The Darkness in Me

by Diane Nortje

  At least Dax talks to me about things, and actually speaks to me like I’m a person, not like the other guys that I have surrounding me, who are either lacking in their social skills or they just don’t give a shit. But Dax is funny and down to earth but I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole. I’m sure one night he has at least three different shades of lipstick on his neck, I didn’t bother to ask, but he saw I was staring, and he just grinned at me.

  He has come over to the house every night since Jacin hasn’t bothered to come home, I haven’t asked him about it, and he hasn’t offered an explanation either. We end up watching some movie that’s on or he just sits and talks with me, it’s nice. Makes me feel like I’m less a prisoner and more of a guest in the house.

  Weyland popped up yesterday, like he normally does. He came to check on things, he must have forgotten to change his clothes, as his sleeves were covered in blood. When he noticed I was staring at them, he told me it has been a long week. I knew then it was best not to ask about Jacin. So, I just nodded and left.

  I spoke with Faith again after I couldn’t find anything in my mom’s calendar about the covens meetings. And bless Faiths heart, she is the most understanding friend out there. She is not even worried that I had to take more time off. Even with Jacin not being around, I’m sure he would have noticed me gone from his house.

  I asked Faith how the coven was doing, since I left and the fog that came never changed the fact that I left. And since Faith has no clue what I’m up to, so she let it spill that tomorrow night they are having a meeting and that all coven members must attend. I can only hope that the meeting is being held nowhere near the library, but I couldn’t ask Faith that, or she would definitely start asking me some questions.

  It’s the strangest feeling. I was never welcomed in the coven and that itself was odd, my mother never said anything about it and tried to ignore it, but I felt it. I was never sad about the fact they didn’t fight me on staying, they were more than happy to see me gone. So, when I left, I left everything behind in search of what could make me happy, and I did find it in a way. Friends, work and adventure, that’s what my life became instead of being stuck here.

  I see Tray sitting in the front room where I first met all the men. He is busy concentrating on his phone, frowning every so often. I don’t want to disturb him, but I kind of need to talk to him about the library and that tomorrow would be the best day for it.

  “Hey.” I say to him while entering the room.

  Tray looks up from his phone to watch me enter the room. He doesn’t bother to return the greeting, most of the men never do. I think sometimes they have no idea how to have a conversation with someone that doesn’t work for Jacin. At first, I thought they were all just extremely rude, but after watching them over the last week, they are different, they do things differently, and I haven’t seen any woman around the house either.

  “I found out from my friend that the coven is having a meeting that everyone must attend, so I was thinking that tomorrow night during the meeting will be the best time to attempt to get into the library.” I say to him awkwardly. These men never put me at ease.

  “Your friend? Which one is that? The one that you own the shop with or the one that brought the box here.” He asks me.

  God does everyone know about Ariana. I guess how beautiful she is got around, but I didn’t think Jacin was the kiss and tell kind of man.

  “Faith, I haven’t heard from Ariana since last week.” I say to him in a matter of fact way.

  “Well let’s just keep it like that then.” Tray says to me and looks back down at his phone. I don’t even want to know what he meant by that.

  “So, I was wondering if you guys are free tomorrow night to help me out.” I ask him.

  “Well now that could be a bit difficult. Jacin wants us all at his club, Inferno, tomorrow.” Tray says to me. My hopes are dashed right there. I will just have come up with another way to get up to the window.

  “Oh, okay then, well I will just have to come up with another idea then. Tomorrow night is the only night I feel comfortable doing this.” I say to Tray. “I wonder if there is a spell to glamour a ladder, I’m sure I could find one somewhere.” I mumble more to myself than to Tray.

  Tray just sits there, looking at me. Don’t these men know how annoying that is, just say something.

  “What?” I ask him

  “You will be coming with us, we will just have to wait for a gap and try leave before Jacin notices, and he will definitely notice us gone.” Tray says to me while thinking about how that could possibly work.

  “Why would I be going with?” I ask him, not wanting to get my hopes up, so hopefully I pulled off the question as casually as I could.

  “Why wouldn’t you be going with.” Tray asks me.

  “Why would Jacin want me there.” I ask him with a bit more bite.

  “Why wouldn’t he want you there.” Tray says back to me.

  Okay this is getting annoying. Seriously now, can’t he just answer one of my questions, they are not difficult ones to answer.

  “Stop that and answer my questions.” I bite out to him.

  “Because he said so.” He bites back at me. “Does that help you?” He asks me with a cocky smirk on his face.

  “But why?” I ask him yet again.

  “You don’t ask Jacin why, you just do as you are told.” Tray says. “And it’s a Halloween dress up party, so if you need something, better let us know.”

  I honestly don’t see Jacin and them dressing up for Halloween. What would they go as? Maybe I should go as Red Riding Hood and see if they catch on to my joke.

  “What are you going as?” I ask Tray.

  “I don’t dress up.” He replies to me. What a boring bug.

  “And Jacin?”

  “Really?” He asks me.

  I just nod, I knew it was a stupid question to ask, but I asked it anyway. “Okay then, I will let you know if I decide to dress up.” I start to walk away but Tray stops me before I can do so.

  “Natalie, the threat to your life is not gone, I know you may think it is because those creatures took care of it, but it’s not, it most likely never will be.”

  “Why? Because of this prophecy?” I ask him.

  “That’s is not for me to say, you will have to speak to Jacin about it.”

  “Oh please, because that man is so forthcoming with information.” I grumble out.

  “It’s still not my place, so in saying that, you are on a short leash for now, until we know more.”

  “Okay whatever then, I’m going to pack the bag with what we will need and then get some sleep.” I say to him while turning back to walk out of the room. He doesn’t bother to answer me; the men never do. Annoying.

  ~ ~ ~

  After packing what I thought we needed to get into the library, I throw the bag next to the door. I turn to look at the clock, the bright red light shows it’s just after midnight. With packing and going over the plans again and again to make sure I have it in my head, I’m exhausted and just need to sleep.

  I go to the bathroom, have a quick shower, brush my hair out and then brush my teeth. I couldn’t help but remember when Jacin came into the bathroom to get me to turn off the music, I couldn’t help but remember the way he looked at me, the hunger in his eyes as he looked over my body. I didn’t even bother to cover myself up, I wanted him to see. I still want him. But that hungry look he gave Ariana as well, that’s enough to remind me that I don’t need him, and I shouldn’t want him.

  That should have been the end of my thoughts of Jacin, I should have made my mind not drift towards him anymore. But I just wanted to know where the hell he has been? Was he avoiding me? Has he learnt anything else about the prophecy? Does it still affect me? So many damn questions and they will keep going unanswered until I see him again.

  I make my way back to my bed, and I hope sleep comes easy to me. While I have been staying here, I’ve been able to sleep through, no nigh
tmares. Maybe that’s because my nightmare was supposed to be down the hall the whole time. He hasn’t been and it’s only a matter of time before I’m haunted again.

  Thankfully, sleep does come easy to me, it must have, because I sure hope I’m not sleep walking around parts of the house I have yet to explore. It’s cold, it’s always so cold in my dreams, so I know where I am, definitely not in the house. The darkness surrounds me, always dark, always cold. I hear the dripping of the water that puddles over the floor. Why do I keep coming here, what am I supposed to see? Jacin ripping more hearts from people? Haven’t I seen enough?

  I make my way down the passage way, the darkness that surrounds me is comforting, it’s like I know where I’m going, even though I can’t see. I have walked this path too many times not to know where I’m going. The only difference this time, there is no cheering, its quiet. Only the sound of my footfalls and the dripping of the water into the puddles can be heard.

  Once I’m out of the passage way, the darkness lifts, but that doesn’t help me. I don’t know which way to go, I’m obviously here to see something, but normally I would just follow the cheering I could hear in the distance, but now, it’s just quiet. The passage way leads me to a room with many doorways to other sections of wherever the hell I am. I have never seen this place like this. Normally I follow the sounds and the darkness never lifts, but now it has.

  The place is made up of stone walls, with water trickling down them, water is pooling on the hard concert floor, where steam is rising off the floor. I never noticed the steam before, how could it be so cold, but the floor has steam coming from it where the water hits it? I look up towards the ceiling, but either there isn’t one or it’s so high up that I can’t see through the darkness that surrounds it.

  I make a move towards the first doorway, I need to keep moving, I’m not sure if this is a dream, and even if it is, I still don’t want to meet any of those men I saw in my last dream walk. The one when Jacin was surrounded by all of them.

  I hear nothing coming from the first doorway, so I continue onto the next one, and again I hear nothing. I’m not sure what I’m waiting to hear, what sign I’m waiting to pop up in front of me. But I keep moving down the doorways until I hear something.

  By the time I get to the fifth door way, I hear a soft moan coming from somewhere through the doorway. I stop to listen. The moan comes again, with muffled voices. One sounds like a woman and the other I can’t quite hear, but there is that moan again. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, what if it’s those men again that were surrounding Jacin the last time I was here, but what if it isn’t and I’m just a sitting duck in this room.

  I decide to make my way through the doorway. I walk for what could be five minutes until I come to the end of the passage way, the voices are getting clearer, and so is the moaning, which is getting louder. I can now make out Jacin’s voice, but I can’t place the woman’s voice he is talking to. He sounds angry, very angry, this cant end well for whoever is in that room with him.

  I flatten myself against the wall, take a deep breath in and look inside, I just hope no one sees me. I take in the room that I know Jacin is in. In the center of the room, I see Jacin standing there, his shirt sleeves have been rolled up, which are once again displaying his tattoos that cover both his arms. I’ve never seen them up close, my hand twitches to just run my fingers over them. Would he even let me if I had the chance to be close enough to do that?

  My thoughts are disturbed by a woman in the room with Jacin. Her back is facing him, but from what I can see, she is tall, with long blonde hair that is falling down her back. I can’t help myself from the jealousy that pierces through my shield I was hoping would stay up when I saw Jacin again. She is not even near him and I already don’t like her.

  Another movement catches my attention, I see Weyland is leaning up against the far wall, his sleeves have also been rolled up, and he too has tattoos running the lengths of his arms, but my hand doesn’t twitch like it did when it saw Jacin’s tattoos. Weyland looks as if this whole thing is boring him to death, but when I look to Jacin again, he looks pissed. The woman finally turns around, and I’m sure all the colour leaves my face. What the fuck is this place?

  ~Jacin~

  Even with my father’s death, I can’t escape my father’s fuck ups, and the woman standing in front of me is one of them. She is a constant thorn in my side. She thinks because my father amused himself with her that she could get away with whatever she wanted, she thought fucking wrong and so did her son. My half-brother, but there is no love lost between us, I can’t fucking stand him, and the feeling is mutual, even as kids, up until I ripped that fuckers head from his shoulders. Now that I’m in control, they couldn’t stand it, now they must pay. And they will.

  “Have you forgotten who the hell I am?” Astrid asks me, with too much fucking bitch in her tone. No, but she clearly has forgotten who I am.

  “No, how could I forget my father’s whore? But clearly you have forgotten who you are speaking too.” I say to with warning, I will not think twice about removing her heart.

  Weyland is standing off to the other side of the room. I can tell he is already bored with this woman’s bitching, I don’t blame him, but I can’t just end her life because she is annoying me. I granted her visitation with her son, because she was my father mistress, but that’s all the special treatment she will get.

  “You cannot think too keep him locked away like this Jacin, he had just as much right as you had to the throne.”

  “I have every fucking right Astrid. I inherited him, not Dax and certainly not Silas. So why are you here again? To tell me how it was supposed to be Silas? If it was, he would have inherited him, not me.”

  “You don’t belong in charge Jacin, the pit, is a monstrous thing, and yet you enjoy it. I’ve seen you there Jacin.”

  “They challenge me, and if they win, they get their pass, which is a fuck more than they would have got from him.”

  “Silas has paid his dues Jacin, please just release him.”

  “No.”

  I watch as she looks to her son again, who is curled in his own misery of pain. He doesn’t even know she is here, he cannot sense anything else but the pain he lives in. Nasty business, but it had to be done. He was fucking shit up so bad that even he couldn’t clean it up after it happened. So, this is his punishment, I honestly think I was kind to him. I’m never kind. So, he should be fucking lucky I just didn’t end him.

  “I heard talk down here Jacin, your reign is coming to an end.” Astrid says to me while pulling her attention away from her son.

  “Is that so? Well if I was you, I wouldn’t listen to rumors.”

  “You have a weakness. They won’t fight for you once everyone knows Jacin.”

  “And what do you know of my weakness.”

  “That she is very beautiful.”

  I didn’t even feel myself move. It was out of instinct. I thought I had more control now when it came to Natalie. I was wrong, and I know I shouldn’t have shown a reaction to her. It’s what she wanted after all, but I had my hand wrapped around Astrid’s neck before I could stop myself.

  “Say that again?” I whisper into her ear. My grip has tightened around her throat to the point that she can no longer breathe.

  Astrid grips my hand, trying to make me release her neck, she is trying to speak but nothing is coming from her. She tries to hit my chest, but I barely feel her hands on me.

  “Say that again, I didn’t hear you?” I say back to her. I watch the light slowly leaving her eyes.

  “Enough Jacin, she might have been his whore, but she is a whore too others too, and they won’t like you killing her.” I hear Weyland say to me.

  “They can come. And I will watch the light leave their eyes too.” I say back to Weyland, but my hand tightens around this bitch’s throat which is making her choke on what is left of the air in her lungs.

  “We don’t have time for that to happen, we are a bit bu
sy, in case you haven’t noticed. Stop thinking with your dick man.” Weyland argues with me. I don’t give a shit.

  “Fuck you Weyland.” I shout at him.

  “No, you are not my type. Let the bitch go.” He replies to me.

  I don’t, I keep my hold on Astrid. She will learn her place one way or another. I’m used to dealing with these monsters in the pit, and I’m quite enjoying watching the life slowly leak away from Astrid. Maybe I will hack off her head and leave it on display for anyone to see and remind them who is in charge down here.

  I hear Weyland move from the wall he was leaning against, he comes up behind the dangling Astrid who has but seconds left of her miserable life.

  “It’s one thing for her to see you rip out the hearts of men and her not remember it happening but letting her watch while you strangle a woman to death is another.” Weyland says out loud.

  I don’t respond to Weyland, his word is not penetrating the darkness that is consuming me, but I’m slowly knocked from my thoughts of death, was he speaking to me?

  “What?” I snap at Weyland.

  And then I hear it over my fucking undying anger. Her heartbeat. I drop Astrid to the floor. She will live for another day. I can’t believe I never heard it, or her for that matter. I lost all thought once Astrid had mentioned her. And here she is, to witness my darkness. I can’t place her, but she is here, and she must have seen everything.

  ~Natalie~

  I run. As fast as I can go. After hearing what Weyland said out loud, they know I’m here, I do not want to stick around to see him turn his anger on me for being here. It’s not like I choose to come here for a bit of fun. I’m drawn in every time.