming?”

  “Nah, I’ve had enough celebration for one evening. Besides, Frankie needs to be let out.”

  “Oh,” the light in her eyes faded. “Well, goodnight, then.”

  “Goodnight.” Did she... want me to stay? Hope dawned in his chest as he watched her glide up the steps.

  “Wait.” She paused at the top, facing him. “Was it worth it? Saving us? I know Erling isn’t that—”

  “Yes.” He caught her gaze and a genuine grin tugged at his lips, the first one since Esme got sick. “Yes, it was.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The bell rang the following afternoon, shaking Sanna from her bored stupor as she stared out onto the Kill Zone, the same spot she’d been watching for the last twelve hours. Her mind had wandered, dangerously so, and she was glad her shift was finally over. She gathered her things and climbed down the rickety ladder, her heart beating a little faster with every step.

  “Hey, Sanna.”

  Haven’s greeting startled her as she leapt off the ladder. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

  “Sorry,” Haven said, her voice stuffy.

  “You look...” Sanna took in her friend’s frizzy hair, sweaty skin, and drawn face. “Terrible.”

  “That’s weird,” Haven croaked, “because I feel amazing.”

  “You should go home and get some rest.”

  “I wanted to talk to you—”

  “Actually, I’m running late,” Sanna said quickly, walking past her. “I have to get

  to the armory and dump this stuff off. We can talk tonight, okay? If you’re not sleeping.”

  “You’re seeing him again, aren’t you? People saw you last night. Your mom’s losing her mind over it.”

  “Why are you both so against him?” Sanna demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s like you can’t fathom someone being interested in me.”

  “That’s not it at all,” Haven pleaded, grabbing Sanna’s wrist. “We’re just—we want to protect you. After Nico—”

  Sanna ripped her hand away. “I can take care of myself, Haven.”

  Someone rammed into Sanna hard enough to throw her off balance. The sweet stink of rotten flowers wafted over her. “Hey,” she shouted, searching the crowd, but the figure had disappeared into the masses.

  “Who was that?”

  “I don’t know,” Sanna rolled her shoulder. “I heard the new doctor processed a bunch of arrivals today. I haven’t met her yet, have you?”

  “Him. And consider yourself lucky. The guy’s insufferable.”

  “You mean he told you to call in sick?”

  “Like I said, insufferable.”

  “Well, I’m taking Kai to get his blood tested.” Sanna adjusted the quiver over her shoulder. “See you at home?”

  “You—” Haven paused, her elegant brows drawing together, “you really like him, don’t you? I can tell. You practically sparkle every time you say his name.”

  “Even if I did, it wouldn’t matter. I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend in the Deadlands.” Sanna glanced at the setting sun. Kai would be waiting for her by now, and she still had to dump her gear.

  “Look,” Haven began, frowning. “I’m really sorry but—”

  “Gotta go. You should get some sleep.” She took off before Haven could stop her and headed towards the old brick school that served as Erling’s command center, where the soldiers trained and strategized. Ever since she turned twelve, Sanna had spent more time here than she had at her own home.

  She joined the line of soldiers waiting to turn in their government-supplied weapons and armor. The line moved quickly—people were fast when they wanted to head home. Soon the elderly man standing guard beckoned her forward.

  The armory was dark, with low ceilings and rows of lockers half-eaten by rust. Odors of stale sweat and leather hung in the stagnant air. The yellowish paint on the cinderblock walls had faded to dirty cream. Small, barred windows cast crosshair shadows on the chipped linoleum floor and offered the only source of light.

  Sanna shed her thick leather duster and felt instantly lighter, hanging it alongside all the others. She shuffled down the narrow walkway, past the barrels of freshly sharpened swords and axes. She hung her quiver on an empty hook, then set her bow against the wall. So, what if Haven doesn’t like Kai—she liked Nico well enough, and look where that got me.

  The old guard’s wrinkly head popped into the open doorway. “What’s going on in there? Hurry up! You ain’t the only one who wants to go home, you know.”

  Sanna scurried out into the golden light of dusk. Haven was waiting beside the guard, who eyed her with apprehension every time she sniffled.

  “That girl’s gonna contaminate the whole village,” the guard warned Sanna.

  “Yeah, I know,” Sanna groaned inwardly as she kept walking. Haven fell in beside her.

  “Mr. Long has always been a bit of a hypochondriac.”

  “He’s right. Whether you like it or not, you’re sick and you should go home. Mom said we ran out of antibiotics again.”

  “Come with me then. Let’s go.”

  “I told you, I’m meeting Kai.” Sanna stopped once they emerged out of the narrow alley and faced her. “What is this about?”

  “He’s not who you think he is, Sanna.”

  “He saved our lives,” Sanna answered, firmly. “You should be more grateful.”

  “Think about it for two seconds. How has he survived so long out there?” Haven gestured to the Deadlands. “By himse
lf? After Nico, I thought you wouldn’t be so gullible.”

  Sanna inhaled sharply. Haven knew how to hit her mark when she wanted to. “I have to go.”

  “I’m just saying you should ask him about his past, that’s all.”

  Sanna spun around, furious. “Then maybe I should ask you about yours, huh? Like, how is it that my mother went to New Hope for a CVC meeting and came back with you? It’s not like anyone asked me if I wanted a stranger to move in. One who barely said three words to me for five years and now suddenly wants to run my life.”

  “I’m just trying to look out for you—”

  “Well don’t. I’ve managed just fine without you.”

  Haven stared at her, stunned. Then a fit of wet, watery coughing seized her, and she bent over, her long hair falling like a rich mahogany curtain.

  Regretting her harsh words, Sanna rested a gentle hand on Haven's shoulder. “Just—don’t worry about me. I’ll be careful. Go home and get well.”

  She strode away, a mix of anger and guilt swirling inside her poisoning her mood. Her mother had warned her when Haven first arrived that the girl’s past was best left alone. Sanna had honored that for years. But it seemed blatantly unfair that Haven wouldn’t grant Kai the same benefit of doubt after all he’d done for them.

  Sanna broke into a jog, dodging groups of people clogging the street. The tavern’s crumbling, swayed roof came into view. She slowed to a sedate walk, not wanting to appear too eager. Her pulse quickened at the thought of seeing Kai again.

  She strategized the impending encounter like a guerrilla fighter. What should she say to him? Should she wait for him to talk? Would they even talk at all? Maybe the tender moment they’d shared last night had been a one-sided mirage, one she’d imbued with more meaning than he’d ever intended.

  The tavern sat on the other side of the street, its windows glowing with warm, jovial light. Most of the day-shift guards would be there, drinking to escape the endless gray slog of survival.

  Sanna gathered her courage. The nerves in her stomach refused to settle, but she crossed the thick mud of the street anyway. She wouldn’t let anyone ruin her evening, no matter what.