Crushed

by Jennifer K Thomas

  He refused to make love to me earlier. He said it wasn’t healthy I’d been awake so long. He practically had to pry me off him and insisted I take a nap. My adrenaline masked my exhaustion, and I didn’t realize how much I needed sleep until I lay down. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but I do remember Luke kissed me on the forehead and said he was leaving for his dinner and would be home by nine.

  I packed a small bag, but it is still in my car, which is parked halfway down the street. Making due with whatever I can find in the apartment is a better option. I check out the guestroom and am disappointed to find nothing usable.

  I return to Luke’s room and search through his drawers for something to sleep in. Socks and underwear are neatly folded. A drawer of pajama pants may be an option, depending on what else I find. I move to the drawers on the opposite side of a long dresser. I’m surprised when I open the first drawer and find women’s clothes. Not women’s clothes, my clothes, the ones I used when I was here before. I take out a pair of satin pajamas.

  My brands of shampoo, conditioner, and shower gel are waiting for me in the shower. While I wait for the water to heat up, I locate a towel and set it within reach. I strip off the clothes I’ve been wearing entirely too long and step under the hot, soothing water.

  I wash my hair and am rinsing out the shampoo when I’m startled by the shower door opening.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you.” Luke closes the door behind him.

  My first impulse is to be angry with him for sneaking up on me, but when I see him looking at me like he’s going to make me forget every bad moment I’ve ever had, my reaction changes.

  “I thought your dinner went until nine.”

  “I decided they could finish without me. I have more important business to attend to.” His beautiful mouth curls into a mischievous grin.

  “Like what?” I’m breathless even though he hasn’t even touched me yet.

  “Turn around.” I don’t even consider questioning why. He leans in but still doesn’t touch me. He brings his mouth close to my ear. “Close your eyes.”

  Just when I’m considering taking matters into my own hands, I feel the soapy bath puff glide down my back. The puff makes several trips across my back and legs. I desperately need him to touch me.

  “Luke,” my voice comes out in a whimper.

  He doesn’t respond verbally, but turns me around and washes my front. When I feel like I can’t take anymore, he turns me around again and kisses the back of my neck. It is my absolute favorite place to be kissed. It sends chills through me, and I moan softly.

  He reaches around and caresses my breasts with one hand. His light touch makes my nipples harden, and I moan louder, hoping he takes the cue that I want more. He reaches down between my legs with his other hand, gently rubbing until I’m panting.

  “I need you,” I plead.

  He swiftly spins me to face him and pushes me against the shower wall. He presses against me, kissing me hard on the mouth. We grab and pull at each other, never seeming to be able to get satisfyingly close enough.

  He breaks the kiss, his lips just out of reach from mine. “I love you, Jessica.”

  These are not merely words. They’re a promise.

  “I love you too.”

  He turns off the water and lifts me in his arms.

  When I realize he’s carrying me back to bed, I don’t object, even though we’re soaking wet.

  He lays me down. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you.”

  He is giving me something I know he has never given to anyone else, and any worries I had are erased.

  I smell breakfast before I open my eyes. I jump out of the guest bed and pull on the socks I brought in here to protect my feet against the chill of the wood floors. Luke’s bed was in no condition to sleep in after our shower ended abruptly last night. When I enter the family room, Luke turns around from his station at the stove and smiles.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  “Good morning.”

  “Sleep well?”

  “I did.”

  “Sit, and I’ll get you coffee.”

  “You don’t have to wait on me. I’ll get it.”

  He grabs me and turns me around. “Sit,” he commands. “I’m happy to get you a cup of coffee.”

  I sit on a barstool.

  “I don’t have much food in the house, so we’re having eggs and grapefruit.”

  “That’s fine with me.”

  “We can stop and have lunch on the way.”

  “I would love to spend the day with you, but I have to go home today. Grant will be dropping off Amelia this evening, and I have to go into work tomorrow.”

  “I figured that. I’m going to drive you home.”

  “That’s really not necessary.”

  “There’s absolutely no way I’m letting you drive back by yourself, so stop protesting.” He places a large mug in front of me.

  “Actually…” I trail off.

  “What?”

  “I know it’s last minute, but I’m hosting dinner for my mom and friends on Thursday,” I say.

  “Are you inviting me to Thanksgiving?”

  “Yes, unless you already have plans.”

  “I was supposed to go over to Aaron and Andi’s, but I like your invitation better.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. They’ll understand. I could tell they were disappointed when I didn’t already have plans with you.”

  “I really like them.”

  “Me too.” He cuts open the grapefruit.

  “One more thing though. I have Amelia for the entire week.” I wait for him to look up at me, but his attention remains on our food.

  “You said you were having friends over. I can simply be another one of your friends.” He plates our eggs.

  “I don’t want to do that.”

  He finally looks at me, head cocked. “So you’re saying…?”

  “I want you to meet her, Luke. I mean officially, as my boyfriend. I’m positive you two will like each other.” I hold my breath.

  “Are you sure?” He’s excited but trying to conceal it.

  “I am.” I’m surprised that I feel this strongly about it being time for them to meet. “You can meet her tonight if you want.”

  “I’m ready, but only if you are.” He gives me one last opportunity to second-guess my decision, but I don’t need it.

  “I’m ready.”

  Suddenly Luke rushes around the kitchen, putting things away.

  “What are you doing?”

  “We need to hurry. I want to make it to Temecula as early as possible.”

  Chapter 22

  I savor the sounds of my family and friends coming from the other room. They are playing games, talking, and enjoying each other. I float around the kitchen, checking on food, feeling more thankful than ever.

  “What can I help with?” Vivien asks.

  “I’m good right now. In about an hour, you can help me get everything on the table.”

  “I may not be able to cook, but even I can’t mess that up.” We laugh.

  Vivien cooked dinner for Emily and me years ago. When she plated the meal, it looked fine, but the chicken was rubbery and the rice was undercooked. We only had to suffer through a few bites before Vivien silently stood, retrieved her phone, and called to have pizza delivered.

  “Thanks again for having Ed and me over. When his mother came down with the flu, I thought we’d end up in a restaurant.” Vivien pours herself another glass of wine.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I still can’t get used to him wanting to be called Ed though.”

  “I know, but he’s adamant he doesn’t want to be called Eddie anymore.” She rolls her eyes. “Hey, I wanted to tell you, Luke is pretty am
azing. The way he’s made himself part of the group, the way he is with Amelia, the way he is with you.”

  I wear the wide grin I’ve had plastered on my face all day.

  “The way you described him, I pictured him a lot different.”

  “Oh, he can be intense and cocky, but he’s also charming and fun.”

  “I like him, and it’s nice to see you so happy.” Vivien comes over and gives me a hug.

  Luke strides into the kitchen. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “We were talking about you,” she says. “Don’t worry, it was mostly good things.”

  “Mostly? You’re a horrible liar. If you were talking about me, it could only be good things.” He smirks, grabs a green bean from the pan on the stove, and pops it in his mouth.

  “See what I mean?” I raise an eyebrow at Vivien.

  She smiles and shakes her head. “I better check on Eddie. I mean Ed.”

  Luke glances around the kitchen. “What can I help with?”

  “Nothing. How’s it going out there?”

  “Good. Amelia beat me again at checkers.” I reintroduced him to Amelia Sunday night, and over the last few days, they’ve become fast friends. I forewarned Grant, and even though he wasn’t thrilled about it, he kept any misgivings to himself. He realizes he can’t say much, considering he introduced Amelia to Stephanie. “Your mom is warming up to me. She even laughed at a few of my jokes.”

  “That’s the wine talking.”

  She came over for dinner Tuesday night. Apparently, while I was putting Amelia to bed, she had a conversation with him. She warned him not to mess things up again, or he’d have to deal with her.

  “She has only forgotten how much she likes me. Once she remembers, we’ll be fine.”

  My mom does like him, but she’s going to make him work for her approval.

  Luke stands behind me and massages my neck as I season the potatoes cooking on the stove. “Ed asked if we would like to join him and Vivien for dinner this weekend.”

  “Sure, if you want to.”

  “I like Ed. Seems like a nice guy. I like Rick too. Sounds like they may be joining us as well.”

  Rick is Emily’s new boyfriend. It’s the first time any of us are meeting him, but he seems like a good guy. He has a stable job, isn’t covered in tattoos, and drives a car instead of a motorcycle. In other words, he’s not Emily’s usual type. I’ve caught her staring at him a few times today and can tell she’s completely enamored with him.

  “Sounds good. I’m glad you like them. They’ve become a big part of my life.”

  “Then they’ll become a big part of my life too.” He kisses me on the cheek and returns to the other room.

  The oven timer rings, indicating the turkey is ready to come out. I grab my potholders and lift the heavy pan out as my mom enters the kitchen.

  “Got it, hon?”

  “Yeah.” I set the bird on the counter.

  “What do you need help with?”

  “I need to get all the sides out of the lower oven and make the gravy.”

  “How about I tackle the gravy while you get your other dishes ready?”

  I buzz around the kitchen, pulling out assorted serving dishes.

  “Jessica?”

  “Yeah, Mom?”

  “Luke is really great with Amelia. He’s been hanging out with her a lot today. That man lights up whenever she pays him any attention.”

  “I know. I’ve seen it too.” It warms my heart that she’s noticed.

  “I will still cause him great bodily harm if he screws this up, but, I’m glad he’s here. I forgot how charming he is.”

  The kitchen is invaded by several additional sets of hands ready to be put to work. We get dinner on the table in record time. The eight-person table seats us all perfectly. My heart swells at the sight of all my favorite people here at once.

  “I would like to make a toast.” Luke stands behind his chair. “I have a lot to be thankful for this year. My life is quite different than it was a year ago. It’s better and I’m happy to be spending Thanksgiving with a group of people whose love for each other can be heard and felt. I’m most thankful that the woman sitting next to me has a big heart, a great family, and special friends she wants to share with me. Before we eat, I want to share a quote from Albert Schweitzer with you. ‘At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.’ Thank you, Jessica, for being my spark.”

  I’m speechless. The whole table is quiet for a moment.

  Ed breaks the silence. “Thanks a lot, man. You’re making me and Rick look like real losers,” he jokingly complains. Everyone laughs, even Amelia.

  “Sorry, Ed. I was going for heartfelt, trying to avoid crossing over into cheesy.”

  “I believe you nailed it.” My mom winks at him.

  “Vivien’s birthday is coming up. Maybe I should pay you to write her card for me.” Ed laughs, and Vivien playfully punches his arm.

  “I’m only inspired by two girls.” Luke looks at Amelia and gives her a thumbs-up.

  I haven’t eaten a bite of dinner, but I’m already blissfully full.

  Epilogue

  The last two weeks have been dizzying. With Luke and me finally on the same page, I thought life would slow down. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  It was one week after Thanksgiving when I realized my period was late. I was surprised at first until I remembered how carried away we got in Luke’s apartment in San Francisco. Between the soaked sheets and the overwhelming feelings, we didn’t care about ramifications. Now we have to.

  It took several positive pregnancy tests and a week of building up courage for me to resolve to tell Luke. Even though he’s expressed openness to having a child in the future, neither of us were planning on this so soon. I figured we would have some time to enjoy the relationship and ease into that discussion again at a later date.

  Luke just flew into town this evening and looks exhausted. I consider waiting until tomorrow to tell him. He’s only been here an hour, and he’s already eyeing me suspiciously. I know I can’t wait any longer to tell him.

  We sit down to eat and I pick at my food. “Dinner is good,” I say, attempting to make small talk.

  “You’ve barely touched your fish.” He raises an eyebrow.

  “I’m just not very hungry, but it’s good.”

  He sets down his fork. “I can tell you have something more important to talk about than my grilling skills. By the way you’re acting, I get the feeling it’s not good news. Spit it out already.” He raises his voice just enough to make me wince.

  “I’m pregnant.” I blurt the words out instead of giving the lovely speech I had planned.

  He studies me for a moment, like he didn’t hear me correctly. Then his face pales.

  “Are you sure?” he asks in an unsteady voice.

  This is the reaction I expected, but dreaded. Tears fill my eyes.

  Luke meets my eyes, and his expression changes. He blinks rapidly and shakes off whatever panic he felt. He smiles at me across the table. “Jess, are you sure?” he says, more gently this time.

  I give him a small, tentative smile. “I took a few tests. I should be almost five weeks along. I know we agreed to discuss it. Having a baby this soon wasn’t the plan.”

  “Come here.” He nods to me. I walk over to him, and he pulls me into his lap. “Is this why you’ve been acting weird all week? I thought maybe you were having doubts again. I was gearing up to argue my case. Your announcement caught me off guard, that’s all.” He brushes the hair away from my face and gives me a full smile. “This is fantastic news. I hope you’re happy about this.”

  “I am. I just wasn’t sure you’d be.”

  “I
’m sorry. I was shocked, but I can’t remember ever being happier.” He presses his lips to mine and proceeds to show me just how happy he is.

  It’s only been a week since I told Luke I’m pregnant, but things already feel different. His less-than-ideal initial reaction has been replaced by an enthusiasm I wouldn’t have predicted. He changed his plans and spent the past week in Temecula with me. His excitement has made him even more appealing to me. It was downright sexy when he came home a couple nights ago with a baby name book.

  We’re enjoying this time when we’re the only ones who know. We’re waiting until after my ultrasound next week to tell Amelia, and we decided to wait until Christmas to tell everyone else. Luke asked if we should be nervous to tell Amelia, but I assured him that she will be giddy about her impending big-sister status.

  This morning we ordered some baby onsies with sayings like, “If Mom and Dad say no, call Grandma.” I can’t wait for my mom to open them. She’s going to be thrilled. I asked if we should do something similar for Luke’s dad, but he said it wasn’t necessary. He said he calls him every year on Christmas, so he will tell him then.

  Amelia is with Grant this weekend, so Luke and I are out purchasing last-minute gifts. I told him Amelia didn’t need anything else, but he insisted that he get her a gift specifically from him. He talked me into going all the way to San Diego to a specialty store he found online.

  “The store’s in Rancho Bernardo?” I comment as I glance up from my phone and notice we’re taking a familiar exit. He doesn’t answer, and I resume reading an article about photography that Luke emailed me this morning.

  “Here we are,” Luke says a few minutes later, turning off the car.

  I’m confused when I look up. “Why are we at Rancho Bernardo High School?”

  “A friend of mine from Florida emailed me and asked if I could take a few pictures of the campus. They are considering moving here, and he wanted to better view of a few things.”

  “Okay, I’ll wait in the car.” I return my attention to my phone, and Luke shuts his door.

  I’m startled when he opens mine. “Come with me. It’ll be fun to see the old campus.”