The Darkness in Me

by Diane Nortje

  ~Natalie~

  Before I can register what is happening, Jacin and Weyland have their hands once again on me, holding me down. Weyland has my hands once again above my head. I’m not sure when Weyland got hold of my hands, one second, I’m rubbing them, making the blood pump back through my veins, next Weyland has them again.

  Jacin once again has gripped my jaw, holding my head still, holding me in place. I can’t move my head, I’m held down once again on the bed, at least I’m not tied down anymore. The way Jacin is holding me, it should hurt. It doesn’t. I should be left bruised how they are handling me. It won’t. How is he doing this?

  “Open up little one.”

  Jacin’s grip on me doesn’t allow me to talk, so all that comes from me is a struggled moan.

  “Open up Natalie, I just want to see something.” He says to me again.

  I manage to shake my head, I don’t know why I’m fighting him, but I was born a fighter and I will not give in easily. What could he possibly want to see in my mouth?

  “Really Natalie? Again?” Jacin asks me.

  Again, a strangled moan comes out instead of words. I try kick my legs up, try to shake Jacin off me, but that’s like trying to kick off a house that has landed on top of you. It’s impossible, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.

  I feel her awaken inside of me, she can feel my struggles, she can feel my distress. When I allow her to see what is happening, she only smiles. She is quite content to let Jacin do this to me. What happened while I was under? What did he do to her for her to be content and for him not to fear her? Everyone fears what lies beneath me.

  “He tasted so good. I want more.” She says to me on a whisper. It makes my hair rise, and chills run through my body. What did they do while I was under?

  “He wouldn’t mate with me. I tried to make him. He made me submit.” She whispers again to me, with flashes of the memory she hides from me. He kissed me, her, well he kissed us. She allows me to remember the taste of blood on his lips, allows me to remember how he held me in place while he attacked my mouth, I remember him, he called me his mate!

  “He is ours. Yes. He is ours. Claim him.” Is the last thing she whispers before returning to her slumber.

  I let my struggles go, there is no point in fighting him, he will once again take away my will power and make me open my mouth anyways. I look directly into his eyes, I want to see what she was able to see, I want to taste what she was allowed to taste, I want to feel what she was able to feel. Why? I barely know him, I shouldn’t want him like this, this is not normal.

  “Are you going to open for me, or are you going to make me make you do it?” Jacin whispers out to me.

  I open for him then, what more could he want anyway? There are no more crystals to cut out, unless he wants to cut out my tongue. But my memory of her and him makes me think he enjoyed kissing as much as she did.

  Jacin sticks two fingers in my mouth, opening it further, as wide as my mouth would open and then removes his fingers. He stares into my mouth for a few more moments. Everyone is silent. Weyland doesn’t move, I don’t move, Jacin is that creepy as fuck still. What the hell is going on?

  “Well, well, well, look what the little witch was hiding from us, Weyland.”

  “It is there?” Weyland asks Jacin, disbelief coming through on his voice.

  “As clear as day.” Jacin says to Weyland, while looking at me directly in the eyes.

  I try to speak, but Jacin’s grip hasn’t let up and my words come out as a struggle. When finally, Jacin releases my jaw, Weyland releases my hands. I don’t move my hands, I leave them where Weyland left them.

  I clear my throat, swallowing the magic that is now sitting at the back of my mouth now that the crystals have been removed. I know what they have found, or more to the point what they were looking for. I didn’t think anyone would know I had them there. My marks of power. I’ve clearly under estimated what Jacin is. Only two other people know of the marks, Valen and Elgan. And I highly doubt Jacin would have had any interaction with them.

  “Find anything interesting?” I ask Jacin, I already know what he has found, but I’ll ask anyways.

  “You little enchantress are full of surprises.” Jacin replies. So, he knows what I am.

  I look away. I hid it so well, no one ever suspected what I was. Not even the coven. They knew I was more powerful than them all, but did they think darkness runs through my veins, giving me more power, most witches can handle. No. Even my parents, never told me. They never told me I was adopted, they never let on. Not for even a second. And I never asked, never brought it up.

  “What gave it away?” I ask Jacin, without looking at him. I can’t bare the rejection from him too.

  “Your beautiful eyes.” He murmurs to me.

  I close my eyes, I know what he saw, the completely white eyes when my power is unleashed. When she is free. When I open my eyes again, I see Weyland closing the door behind him. I’m alone once more with Jacin, who still hasn’t gotten off me yet. I try to move him off of me, but he doesn’t budge.

  “Look at me Natalie.” Jacin orders me.

  “I hid her so well for so long, and you come along, and unravel me within days.”

  “I would have found out one way or another. She is so fucking beautiful, just like you are, why do you hide her.”

  I look at him now, tears clouding my eyes. I wipe them away before they can fall. All the while, Jacin hasn’t stopped watching me. Whatever he is hiding beneath paces impatiently behind his façade. Waiting for my reply.

  “Everything.” She whispers again to me. Why she is so sure about him? What happened when I was swallowed by my own darkness?

  “They tied me down, I couldn’t get out.” I whisper out to Jacin. I don’t know why I’m telling him this, only Valen and Elgan know, and only because they were there with me.

  “What?” Jacin shouts out. Anger coming off of him in waves.

  I clear my throat, close my eyes, I can’t see him when I tell my story. And I continue, I push on. I need to trust her.

  “I was naked, and I warned them, I warned them not too. They didn’t listen. Then he- then he started to get undressed. He was going to rape me. He told me they had been looking for me for eighteen years, that he was a powerful enchanter and that I’m meant to carry a baby of the apocalypse. He told me he was happy you never found me.” My voice breaking as I continue to tell my story.

  Jacin doesn’t move, doesn’t make a noise. I don’t know if I should continue with my story. But it’s too late now not to finish. I push on.

  “I couldn’t get out, they were going to inject me with a serum if I didn’t comply. I let her out. I let her free, she took control. I remember nothing after that. I don’t know if he was successful in his plan, I don’t know a thing.”

  “Never.” She whispers again.

  That’s the first time she has confirmed anything about what happened, and I let a tear free, and I feel it run down my face. Jacin still hasn’t said anything. Still hasn’t moved.

  I finally open my eyes. And stare into the angry red eyes of Jacin. I want to jump back, but I can’t, he still hasn’t moved. It’s not like I haven’t seen them before. But those were under different circumstances. Seconds feel like hours as I watch him process what I’ve just told him. Jacin never once takes his eyes off of me and doesn’t say a word to me.

  “Weyland!” Jacin finally shouts.

  I haven’t looked away from Jacin’s stare, and neither has he looked away. I feel his finger run down my face after the tear I let fall. He gently wipes it away. Jacin leans forward and places a soft kiss on my cheek, that small gesture, that small amount a comfort is unexpected from him.

  “You will have your revenge, one that you will remember.” He whispers into my ear, as Weyland comes into the room once again.

  “Jacin.” Weyland says, while smiling at me. Which quickly fades, when he sees my blood shot eyes. He looks to Jacin and takes a step away
.

  “Find them, every single fucking one of them, I don’t care what you have to do, who you have to kill. You fucking bring them to me alive.” Jacin orders.

  Weyland looks back at me, and I can’t bare his stare, so I look away.

  “Glady.” Weyland growls out and turns to leave us once more.

  Oh god, what have I done. Jacin looks as if he is about to lose it and has just sent Weyland on some sort of killing spree to find what she left of them. I bring my hands down from where they were still laying from earlier. And place them on Jacin. Which seems to snap him from his murderous thoughts.

  “Don’t Jacin, she killed him, and everyone else that was in that room. I’m okay.” I whisper to him, I don’t want to set him off more.

  “I should have found you sooner, like Bishop said I should have. I would have protected you. Nothing ever would have happened to you.”

  “You wanted me dead? You can’t say that you would have protected me.”

  Jacin lets out a strangled laugh. I don’t know what he finds funny.

  “Kill you? I followed you that night you returned Natalie. When I finally had you, there was no way I was letting you go. You are mine, I was in such denial. I could never have hurt you. If I had found you earlier, I would have realized it then too, you are mine.”

  “Yours?” I shout at him and push him off my body with my magic. My body exploding with anger as I recall the woman that so freely touched him.

  I get up, and scoot off the bed, while Jacin is still laying on the bed, feeling the effects of my magic running through him.

  “Yours?” I shout again at him. “You have a fucking funny way of showing it!” I feel my magic slipping from inside me, I need to remember the crystals are no longer there to keep it inside me.

  Dax and Weyland come running into the room when they feel my magic running wild. They take in the room. Small objects, chairs and tables fly around the room. The pictures that hang on the walls are barely hanging on to their nails. The fire is blazing out of control. I’m slowly losing it.

  Dax and Weyland take me in, in my barely covering underwear and then Jacin, who is just getting up from the knock he just took. I don’t think I did anything he couldn’t handle. Afterall it was him that said he could handle her.

  “Get out! I can handle the little enchantress, alone.” He shouts at the men, who then start to retreat. They would do it quicker if they know what’s good for them.

  “Handle me? What like you did Ariana? Handled her, nicely did you?” I scream at Jacin, causing more magic to sweep from my body.

  “Who?” Jacin says to me while climbing off the bed, completely ignoring my magic and the whirlwind of objects flying about the room.

  He starts to stalk closer to me and common sense just hits me, and I realize I just hit Jacin with magic, knowing full well people fear him. Cower before him. Shit. Well if I’m about to go out, I’ll go out with a bang, so my magic continues to seep from my control, he is unafraid of it.

  “Ariana, my friend. The girl who came over to bring my stuff. The one you slept with, don’t you even remember her name?” I say to him, while taking a step back every time he takes a step towards me. “And don’t even get me started on that woman from earlier, what’s her name again. Oh yes, Eve. And if we are being honest, whoever else there has been.”

  “Eve was just a willing body, nothing more.” He growls out to me, whacking a chair out of its orbit with nothing but a flick of his hand.

  “Yes well, there we go.” I say back, I was expecting him to deny the whole thing. Caught me off guard for a moment and the whirlwind of objects slows to an almost stop, until they land with a thud. I guess I wasn’t so scary as I thought I was.

  “And your friend, the one I fucked?” Jacin says to me while stalking slowly towards me.

  Hurt runs through my body at hearing him say it. He doesn’t have to be so cruel to me about it. One minute I’m his, yet the next he will take whoever to his bed. The objects start to rattle again, as my anger starts to return. And Jacin just smiles at me.

  “Point made.” My voice breaks as I say it.

  “And what point is that?” Jacin asks me, while still slowly stalking towards me.

  “How can I be yours?” I reply while taking steps back to keep the distance between us.

  “You are mine in every way, Natalie.” Jacin says to me as he pushes me up against the wall. “I never touched your friend, questioned her yes, and what Dax did with her after that I have no idea. But I never laid a finger on her.” He whispers sweetly into my ear.

  “I saw your reaction to her, don’t deny it.” I say to him, hurt lacing my voice, but I can’t help it.

  “Sex fae scent combined with yours, which saturates my home, can make any man slip, but don’t get it wrong, it was your scent, not hers that made me slip.” Jacin says to me while running his fingers softly over my arm, taking in my half naked body.

  “Ariana is not a Fae. I would have known!” I say out to him.

  “How would you have known? Have you met a Fae before? Have you smelled what they smell like?” Jacin questions me.

  I look into his eyes, I don’t answer. Answering would give away my biggest secret. One that they are waiting for payment for.

  I look away from him, deciding to just stay silent on the matter. I start to shift under Jacin’s constant gaze, I’m not sure what he is feeling, what he is thinking. He is extremely difficult to read. I feel a slight prick in my bra. And I look down to see what it could be. A small corner of the paper I stashed inside my bra from the library starts to peek out.

  “Are you done? I have some questions of my own I would like to ask?” I ask Jacin, who looks undecided if he wants to give me some space or not.

  “And what questions are those, little one?” He says to me.

  I reach into my bra, I watch his eyes as they watch my hand. They haven’t changed back from their red haze, but he is watching my movements closely.

  “When I was in the library, I found this.” I say to Jacin as I pull the piece of paper out of my bra.

  I hand Jacin the piece of paper and watch him carefully as he opens it up to reveal the pictures of the hounds of hell.

  “These are the creatures that saved me. Do you know what they are?” I ask him.

  “Yes. Hounds of hell. Protectors of the gate, guardians of the underworld, army of the devil.” He says in a matter of fact way.

  “Okay, well yes, those were the creatures that were on my car that night. Why would they be on my car?” I ask him.

  “Clearly protecting you.” He says to me dryly.

  “But why? Why would Satan send his hounds to protect me?”

  Jacin’s eyes snap to mine. He stares at me carefully. I don’t know what he is thinking, but I can see thoughts are running through his mind.

  “You think Satan sent you these hounds for protection?” He hisses out to me.

  “Well, who the hell else would control them?” I say to him. “Unless, unless, there is some like mutiny going on down there and they work for someone else?”

  “Some wild imagination you have there little one. And no, I don’t think there is a mutiny and I don’t think he sent them to protect you.”

  “Well why would he send them?” I demand. I want some answers and he seems to know a lot about this stuff.

  “Jacin.” Weyland says over our discussion. “Bishop is leaving, he said he will be back later and let you know if he has heard anything.”

  “Weyland, have a look here at what Natalie stumbled onto.” Jacin says to Weyland while never taking his eyes off mine.

  I feel Weyland approach, but my eyes never leave Jacin’s. In the corner of my eye, I see him give Weyland the piece of paper, who looks at the page closely.

  “Huh.” Is all Weyland says in response to the pictures.

  “Why do I get the feeling that you guys are not surprised that they were protecting me.”

  “Because we knew.” Jacin once agai
n says to me dryly.

  “You knew, and you didn’t think to tell me what was protecting me!” I shriek out to the both of them.

  “Well we honestly didn’t think you would find out what they were. It’s not like every day there is a hell hound down the road.” Weyland says to me sarcastically.

  “Why? That’s all I want to know, why Satan will send his hounds to protect me?”

  Jacin pushes himself away from the wall, cursing as he does. I don’t know what I’ve said that has made him so angry. But he continues to swear and then his language starts to develop into something unfamiliar, foreign. I’ve never heard anything like that before.

  I look to Weyland, who is watching Jacin, and nodding along with him as if he understands what Jacin is shouting about.

  “What did I say?” I ask both of them.

  “That fucker did not protect you, never had anything to do with it. Don’t get it into your head that he has a decent fucking bone in his body.” Jacin booms out at me.

  I stand there shocked, I’m not sure what to do with his outburst. I didn’t mean it in that way, it’s just demons attacked me, and his hounds protected me. I was just trying to figure out one piece of this never-ending puzzle.

  I see Weyland slip out of the room once again, paper still clutched in his hands. It’s clear he has left me to deal with Jacin on my own. I look back to Jacin who has started to pace once again, glancing at me after every few steps he takes.

  I’m not sure what to do, so I do the only sane thing there is to do. I go to him. He watches my every step I take towards him. Once I stand before him, I place my hand on his bare chest, and slowly drag my fingers lightly down his body. I feel his body go tight beneath my touch. I start to take my hand away from his body, when he grabs my arm and holds my hand to his body.

  “Don’t.” Jacin whispers out to me.

  “I’m sorry I asked the wrong questions, I’m just trying to figure things out.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore right now, I will tell you everything one day, just not today.”

  “What do you want to talk about then?” I say to Jacin, giving him a shy smile while doing so.