Princess Mia

by Meg Cabot

  And we weren’t even supposed to be making it! Mr. Hipskin didn’t realize that’s what we were doing because Kenny told him we were making nitrocellulose, which is flash paper similar to what’s used in film.

  Not nitrostarch, which is an EXPLOSIVE!

  The emergency room nurse keeps assuring me that Kenny’s eyebrows will grow back someday.

  I was much luckier. I’m here in the ER under protest—there’s nothing actually wrong with me. They just sent me here to avoid a lawsuit, I’m sure. I mean, I only had the wind knocked out of me. That’s because just before deflagration occurred, when Kenny yelled, “Everybody get down!” J.P. threw me off my stool and flattened his body over mine, so all the flaming debris landed on him and not me.

  Which, I might add, was right after he’d said, “Because there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time now, and every time I start to, something seems to happen to interrupt me, so I’m just going to say it now, even though this might not be the ideal moment. And I know you’re going to freak out now, because that’s what you do. So put down your pen and take a deep breath.”

  This is when his blue eyes locked on to my gray ones and he said, super intently and without looking away, “Mia, I’m in love with you. I know up until now we’ve just been friends—good friends—but I want more than that. And I think you do, too.”

  It was right then that Kenny yelled to get down. And that J.P. threw himself at me.

  Fortunately for J.P., Lars was ON IT with the fire extinguisher—I guess to make up for not being the one to throw himself over me, which is, after all, his job, and not J.P.’s—and put out the flames that erupted on the back of J.P.’s sweater. He didn’t even get burned, because our school uniforms are made of so many unnatural fibers, most of which are flame retardant.

  So no flames actually ever touched J.P.’s skin. Just his V-neck.

  All of us had to flee a cloud of billowing nitrogen dioxide vapor, though. And not just in our Chem class, either. The whole school.

  Good thing it wasn’t freezing outside (some kind of cold front has come down from Canada, making the city unseasonably cool for September), and none of us had our coats, or anything. Not.

  One of the nurses just came in and said the whole thing was on New York One—a live shot from a helicopter of everyone standing outside Albert Einstein High shivering, with the fire trucks and ambulances all flashing their lights and everything.

  Only three people were actually taken to the hospital, though: J.P., Kenny, and me.

  Principal Gupta caught me just before they closed the ambulance doors. She was all, “Mia, I want to give you my sincerest assurances that I intend to get to the bottom of this matter. Mr. Showalter will not go unpunished….”

  I pointed out that having no eyebrows is punishment enough, if you ask me. But Principal Gupta had already moved on to J.P.’s ambulance to repeat the same thing.

  Which was smart of her because I hear J.P.’s dad is TOTALLY litigious.

  It’s funny that no one has said anything about the fact that J.P. and I were Kenny’s lab partners, and we certainly never tried to stop him from blowing up the school. Except that both of us are so bad at chemistry, we didn’t know what he was trying to do.

  Of course, Kenny swears that destroying the Chem lab was never his goal. He claims he only wanted to figure out how a synthesis of nitrostarch could be performed in a lab setting. Also, that he doesn’t know how it got so out of control. He says it was perfectly stable just seconds before…and then WHAMMO.

  Honestly, I’m kind of glad Kenny’s experiment conflagrated. Because it kept me from having to figure out how to respond to J.P.’s totally shocking announcement that he’s in love with me.

  Which, frankly, I find really hard to believe. Considering the fact that just two weeks ago, he and Lilly were totally an item.

  And, okay, it wasn’t as if they didn’t have problems. I mean, Lilly was pretty upset that J.P. never said, “Me, too” to her when she told him that she loved him.

  But he explained that. He explained that he never felt that way about her, and that’s why he broke up with her, because he realized it wasn’t fair to her. He did the right thing…even if she hates him for it now.

  And me, too, for still being friendly with him.

  But that doesn’t mean—despite Tina’s insane theory about J.P. having always been in love with me and not Lilly from the beginning—that he really was in love with me that whole time. In fact, J.P. explained—as Lars was putting out the flames on his back—that his feelings for me had been coming on gradually, and he’d only decided to mention it because he couldn’t stand seeing me so sad about Michael.

  “J.P.,” I’d gasped. It was hard to talk with all the breath knocked out of me. Also, given the toxic fumes. “We’ll discuss this later, okay?”

  “But I really need to tell you now,” J.P. insisted.

  “PRINCESS, RUN!” Lars was yelling. Because by then the cloud of noxious fumes was descending upon us.

  Fortunately, since J.P. and I were taken away in separate ambulances, I had a chance to process this—sort of—and figure out what I’m going to do about it.

  Which I’m pretty sure is nothing.

  And yes, I know Dr. Knutz wouldn’t approve. He’d want me to do whatever scared me most.

  Which, in this case, would be to date J.P.

  But I can’t! I’m not ready! I’m barely broken up with my last long-term boyfriend—with whom I am still hopelessly in love! I can’t jump into another romantic relationship this soon!

  Besides, I don’t feel that way about J.P. When I smell him, my oxytocin levels don’t rise. When I sniffed him the other night when he hugged me, I felt…nothing. All I smelled was dry-cleaning fluid.

  Which is so not what I smell when Michael holds me, which is…well, okay, it’s just like soap and stuff.

  But it’s not just ANY soap smell. It’s the special way Michael’s skin—and Michael’s skin alone—smells when he uses Dove unscented moisturizing beauty bar. That, and the detergent he uses on his shirts, combined with that particular Michael smell just makes…

  …well, the best smell in the world.

  I know it doesn’t make sense. But I’m just not sure I’m ready to move on from unscented Dove/detergent/Michael to…dry-cleaning fluid.

  And what about HIM? What about J.P.? I mean, how much of this “love” thing is just a reaction to the discovery that Lilly has rebounded already with someone new? The timing is a little suspicious. I mean, we find out at lunch that Lilly and Kenny are an item, and all of a sudden, J.P. loves me? Come on!

  And, okay, he says he’s been trying to tell me for a while…but I’m positive that can’t be true. Because up until very recently, I’ve been taken!

  And J.P. knows I haven’t gotten over Michael yet. He has to know that the chances are I will NEVER get over Michael. At least, not for a long, long time. He wouldn’t be silly enough to fall in love with me knowing I could never return his feelings in that way….

  Before senior year or so, anyway.

  And, all right, J.P. does currently have a bit of a Dr. McDreamy quality about him, since the hospital has given him scrubs to change into since his sweater melted and his shirt is all scorched. So he looks pretty cute.

  And he did save my life and all…

  ACK! I am in no condition to deal with this right now! I just want to go home and get in my bed and try to sort out how I feel about all this!

  Not the almost-getting-blown-up part. That part I can deal with. I mean, at this point, almost getting blown up is NOTHING compared to the humiliations I go through on a practically daily basis.

  But the J.P.-loving-me part? It’s too weird! What could make him think I’d ever feel that way about him? Because I don’t!

  At least, I think I don’t. I mean, I like him a lot. He’s one of my best friends—especially now that Lilly has dropped me.

  But he’s not Michael.

 
He’s not Michael.

  He’s not Michael.

  Oh, here comes the doctor…

  Wednesday, September 22, the loft

  I’m home….

  I don’t even care that I don’t have a TV anymore. It’s just so nice to be in my own bed, where no nitrostarches can explode, and no boys can announce their love for me.

  You know, you would think, after everything that happened today, they’d finally let me move to Genovia and be palace-schooled now. For my own physical and emotional safety.

  But no. Mr. G just informed me Albert Einstein is going to be cleaned up and fully functional tomorrow—including the Chem lab, which has been thoroughly fumigated, and they’ve already replaced the glass that was blown out of the windows (stupid emergency glaziers), and that I’m going to be there, just like everybody else.

  Well, except for Kenny, who’s suspended for knowingly creating a secondary explosive in the lab. When I protested that if they were suspending Kenny, they ought to suspend me and J.P. as well, since we’re his lab partners, Mr. G just looked at me and went, “Mia. I’ve been trying to get you caught up in all of your classes this week, remember? Believe me, I know you and J.P. have no clue what you’re doing in that class.”

  Which, you know. Harsh. But true, I guess.

  So it looks like Kenny’s going to get his fifteen minutes of fame now, as opposed to after he starts working for Michael’s robotic surgical arm company, as he once asked me if I thought he could. What happened today at school is ALL OVER the news and Internet. Reporters are calling Kenny “Beaker” after that mad scientist Muppet character (which is mean, since Kenny really does have quite a lot of upper arm definition these days, and his mouth isn’t a gaping flap—as much as it used to be, anyway), and keep showing a picture of him being led off the ambulance, with his hair in all these crazy puffs on the top of his head.

  That, coupled with his singed lab coat and the whole no-eyebrow thing, lent him a not dissimilar appearance to a certain dowager princess—not Muppet—that I know.

  The thing’s been aired so many times by now, I’m SURE Michael must have heard about it. Every single article describes J.P. as this huge hero for throwing his body over mine and protecting me from the flames.

  And every single article calls him “Princess Mia’s new boyfriend.”

  Yeah. Nice.

  I was almost afraid to check my e-mail. But I needn’t have worried. Michael didn’t write.

  Tina IMed the minute she saw I was online though.

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh my God, Mia!!!! Have you seen the news????

  FTLOUIE: Seen it? I thought I WAS the news.

  ILUVROMANCE: I can’t believe this! Poor Kenny! They suspended him!

  FTLOUIE: Well, he DID blow up the Chem lab.

  ILUVROMANCE: I know! But he didn’t mean to. You know that. I really hope this won’t go down on his permanent record. It could totally affect his chances of getting into college!

  FTLOUIE: I’m sure Kenny will be just fine, Tina. I mean, don’t forget, he DID manage to make a bomb from scratch. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets hired straight out of high school by the NSA.

  ILUVROMANCE: What’s the NSA?

  FTLOUIE: It’s—never mind. Listen, did you hear what happened right BEFORE the nitrostarch deflagrated?

  ILUVROMANCE: You mean the part where J.P. covered your body with his in order to protect you from the raging fire wall???? Yes!!! It’s so romantic!!!!

  FTLOUIE: Uh, there was no raging fire wall. But I mean before THAT, even. Tina—HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME.

  ILUVROMANCE: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  FTLOUIE: I know. I thought you’d say that.

  ILUVROMANCE: I TOLD YOU!!!!!! I TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS MAKE THE CUTEST COUPLE!!!!!! BECAUSE YOU’RE BOTH SO TALL AND BLOND AND BLUE-EYED!!!!

  FTLOUIE: My eyes are gray.

  ILUVROMANCE: WHATEVER!!!! Okay, tell me everything. How did he say it? What did you say? How did you feel? Have you kissed yet? Where are you going on your first date? Or—wait. Was going to Beauty and the Beast your first date? Did he tell you WHEN he knew he loved you? It was before he dumped Lilly, right? I KNEW that’s why he ditched her. And now it totally makes sense why she’s so mad at you.

  Oh, God!

  FTLOUIE: Of COURSE he didn’t know he liked me when he was with Lilly! Do you think I’d even entertain the idea of going out with him if I knew he always liked me and was just using Lilly for—whatever? I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I did that???

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh. So you mean…he DIDN’T always love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year? And that whole thing with Lilly WASN’T just because you were taken, and dating her was a convenient way for J.P. to stay close to you?

  FTLOUIE: NO! Oh my God, Tina, are you sure you didn’t inhale any of those fumes that got released this afternoon?

  ILUVROMANCE: Pretty sure. Wahim did a good job of hustling me out of there. Well, that IS what Dad pays him for. So, if J.P. DIDN’T love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year, how long DID he say he’s loved you?

  FTLOUIE: He said it’s been coming on fairly slowly recently, and that he kept trying to tell me, but we kept getting interrupted. But that, even though he knew it was going to freak me out, he wanted me to know. And then the Chem lab exploded.

  ILUVROMANCE: OH MY GOD!!!!

  FTLOUIE: I know. It was kind of scary, actually. At first I thought the boiler room had finally exploded. You know how they’re always saying it’s about to go….

  ILUVROMANCE: I DON’T MEAN THAT!!! I MEAN—Mia, I ALWAYS said that all J.P. needed was the right woman to unlock his heart—which up until now he has kept in a cold, hard shell for his own emotional protection—and he will be like an unstoppable volcano of passion!!!

  FTLOUIE: Yeah. So?

  ILUVROMANCE: SO HE’S FOUND HER!!! AND THAT’S WHY THE CHEM LAB EXPLODED!!!!

  Seriously. Sometimes I wonder how Tina got put in so many AP classes. Not to be mean, or anything.

  But still.

  FTLOUIE: Tina. The Chem lab exploded because Kenny was synthesizing nitrostarch and obviously did something wrong—

  ILUVROMANCE: He did something wrong, all right. What he did wrong was mix such a volatile chemical compound within such close proximity of J.P. while he was admitting his true feelings for you, the woman who has unlocked his heart at last!!!!!!!

  Oh, man. I wish I had my TV back. I really could use a nice quiet rerun of Judging Amy or Joan of Arcadia right now to soothe my nerves.

  FTLOUIE: Tina. Come on. J.P.’s passion for me did not cause the explosion in the Chem lab today.

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh, all right, fine. Be that way—a total unromantic about it! But you have to admit, it IS awfully coincidental. So, anyway. What did you say?

  FTLOUIE: When J.P. landed on me? I said, “Get off, you’re squishing me and I can’t breathe.”

  ILUVROMANCE: No! I mean, when he told you about his true feelings for you!

  FTLOUIE: Oh. I didn’t say anything, really. I didn’t have a chance. The Chem lab exploded.

  ILUVROMANCE: Right. But then later?

  FTLOUIE: Well, then we were in the ambulances. And then in the ER. And then J.P.’s parents came and got him. And that was it.

  ILUVROMANCE: THAT WAS IT??? But what did you say about his loving you? Did you say you love him, too?

  FTLOUIE: Of course not, Tina! I love Michael!

  ILUVROMANCE: Well, of course you love Michael. But, Mia, no offense—you and Michael are broken up. You can’t just go on loving him forever. Well, I mean, you CAN, of course, like Ross went on loving Rachel forever on Friends, but…what about the senior prom?

  FTLOUIE: What ABOUT the senior prom?

  ILUVROMANCE: Well, Mia, you need SOMEONE to go to the senior prom with! You can’t not go! You coul
d go with other girls, I guess, like Perin and Ling Su are saying they’re going to…but don’t you remember our promise? That we’d lose our virginity on the night of our senior prom?

  I couldn’t believe she was bringing this up. NOW.

  FTLOUIE: Yes, but, Tina, that was before the love of my life walked out of it.

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh! I know! And I’m so sorry things didn’t work out with you and Michael. But, Mia, you will learn to love again. And J.P. looks really good in a tux. Don’t listen to what the haters are saying.

  What is she TALKING about? This isn’t the Tina I know, my staunchest, most stalwart supporter! The Tina I know would never tell me I’ll learn to love again. The Tina I know would tell me to stay strong, that Michael would be coming to his senses soon and riding back to me on a milk-white charger, possibly in armor, bearing a corsage of one hundred percent zirconium from Kay Jewelers….

  Or not. Because this is so something Michael would never, ever do.

  And even Tina—starry-eyed, romantic Tina—knows it.

  I should probably admit it to myself by now.

  FTLOUIE: Michael’s never coming back, is he, Tina?

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh, Mia! Of course he might come back! The question is…if he does, will you still even want him? Or will you have moved on…possibly to someone better?

  My eyes filled with tears.

  FTLOUIE: There’s no one better, Tina. You know that.

  ILUVROMANCE: There might be! You don’t know!

  FTLOUIE: And anyway, what’s the point in having this conversation? He’ll never take me back anyway. Not after how stupid I was.

  ILUVROMANCE: He could! You never know! I TOLD you, don’t listen to the haters!

  FTLOUIE: Haters? What haters? Why do you keep saying that?

  ILUVROMANCE: Oh—Mia, I don’t care. They told me not to tell you, but you have a right to know.

  FTLOUIE: About WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

  ILUVROMANCE: ihatemiathermopolis.com.