Never Look Back: A Dystopian Novel

by Mortimer, L. C.

  “Paige,” Elizabeth’s wavering voice broke me back to reality. “What do we do?”

  “I’ve got a car,” I said. “In parking lot B, next to the back entrance. If we can get to it, we can get out of here before it gets any worse. I’m sure as hell not sticking around to catch whatever this virus is that’s going around. I don’t care how much people say it’s the flu. It doesn’t sound like the flu. It sounds too bad for that. At the very least, we can spend the week at my mom’s house and then come back once things calm down.”

  “That doesn’t sound very safe, wandering around out there. And besides,” Elizabeth stood and walked over to the window. “You’ve probably already been exposed. We’ve all been exposed. Isn’t the incubation period for the flu a few days anyway? Jacob said he wasn’t feeling well last night when I was there. That’s why I came home early. He sounded okay this morning, though, just a little nauseous.”

  I glanced up at my roommate. She didn’t make it to half of her classes because she was too hung over from parties the night before. How did she know what an incubation period was? More importantly, was she right? Had I already been exposed to the flu virus and was I just a time bomb? Was I doomed to get sick? Was it best to just stay here instead of running away from my problems? Was Elizabeth sick? Come to think of it, she did look a little pale. I tried not to stare at her clammy-looking hands. No sense in making her worry by offering up a comment about her appearance. I wondered if Jacob had given the virus her. I wondered if I was next.

  “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to stay in the city,” I started slowly. Didn’t know was an understatement. At this point, it seemed downright stupid to stay.

  “Paige, look outside. Everyone’s already gone. Everyone’s panicking and trying to leave town. Soon the National Guard is going to be here and then nobody is going to be able to leave.”

  “You’re right.” She was. Time was running out. A quick glance out the window showed just how scared everyone really was. It would only get worse. “We need to leave before nobody gets out.”

  “Paige, come on.”

  “No, you come on, Elizabeth. What the hell is going on? Doesn’t this seem just a little bit crazy to you? All of a sudden the entire world is out of vaccines and the entire world is sick? Doesn’t this just seem a little weird?”

  Elizabeth gasped. “Do you think it’s biological warfare?”

  “Liz! Are you serious? Stop listening to the news and pack a bag!”

  I emptied my backpack of textbooks and replaced notebooks and pens with my food from the store, the soda cans under my bed and the box of crackers I had on the desk.

  “We should wait for help,” Elizabeth’s voice was stronger now. “Help will come for us. The Red Cross, they always come. They’ll be here eventually. We just have to stay healthy until then. We can’t get out on our own.”

  “How is help going to come?” I asked her as I changed from school clothes into a faded pair of jeans, combat boots, and a black long-sleeved shirt. “If the roads are blocked out front, love, no one’s going to be coming or going. And if the National Guard does come in, as you predicted, they sure as hell aren’t going to be bringing you cups of tea and tucking you in with a sweet bedtime story.”

  “That’s not true. Help could find a way in. The government will help us.”

  I pulled my long brown hair into a lazy bun and slipped a hoodie on. I grabbed the mask the old man had given me and slid it into the front pocket of my hoodie. I might need it later.

  “You’re living in a dream world, Sweetie. Help isn’t coming. I could barely get home from the store. There’s no way they’ll be able to calm people down enough to give them food and water and restore electricity. If there’s rioting as bad as you heard on the radio, then the government isn’t going to be helping you. They’re going to be shooting people. The goal isn’t going to be to keep people fed.The goal is going to be containment.”

  “W-What do you mean?” Liz stuttered, suddenly pale.

  “Think about it for two seconds. Everyone has the flu and everyone is panicking. Is this the entire nation, or just Cedar Brook? Is it just Cedar Brook, or all of Kansas? Yesterday CNN was reporting that this was the worst flu season in fifty years, and now all of a sudden we have no electricity for no reason, the entire city has gone crazy, and everyone is dead or dying. I don’t even want to think about what the hospitals probably look like, but I do know this: the first goal is going to be to stop the spread of any virus. Nobody’s going to be able to go out of the city and I can promise you that nobody’s going to be able to come in.”

  I stared at my roommate, watching her soak it all in. Maybe I wasn’t being fair. Maybe I was being overly harsh with her, but at the moment, I didn’t really care. There wasn’t time for that. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in an isolated dormitory building with no food, no electricity, and a city that had gone mad. With a sigh, I turned and looked outside. The sky was still bright and the sun was still shining. I felt like it should have been darker. My heart felt heavy and it seemed weird that it wasn’t raining or storming or pitch-black in the middle of the day or something.

  “I think you’re freaking out,” Elizabeth said finally. “You always do this. You always panic. You’re a stress maniac. You need to just calm down. Have you even seen anybody die? ‘Cause I haven’t.”

  “What about Susie Smith?”

  “What about her?”

  “Liz, she died three days ago.”

  “What!? Nobody told me she died! How did she die?”

  “Liz, she died from the flu. Didn’t you wonder why the front desk hasn’t been staffed?”

  “I just figured she was taking a vacation.”

  With a sigh, I realized I was getting nowhere. Liz had lived in Kansas her whole life, as had I, but our worlds were very different. She had grown up in northern Kansas in one of the most affluent counties in the state. With that had come many privileges I had not been afforded. Both of her parents were lawyers and Elizabeth had never so much as had to have a lemonade stand for pocket money. What she wanted she got. She was going to college simply to get a degree for the sake of having one. If she carried on to law school after college, I would be shocked. It was her parents’ dream, though, so Liz barely scraped by each class just to appease them.

  I didn’t like comparing myself to Liz, but my life was very different than hers.

  I had to work and I had to work hard.

  My parents had given me as much as they could, but a poor farmer and a call center employee don’t make much. I was paying for my tuition primarily out of pocket and I was constantly looking for ways to stretch my money. I wanted to get a college degree so I could do something with my life, so I could get a job where I didn’t have to constantly feel worried or stressed or anxious about money. Granted, I had many of the same dreams my female peers did. After all, what girl didn’t dream about falling in love and having a fantastical wedding? But that wasn’t my main focus. I wanted a job. I wanted a good job and lots of money so I could take care of my parents.

  “I’m going to go get my car,” I told Elizabeth. “You can come or not. I won’t make you, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay. If we go now, we might be able to make it out one of the access roads on campus. Behind the library it’s all cornfields anyway. You can come with me, or you can hold out here, but make a decision and make it fast.” It was mean, I knew. It was harsh and it was cold. Liz’s eyes were wide as she soaked in what I had said. The words I had thrown at her weren’t gentle or painted over. They were raw and she hated it.

  I grabbed my bug-out-bag and slipped it onto my back. I grabbed the other backpack, the one with my food, and held it tightly for a moment as I gave my roommate a pleading look.

  “Get real, Liz. This place isn’t secure. Think of all the glass doors on the first floor. Someone who gets desperate enough looking for food or a place to hide isn’t going to have a hard time getting in here, and I’m pretty sure th
e gamers on the 2nd floor aren’t going to share their Doritos with you when you run out of Wheat Thins.What’s it going to be, Liz?”

  Elizabeth looked up at me. “Don’t go, please. You shouldn’t. It’s crazy out there. It’s better to be in here, to be safe.”

  I smiled at her. “Too close to the city for my own liking, kid.” I told her. “You know I’m a country girl at heart, anyway.” I hugged her awkwardly, as my bags made it difficult to move correctly, and I headed to the door.

  “Lock up when I leave.” I told her. “No matter what you hear, don’t let anyone in.”

  She nodded. I went into the hallway and closed the door behind me. I waited until I heard her lock the doors and move the heavy dresser back in place before I left. It was time to get the hell out of here.

  Chapter 3

  I made a quick detour on the second floor to room 213. If I was leaving town, it would probably be polite to stop and see if Nick and the Poggins want to come along with me. After all, there was plenty of room for the four of them in my car and to be fair, they were nice guys. They were usually high on sugar and the rush of winning a state-wide Halo tournament, but they were nice.

  It was challenging, in college, to find guy friends who weren’t constantly trying to sleep with you, but Nick and his friends were different. Maybe it’s because they spent so much time at church or maybe it’s just because they were gamers, but it was actually possible to have conversations with them about interesting and meaningful things. Not everything was about drinking, partying, and girls with them. Sometimes they just wanted to talk and it was nice.

  They were nice.

  When I pushed open the door from the stairwell to the second floor hallway, I was met with the sound of silence. I had never been in the dorms when it was so eerily quiet, and I didn’t like it much. I was used to the sounds of laughter, dancing, movies, conversations, and complaints. Sometimes there would even be the sound of someone getting lucky, but that didn’t happen as often as you might think. Not on the gamer floor. My shoes sounded like cannons as I made my way down the silent hall. Room 213 couldn’t come soon enough. When I reached it, however, I was met with something even stranger than silence in the hallway: silence at the door.

  On most days, Nick’s music could be heard from the lobby of the dorms. Nobody complained and nobody told on him because everyone loved it. And besides, Nick was a really fun guy. If you ever needed advice about anything, a lift to class, or help with your Psychology homework, Nick was your guy. He was always around and always ready to lend a hand, so why the silence now?

  I lifted an outstretched hand to knock on the door before I noticed it was already ajar. I dropped my backpacks onto the floor and softly pushed the door open.

  “Hello?” I called out into the room. “Nick? Poggins? Anyone here?”

  The dorm windows were wide open, so the room wasn’t completely dark. A bird chirped outside and I was reminded that it was still bright outside and that the world was continuing on. Somehow after the morning I’d had, it didn’t seem possible. With so much chaos unfolding, should it really be sunny and bright out?

  I entered the room timidly at first. The last thing I needed to see was a naked sophomore basking in the glory of having the dorms entirely to himself, but it seemed that no one was there. I guess they had left after all. Maybe they had gone to class. After all, midterms were coming up and surely not all of today’s afternoon classes had been canceled. Then again, maybe with the power outages, they had. I didn’t know.

  I wondered, for a moment, if I should go back and let Elizabeth know that she was going to be completely alone in the dorms, but I didn’t think it would really change her mind. Being alone when she “knew” help was coming didn’t bother her the way it would most people. Maybe it was because she spent so much time living in the city that having some time and space to herself was actually a relief. Maybe she was just really clueless. Maybe though, she was simply too scared to leave because it meant admitting that something was seriously wrong with the world.

  I stood next to the window and took a deep breath. The fresh air felt nice and I glanced outside at the quiet street. Was I crazy for leaving? Maybe this was all just a big mistake. Everything seemed too normal outside. When you heard about biological warfare or chemical weapons or plagues, you always imagined something big, something powerful and obvious. This didn’t feel that way. Although less than an hour ago I had been clawing my way through crowds of people, the world now felt quiet, almost peaceful.

  With a sigh, I realized how silly I was being. I should probably just go back upstairs. After all, where was I going to go? My parents lived an hour away and while I could certainly attempt the drive, if everyone else was leaving town on the highways it probably wouldn’t be safe or efficient to take the main roads. I could take back roads, but it would double my driving time. Add in rain or a freak Kansas thunderstorm and it could take me forever to get back. Did I really want to brave that during a viral outbreak? Then again, did I really want to sit around with Liz during one?

  As I turned to leave, a shrill scream cut into the silence. I ran back to the window and peered out, keeping my body low so no one could see me. Who was outside? What was going on? There were people mulling about now. I heard their footsteps and loud voices before I saw them. Sneaking a peak out of the windows, I saw them.A cluster of young girls in tank tops and pajama pants stood in the street between the dormitory buildings. I recognized the group as girls from the next dorm over.The window was open and they were talking loudly enough that I could hear them, loudly enough that I could catch every word. Somehow, though, I wished that I couldn’t.

  “-didn’t even think to tell me!”

  “What would she have said? ‘I’m sorry I’m sick and I’m going to go die now’?”

  “Well, it wouldn’t have hurt!”

  “I didn’t even know she was sick.”

  “She got the vaccine yesterday and then today she was complaining that her stomach hurt. It must have hit really fast because I was only gone for two classes and when I came back…there she was.”

  “Dead?”

  “Dead.”

  “Did you call 9-1-1”

  “Yeah, but there’s a back log so they aren’t picking up any bodies. They took the address and they’ll send someone when they can.”

  “So she’s just…sitting up there?”

  “Yeah. She’s just sitting up there.”

  I gasped involuntarily and felt sick to my stomach.

  A dead body?

  In one of the dorms?

  How was that safe?

  An infectious body was just sitting in one of the dorm rooms and nobody was doing anything about it. I wasn’t an expert student by any means, but I was intelligent enough to know that dead bodies were just as contagious as live bodies and that just because that roommate was dead didn’t mean she couldn’t infect those girls with the flu. Furthermore, couldn’t dead bodies bring other diseases and other problems? What if it was days before the authorities could come retrieve the body? Wouldn’t there be bugs? Rats, even? I shuddered at the thought.

  I turned to leave. It was time to get out of here. As I made my way to the door, though, stepping gingerly over piles of dirty laundry, I noticed something strange. On top of the desk was Nick’s Switch. Why would he leave his favorite console out? I wasn’t much of a gamer myself, but I knew Nick well enough to know that he would never leave his game if he went to class, and he certainly wouldn’t leave it turned on. While Nick wasn’t the type of guy to show up to class early, he was the type of guy to avoid missing out on gaming. If the professor was going to be five minutes late to class, that was five minutes he’d spend leveling up a character or defeating a boss. So why leave his handheld today of all days? And if he had evacuated, he wouldn’t have left the Switch. I glanced at the beds again in the room. There were definitely no sleeping boys in here, not today.

  I pushed the button to shut off the Switch. Nick could
thank me later for saving his batteries for him. A squishy sound caught my attention as I placed the Switch back on the desk. Glancing down, I saw that I had definitely stepped in a puddle of Code Red. Seriously? Who doesn’t clean up a spilled soda? Annoyed, I grabbed the door to Nick’s bathroom and yanked it open, but before I could step inside I was overwhelmed with the aroma of bile and vomit.

  “What in the-“ but I stopped when I saw Nick’s body on the floor next to the toilet. Surrounded by piles of his own puke, his lifeless body lay silently on the cold tile floor. His brilliantly blue eyes were now clouded over and his hands were a dark grey. How long had he been dead for? Had this just happened? Had it been a day or two?

  I’d seen a dead body before, but never in a “real life” setting. Only at funerals. In the movies you always see the main character check for a pulse, but I didn’t. Nick was obviously dead. There was no coming back from where he’d gone. I covered my mouth to keep from throwing up. I should have covered my eyes instead to keep from crying, but that couldn’t be helped now. The tears flowed freely as I stared at him. Nick was gone.

  The door on the other side of the toilet, the one that lead into the adjacent dorm room, was slightly ajar. I didn’t want to get vomit on my boots, so I steadied myself with one hand on the sink and leaned over Nick’s body to push the door open with my other hand. The door slid open and I could see Nick’s band mates had found similar fates. There were bodies on the floor, all surrounded by vomit. No wonder they hadn’t answered the door. No wonder they hadn’t shut off their games.

  I took a deep breath and backed up into Nick’s room. I closed the bathroom door tightly. I had to get out of there. They were contagious. I hurried back into the hallway and stopped to take a few deep breaths. Nick was dead. Nick and the Poggins were dead. They were dead and nobody had noticed because everyone else was dying, too. It hadn’t taken long. It seemed like it never did. How long did you really have symptoms before you just croaked? You just threw up and you died. And that was it. No mess, no fuss. No long, drawn-out cancer treatments. No lengthy farewells. Just a sneeze, pretty much, and you were dead. This wasn’t the flu. No fucking way.