by A.O. Chika
DARK POETRY
Psychological and Emotional Poems
By A.O. CHIKA
Copyright © 2016 by A.O. Chika
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Table of Contents
COPYRIGHT
Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
OUR LOVE
DEATH
EATING DISORDER
JOBLESS
I LOVE YOU
MONSTER
RAPE
SLEEP PARALYSIS
YOUR SMILE
HEARTBREAK
IT’S NOT HER, IT’S ME
MY DADS
SELF HARM
REVIEW
UPCOMING NOVELS
SUBSCRIBE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
INTRODUCTION
I’ve always loved poetry, however growing up most poems I heard where either children’s rhymes or romantic poems.
I’ve never actually understood romance and I still do not see how someone could bare their hearts to a foreign person simply because they made their heart race. I mean isn’t that like giving someone blackmail material on you?
My skepticism towards romance began to show whenever I attempted to write a romantic poem and it came out looking like a dysfunctional relationship. That prompted my interest in writing Poetry.
If interested in my poems feel free to send me a prompt, and I’ll write one for my next poetry eBook dedicated to you of course.
OUR LOVE
Hit me then I’ll hit you back
The bruises on my face is yours
The scratches on your neck are mine
The knife on the floor is yours
But the red on it is mine.
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love.
Love me like a broken love song
Break me up but keep me close
You look so much better covered in red
I love you when you’re in tears
You love me when I’m in pain.
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love
Lock me up choke my screams
Apologize and kiss it better
I deserve the bruises you gave me
You deserve the burns all over you
Your pleas mean the world to me
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love
No one will steal you from me
I've made sure of it
Your name is branded on my chest
No one could steal me from you
You've made sure of it
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love
Yell at me and I’ll yell right back
Curse at me and I’ll cut you up
My jaw still hurts from your fist to my face
Our love is dark sweet dark
We were meant for each other
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love
Love me like the ocean
Salty like the tears on your face
Vast like the scars and bandages on my body
Deep like the cut to your chest
Blue like the cables we hide
I’ve got you all over my body
Your scars they mark me as yours
And they’re a proof of our love.
You’ve got me all over your body
My hits they mark you as mine
And they’re a proof of our love
Electricity coursing through my veins
The grin on your face is breathtaking
The smile on my face while you struggle to breathe is beautiful
We are doomed to love no one else
But it’s okay Baby we're in love
DEATH
Her lips are on my neck, sharp teeth against my vein.
Lipstick stains cover my chest but none on my lips… There never is
She backs away with a smile looking impressed with her work
She looks amazing in black but even better in red.
I let her bathe in it. She can have as much as she wants
My blood clings to her like a skin tight lingerie
Beautiful and magnificent, nothing could compare to her
She's not what people imagine her to be she has no horn or tail
There’s no cruel laughter just a smile that leaves me breathless
She knocks the air out of my lungs and leaves me gasping
It's lust, and greed and something really close to defeat
It’s not love, but it’s good enough; she’s there for me after every screw-up
I don’t need alcohol when the rope is good enough
I keep knocking on her door and she keeps letting me in
We both know I won’t stay long but we pretend anyway
She’s not a drug, but she’s addictive
The cuts and purple bruises can attest to that
The choker on my neck hiding our affair is proof
The tear stains on my pillow witnessed everything
There’s no regret, just things I wished I could change
I’m not sure where I am but I think I’m floating
Ah yes, I’m in my bathtub and the red reminds me of her
It's not home but it's familiar, I’ve been here too many times
It doesn’t hurt, it never has. I can smell her cologne
I can feel the ghost of her lips on my ears
My vision is blurry but I can see the flicker of a smile on her lips
And that’s enough for me. I’m ready this time
She makes my heart beat so slow I wonder if it's still functioning
But I guess today is not the day we’ll be together
My door slams open and someone barges in on us.
She’s backing away from me, frustration clear on her face
Someone is trying to take my attention from her
And I think it’s working because all I can focus on is the noise around me
I reach out for her; I think I do, I’m not sure, but I hope I do
But she’s gone, and everything goes dark
EATING DISORDER
I ate yesterday
Or was it two days ago
I don’t know but I don’t
feel anything
I heard I could survive without it for days
It’s okay last week’s lunch is still in me
I can feel it
My stomach isn’t grumbling
Isn’t that a sign that I’m fine
I can feel the fat from the fries in my vein
The goosebumps are back but I’m okay
It’s kinda cold
My bones are trembling
I took a hot shower but it wasn’t working
The pizza and burgers I smelt are in my blood
Please get them out of me, stay away from me
It’s not bulimia
I don’t make myself puke
It’s a lot easier not to eat for a while
My body can survive without food
I’ll be perfect afterwards just wait and see
The scale is lying
I only ate once this week
And it wasn’t even that much
Pizza soda chicken wings bread meat
Sausage rolls rice fish potato crisps and cake
I’m fat aren’t I
I’m disgusting and ugly
I ate enough to last me a week
Maybe I’m not burning it out fast enough
It’s been two days but I’m not hungry so it’s okay
I’ve lasted five days
On the fifth day I’ll go to the gym
Maybe that will burn out the fat faster
Sugar is carbohydrate right
That means more energy right
What if I eat only sugar
Then I won’t need food
I’ll just eat lots of stuff with sugar
Like in doughnuts, ice-cream and sodas
I won’t need anything else because I’ll be fine
I’ll be fine
I can’t feel my left arm
My bruises from two days ago aren’t healing
Maybe I’ve watched too much television
Everything is starting to blur and I can’t see clearly
I feel tired
My heart is racing too fast
At least that is a good sign right
It does the same when I exercise
So maybe this will burn the fat faster
I’m hungry
I lied I want food
Everything smells nice I want to eat but I can’t
My mouth doesn’t work right everything taste bland
Is it too much to ask to want to lose weight
JOBLESS
Have you ever been jobless
Have you ever been completely broke
Have you ever starved for days that you couldn’t think straight
Ever been so out of it you’d do anything
If not then shut up
I’m scared I’m hungry and cold
I’d do anything for a place to sleep
Even if it means having sex for a few bucks I wouldn’t really mind
But no one even looks at me
Maybe I should try stealing
I’ve borrowed from everyone I know
I’ve traded my pride for food and shelter
I have nothing else to lose and in a way it’s funny but it isn’t
I wish it was all a dream
I’ve considered a lot of things
I know I’m willing to be a hooker
I’m willing to donate sperm for money
Heck I’ll donate my kidney just to have some food and shelter
Where is the black market
I’ve hit rock bottom
Guess how I know this
Because I just thought of checking the garbage
For anything I can eat or sell for money or use to keep warm
That’s how I know
I look disgusting
It’s been days since I last had a bath
My skin is covered in dirt, my hair is a mess
And my breath isn’t any better, all I can breathe is my stench
And that’s not the worst of it
Have you ever lost everything
Have you ever been reduced to nothing
Have you ever looked at yourself and laugh because there are no more tears
Ever wished you could just die
Maybe I’m melodramatic
But I’m tired and frustrated
I’m hungry and desperate
Everyone has abandoned me and I don’t have any energy left to be angry
What else can I do
I was given an advice
I heard sniffling glue helps
They say it’ll help numb everything
There’ll be no cold, no hunger or tiredness everything will fade away
Where can I get one
I LOVE YOU
I’m not good at whispering sweet nothing to you
But I’ll try
I ask that you please listen to me and understand
I’m not good with words
Sometimes they come out different from what I intended
But I want you to know that I love you.
I love you so much I can’t think straight
Yes Its true
If you leave me I’ll hunt you down and drag you back
No it’s not what you think
You are the only things holding me to this life
I just can’t stand being away from you
Have you ever loved someone so much
You want to eat them right up
Bathe in their blood
And be one with them
I want your spleen
I want your heart in my hands
Warm and beating only for me
No it’s not what you think
I just want to be the only one your heart belongs too
I want your tears
I want your moans
I want my lips on yours
No matter what for
I want your body
I want your soul
I want to possess every inch of you
And I’ll do the same for you
I want to cut you up and live inside you
I want to be so close to you that there would be no space for anything else
I want your eyes in my hands
That way you’ll only look at me
I want to carve out your spine and place it next to mine
I want your laughter
I want your tears
I want to show you just how much you mean to me
Your smile reminds me of home
Your love is my anchor
I’m not good at whispering sweet nothing to you
But I tried
I ask that you please listen to me and understand
I’m not good with words
Sometimes they come out different from what I intended
But I want you to know that I love you.
MONSTER
No one asks to be born a monster
But people don’t care
They don’t ask how you got this way
They just hate you and want you dead
Why should I apologize for being like this
It’s your fault anyway
And yet you never apologized either
I’m not angry I’m just confused
I crave your flesh and bones
Instead of fish and chips
Why have water instead of your blood
Your screams are my lullaby
I’m petty and vengeful
I can hold a grudge for centuries
But that works out well for us
I have eternity after all
A knife to my chest doesn’t work
Neither does a bullet to the brain
I’m laughing because it’s all I can do
I want out but no one cares
I once had a girl I loved
She was beautiful and gentle
She took one look at me and screamed
I ripped her throat out before I could think
Maybe eternity wouldn’t be so bad
Maybe one day my misery will end
Maybe one day I’d learn to be human again
Maybe someday people will stop judging me
It’s wishful thinking though
BreakBreakScreamBreak
It takes everything not to snap
Between the hunger and the rage
I stop eating and it hurts
Buts okay because I feel human again
It’s hard to think straight though
BreakScreamKillEat
I cry because all I can do
I never asked for this but no one cares
WakeupWakeupPleaseWakeup
And I’m lucky because I this time I do.
RAPE
It was rainy when you left
But sunny when you walked in
Do you remember
Because I do
You pushed me down and glared at me
But your lips held a smile
You wrapped your fingers around my hair
And forced me to watch
Do you remember
Because I do
You called me names
You laughed at my tears
Do you remember
Because I do
The sound of fabric tearing
The sound of innocence lost
The sound of silent pleas
Is all I hear when I’m alone
Do you remember
Because I do
Your face invades my dreams
Your warnings I still hear
Do you remember
Because I do
The pain from your intrusion
You stripped me of my security
You showed me how powerless I am
By loosening your grip on my hair
Do you remember
Because I do
I begged and cried
You let out an amused huff
Do you remember
Because I do
I’m filthy and disgusting but I’m not
That’s just what the voices in my head say
I don’t want to hate myself
But self-loathing doesn’t care
Do you remember
Because I do
I want to cut you up
I want to hurt you so bad
Do you remember
Because I do
I want to go back to that day
And maybe this time I’ll put up a fight
Rather than bear the pain
Maybe this time I’ll be strong
Do you remember
Because I do