1 Pretty, Hip & Dead

by Madison Johns

  “You’re sure lucky to find a man so willing to overlook your situation,” Eleanor said wistfully. “I had more the double-timing husband.”

  “Sorry to hear that. I had no idea that sort of thing happened in the olden days.”

  Eleanor leaned forward. “Cheating has gone on since the beginning of time. Are you completely confident that your husband is on the up and up?”

  “Eleanor,” Agnes spat.

  Kimberly waved a hand and said, “I can’t blame her for asking. I’m positive my husband has been true, but it’s the time spent with Clare the night before we married that bothers me.”

  “Men,” El spat. “I can’t imagine it meant anything, though. He did marry you, after all.”

  “We’ll get the skinny about that. Don’t worry, Kimberly,” Agnes said. “As for now, just relax and quit worrying. We’ll check into a motel somewhere and catch up later.”

  “You can stay here,” Kimberly insisted.

  Agnes laughed nervously as she gazed at the steep steps that led to the second floor. “You’re husband offered, but there is no way El and I could tackle those stairs.”

  “It’s too dangerous,” El added with a shudder.

  “That settles it,” Mrs. Barry said with a clap of her hands. “You can stay with me. I have a ranch style house that’s all one floor.”

  Agnes shook her head as did El. “We’d hate to put you out,” they chimed.

  “Nonsense.” She motioned for Agnes and Eleanor to follow, which they did, dragging their feet all the way to the door.

  Chapter Seven

  The trip to Mrs. Barry’s house was a short one and when she pulled into her concrete drive, she misjudged the radius to turn, taking out her mailbox. It flew into the air and landed in the middle of the yard. Instead of getting in an uproar about it, she simply retrieved it and set it back on its post that still stood where it was, just a tad bit lopsided now.

  Agnes had to laugh. “And here I thought Eleanor was a bad driver.”

  “I do that about every time,” Mrs. Barry chuckled. “My depth perception is way off these days.”

  “As is mine,” Agnes acknowledged.

  Agnes and Eleanor followed Mrs. Barry into the house and stood face-to-face with a wiry-haired pooch, its eyes unmoving, a snarl on his face.

  “Oh, I had a taxidermist fix up my dog when he died.”

  “You mean this was once your real dog?” El asked with wide eyes.

  “Yes. I know many people think it’s strange, but I loved that damn dog so much.” She dabbed a tissue at her eyes that she had pulled from her cleavage.

  Agnes patted Mrs. Barry’s shoulder. “Not to worry, stranger things have been done.”

  “Really?” El asked with a sidelong look. “Like what?”

  “Be nice,” Agnes said between gritted teeth.

  Mrs. Barry either had ignored them or didn’t bother to answer, since she continued into the next room and down a long hallway. She opened the first door and said, “Agnes, this is a good room for you. I hope you don’t mind dolls.”

  There was a bed along one wall with dressers filled to the max with dolls. Agnes swallowed hard. “They sure have beady eyes, don’t they?”

  Eleanor laughed it off. “Yes, they sure do.” Then she leaned over to Agnes and whispered, “I’m so glad I’m not sleeping in here.”

  Agnes set her bags down and followed Eleanor back up the hall, where she was shown her room; this one had deer heads mounted on wooden plaques. “Wow, Eleanor. This room is just your style. She loves animals,” Agnes informed Mrs. Barry, who smiled.

  “Usually more when they’re alive,” El said. She dropped her bags and sat on the bed, bouncing a bit. “I sure love the feel of this bed. I’m so exhausted after the long drive to Redwater.”

  Mrs. Barry nodded. “Oh, I know. Take a nap. Dinner is at six.” She left the room and Agnes gave the animal heads another look. “I’m not sure which of us got more of a screw job. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she did this on purpose.”

  El smiled. “I can’t imagine anyone stuffing their own dog, can you?”

  “Hopefully the poor thing was actually dead at the time, but she’s been awfully nice to us.”

  “Am I the only one that is surprised by that?”

  “Remember back in East Tawas? Kimberly said she wasn’t all that bad. Now is our chance to find out first-hand how Mrs. Barry really is. Who knows, maybe we’ll become fast friends.”

  ***

  A couple of hours later, Agnes and Eleanor were in the formal dining room, sitting opposite Mrs. Barry, who was quite shnockered by now.

  “I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I ordered a pizza,” Mrs. Barry said. She tossed paper plates holding slices of pepperoni pan pizza to each of them.

  Agnes and Eleanor ate in silence until Mrs. Barry’s head dropped to the table and Agnes helped her to the couch. “Poor dear. She really should go easy on the sauce.”

  “What now?”

  “We’ll just borrow her car and she’ll be none the wiser.”

  Agnes found Mrs. Barry’s car keys hanging on a hook in the kitchen. Within minutes, Agnes and Eleanor were out the door and climbing into Barry’s blue Impala, backing out of the driveway and heading into town.

  Eleanor pointed out a tavern. “That looks like a great place for a drink.”

  “I don’t think we need to drink, Eleanor.”

  “No? Well, it can’t hurt to mingle with the natives.”

  “True.” Agnes parked the car outside Peyton’s Pub.

  The two women made their way inside and it was quite crowded with both the younger and older crowd. Agnes sat on a barstool and Eleanor perched next to her. The bartender approached, tugging on the suspenders he wore to hold up his jeans. “Are you two new in town?”

  “Yes,” Agnes said. “We’re vacationing here in town with family. I think you might know her, Kimberly Steele.”

  His eyes widened. “I’m so sorry about her troubles. Word has it that she got herself mixed up in a murder investigation.”

  “Do tell.”

  “Clare Barnett sure made her life hell, but I just don’t see Kimberly doing the deed.”

  “Oh, why is that?” El asked.

  “Well, she’s pretty pregnant for one. Plus, Clare sure had her way about town, if you know what I mean.”

  Agnes picked up her head and sat a little straighter. “Oh, did she? Please explain yourself.”

  “She had plenty of fellas falling all over her.”

  Agnes took a notebook and pencil from her purse.

  “Whoa, what have you got there?” The bartender looked at her curiously.

  “I planned to jot down a few notes. I’m dead set on clearing Kimberly’s name.”

  Agnes turned to the bartender. “If you could kindly tell me the names of the men that were flocking around Clare, it might help.”

  “Oh what the hell, but you never heard me tell you.” He winked. “Earl Sams, Bryan Donner, and Richard Dailey were all quite eager, if you know what I mean.”

  “No. I’m not sure I do.”

  “Agnes, he means they tried to pick her up.”

  The bartender leaned across the bar. “Yes, but who could blame them, really. Clare was a beautiful woman, and the clothes she wore,” he whistled. “Let’s just say most women in Redwater don’t dress nearly as provocatively. Not that I’m saying the woman deserved to be bothered, or … murdered.”

  Agnes jotted down the names and thanked the bartender, who whirled away to pour a pitcher of beer for a man on the other end of the bar.

  The door slammed open and a very pregnant Kimberly strode into the room, a hand against her bulging belly covered in a pink dress.

  “Oh, thank God, I finally found you two.” She clacked forward in her sky-high heels.

  Agnes glanced at Kimberly’s footwear with a raised brow. “Isn’t it kinda late for you to be out and about, Kimberly?”

  Kimberly pouted a bit. “I
hope you didn’t think I was planning to stay at home while you two did all the dirty work, did you?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it really, but it’s good to be proactive. I’m just not sure you’re up to it, that’s all.”

  “You sound just like my husband. If it were up to him, I’d be cooling my heels at home.”

  “Oh, and where is Mr. Preston tonight?”

  “He left a little while ago. He had to drive to Detroit Metro airport to pick up Clare’s father, Vincent Barnett.”

  Agnes exchanged a look with Eleanor. “Why on earth would he pick up Clare’s father from the airport?” Agnes demanded. “He’s supposed to be on your side.”

  “Oh, he is. I mean, I think he is. You see, the thing is that I just don’t know my husband’s exact involvement with Clare’s father. All I know is that Jeremy used to be an entertainment lawyer in Hollywood before he moved to Redwater.”

  “So why the sudden switch? It sure seems strange that the man moved to the middle of nowhere, no offense meant.”

  “None taken,” Kimberly said and smiled. “He said he wanted a change and Redwater sure is that. You don’t think Jeremy is hiding something from me, do you, Agnes?”

  “Not for me to say, dear, but it just sounds strange to me that he’s that friendly with Clare’s father when his own wife is on the suspect list.”

  Kimberly’s brows gathered. “I just don’t know what to think, another reason I’m glad you and Eleanor are here to sort things out. Otherwise, I daresay what might happen. Deputy Danworth isn’t exactly on my side. I ran over his dog once.”

  Eleanor chuckled. “I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.”

  “Of course not! My dog, Weenie, was almost out the window. I swerved when I pulled him back and then … thump, I struck the deputy’s own dog. He survived, but got a broken leg out of the deal. I feel so bad, but that Deputy Danworth isn’t the forgiving type. Do you know he tried to ticket me for letting my dog, Weenie, on the beach?”

  “You don’t say,” Eleanor said with a giggle. “I remember Mrs. Barry telling us that this was an offense here in Redwater.”

  “Yes, but it wasn’t my fault entirely. Weenie just got away from me. I hate when he does that. I swear that for a weenie dog, he sure runs fast.”

  “Aww, he’s so cute, though,” El said as she dabbed at her eyes with a cocktail napkin. “I sure miss my dog. I named him Mr. Tinkles on account of the fact that he like to tinkle on people he didn’t know.”

  Agnes’s face paled a bit. “Please, don’t remind me.”

  The trio shared a good laugh until Kimberly’s lips turned down into a frown. “How on earth do you plan to proceed?”

  Agnes folded her hands in her lap and said, “Well, we received a few leads about men who tried to pick up Clare in this bar. Hopefully one of them pans out, but seriously, that’s not much of a lead at all. From what I hear, Clare was a beautiful woman, and what woman wouldn’t be bothered in a bar such as this?”

  “Did you get any names?”

  “Yes. Richard Dailey, Earl Sams, and Bryan Donner. Do you know them?”

  Kimberly widened her eyes. “Oh, yes. Richard Dailey works at Pete’s Garage in town. I don’t know him personally, but I know he drinks quite a bit. His girlfriend just broke up with him not long ago. He has a drinking problem and he was recently in the Redwater jail for ninety days for drinking and driving.”

  Agnes jotted that down. “Thanks. Please continue.”

  “Earl Sams is a part-time handyman. He works about every odd job he can get. He lives with his sister, Mary. She’s divorced with three kids. For years he’s been helping her out with the kids while Mary goes to work at the courthouse. She’s a paralegal for Attorney Janice Wallace.”

  “You mean this small town has two attorneys?”

  “She does mostly family law, divorces, and child custody cases. Whereas Jeremy handles probate cases and civil suits, but since Mrs. Barry has changed her ways, there are fewer of late.”

  Eleanor snickered. “Probably to help her son out with his election as sheriff here in town.”

  “I was very surprised when he tried to run for sheriff in Iosco County. At the crime scene he was very kind to me, but he sure retrieved my clothing the next morning.”

  “Standard policy, I’m sure. Just be glad they are doing the investigation first before arresting you off the bat. He could have detained you for twenty-four hours if he had wanted.”

  Kimberly signaled a waitress and requested water. When it arrived, she took a sip and said, “How right you are. Anyone else of interest?”

  “Bryan Donner is the last name.”

  Kimberly smiled widely. “I’m surprised Clare wasn’t swayed by him.”

  “Why is that?”

  “He’s tall, dark and dreamy. He’s also the type of guy who knows how to talk to a woman, a real smooth talker.”

  “What does this Bryan do for a living?”

  “He works construction and you sure can tell that he’s buff.”

  “You almost seem smitten yourself, Kimberly,” Eleanor said. “Is he an old boyfriend?”

  Kimberly shook her head. “Oh, no. I was never the bar type, and he’s always here.”

  Agnes closed her notebook. “You’ve sure been helpful. We’ll check out these leads first thing tomorrow—if Mrs. Barry lets us use her car, that is.”

  Kimberly leaned back and massaged her belly. “Well, she did tonight, didn’t she?”

  Agnes smiled. “Actually, we kind of borrowed it after she passed out. I’ve never known a woman her age to drink so.”

  “She’s always been like that, I’m afraid, but she’s a happy drunk.”

  Two deputies entered the bar and made their way to the table.

  “Hello, Kimberly,” one of the deputies acknowledged her. “Do you happen to know who took Mrs. Barry’s Impala without her permission?”

  Agnes swallowed hard. “I guess that would be me, but honestly, we didn’t mean any harm. I didn’t think she’d even miss it. We’ll return it right away.”

  The deputy shuffled his feet. “That might be wise.”

  Agnes and Eleanor got up and hugged Kimberly. They then made way for the parking lot, making sure Kimberly was well on her way home.

  Agnes and Eleanor went back to Mrs. Barry’s house where she was waiting at the door, her mouth tight. “Sorry,” Agnes apologized. “We just wanted to check Redwater out.”

  Mrs. Barry’s eyes were narrowed to bloodshot slits. “Next time, ask.”

  Agnes handed the woman the keys and they went into the living room and sunk into the leather sofa.

  “I hope you found out something juicy while you were out. Did you?” Mrs. Barry asked.

  “Actually, just a few clues. Clare was a regular at the bar scene.”

  “She sure was, but who could blame the woman, since Jeremy married Kimberly. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not defending the woman. I just know she had her sights set on Jeremy, but once he was married, she was off kilter.”

  “From what I’ve heard, she continued to give Kimberly quite the time.”

  “Yes, I suppose she did, but Kimberly never had anything to worry about. Jeremy was committed to her.”

  Eleanor spat out, “You make it sound like it was Kimberly’s fault.”

  Mrs. Barry shook her head. “Not at all. I just don’t understand why she ever went to where Clare was staying, that’s all. It wasn’t a wise decision.”

  Agnes toyed with the fabric of her pants. “Kimberly never went there to cause problems. She’s a sweet girl and I don’t blame her. Clare and Kimberly had to work together, and if anything, Clare just refused to do that.”

  “If anyone is to blame, it’s Corrine. She, more than anyone, should have known that putting those two women together was like mixing oil and vinegar,” Eleanor added.

  Mrs. Barry raised her hands defensively. “I’m not faulting the girl, it’s just that this case has gotten so confusing. Who on earth besides Kim
berly had a problem with Clare Barnett?”

  “That’s what El and I plan to find out. We need the use of a car while we’re in town. Can you take us down to somewhere we can rent a car tomorrow, Mrs. Barry?”

  “Don’t bother. You have full use of my Impala. I’m sorry I called the cops like I did, but when I woke up and you two were missing, along with my car, I just didn’t know what to think. If I need to go anywhere tomorrow, I’ll ask the bird sisters.”

  “The who?” El asked.

  “Mrs. Peacock and Mrs. Canary, remember?”

  Agnes smoothed a stray lock behind her ear. “You mean the women with that loud, angry bird?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Peacock has a Macaw. He sure has some colorful language for a bird.”

  “I recall. How on earth did that bird ever learn to talk like that?”

  Mrs. Barry chuckled. “I’m afraid I’ll take the rap there, but I often wonder what Mrs. Peacock watches on television.”

  “I can imagine a bird like that picks up everything that’s being said around him. How did you come to know Kimberly Steele?”

  “She worked for Jeremy Preston and I hired him on occasion.”

  “Oh, I believe I heard a few stories about that.”

  “I have changed my ways, or have tried to, but it’s not entirely my fault. Is it wrong to want your neighbors to keep their places clean?”

  “I guess that depends on your interpretation of clean.”

  “I just want my neighbors to mow their lawns regularly and keep their trash can out of sight. I live in a subdivision, as you can see.”

  “I know, but you just can’t dictate to your neighbors—unless they are violating some kind of ordinance, that is.”

  “They are, they’re violating the ‘Mrs. Barry’s code of conduct.’ I know folks in town see me as a busy body, but they’ll figure it out when they are my age. I don’t have anything else to do but sit on my porch and watch my neighbors.”

  “Have you ever thought about taking up a hobby, like volunteering for a community center?”

  “I suppose you’re right, Agnes, but until Kimberly is in the clear, I need to keep to my home. It unsettles me to think of a murder right here in Redwater. I’m just so glad you girls are here to help Kimberly sort it all out.”