The Darkness in Me

by Diane Nortje

  “Fuck off and don’t let this happen again.” I snap at her. I lift my eyes from her, tired of looking at her already.

  The moment my eyes leave Eves face, I look straight into the angry grey eyes of Natalie. Fuck. I watch as she stands there, watching Eve and me. Do I get up and explain? I have never had to explain myself, but I feel like I owe her an explanation. I take in what she is wearing, fucking tiny skirt, her bright pink bra barely covered by her ripped up top. And boots that cover most of her legs leaving only a tiny bit of skin showing. Why in the ever-loving fuck did Weyland let her leave looking like that and what the ever-loving fuck is she out of their sights dressed like that. Anger takes hold of me and I barely keep it contained when I think of all the men down there, eye fucking her. Eye fucking what’s mine.

  I give Eve another nudge to get the fuck off the arm rest, but she turns and sees Natalie giving me daggers. Before I can say or do anything, Natalie turns to leave with Dax following right after her. I can barely make out their conversation, Dax barely speaking above a whisper, this can’t be fucking good.

  I watch her leave, I watch as she walks down the stairs without a look back. I want to run after her and explain, but I don’t run, and I don’t explain, the beast wants to rip Eve’s head off for being so close.

  I look to Weyland, who has a fucking smirk on his face. The other men are quite and trying not to look in my direction. I look back to where Eve has now curled even more into me, like she is protecting her lover.

  “What the fuck are you doing, I told you to go!” I shout at her, she clearly didn’t get the message the first time I told her to fuck off.

  “My Lord let me please you.” She begs at me.

  “Go!” I shout at her again, if she doesn’t move it now, I will move her, and she won’t like that.

  I watch as she gets up and leaves, looking back to the men. Like they would offer her some sort of an explanation to what is going on. I don’t give her another moment of my attention. I turn back to Weyland.

  “Do you want to explain to me, or must I ask Dax?” I ask Weyland, my anger barely contained inside.

  “Explain what?” Weyland asks me back, I know he is not that fucking stupid, but he is acting like he is.

  “Why the fuck is she dressed like that?” I snap. I no longer have control over my anger.

  “She said she planned it weeks ago. She said she didn’t see the big deal about it.”

  “Really? She didn’t see a big deal. Tell me something Weyland, do you see a big fucking deal?”

  “I told her you wouldn’t like it. She said that you probably wouldn’t notice.”

  “Go and get her.” I tell him, barely handling the anger that is bubbling in me.

  I watch as Weyland shifts uncomfortably. This should be good. He is not used to denying my orders, and he definitely doesn’t deny my orders when I’m angry.

  “I say this with respect, and you can send me back if it so pleases you, but why don’t you fucking go fetch her yourself.” He says to me looking me straight in the eye.

  I watch him as he doesn’t back down from me. He doesn’t break eye contact with me, he has a fucking death wish. No one has ever spoken to me like that before, no one has had the balls to do it. I could send him back, make his life hell, but he has been beside me for over a thousand years. I don’t reply to him, he is right, I should just go get her myself. But I will deal with him later for saying something like that aloud. I stand and watch as everyone nervously shuffles out of my way, except for Dax and Weyland, they watch me, but they don’t say anything more, they know they have pushed me enough for one day.

  ~Natalie~

  “Vodka with lime please.” I say to the bartender that is watching me from the other side of the bar. I had to get out of there, I don’t even want to go back upstairs. I just need a drink, and a strong one at that.

  How fucking stupid am I, that’s all I could think on the way down the stairs, not the fact he was kissing another woman, but the fact that I thought I was more when I clearly wasn’t. If Ariana wasn’t a clear sign to me, this is now it. I should take this sign and run screaming for the hills because I know nothing is as it seems, and I should get out while I still can. The only thing that is stopping me is this damn prophecy that seems to haunt me.

  I watch as the bartender pushes the glass full of vodka towards me. He doesn’t say a thing to me, only leans on the bar. I take him in, his massive hands that grip that bar are covered with tattoos, one being a rose, the other covered in odd symbols.

  “Thanks, you don’t know how much I need this right now.” I say back to him when I have no clue why. I go for my purse and realize that it’s not on me in this ridiculous outfit I have on. Shit. I look back to the bartender and I’m about to push the dam drink that I need so badly away from me, when he stops me without saying a word.

  “Thank you. What’s your name?” I ask the bartender while taking him in. He is almost the same size as Jacin, dark hair, dark eyes, tattoos running the lengths of his arms. Trouble.

  I wait for him to reply, but he doesn’t. He just stands there. Absorbing the space we are in, I’m mesmerized, the lights dance across his face, which looks as if something is moving behind them. Almost like Jacin’s. But his eyes watch me with curiosity, not hunger.

  The silence between us drags on, and yet he doesn’t move, he doesn’t look away. I’m not sure if that is my cue to go or if I must just wait out whatever the hell is going on. I’ve come to one conclusion, and that is I’m surrounded by odd ass men, who don’t think the same, move the same or even look the same as normal men. Why am I still here? Who knows?

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I blurt out, until able to stop myself.

  That doesn’t seem to deter him from staring at me. The music continues to blast around us, the lights continue to dance around his features, women come to the bar get his attention for drinks, but nothing breaks the connection we seem to have formed.

  “Are you okay?” I ask him. Maybe something is wrong with him or maybe there is something on my face. Before my hands can fly to my face. I feel it. I feel him.

  “Bishop.” Jacin’s husky voice penetrates the bubble that formed between me and this man that I now know is Bishop.

  Bishop just grins, he raises his hands. “I’ll be upstairs when you are ready.” He says to Jacin and moves away from the bar, I would have watched him walk away but, the shiver that travels up my back and down my arms brings me back to who is behind me.

  The warmth he brings from his presence alone is addictive. But when he presses himself into my back and cages me by putting his hands on the bar, makes me feel safe. I know he can’t see me, so I take a moment to let the feeling wash over me.

  He is addictive, he is sin, he is everything I know I shouldn’t want, but I do. His smell alone has my brain and my body competing for who is in control, but his touch brings me peace, it brings me home. And it shouldn’t. He is not mine, and I am not his. And that is the truth I must come to accept.

  “What do you want Jacin?” I ask him angrily.

  “What the fuck are you wearing?” He whispers in my ear. I’m pretty sure I felt him smell my hair too. But with the music, lights and the pushing and shoving from the people around us, I can’t be sure.

  “It’s Halloween loosen up a bit.” I bite out at him. “And I’m a sexy unicorn for your information.”

  “A sexy unicorn. I would never have guessed. But what I did guess was right.”

  “And what did the all mighty Jacin guess right?” I ask him sarcastically.

  “That these fuckers down here are eye fucking what is mine.” Jacin whispers into my ear.

  “Yours? If I was yours, you wouldn’t have been upstairs with another woman. Just go away Jacin.” I bite out at him. But I want to bite myself more for feeling a fleeting hope that he called me his.

  “Come upstairs.” He demands of me.

  “No, I’m no man’s property. I’m a free woman a
nd I will do as I want. And I think I will stay right here. At least no one will interrupt the little show that was going up there.”

  “Natalie, upstairs now!” He demands of me again.

  “Jacin, I have I better idea, why don’t you just go back upstairs and fuck whoever is available and leave me alone. Okay?”

  “Natalie, I will only ask you one more time, get your ass up those stairs.”

  “Bite me!” I grind out to him, not the most mature response to him, but this man effects my brain, I can’t think straight with him.

  I feel him lean into me too late, and the sharp pain that comes from my neck is the only indication I get that he followed through on my orders. I move to get out of his grip, but its iron tight and I can only sit there while he has latched his teeth onto my neck.

  “Jacin! What the hell do you think you are doing.” I scream out at him.

  “You told me to bite you, so I did. Pity it won’t leave a mark, now get upstairs.” He whispers into my ear while running soft kisses down my neck and shoulder as if that will sooth the pain.

  I don’t move. There is no longer pain where he bit me, but I’m furious. In what world does this man come from if he thinks to go around biting people?

  “Are you insane? You can’t go around biting people! I’m not some dam chew toy?” I bark out at him. He will not get away with this. I won’t back down.

  I watch as his hand moves from the bar and grips my throat ever so lightly. It’s a show of dominance I know. Do I think he would hurt me here, now? Other than clearly biting me? No, but most likely fuck me into a submission that I’m not giving him. I’m sure not a lot of people tell this man no. Well I’m glad to be the first to start then.

  I feel as he moves closer into me, his nose is running from the top of my head and moves down into my shoulder. It shouldn’t feel so good, and I feel myself closing my eyes and leaning into his touch. He nudges my ear with his nose, and I tilt my neck to give him more access, I’m so caught up in his touch that I don’t realize what he is doing. I feel his teeth nip my ear lobe and I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips.

  “Not here little one, in my home, yes, even in front of my men when we are not in public, they know what you are, and I’m sure they will expect nothing less from you. Hell, give me your snarky mouth while you are riding my cock, I might even enjoy that, and maybe I’ll put that mouth of yours to better use. But not here, not in the open, you do as I fucking say like a good little girl. You can have at me later.” He whispers into my ear.

  Now if that doesn’t bring someone out of a sex induced spell, I’m not quite sure what will. His grip on my throat loosens and I turn in the bar stool to look at him. The look in his eyes is a challenge for me not to do as I’m told, I’m sure he is hoping that I do challenge him. I look over his shoulder to the few people that have stopped to watch him. And me. To anyone that walked by it would have looked like nothing was happening, so I don’t know why they are finding this interesting.

  “Move it Natalie, you see people are watching. They want to see who will win. And it will be me. Even if I must throw you over my shoulder with you kicking and screaming. Either way, you are going up stairs.”

  “You are such an asshole.” I whisper to him.

  The look he gives me was yet another warning. He holds out his hand to me to help me off the chair. Once I’m off the chair, I try to move my hand from his, but his grip on my hand tightens, and he starts to walk us through the club towards the stairs.

  I look over my shoulder to see Eric watching me with his mouth hanging open. Faith is right behind him, but she clearly didn’t pick up on the tension in the room or the fact he bit me. Faith gives me a big grin and an over gestured wink. I smile hopelessly at her, if she only knew.

  ~ ~ ~

  Once seated back upstairs, I notice the women give Jacin a wide berth, like god forbid one of them one of them touch him now, I just roll my eyes. I know it’s for my benefit, I don’t know why they bother. Hell, if he wants to go fuck one of them, so be it. I see how the men watch the women here, it’s clear they are not only here to serve them drinks.

  I look over to Tray, I wasn’t allowed to sit anywhere else, other than on the couch with Jacin. Who knows why, this man is giving me whiplash. I watch Tray watching his watch. It’s almost time to go. The other men are here somewhere, also waiting for us to make our move. They don’t like the fact that Jacin has no idea what we are up too. Good. He thinks because I’m a woman that I can’t do this, they would rather play it safe and wait for this someone to come in and help them.

  I don’t need this Bishop to help us out, I’m quite capable, I’m more than capable. I’ll show him just how capable. Tray looks up from his watch and looks to me. It’s clearly almost time, and I’m not sure how I am going to just leave without Jacin noticing. I know without a doubt that once I leave, I will have a limited time before he comes looking for me, and Tray says without a doubt he will notice the moment I leave, so we have got to do this as quick as possible, once I’m in then there is not much Jacin can do. Well not to me anyways.

  I watch as two men walk over to Jacin who is talking some crap with Weyland, and if I’m going to do this, it’s going to be now or never, I might not get another opportunity to have Jacin distracted again. I watch as they come over, and I watch how they are now no longer paying much attention to Jacin and how their attention is on me. I watch as their eyes travel the length of my body, but before their eyes can make it back up my body, Jacin lets such a vicious growl out, it almost sounds inhuman.

  My eyes whip over to Jacin, who looks about to rip their heads from their shoulders. Oh fuck, I didn’t want this kind of distraction. The men walking towards Jacin, almost piss in their pants from the sound alone.

  “You fuckers got a death wish?” Weyland asks them while standing.

  “Sorry boss meant no disrespect.” They say in unison to Weyland.

  “Sire.” They say, almost bowing to Jacin.

  Another little tit bit to add to my collection. They refer to him as sire and yet to Weyland as boss. The puzzle of finding out what he really is, is getting complicated.

  “What do you want.” Jacin grinds out to them. I can see his one vein in this neck is throbbing frantically. Barely holding onto his anger.

  “Sire, we have news, can we speak to you in private.” The one utters out.

  Without another word, Jacin stands and leads them out of the lounge to a door on the far side of the bar. I need to take this chance now, I highly doubt I will have another while Jacin is distracted. I want to show him I can handle this on my own, he needs to dam well trust me that I’m capable of doing this. He clearly has no idea who he really is dealing with.

  If Evelyn hadn’t said I needed to get to that prophecy first, I wouldn’t have really bothered, but she wanted to be sure that I’m prepared for whatever it says. She clearly doesn’t trust Jacin not to go back on his word and kill me.

  I stand and walk over to Tray, who seems way to calm when we are just about to piss off his boss, sire, whatever he is, I will figure it out. “Come with me.” I say to him and take his hand. He doesn’t fight my grip, he just gets up and follows me out of the lounge.

  I look back over my shoulder to see Dax and Weyland glaring daggers at me. Holy shit, I better be quick about this, because when Jacin returns, god save us.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “If you find me lost in my own darkness, do not follow, just let me be.” - Natalie

  ~Natalie~

  I release Trays hand the moment we land on the far side of the library. That’s enough hand holding for one day. The alley smells disgusting, old rubbish bins line the one side of the wall the other has an old rusted wire fencing running the length of the building. Lovely.

  I feel the air around us displaces and the other four men appear and surround us. I told them they could stay behind, all they did was raise their eyes at me like I had lost a few screws. Whatever, I’m doing this, ap
proval or not.

  I call the shadows to surround us, there shouldn’t be any cameras here, but we are surrounded by heavy guarded magic, and Tray got us as close as possible without alerting anyone of our presence. The shadows come quickly and surround us, but still allowing us to see one another. The shadows have been quiet since I moved in with Jacin. So, I’m happy they came when I called.

  “Does he know yet?” I ask the shadows quietly, somehow Tray knows I’m not talking to him and talking with the shadows.

  “Not yeeettt.” They whisper back to me. They sound giddy about me doing this. They are a bad fucking influence.

  “Did you bring the bag with you?” I ask Tray this time.

  The man I’ve come to know is Bus, hands me my bag with all my fun goodies inside. I drop it to the floor and open it up. I take out my skin tight one piece that molds to my body and covers every inch of my body except my face and hands, and the knife I’m going to need to remove my control with, I hate this fucking part but it’s a necessary evil that must be done. I also take out a cloth and a small ointment tub.

  “Here, hold these will you?” I say to Tray while handing him the knife, cloth and tub I’m going to use shortly.

  I take off my ripped vest and tiny skirt I’m wearing and drop them to the floor. There is seriously no time for modesty now, and at least I’m still wearing my underwear. I throw my head piece and tail with the boots on the floor and shove my foot through the one leg and pull it up to my knee and then do the same with the other. I hike up the one piece until it covers my thighs.

  “Knife please.” I say to Tray again, while holding my hand out for the knife.

  He hands it back to me without a word. The less noise we make the better. I take a deep breath in, and hold it in. This is going to hurt like a bitch. I slice my left thigh, just below my hip bone open and watch as the blood starts to pour out. I hear a short intake of breaths, they have no clue what the hell I’m doing.