Alive Like Us

by Hallows, Quinn

  His jaw muscle ticked. “It was the only way to survive after I was exiled.”

  “And how many innocent people have you killed in the name of your survival?” Raj sauntered forward, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. “The warrant for you says ten by an act of arson, but that’s quite outdated, hmm? I’m sure the body count has risen in the last seven years.”

  “He’s not lying, love,” Ivan said as he passed Sanna a piece of frail, yellowed paper.

  The artist hadn’t captured the dark magic of Kai’s eyes, but it was unmistakably him, down to his slightly hooked nose and quirk of his lips. His jaw had been rounder then, his face caught between adolescence and adulthood. Beneath the sketch the artist had scrawled; Member of Inferno Gang. Name Unknown. Wanted, Dead or Alive, for the Arson Deaths of Ten Souls at Broken Creek. He was listed as twelve years old.

  “Twelve?” Sanna whispered. That seemed so young for such a terrible crime.

  “It was an accident,” Kai said quickly, “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

  “Ha!” Raj barked. “You blocked the doors so no one could escape, and then you barbecued them.”

  “H-hayes said the building was empty.”

  “Kai saved my life,” Sanna said to the Lieutenant. “Please, that has to count for something. Why don’t we just let him go?”

  “So he can tell all his flame-throwing friends hiding in the forest where our armory is?” Raj said, his voice rising with each word. “How many guns we don’t have? If we let him escape, we’re basically handing the Inferno a manual for taking over our town.”

  Ivan’s frown deepened. “Raj is right. There’s only one way this ends, sweetheart.”

  “That’s not true,” Sanna said, her voice taking on a pleading edge. “Please, Dad. We don’t have to do this.”

  The Lieutenant raised his hand, his thumb and finger pressed together.

  Sanna shoved Kai towards the alley. “Run!”

  It was too late. The Lieutenant snapped his fingers, and a dozen soldiers materialized from the icy blizzard, surrounding them. The hunt was over before it even began.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Ivan wrapped Sanna in a bear hug, taking her by surprise. Soldiers closed in around Kai, their faces covered with black bandanas. Sanna dropped to the ground, wresting free of her father’s grasp, and lunged for them. Her fist cracked into a lanky teenager who might have been Simon. He crumpled to the ground. She tackled another; his groan sickeningly familiar while Kai fought off the others in a separate battle to her left. She grabbed the soldier’s wrist, slamming it onto the ice-rutted road. He dropped his sword. She grabbed it.

  “Control her, Ivan!” Raj ordered from the edge of the melee. “Or she’ll share a cell with that filth.”

  Pain knifed her skull. Someone had clawed her hair and was pulling her off her prey. “That’s enough. Drop it.”

  Sanna whipped around with a snarl, ready to slice out the throat of whoever dared touch her.

  It was her father. He stood before her; his craggy face screwed into a rictus of shock.

  Her sword clattered to the ground. She could’ve killed him. Easy.

  “Do you need help there, Ivan?” Raj asked. Frankie skulked near his ankles.

  Ivan took her arm, wrenching it behind her.

  “You can’t do this,” she thrashed, kicking the sky. “Let me go!”

  “Use your head, girl,” Ivan growled into her ear. “You’re outnumbered and Raj is itching for a reason to arrest you too.”

  He was right. Sanna knew it with a sudden clarity. Kai would be taken to the dungeon, and there was nothing she could do about it. At least at the moment.

  She complied, letting her father lead her down the street like a hobbled horse. Curtains flicked open as curious faces peered out the windows. It would be a long time before she lived this moment down.

  “Go on,” Ivan said, releasing her at the base of their porch’s steps.

  Sanna opened the door and crossed the threshold, suddenly remembering the blood test and the questions it posed. On the other side of the darkened living room, yellowish light from the kitchen spilled onto the floorboards. Anne and Haven were framed by the arched entryway, sitting solemnly at the table Ivan had built so long ago. Bowls of porridge were set out before them. Dinnertime.

  Sanna approached them, clutching her throbbing arm to her chest. As she neared, she noted the many fine wrinkles etched around Anne’s mouth and eyes. Kai’s right. She’s older than I realized.

  “They’ve arrested him,” Sanna said.

  “I know,” Anne wrapped her hands around the steaming mug of tea in front of her. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I know you liked him. Come and eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  Anne glanced at Sanna’s aching arm. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “She was going to throw her life away for that Outsider, that’s what. Fighting her own people,” Ivan walked around her to take a seat beside Anne. The chair creaked beneath him. “It’ll take some of your sweet-talking to smooth things over with Raj, love. Ah, what a damn mess this all turned out to be.”

  Anne sighed. “I guess it’s a good thing you raised the alarm when you did, dear,” she offered Haven a small smile, who sank deeper in her chair. “Who knows what that Inferno trash had in store for us.”

  “It was you?” Sanna swung towards Haven.

  Haven traced the rim of her bowl, avoiding her gaze. “I tried to warn you about him this afternoon. You wouldn’t listen.”

  “He saved our lives!” Sanna slammed her hands on the table. The china rattled, liquid sloshing onto the worn wood. “Doesn’t anyone care?”

  “I’m was looking out for you.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t.”

  “Stop it!” Anne said. “Just—stop it, both of you. We can’t let that boy tear us apart. We’re a family.”

  “Are we?” Sanna spun to her, the fury building. “How old are you?”

  Anne blinked, taken aback. “Sixty-eight.”

  “That would make me a miracle, wouldn’t it?” Sanna continued, her nails digging into the wood. “I mean—with fertility rates as low as they are now, what are the chances of you having a baby at fifty? I bet you got a parade and everything.”

  “Quiet!” Ivan roared, spraying porridge across the table.

  “Theo’s back,” Sanna continued. “He tested my blood—”

  Anne sucked in a sharp breath. “Why? What did he see?”

  “Kai was right,” Sanna whispered, the enormity of the moment hitting her. “You already knew, didn’t you? I bet all three of you did.” The faces of the people she loved, the people she trusted morphed into strangers. Her gaze settled on Anne and Ivan. “And you’re not my parents, either.”

  Ivan’s lone eye bugged, his spoon clattering to the table. “Now wait a minute—”

  “That’s not true,” Anne finished for him. “We’re your family, Sanna.”

  “No. You’re not,” she backed away, a numbness leeching through her. “I don’t know...any of you.”

  A crackly noise filled her ears, obscuring Anne’s desperate pleas as she spun around. Visions of her family playing games on the threadbare carpet played out as she crossed the living room. She rounded the stairs, recalling the time she’d tumbled down them and chipped a tooth. Anne had flown to her rescue, wiping her tears.

  Had Anne actually cared? Or was she merely worried her precious experiment had been damaged?

  The memory evaporated into smoke as Sanna raced up to her room, locking the door behind her. She sank to the cold, hard floor. If they aren’t my parents, then who are they?

  The doorknob jiggled a few minutes later.

  “Sanna, darling, let’s talk,” Anne said, then added. “Please?”

  “Go. Away.”

  A moment edged by. “Don’t you want to know about your mother?”

  Sanna gritted her teeth, anger roiling inside her. Anne was probably m
anipulating her again, but the chance of learning the truth was irresistible. She unlocked the door, stepping away before it opened.

  Anne entered, wringing her hands, her lips pressed into a trembling frown. The picture of sadness. “It’s dark in here—”

  “What do you know about her?”

  Anne flinched at her harsh tone, then straightened, her face smoothing into a cool mask. “You don’t get to talk to me that way, young lady. I raised you, didn’t I?”

  “You kidnapped me. If anyone should be in the dungeon it’s you and Ivan.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic.” Anne dismissed Sanna’s anger with a flutter of her hand. “You’re so much like her sometimes, it’s like she’s standing right in front of me.”

  “Who?”

  “Cate. My daughter. My only child. She was a thorn in my side from the minute she was born and I...I,” she inhaled a deep breath. “I miss her every second of every day.”

  “You expect me to believe that? That I’m your...granddaughter?”

  Anne studied her face. “You may not look like her—she was dark like me—but tonight, just now, when you were defending that Inferno boy,” she paused, her chin quivering. “I swear, it was like she was standing right in front of me. She was so stubborn.”

  “I don’t understand...why would you keep it a secret?”

  “Because the woman who brought you to me warned that she might come back one day and I—I couldn’t bear to lose you. I was afraid she’d look for you, so I took the first position I could find outside New Hope and changed my name. I hired Ivan to bring us here. He was an old friend of Gerard, my first husband. Your grandfather.”

  “And then you married him?”

  Anne smiled faintly. “Ivan liked you long before he could stand me. At the time I figured if Iris did try to find—”

  “Iris?” Sanna stilled, her heart thudding in her chest. “Are you sure?”

  “She’s not someone you’d forget. Strange little thing. She wasn’t that old. Early thirties, maybe. But her eyes—they were ancient. Cold. She looked straight through me when she said Cate was dead, like I wasn’t even there. When I tried to ask her questions, she shoved you into my arms and ran off, saying she’d be back one day. And that man she was with,” Anne shivered. “He must’ve been a priest or monk or something the way he was covered. I just knew you wouldn’t be safe with them.”

  He might have been Infected. Kai had said Iris used them as guard dogs. But what was Iris running from? And how did she know Cate?

  “It’s not nearly as bad as you think, Sanna,” Anne concluded. “I was trying to protect you from her.”

  “You still could’ve told me the truth,” Sanna said, her anger dimming to hurt. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “And what about my blood?”

  “I noticed a change after that breach—when the Infected killed Theo’s father. I’ve done a lot of research over the years, but I still don’t understand why it happened. In the end, you’re healthy. Normal. So,” she shrugged, “what difference does it make?”

  “Did you ever notify the CVC?”

  “No,” Anne said, her gaze narrowing. “They would’ve taken you away. I’ll make sure Theo won’t either. That boy should’ve never taken your blood in the first place. After all we’ve done for him.”

  “It’s not his fault,” Sanna said, uncertain. “I-I asked him to.”

  “Listen to me,” Anne said firmly. “I know you’re angry. You have every right to be, but I promise you, I won’t let anything hurt you. I didn’t protect Cate like I should have, and I lost her. I won’t lose you too.” She reached over, patting Sanna’s folded arm. “You should rest, dear. You look tired.”

  She’ll never let me see Iris. Sanna watched as Anne headed for the door, confident that all crises had been averted. It was like Sanna’s past didn’t exist, and anything that reminded Anne of it was unimportant. Even the very blood flowing through Sanna’s veins.

  “Wait,” Sanna said. Anne stilled, her hand resting on the doorknob. “What did my mother—Cate—call me?”

  “I don’t know,” Anne shrugged. “I didn’t have a chance to ask her. Sweet dreams, dear.”

  By the time the door shut behind her, Sanna knew what she had to do. It all started with freeing Kai Merrick. Inferno member. Killer. And the only person who could help her discover the truth.

  KAI SAT ON THE COLD, clammy floor of the dungeon, amidst the mold and squeaking mice, and wondered if his life had finally reached its bottom. He’d been spiraling down ever since that night at Broken Creek, when Hayes had pumped him full of drugs and he'd thought the world was sideways. Even now, that horrible evening had a lurid glow to it, like the summer carnivals he’d gone to as a kid back in New Hope.

  The next morning things had slowly refocused. He realized, after he’d sweated, puked and shivered until he thought his bones would rattle out their sockets, that the sounds ringing in his head were screams. What had he done?

  Hayes had been there, ready to feed off Kai’s horror like a giant parasite. He’d offered him equal doses of blame and hollow, nihilistic comfort. The combination of fear and guilt over what had happened were the hooks that kept Kai with that awful group. It wasn’t until seven years later, when it was time for Esme’s initiation, that he realized how lost he’d become. He knew he had to save her from the same, miserable fate.

  Esme. He’d failed her too. Would she be waiting for him, on the other side? Was there a place for people like him or was the end just...the end? A final darkness, an endless, dreamless sleep? Either way, Kai was about to find out. He doubted Sanna would come. She’d judged him and found him wanting. There’d be no salvation coming from her.

  Fire flared to life, blinding him. Kai flinched, blocking the light with his hand. His sight adjusted, and he saw Raj peering into his cell. Their gazes locked, and Raj gave him a toothy grin before he straightened, tucking his hands into his armpits. “I see you’ve had time to think about your predicament, Outsider.”

  “What do you want?” Kai dropped his gaze to the cement floor. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

  “Now, now there’s no reason to look so glum. You’ve still got,” he glanced at his watch, “about six hours left to live. We have a process here, you see, as any law-abiding community does. You’ll stand before a council before we hang you.”

  “Sounds like a waste of time.”

  “I suppose,” Raj sank to his knees beside him, “but we must keep up appearances, right? Even for Inferno scum like you. I must say though,” he slipped a piece of paper from his breast pocket and unfolded it, showing Kai the faded ink that proclaimed his worst sins. “This is pretty damming. Did you really think all those lives you took would be worth so little?”

  Kai stared at the shadows gathering on the opposite wall, saying nothing.

  Raj’s mouth twitched into a cruel grin. “You’ve got grit, kid. I’ll give you that. If it weren’t for this sheet of paper here, I could make a fine soldier out of you. Well,” he slapped his knees and jumped up. “When I first looked through the wanted sheets, I didn’t find yours. You came this close to sneaking by, didn’t you?” He pinched the air with his fingers. “But then Haven—one of the girls you saved—brought it to me. Bet you wish you would’ve her drown.”

  Kai clenched his jaw. He hadn’t killed anyone except in self-defense since Broken Creek. Even then, he avoided it whenever possible. The weight of death was too heavy a burden.

  “It surprises me—the going rate of life these days. The reward for your sorry ass is only half a years-worth of rations. But then there’s your boss, Hayes,” Raj gripped the bars, his eyes glittering with malice. “I’d be rich enough to start my own colony if I sent his head to New Hope.”

  “I already told you—I left the Inferno. I don’t know where he is anymore.”

  Raj considered this with an exaggerated hike of his brows. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  He shrugged off his coat and hung it on
a hook. A key slid into the lock. Kai lurched up, ready to bolt. Smirking, Raj blocked the opening. “Now,” he cracked his knuckles, relishing the moment. “How about I help you remember?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Sanna could not escape through the front door. Her family would be waiting for her, eager to smooth over the ruins of her life with tea and platitudes that would make her want to scream until her voice gave out.

  Her mother's—grandmother’s—favorite, it’ll all be better in the morning—was particularly infuriating. And wrong. Her life in Erling was over, and the longer she stayed here, the more she put the people she loved at risk.

  She had to find Iris. She needed answers. And Kai Merrick, despite everything he may have done in the past, was the only person who could help her. She doubted that warrant told the whole story anyway. She’d seen glimmers of good in him, and the past year had taught her things were rarely what they seemed.

  The window. That was her way out.

  Throwing on her coat, she locked her bedroom door and headed for it, climbing over her bed. The springs of her mattress whined beneath her as she tried to lift the sash. It was stuck. She wiggled it. The swollen wood rose, inch by inch and a damp, cold wind blew in, running its icy fingers through her hair. Sanna shivered. Waves crashed against the rocky shore below, promising another storm to come.

  Bluish clouds slid across the sky, plunging the world below into darkness. She knew the drop was steep—a full two stories—but if she dangled from the windowsill, perhaps she could make it.

  She was halfway through the window when the clouds finally slid past and moonlight flooded the narrow backyard below. Her stomach reeled. On second thought, maybe jumping out of the window wasn’t such a good idea.

  Get a hold of yourself. There had to be a better way down. She spotted the quilt on her bed and yanked it off, then her sheets, and tied them all together into a makeshift rope. Anchoring one end on the brass headboard, she unfurled the rest out the window. It didn’t reach the ground, but it was close enough. More clouds rolled in from the lake. Grateful for the darkness, she climbed through the window and clutched the sill.