On Thin Ice

by Dana Burkey

  “So, when do we want to study again?” I asked before drinking the last of my coffee.

  “I don’t know if I can until next week,” he explained. “I have practice tomorrow and then I think we’re having an extra varsity conditioning time on Friday since the game this weekend is going to be super hard. We’re going up against Marysville and they’re undefeated so far this season.”

  “Is it a home game?” I asked automatically.

  “Nope, not this time,” he replied.

  “That must be why Emily didn’t insist I come to the game when we were talking about it last night,” I said casually.

  “Wait, you guys are actually friends?” Blake asked. When I nodded, he went on. “That’s awesome. Now you always have someone to sit with when you come to my other games.”

  In the moment, I simply agreed, then continued to pack up my books. Once I was home, however, I couldn’t stop thinking about his words. He hadn’t said “if” I come to another game, but rather “when.” It was a small thing, but to me it was his way of hinting that he wanted to spend even more time with me. Or at least that was my hope. I knew it could also have been that he just liked people cheering him on while he was on the ice, but hoped that wasn’t the case. So, instead, I allowed his words to keep me happy all evening and the next school day up until I heard the news from Mr. Dennen.

  “Your final will be Monday, so start getting ready,” Mr. Dennen told everyone as he handed out a study guide in class on Thursday afternoon. “There will be three essay questions, so come prepared for that. We’ll do a review in class tomorrow. Make sure you spend some time reading the play again and going over the key points I outlined in the guide.”

  As the bell rang, I quickly stuffed everything in my bag and planned to leave class before anyone around me could make comments about how my test score was going to once again kill the curve for the rest of the class. Instead I stood up and was all but knocked over as Blake rushed to my side. He had a worried look on his face that I first assumed was for bumping into me. But, when he spoke, it became clear what was really troubling him

  “How am I going to be ready by Monday?” Blake asked simply.

  “You have lots of time to study,” I assured him. “You have tonight and tomorrow night after practice. Not to mention time on the bus going to and from the game Saturday. And then all day Sunday too.”

  “I don’t think I can do all the studying on my own” he said with a sigh. “What If I forget something important?”

  While I continued to assure Blake that everything was going to be okay, we walked out of class and to my locker. Lilly was standing there waiting for me, an excited expression forming on her face as she saw who was walking beside me. I tried to ignore her, instead listening as Blake stressed about the test.

  “I just don’t know if I can do this without you,” he was saying as we finally reached Lilly.

  “Maybe I can help a little still,” I said, my brain racing even as I spoke.

  “But how? And when?”

  “Don’t worry,” I assured him, turning away from my locker to look at him again. “I’m not going to leave you stranded this close to the final.”

  Blake let out a long sigh, then seemed to notice we weren’t alone. “Oh, hi Lilly.”

  “Hi,” she said simply, although I could tell from her tone she was holding back a laugh.

  “I can’t image how you can help me at this point,” he began, turning back to focus on just me once again. “But I trust you Torri.”

  I wanted to say more to him, but Blake got distracted when his phone began beeping at the arrival of multiple texts. While he took the time to answer the messages that were coming in, I turned to give Lilly a warning look. She was struggling to keep her giggling under control. Thankfully she turned away from us as Blake looked up from his phone to talk to me again.

  “I have to get to practice,” he said with a bit of a sigh.

  “Alright,” I nodded. “Try not to stress too much just yet, okay?”

  “I’ll try.”

  As he said goodbye and turned to walk towards where Greg and other hockey players were waiting to meet up with him, I turned my attention back to Lilly. With Blake gone she was allowing her laughter out once and for all. Slipping my extra books into my locker, I finally asked her just what was going on.

  “You two are just adorable,” she said, her tone almost giddy. “And he called you Torri again.”

  “So what? A lot of people call me Torri,” I reminded her, ignoring her first comment completely.

  “Sure,” she nodded. “I do, and so does your mom. But that’s about it. Just people that are really close with you.”

  Shaking my head I turned and began the walk home. Lilly hurried after me, continuing to try and talk about Blake. But, as I continued to shut her down, she finally moved on to talking about our next history assignment. It allowed me to focus on something other than Blake. Although in the back of my mind I was trying to think of a way to help him. There wasn’t much time before the test on Monday, but I felt like it was my job as his tutor to do anything and everything I could to help him not just pass but also get a good grade on the final.

  11

  Thursday night was spent going out of my way to think of how to help Blake the best I could. I knew most people wouldn’t spend that much time trying to help someone else, but there was a lot at stake. Not only did I want to show Blake and everyone else that I was a good tutor, I also wanted to make sure he knew I cared. About his grade, sure, but also about him in general. I was hoping that the extra time I took to help him would show him at least a hint of the feelings that had been growing more and more the longer we worked together.

  “What’s this?” Blake asked on Friday as we stood at my locker after the final bell had rung.

  “Note cards,” I explained. “I wrote down some questions on the blue cards and you can write answers on the back to help study. The pink ones are all questions that look more into the characters in the play, and the yellow ones are all about the action of the play. Oh, and the orange ones are about Shakespeare. Mr. Dennen didn’t have quite that much information about him on the study guide, but I wanted to add all the important stuff just in case.”

  “There are like 50 note cards here. You did all of this for me?”

  “Kind of,” I shrugged. “I was basically studying while I was writing them all out. I got to go over everything, and this way I can prove I wasn’t a waste of your time while trying to teach you everything.”

  Blake looked at me then, a strange look on his face. It was a mixture between shock and the look he had given me during our little moment after I watched his hockey game. To say it left me both confused and a little breathless was an understatement. It felt like time was moving in slow motion, and I had to wait forever before he finally spoke again.

  “You are literally the best,” he smiled, then actually stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. I froze for a moment, then finally returned the hug as he spoke again. “I feel like I might actually have a chance to pass.”

  “I’m not worried,” I assured him, finally letting go of him after the long embrace was over. “Even without the notecards I know you’re going to do great.”

  Much like the day before, he had to rush off before too long, but I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear for the entire walk home. Lilly was thankfully focused on telling me all about her success in a game of basketball in gym class. She wasn’t athletic by any means, so the fact that our gym teacher Mrs. Grayson complimented her for working well with the other girls in the class was a big deal. I listened to her story, happy for my friend but even more excited about the hug from Blake. Even in the cold I could still feel the memory of his arms around me and the warmth it seemed to spread through my body.

  “So, how were the games?” I asked Blake in an Instagram message on Saturday evening.

  “We won both, although I didn’t actually play in JV this week,” he replied
. “I studied the notecards the whole way there. They’re perfect.”

  “Congrats! And glad I could help.” I paused, getting up my courage for my next message. “I know you usually have family stuff on Sunday, but if you wanted to get together for a final study session I’m free starting around 2.”

  I stared at my phone waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I knew it was a little silly to focus so much on the reply that may or may not come, but it was hard to do much else until his answer finally popped up.

  “That would be amazing,” he had simply sent.

  I let out a long sigh, then reminded myself not to get too excited as I was going over details with Blake. It took a little while to finalize things, but in the end, we decided we would meet at the coffee shop at 3:30 on Sunday afternoon. Once we were done chatting I thought about telling Lilly, but decided that I wanted to try to keep things chill. If I treated it like it was no big deal, then maybe I could actually get through it without too much added stress or worry. Or rather no more stress or worry than I was already feeling. That was already quite enough. The only good thing was that I had less than 24 hours before I was once again sitting in a booth with Blake.

  “Do you think we’re going to read more Shakespeare after this?” Blake asked during a quick break from studying. We had already been in the coffee shop for over an hour, and were making real progress going over all the study material.

  “I don’t think so,” I said with a bit of a frown. “But it was fun while it lasted. Even if I didn’t get to work in getting to read Hamlet.”

  “You’ll just have to read it on your own now,” he shrugged. “Although it looks like you have a few other books going at the moment.”

  Blake gestured to the books inside my open messenger bag. One was a compilation of works by Edgar Allan Poe, while the other was the book All You Need Is Kill, which is a fictional war novel, translated from its original Japanese. At Blake’s request, I gave him a quick overview of both books, explaining that I was working on memorizing The Raven while also re-reading the other novel as well.

  “Is there anything you’re not good at?” Blake asked finally.

  “Sure, lots of stuff,” I said simply. “Books just happen to be one of the things I’m really passionate about.”

  In reply, Blake simply gave me an amazing smile and then went back to reading over the passage we had been working on before he took his snack break. I allowed myself an extra minute of watching Blake before I also went back to looking at the open book in front of me. Blake had skipped his usual hockey shirt in favor of a green button up that seemed to make his brown eyes even more captivating. Focusing while he sat in front of me looking so good was difficult, to say the least. But, somehow, even with the distraction, the study time passed quickly thanks to all the necessary last-minute review.

  “Well, I think we’ve covered everything,” I finally said as I emptied my coffee cup for the third time since arriving at Cup O’ Beans. “Now we just need some sleep before tomorrow and you should ace this thing.”

  “Thanks to you,” he said simply.

  I found myself smiling, matching the expression on Blake’s face. He kept his eyes locked on me for another moment before finally packing up his book, paper, and notecards. It was then, watching him clean up, that I realized it was all over. We no longer had a reason to meet and study together. Even with his comment about me coming to another one of his hockey games just a few days ago, I still worried things would go back to how they were before we began Macbeth. There was a big chance Blake wouldn’t talk to me once the test was over and forgotten. In fact, there was a really really big chance of that happening. But I tried to push that thought from my mind. After all, there wasn’t much I could do about it, and worrying wasn’t going to change things one bit.

  12

  “Good luck.”

  That was it. The only comment Blake made to me on Monday. He said it as he walked past me and took his seat at the back of the room. I echoed the words back to him, but then immediately turned to accept the test Mr. Dennen was handing me. Pushing all thoughts of Blake out of my mind, I got to work filling in the answers on the paper in front of me. My hands flew across the page, my love for Shakespeare making the test easy once again. So easy in fact that I turned in my test well before anyone else in the room.

  Once I no longer had something to really focus on, the waiting game began. I found myself getting more and more nervous as others also finished the test, all while Blake sat in the back of the room working furiously. Managing one peek over my shoulder, I could tell from the look on his face that he was concentrating as hard as he could. Unfortunately, he still used the whole class time for the exam. That meant I didn’t get to talk to him afterwards to ask how he felt the test went. Instead, I went to my locker and lingered while Lilly gave me the latest gym class update.

  “Just go look for him,” Lilly said, catching me off guard.

  “What?” I asked, closing my locker and looking at her in confusion.

  “I literally said the entire pledge of allegiance while telling you about gym class and you didn’t even notice,” Lilly explained. “You keep looking back towards Mr. Dennen’s class to see where Blake is.”

  “That’s not true,” I argued, then found myself instantly turning to look as someone walked out of the classroom. When it wasn’t Blake I turned back to face my friend. “Okay, it might be a little true.”

  “Come on,” she laughed. “We can walk past on the way outside and see if he’s still in there.”

  Although I wanted to argue again that I wasn’t focused on Blake, it was true. I had been watching the door of our history class since I made it to my locker, and was getting more and more nervous by the second. Not seeing him leave the room made me assume the worse. So, when we slowly walked down the hall and I peeked in, I was surprised to see Blake standing at Mr. Dennen’s desk. I stopped walking in hopes that Blake would see me, but he was very focused on our teacher who appeared to be grading a test. Likely Blake’s test.

  “Let’s go,” I finally said, my nerves growing stronger and stronger as we continued walking down the hall. “What if he fails?”

  “He didn’t fail,” Lilly assured me right away. “You literally spent more time working with him then I bet he’s ever worked on anything that didn’t involve ice skates and a stick.”

  “Do you think he’ll let me know once he gets the grade?” I asked, noticing the worried tone in my voice.

  “Yeah,” she shrugged. “I think so. Although if he has hockey maybe not right away.”

  Knowing his practice was supposed to start right after school I slipped my phone in my pocket with a sigh. I tried to remind myself that there was a good chance Blake didn’t care about telling me his grade as much as I was interested in finding out what it was. Passing was likely his main focus. Anything else, like giving me the news, would come when he had time. Or at least I thought so until my phone began buzzing as we reached the sidewalk in front of the school.

  “I passed! Got a B- and everything. All thanks to you.”

  The Instagram message was followed by a few emoji’s, one of which was a heart. I tried not to read into it too much as I wrote back a congratulations. Lilly was excited when I showed her his comment, but the excitement died down when my conversation with Blake ended almost as quickly as it began. Clearly, he was headed to practice and didn’t have time to talk to me for long. I didn’t mind too much though. He passed his test, which also meant he was going to be able to salvage his English grade and keep his spot on the hockey team.

  The next afternoon as I sat waiting for Blake to arrive to English, I tried to think of what to say to him. Or even if I would need to say anything at all. Was he going to walk in and give me a hug, or maybe talk to me after class about how he wanted to get coffee together just for fun? The possibilities were endless, but none of them were even close to what actually happened.

  When Blake finally walked into class, just seconds befo
re the bell rang, he hardly even noticed me. He was talking to a friend who was also on the hockey team. They were discussing a professional hockey game that had been on TV the night before, so I felt like I wasn’t even there. I assumed it would be made up for at the end of class, but the moment I was waiting for never came.

  Mr. Dennen passed out our tests, once again giving me back my perfect paper. No one else in the room seemed all that upset though, since Macbeth had been better received than others in the Shakespeare unit. We spent the rest of the class period taking notes on persuasive arguments. Then, it wasn’t until the bell rang and we all flowed into the halls when Blake finally caught up to me.

  “Great job,” he said, pointing to the test I was still holding in my hands. “And thanks again.”

  “Any time,” I replied, trying to subtly suggest that I wasn’t quite ready for our study time to be over. But he didn’t seem to pick up the hint, instead heading off down the hall with his friends.

  “What happened?” Lilly asked as I finally reached my locker.

  “I got a 100 like usual,” I answered simply, holding up the test for her to see.

  “I mean with Blake,” she tried again.

  “Nothing,” I said with a sigh. “Literally. He said thanks to me and congratulated me on my test, but that was it.”

  Sensing my frustration and sadness, Lilly quickly assured me that guys were weird with emotions, and Blake was likely just not sure what else to say to me. I nodded, hoping that years of dealing with her younger brothers made Lilly right. But at the same time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was truly over. Blake didn’t care about anything other than getting a good grade. A grade he already had. So now, he didn’t need to hang out with me or be around me other than to sit a few feet away in class every day. Even though I knew it was a possibility, until I started to see it play out I had hoped I would be proven wrong. But I wasn’t proven wrong. In fact, by the end of the week I could count on one hand all the words Blake said to me. There was a “Hello,” on Wednesday, and a “Hey,” on Thursday, then finally a “See ya,” on Friday as we left class.