by L A Cotton
If she did, why had she called me from Lake Tahoe over the holidays insisting I leave Kiera alone for good? You need to let her move on, she’d said. The words had burned through me like acid. But Lo was right. I was with Callie, and Kiera was with Jack. So why had she just looked at me like she was disappointed I didn’t go after Kiera and make her hear me out?
Women were confusing as fuck.
I don’t know how long I sat out there for, alone, watching people come and go. The party was finally winding down, so when Rick’s head appeared around the door, I didn’t know whether to be relieved or concerned. “Lo said I might find you out here.”
She did, did she?
“It’s been a while.” He dropped into the chair Kiera had vacated and stretched his legs out in front of him. “I hate these fucking things.”
“So why’d you come?” I smirked. Back in the day, when we were in high school, Maverick would use any excuse to get out of family events. But that was pre-Lo. Before he battled his demons and won. Before he got everything his heart desired.
“I half-expected to see your name on Kyle’s text,” I said, keeping the conversation on easier subjects. “I got to say, man, I was a little disappointed.”
“Yeah, well the fucker beat me to it, didn’t he?”
“No shit?”
“Had the ring picked out and everything.”
“That’s rough. I’m sorry. So when do you think you’ll do it?”
He dragged a hand over his face and met my eyes. “Honestly, I’m not sure now.”
“Does Lo know?”
“I may have hinted about it when we were in Lake Tahoe over the holidays, but she said some stuff and then I said some stuff... you know how it goes.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“Anyway, now it feels like if I do it, it’ll be in the shadow of Kyle and—”
“You can’t be second best to Stone?”
His lip curved up. “Something like that. Anyway, what’s new with you? Things still good with Callie?”
“Things are... complicated.” I blew out a long sigh.
“Aren’t they always?” Rick’s brow quirked up. He knew first-hand how difficult things could be. He and Lo hadn’t exactly had it easy in the beginning. But now they were strong. Solid. I envied him. He’d slayed his demons and got the girl. I was still fighting mine and I’d let the girl slip through my fingers.
And I couldn’t tell him shit despite us once being best friends.
“What about college? Any plans for after graduation?”
“If you asked my old man, my future is all mapped out. You’re looking at the future director of Berrick’s Automotives.” I waggled my brows, mockingly. “But you know that shit’s not for me.”
“So choose another path.” He said it as if it were that simple. But Rick was one of the lucky ones. He'd broken free from his father’s expectations, to forge his own path. One that would lead him straight into the arms of the NBA. But college ball was as good as it was going to get for me. And I was okay with that. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to inherit the family business anytime soon yet either.
“Last year, I...” I hesitated, shame washing over me. We’d stayed in touch somewhat and our paths had crossed last summer briefly, but I hadn’t confided in anyone in a long time.
“I’m listening,” Maverick said, his head cocked toward me.
“Last year, I went a little off the rails. Drinking, partying.”
“It was freshman year of college, isn’t that the point?”
“Not like this, man. I was a mess. Things got bad, really fucking bad. Coach benched me and my grades tanked. Anyway, the administration threatened to kick me out if I didn’t clean up my act. When my old man found out, he lost it. I mean, I’ve seen him lose his shit before, but this was... it was something else.”
I still vividly remembered his face, red and puffy, the vein in his forehead throbbing, as he thrust the official warning letter in my face as if I hadn’t read the fucking thing three times over already.
“Anyway, he said that if I didn’t clean up my act, he was cutting me off.”
No college tuition.
No trust fund.
No Berrick’s Automotives.
I’d felt his wrath more than once in my nineteen years, but I’d never seen him look at me with such disappointment.
“Shit, man, I had no idea.”
Because I’d never told him. I’d never told a soul. Maybe it was shame or pride or the simple fact my old man was right, I was never going to make anything of myself, but it was the kick up the ass I'd needed to turn my shit around.
I'd studied harder. Partied less. And somehow, I'd caught the eye of Callie Timson. That had been a huge factor in my old man forgiving me. His son dating the daughter and heir of one of Beverly Hills' wealthiest businessmen. He’d almost jizzed in his pants when I’d told him. Of course, Mom just wanted me to be happy, whatever the hell that meant. Because if I thought I was miserable before my transformation, it was nothing compared to how I felt wandering around campus pretending to be someone I was not.
“It’s not exactly an opening line, is it? Hey and by the way my old man threatened to disown me...”
“Trey, come on, he would never—”
“Yeah.” I cut him off because I didn’t want to relive the moment my old man had threatened such a thing. It was a definite low point of my life.
I couldn’t blame Kiera. Sure, she’d been a catalyst in my one-way trip down to dropout town. But it wasn’t her fault. I’d known exactly what I was doing when I’d pursued her. She was like this drug I couldn’t quit. And every time I got another hit, it made me spiral more out of control. The fucking crazy thing was if you added up all our interactions, it probably didn’t even span a couple of weeks. But it didn’t matter. She was inside me, buried so deep, nothing and no one could rid me of her.
“Anyway,” I said. “It all worked out for the best. I turned it around and met Callie.”
“To good women.” Maverick tipped his beer toward me and I clinked the neck of my bottle against it.
“To good women.” But as I said the words it wasn’t Callie’s face who infiltrated my mind.
EVENTUALLY LO CAME to find Maverick and the two of them left, but not before Maverick suggested the four of us go out soon. Him and Lo, and me and Callie. Lo had remained silent, but I felt her watching me. Waiting for what, I didn’t know.
Or maybe I did and I was just too chicken-shit to admit it.
“Sweetheart, we’re leaving,” Mom said, her eyes glittering with one too many champagnes. “Are you riding home with us?”
“Yeah, give me a second to say bye.”
“We’ll meet you out front.”
I spotted Kyle across the room but paused when I saw he was talking to Kiera. Even from over here, I could sense the anger rolling off her, see her eyes thin and flashing contempt. They were standing off to the side, away from too many prying eyes, but I’d seen them.
And now, I couldn’t not see them.
Kyle inched closer, all up in her face and my spine straightened. I didn’t believe he would hurt her—hurt any girl for that matter—but I wasn’t going to stand by and let him upset her either.
Was I?
Fuck.
The decision was taken out of my hands when Kiera turned and stormed away from him, disappearing straight out of the doors leading to the decked area. Kyle stared after her but didn’t follow. Laurie sidled up to him, concern etched into her soft features. He pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her shoulder. Without thinking, I slipped out of the room and found Mom and Dad hovering out front, waiting for their cab.
“Change of plans,” I said. “I’m going to hang out with some of the guys. I won’t be too late.”
Dad scoffed, barely looking at me, but Mom nudged him in the ribs. “Of course, sweetheart. Be safe, okay? And don’t drink too much.”
I winced, hating that she felt
it necessary to add that. But it was what it was. I couldn’t take back last year, no matter how much I wanted to. Kissing her on the cheek, I exchanged a curt farewell with my old man before slipping around the side of the building. My eyes found Kiera almost immediately, sitting in the chair where she’d sat earlier. This time when I approached her, I didn’t ask for permission, sinking into the chair, fighting the urge to lean over and brush the tears tracking down her cheeks away with my fingers.
“Want to talk about it?” I finally asked when the silence became almost unbearable.
“You shouldn’t be here, Trey.”
Her words were like a knife to my chest, but I ignored the sting and said, “And you shouldn’t be alone right now.”
Her eyes lifted to mine and she sniffled. “He doesn’t get it. None of them do,” she whispered, picking the hem of her dress. It barely covered her thighs as she sat, knees pressed together. But fuck if it didn’t look like sin on her body.
I’d always thought Kiera was beautiful, even when she was just a fifteen-year-old girl and I'd had no right thinking such things. But tonight... tonight she looked like a woman. Her pink hair hung in loose curls around her face, and her make-up was smoky and seductive. I’d seen people watching her all night, and I knew she probably thought they were judging: the tattoo covering most of her right shoulder, her hair, the piercings along her ear, even the chunky black bracelets lining her wrist. But I knew the truth; they weren’t judging her, they envied her. Kiera wore her own style. She was brave enough to go against the grain. Even now, after eighteen months at Wicked Bay High, she’d kept true to herself, refusing to fit the mold carved out by the girls at school. They were cookie cutters of one another. But Kiera... well, she marched to the beat of her own drum.
“What?” Her voice punched my thoughts and I realized I’d been staring.
Fuck.
It was like I couldn’t think straight around her; couldn’t see anything but her.
“I wish things could have been different.”
Kiera’s eyes widened and then squeezed tight as her breath hitched. “You can’t say that to me.” Her eyes fluttered open again and I saw the change. The coldness. She had thrown up her walls; walls I’d once wanted to smash straight through. Walls I had smashed before coming to my senses.
“You should go.”
“And leave you out here all alone?” My brow rose in defiance, or plain stupidity. The jury was still out on my actions over the last few hours. “Yeah, not going to happen.”
“I’m a big girl, Trey,” she emphasized big girl as if she was taunting me; reminding me that she was all grown up now. “I can look after myself.”
There was a flicker of pain in her eyes. So brief I would have missed it if I hadn’t been staring at her, drowning in her charcoal irises. “Come on,” I said refusing to take no for answer. “I’ll give you a ride home.”
“I’m supposed to be staying at their house... but I don’t think I can go back there. Not after...” She looked away and the strangest thing happened. I felt like I could breathe and was drowning all in the same breath.
“Either you agree to let me take you home or I’ll text him.” It was a shit move but I wasn’t ready to say goodnight. I wasn’t ready for her to go back to her life and forget all about me.
Shit. I was so twisted up over this girl. Even now, even after everything. She held my heart, my rational thoughts, in the palm of her hand and she had no fucking idea.
Because you let her believe otherwise.
“Fine.” She barely looked at me. “Wait, are you okay to drive?”
“Yeah, I only had one beer.” I’d driven me and my parents here. The plan had been to leave my truck in the lot and collect it tomorrow, but after seeing her, I hadn’t felt much like drinking.
Kiera gave me a curt nod and waited for me to lead the way. We avoided going back through the building, sticking to the path cutting around to the parking lot. But when she spotted my truck, she hesitated. As if she couldn’t bear the thought of being in there, alone... with me. I swallowed over the giant fucking lump in my throat and said, “No strings, I promise. I just want to make sure you get home okay.”
She didn’t answer, but she didn’t argue either, so I kept my head down, hands jammed in my pockets, heart thudding in my chest. Maybe it was a bad idea being in such close quarters with her again, especially since my truck held memories, and not all good ones. But it was too late now. I couldn’t just leave her here. Not when I knew how hard it was for her sometimes being around Kyle and his family.
We climbed inside of my truck in thick silence. I glanced over at her as she put on her seatbelt. Pink waves hung over her face like a bubblegum shield. “I like the pink, it suits you.”
Kiera shrugged, twisting to look out of the window. With a dejected sigh, I fired up the engine and backed out of the parking lot. I had only been to Kiera’s house in Rotunda Heights a couple times before, but I knew I’d find my way back without asking for directions.
A part of me wondered if I’d always find my way back to her.
We were like magnets. Except every time we got close enough, every time we gave in to the inexplicable attraction between us, we were forced apart. Okay, so we were opposing magnets. The pull was there but the magnetic field was all wrong.
Wrong girl.
Wrong guy.
Wrong fucking time.
Maybe if I’d met Kiera now, when she was a senior and I was a sophomore in college with my head screwed on right and my dick firmly in my pants, it would have been different. I would have spoken to Kyle man-to-man and asked for his blessing to ask his sister out on a date. Ah, who the fuck was I kidding? I’d never be good enough for his sister. But at least then, in my fantasy, he wouldn’t have looked at me like I was some kind of cradle robber, crushing on his fifteen-year-old sister.
Fuuuuuck. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles whitened. If I'd had a sister, I couldn’t ever imagine being okay with her dating at fifteen, let alone dating an eighteen-year-old who had fucked most of his senior class. And if that guy was a good friend?
Over my dead fucking body.
Chapter 6
Kiera
“Trey, you passed my house back there.”
“I did? Shit.” He blinked as if waking up from a trance, checked the street and then pulled a U-turn, rolling to a stop outside my house.
“Are you okay?” I asked, my brows knitted. “You’ve been zoned out for the last twenty minutes.”
When he’d been so insistent on driving me home, part of me had wondered if it was an excuse to get me alone. To finish whatever we'd started earlier, outside on the decking at the party. But after saying he liked my hair, he seemed to fall into his own thoughts. I wanted to feel relieved, but being back inside his truck was like being transported to another time. A time when things between us were different. Building to some pivotal moment I was foolish enough to believe would end with us declaring the feelings we’d danced around for almost a whole year.
Stupid, stupid girl.
“I, hmm, yeah, I’m just tired.”
“Tired, right.” My gaze dropped to my legs. God, this was awkward. There had been a time when talking to Trey came easy. When the words flowed as if he’d reached inside me and pulled them out.
“Ready to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“You know what,” he said. “Why were you and Kyle arguing?”
“I... it was nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing. Don’t do that. Don’t try to hide from me, Kiera. I see you. I’ve always seen you.” Our bodies had turned in to one another. There was still so much space between us, but we felt closer somehow.
“It’s just never enough for him...” my voice trailed off, and I dropped my gaze. But I felt Trey watching me, his blue eyes burning in my direction.
Kyle wanted me to be happy. He wanted me to go off to college and do great things. He wanted me to drop Jack’s
dead weight—his words, not mine—and find myself a decent guy. Or no guy at all. He wanted me to be more like Summer. Or maybe he didn’t. Maybe I’d fabricated it all in my head. But whenever I was around him and Laurie and their friends, I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.
I was the girl from the wrong side of the tracks.
I was the girl who didn’t come from money or wear Hollister or Reformation or drive an expensive car.
I wasn’t anything like them.
“I find that hard to believe. Stone loves you something fierce,” Trey said, and I lifted my eyes to his. He was looking at me strangely, and it knotted my stomach.
“Maybe the problem isn’t him then, maybe it’s me. I don’t feel enough. He got me into Wicked Bay, he opened all these doors for me, and it’s still not enough. I still feel...” I swallowed the words.
“Still feel what, Kiera?” Trey’s voice was soft, coaxing. And despite our past, despite everything, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to open up to him. Because he’d been the only one who'd ever understood.
“I’ll always be the kid in his shadow, okay? There,” I sighed feeling guilt twist at my insides. “I said it. Are you happy?”
God, I was such a bitch. After everything Kyle and Gentry had done for me and Mom. But I couldn’t help the festering darkness inside me. Every time I was with Kyle and his family, I was reminded of everything Mom gave up. Of everything I gained. It was silly, I knew that. If Mom had stayed with Gentry and they’d raised Kyle together, there was every chance I wouldn’t even be here right now. But part of me, the part who had watched Mom battle addiction, the part who had endured things no kid should ever have to endure, couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t enough for Mom. She'd left Kyle and Gentry, and I was her consolation prize.
And it wasn’t enough to make her want to fight.
I wasn’t enough.