I hoped he was right. The intense smells, the burning hands, the general feeling of just being off put, of not doing what I needed to be doing—the whole thing just needed to pass.
“I’m sorry that people died, that they were hurt, and that you had to go through what you did, too, Rainer. That must have been miserably hard on many, many levels.”
He nodded. “Thanks for that.”
The smell of anger seemed to lower and soon it was just the swamp around us that I could scent, which had in it the dullest scent of sulfur, like rotten eggs. I couldn’t say that it would ever be my favorite scent, and yet I didn’t find it repulsive either. Somewhere in the distance, someone was burning something, and a motor revved and stopped.
My hand cooled, and it was awkward the way I was rubbing Rainer’s back. I dropped my hand and got to my feet. “I need a shower.”
I was painfully aware of smells, and I really didn’t want to stink. Could I tell if I smelled rank or was it one of those things that I was going to be nose blind about?
“There should be hot water.” Jarret rose. “It works, despite the fact that this looks like the mansion of horrors.”
I laughed, which made him smile broadly. Anton stayed on the dock, watching both of us, a piece of brown hair falling in his eyes, while Rainer didn’t take his gaze off the swamp.
“I feel like it’s not currently in its heyday, but it must have been beautiful. I love old things. I would like to be an interior designer someday. I’m about halfway through my degree. Working my way through, which makes me qualified for literally nothing, but I do like to pretend I have a good eye.”
Jarret pointed at me. “See? It holds true. Werewolves are talented people. Artistic to go with our animalistic nature. Except for me. Not an artistic bone.”
Rainer shook his head. “Oh, but Mom still has that drawing you did in third grade. So you are talented to her.”
Jarret rolled his eyes and kicked his brother, who laughed. Anton joined, in that unique way that he did. I smiled at all of them.
“I… ah… I’m not talented. Just a dreamer. Listen, I’m not sure where Gus got these for me.”
This made Rainer turn around. “When you shifted, you would have ripped away your clothes. So when you shifted back, I hate to tell you, but you would have been butt naked. Not to worry. Our wayward father is many things but pervy is not one of them. He’s devoted to his mate… sorry, all this wolf talk threw me, wife. They don’t see each other for huge amounts of time. She misses him to death, and he longs for her. Neither of them say it. And her other… husbands miss him, too. He feels their absence acutely. No one says it, and it’s a big giant bit of pain.”
I thought of the man who had brought me here with his abrupt ways and strange manners. My heart hurt for them all. “You say all that to assure me he would have quickly gotten me dressed and not looked at me more than he had to?”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
“In any case, Preston said I could borrow his clothes but that doesn’t solve the underwear problem.”
I wasn’t wearing any under the t-shirt and sweatpants I’d been dressed in. I hadn’t thought about it before now, but all of my discomfort seemed to be coming back at once. I was small, only five foot two in my bare feet, which was now since I wasn’t wearing shoes, but I was curvy, and I’d been wearing a bra during all my waking hours since I was twelve years old. I needed to do something about making myself presentable. I might feel more like myself if I was actually wearing clothes.
Rainer nodded. “Jarret will go to town and buy you what you need. Text him your sizes. You can find his number in Preston’s phone.”
Jarret seemed to pale. “You want me to go buy her underwear?”
Rainer nodded slowly. “I think you can handle it with your very high IQ.”
“I’ve never bought women’s clothing. Not even the kind that isn’t worn under the clothes. Yes, sure I can do it. Sorry. I’m not… this pathetic.”
Anton shook his head and patted Jarret on the shoulder.
I blinked. “You want to do it instead?”
He nodded again and held out his phone.
I understood. “Sure, I’ll text it to you. Do you think you could grab me some regular clothes, too? I’m not sure how long I’ll be imposing on all of you, but if I can manage to not have to wear Preston’s clothes the whole time that might be better.”
Jarret smiled. “We’ll go together. I think between the two of us we can manage.”
Rainer laughed. “Anton can show you where to go. That doesn’t surprise me in the least that he knows how. The boy has the most girlfriends out of all of us.”
Anton glared at Rainer, and their oldest brother threw his head back laughing. “Oh, you know it’s true. They swarm you.”
Anton stormed off the dock, and Jarret groaned. “He’s going to be pissed the rest of the day. You know he never pays anyone any attention any more than you do. We have to figure out how to date humans. None of us have been very successful at it.”
I one hundred percent understood that. I held up the phone. “I’ll text you guys.”
“Great.”
Rainer stared at me from across the dock as Jarret left it. “You really do seem to understand Anton. Not everyone does. He won’t use that tablet because he’s just so used to communicating the way he does.”
“Why don’t any of you sign? I mean… I would think ASL would just make sense? Never mind. Not my business.”
He winced. “When he was taken and injured… I was twelve. It was a terrible year. He came back a year later the way he is. Just two years old. No one had ever heard him talk. Our family broke apart. Joe was dead. Gus was wrecked. We don’t know who our biological fathers are. Do you?”
I shook my head. “No, my brothers and I have no idea. They all seem to love us the same.”
“Yes, for us, too. They were all destroyed. My mother announced we’d sign the Accords. And I think…” He winced again. “I think she still thinks in her deepest heart there was no need for ASL because he was going to get better.”
That didn’t make any sense. “The rumor was they took his vocal cords.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that. You can’t exactly take his vocal cords. But, yes, they mutilated them. There won’t be any getting better from that. But do you know a werewolf who stays injured or who even gets sick? Never, right? So she just refused to do anything for him. Homeschooled him. There were only werewolves pretending to be humans around. No one to notice. And Anton is so fucking smart… he just adapted. No, we never learned because she directed us not to as though learning it would somehow stop him from healing.”
I swallowed. “You know, when people talk about the Lejeunes, it’s like you guys are the perfect werewolf family. Exactly how we’re supposed to behave, how we’re supposed to be. Whatever you guys are suffering, you do a great job of hiding it from the outside.”
“I know.” He rocked back on his feet. “Every day is pretend. In so many ways.”
* * *
Clean but still without clothes, since Jarret and Anton weren’t back, I lay in one of Preston’s t-shirts on the big bed in the room I’d been given. The shower had worked great, but the AC left something to be desired. The fan over the bed moved the hot air in the room so that it at least brushed against my face.
I’d just showered, but a dusting of sweat had already begun forming on my skin. It might not have been because of the humidity. I was hot, burning up. My gums ached and inside of me it really did feel like another creature wanted to burst through me from the inside out. I didn’t remember my first shift except for the vaguest feeling that it happened all at once when I was terrified.
This was different. This was something…
A knock sounded, and I sat back on my elbows. “Come in.” I tried to keep my voice pleasant. It was probably just Anton and Jarret with my clothes. Normalcy might help this whole mess. Those clothes would be the first step. Plus,
I’d forgotten to tell the guys I’d pay them back.
Preston stood in the doorway. “I took a half day.” He stepped into the room. “I like you in my LSU shirt. Maybe we’ll even take you to a football game.”
I shook my head. “Doesn’t sound very hidden to me.”
“After. When this is worked out. It’ll be celebratory.” He stepped further in. “I came home with pounds and pounds of live crawfish. We will be having a feast soon. Rainer got busy setting up the boil and when the other two boys get back with your underwear,” he lifted his eyebrows, “we can eat.”
I swallowed. “I’ve never had crawfish. How does one do that?”
“I’ll show you.” He walked closer. “You’re sweating, and it’s hot in here but not that hot. Ah… you’re suffering. Why didn’t you say anything?”
I didn’t have it in me to lie. Not right then anyway. “You were handed me to hide with no choice in the matter. The last thing I want to be is difficult. So if I have to lie here and be silent about it until it stops, so be it.”
He sighed. “My first week denying the wolf was right after Rainer went to jail. He told me he told you. I was twenty-eight years old. Old enough to know better than to shift. My parents are difficult but smart. I should have listened. I sweated for weeks and weeks. Months. And then one day it passed.” He lay down next to me. “You’re not alone.”
“Thank you, Preston.”
His presence should have made the room hotter, but it didn’t. If anything, it made everything feel less lonely.
I turned to him. The looking but not making eye contact thing that I was doing had gotten easier. Preston stared up at the ceiling. “I hear that you want to design things. Want to help me with this stuff?”
“The house? Sure. I mean, I’m not a contractor.”
“No, but I bet you can follow directions and my brothers—particularly Jarret even though he is so in denial about it—can wield a hammer with the best of them. We can all do it together, and then you can decorate it so it doesn’t look like the set of a horror movie. Even if you’ve left, you can design over video conferencing or something.”
I loved that idea. “Yes, I’d love to.”
His smile was huge. “This place stayed empty so long. It would have been perfect for a werewolf family. Only my parents never lived here with us. We stayed down the ways a while. Visited this house. But no one has lived here since my great-grandparents. Empty too long. Maybe it’s too much water. Maybe it’s too much time. Maybe it’s just too much… Maybe I should knock it over. Sell the land to the power companies and just let it go. But I can’t.”
“It means something to you. You really don’t have to explain it more than that.”
He side-eyed me. “Why am I telling you all of this?”
“People do tend to talk to me. My mother said it was my natural nature. Strangers on park benches.”
Preston smiled. “Natural nature. I like that. Our natural nature is to shift into four legs whenever the mood takes us. But we don’t do that so I guess it’s nice to have something left.”
His sadness touched all my senses, and I squeezed his hand in mine just as my own heated up again. Damn it. What was happening?
“Does my hand feel hot to you?”
He shook his head. “Not particularly. Does it feel hot to you? I don’t remember that being a thing that bothered me, but we’re all different.”
“It’s on and off.” I sighed. “I sound whiny to my own ears. How was work? Can you show me the swamp sometime?”
Preston lit up the room with a smile. “Yes, I’d love that. I almost never give tours myself anymore. I’m in the back room… dealing with things. But I’ll show you myself after hours tomorrow when everyone else is gone. So you’re safe. I’d love that.”
That was something to look forward to. “And I’d like to help with the house like you suggested. I’d like to feel like I was giving back. Oh, and whatever money you’re spending on me. The clothes. My food. Upkeep. If you could keep a log of it, I’ll pay you back. I have a job. I work at a hair salon sweeping up, putting myself through school. It might take a while but I’ll…”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “Sweet. You really are. I don’t need your money. This thing we’re doing? I’d never have anticipated it. I haven’t wanted my family around for a long time. Watching over you? We’re getting along for the first time in years. I like it. We’ve all suffered giving things up. Werewolves protect each other. I like that I get to do this. It does make something inside of me feel… right.”
I leaned up on my elbow. “So which one of us is sweet? I think that would be you.”
He held his finger to his mouth in the universal sign for shush. “Don’t tell. I’m the mean one in the family.”
Pain as though someone clawed at my insides wracked through me. I cried out before I covered my mouth to quiet the sound. I didn’t like people knowing when I was in pain, not ever. From the time I was a little girl, I’d tried to manage these things on my own. Particularly because I healed fast, thanks to my unused werewolf genes. It always felt like an intrusion to force anyone to pay attention to me when I was just going to be fine.
Preston’s face fell. He rolled toward me. “Okay if I touch you under your shirt on your back?”
I nodded. “Sure. I mean…” I couldn’t really think right then.
He inserted his hand under the shirt that I was wearing and rubbed in circles. “Touch helps. It just always does. But if you hate this, I’ll stop.”
I closed my eyes. No, he was right. It helped. Preston made circles up and down my back, avoiding the lower areas where my butt was totally uncovered thanks to my lack of underwear. This was intimate but he was… respectful.
Eventually, the smell of spices drifted toward my nose, and I lifted my eyes. “What is that?” Preston had his own eyes closed, but he opened them. “What is what?”
“That smell. Um, garlic. Salt. Cayenne pepper.” I sniffed the air. “Some other things.”
His smile was huge. “Oh, those wolf senses. Nothing like them, right? Everything is going to feel kind of dulled after this. I don’t smell it yet, but that’s what it is. Rainer must be getting ready for the boil.”
A second set of smells touched my nose. Cloves and the woods. I smiled. “Your brothers are back, too.”
“You’ve got their scent as well.” He tapped the end of my nose. “That’s a good one. You might be even stronger than I was.”
I shrugged. A knock sounded on the door, and I smiled. It was useful knowing all of these things a little ahead of time. I sat up slightly. “Come in.”
Both Jarret and Anton strolled in holding bags. I gawked at the sight. I’d asked them for just a few things, but they really seemed to have gone shopping for a lot of stuff. Preston knocked his shoulder into mine. “Don’t worry about the cost. We’re rich. All the Louisiana wolves are. We’re lucky that way. It’s our pleasure to take care of you while you’re here.”
Jarret looked at Anton. “Yes, we didn’t even think about it. We started to see stuff, and we just thought that she’d look really good in things and bought them.”
My cheeks heated up. I didn’t embarrass easily, but I took compliments about as well as I took gifts, which was a little bit awkwardly. “We’re not rich in Colorado. In fact, most of the wolf community up there is living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. I’ve always had to be careful with money. I’m a little bit of a jeans and t-shirt kind of a girl mostly out of necessity.”
Anton held up the bag and then pointed to the bathroom, obviously wanting me to change. I got out of the bed, pulling the shirt down so it didn’t ride up around my legs on the way off the bed; otherwise they were all going to get a good look at my private parts.
And much as I wouldn’t, for the first time in my life, mind that idea, it was forbidden. Some things I had to keep normal. Even if I had already fallen down the wolf rabbit hole. I had to keep my head about me. “Hey, Preston. Can you check
your phone? I left it there by the side of the bed. I haven’t heard back from my family… and that’s really unusual.”
He grabbed the phone. “Nothing from your family. Few texts from various people looking for me but nothing I’m going to deal with right now. It’s all… nothing. You haven’t heard from them?”
Jarret crossed his arms over his chest. “That was hours ago.”
“Right.” Preston got off the bed. He walked over to me. “I agree. It’s weird you haven’t heard. Unless…” his voice trailed off. “There might be a very good explanation for all of it. Gus. He brought you here to be protected. I bet he told your parents to go into hiding. If the Hunters got you, they could be in your area looking for them. He’ll know where they are, or if they just took themselves into hiding and told no one, then he’ll know how to find them. I’m going to call him.”
I hoped that was the answer. My stomach tightened. It was impossible not to focus on what was happening to me. The whole new half of me suddenly rearing to life was taking all my attention since I was pretty sure if I gave into the feelings inside of me and just let go, I was going to shift again. I wasn’t even sure how I’d done that the first time. Still, it might just be like breathing. No, I forced the thought out of my head. I could not, would not shift. Even if I had to Dr. Seuss-esque rhyme in my own head over and over for the next week. Somehow, I had to manage not to also be a total narcissist.
“I need to know my family is safe. And I’m sure they’ve been worrying about me.”
Anton put his hand on my cheek. I leaned into it. For a second, I just stood there before he placed the bag of clothes into my hands.
“Thank you. I will pay back every penny.” I looked at all of them. “Rich or not… I’ve never not paid my way, and I don’t intend to take advantage of your kindness just because you have big bank accounts.”
Anton dropped his hand from my cheek and took mine in his own again. He placed it over his heart. I sighed and this time the warmth that went through me had nothing to do with the shift. “That’s very sweet.”
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