Book Read Free

Dark Poetry

Page 2

by A.O. Chika

You said I deserved it

  You said I asked for it

  Do you remember

  Because I do

  Do you remember when you pulled my hair

  And told me no one would come to help me

  You must be happy I suppose

  You have ruined and broken me

  Do you remember

  Because I do

  You have me laughing at my shadows

  You have me sleepless at night

  Do you remember

  Because I do

  You have me buying ropes and pills

  I hope you see me limp and lifeless

  I hope you regret everything

  But you know, that still wouldn’t change a thing

  Do you remember

  Because I do

  Your grunts are ingrained in my brain

  You have me flinching at my own tears

  You might forget everything

  But now I never can

  SLEEP PARALYSIS

  Its dark cold and I’m scared

  There’s a hand wrapped around my throat,

  My lungs are bursting with the need to breathe

  My heart is slamming in my chest

  Wakeupwakeupwakeup

  There’s a drumming in my ears

  My hands are trembling

  I think they are but I can’t see or feel them

  My chest hurts and my face feels wet

  I’m crying aren’t I

  I can’t see anything

  I snap my eyes open and the fog clears away

  I look around and there’s someone next to me

  Its black and shadowy and shit I’m scared

  But I can tell it’s a woman

  I think it is

  Leavemeleavemeleaveme

  I gasp for breath and she doesn’t even move

  What did I ever do to you

  Somebody please get her away from me

  It’s just me and her

  I try to feel my finger and I’m lucky because it twitches

  There’s a laughter in my head and I think I’m losing it

  My body feels heavy and I can’t feel my bed anymore

  I’m sorry I’m sorry please

  Somebody help me

  I’m drowning I’m sinking I’m falling apart

  My fingers are free and I try to push her off

  She’s stronger than she looks and the laughter continues

  I’m afraid I really am

  I don’t want this

  I’m sorry for whatever I did to you

  Please don’t kill me, I’m so sorry I’ll do anything

  I open my mouth but nothing comes out

  I’m gonna die aren’t I

  Why am I still alive

  My chest hurts and it’s been minutes yet I’m still here

  I can’t feel my heart beating but It doesn’t matter

  With renewed strength I push her away

  And something is wrong because I’m still on my bed

  But I can see myself running away from her

  I can see myself pushing her away

  I can see myself reaching for the light switch

  I can see my fingers inches away from the switch

  And I’m back on the bed like it never happened

  There’s no woman

  The light switch is still far away

  But I’m drenched in sweat and my chest hurts

  I feel like I never left the bed but I know I did

  I don’t want to sleep anymore

  YOUR SMILE

  Your smile is breathtaking

  Your laughter reminds me of the moon

  I would do anything for you and you know it

  Your kisses mean the world to me

  I love you more than life itself

   

  Your smile is frustrating

  What are you doing next to him

  I’m better than him, is he really just a friend

  Why do you need him near

  I love you more than life itself

   

  You smile is maddening

  No, he is not just a friend

  I know you are thinking of going back to him

  I would do anything for you

  I love you more than life itself

   

  Your smile is pathetic

  Don’t you dare back away from me

  Stop making it look like I’m the one at fault

  I don’t want to hurt you

  I love you more than life itself

   

  Your smile is accepting

  You really understand me don’t you

  I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you cry

  I’m sorry I got insecure

  I love you more than life itself

   

  Your smile is breathtaking

  If you leave me I would die

  You don’t want me angry and broken do you

  Your laughter lights up my day

  I love you more than life itself

  HEARTBREAK

  Scream Scream Break die

  I’m not evil you made me like this

  Can I tell you a secret

  I don’t want to do this to you either

  Bleed Hurt Beg Scream

  It’s all I can think about

  I love you I still do

  But it hurts too much to think straight

  I’m a coward I’ve always been

  And it’s all in my head

  In reality I’m in bed crying

  I don’t know why you left me even though I do

  Lie Smile Scream Beg

  You’ll come running back to me

  I know you won’t

  But I will pretend anyway it’s all I have left

  Break Break Cry Please

  Please don’t leave me

  It’s too late to say that though

  You left me you broke up with me yesterday

  I’m a coward I’ve always been

  And this is all in my head

  I want to hurt you so bad

  But I’m not strong enough to be close to you yet

  Stop Please Please Beg

  Maybe this is all a phase

  Maybe we are just on a break

  I love you so much I can’t live without you

  Don’t leave come back

  I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done

  I need you too much

  Is it someone else is there someone better than me

  I’m pathetic I’ve always been

  I can’t bear to see you

  But I can’t bear to be without you either

  I’ll do anything you want just take me back

  Cry Beg Scream Please

  When will the pain fade

  Everything reminds me of you

  I still want to hurt you but I don’t want to either

  Blur Blur Red Pain

  I can’t eat or breathe

  There’s too much red to think

  Maybe this is all a dream and you are still mine

  I’m a coward I’ve always been

  I hide myself and cry

  Afraid you’ll see me and sigh

  I want to pretend to be over you but I’m not

  IT’S NOT HER, IT’S ME

  I’m not sure what I’m doing

  Shouldn’t I be excited

  She is beautiful and breathtaking

   Her shampoo smells like lilac and pineapples

  A terrible combination though

   

  Her laughter is refreshing

  Her dimples are adorable

  She has the body most people dream off

   She is perfect both in and out

   

  Her lips are on mine

  Why isn’t my heart racing

  There are goosebumps on my body

  I think I’m getting sick

  Her lips are soft though

   

  I k
iss her back because why not

  Her smile should have me hard

  She is winking and biting her lips

  It should be sexy shouldn’t it

   

   Her red curls frame her face nicely,

  Her pink lips are kinda inviting

  She is taking her clothes off

  She’s taking way too long though

  Ah it’s a striptease

   

  I’m still not aroused

  Her pink bra holds her breasts nicely

  Another guy would have reacted

  But nothing is happening

   

  Her eyes dart to my crotch

  There is a confused look on her face

  And now she looks determined

  She is taking off her pants

  Her panties are nice I guess

   

  Pink looks good on her

  She is fondling her breasts

  Who says fondling these days

  Oh shit, now I’m confused

   

  Her fingers are down her panties

  What am I supposed to do

  She is moaning and I’m lost

  And not in a sexy way

  Would it be rude to walk away

   

  I hope not because I can’t do this

  I don’t want to touch her

  At least not in a sexual way

  She is getting frustrated

   

  I think she noticed the lack of arousal

  She is walking towards me

  She’s asking questions I can’t answer

  The poster on her wall looks nice

  He has a nice smile

   

  He’s built really nicely too

  I wish I had his body

  He’d look good naked

  She just slapped me

   

  She looks betrayed

  She looks at the poster and then me

  I don’t want to be here anymore

  I should apologize to her

  It’s not her, it’s me

  MY DADS

  I have two dads

  Let’s call them dad and Pops

  Pops works as a plumber

  And Dad owns a landscape company

  I hate my neighbors

  Mrs. B hates me too though

  She says I need a Mum

  She says something is wrong with Dad

  Dad hates her too

  She leaves pamphlets for us

  And it makes Pops very angry

  Sometimes he shouts and he walks away

  But he comes back

  He always comes back with gifts

  And a very long kiss for dad

  They are kind of gross but I don’t want a Mum

  Sally is angry

  She says we are not friends anymore

  That makes two friends that have left me

  It’s okay at least I still have my dads

  Sometimes I wish I had a Mum

  Not like Mrs. B but someone nice

  To cook for me and buy me ice-cream

  But Pops already does that so I’m good

  I hate school

  The other kids hate me too

  And they say mean things to me

  They laugh at me and make fun of my dads

  Dad is angry

  He comes back from work looking mad

  His phone is on the table

  So I hide grab it and run to my room

  I call Pops

  He sounds mad too I can tell

  But he says he’s coming home

  He says he’s sorry but I don’t know what for

  I want a Mum

  Maybe she can calm them down

  I don’t want my dads to be angry

  I want them to make kissy faces and be gross

  Dads are gross

  But they are happy now it’s still gross though

  Pops is baking and singing in the kitchen

  And Dad is looking at him like he’s hungry

  I don’t like women

  They shout too much

  I don’t think they like me either

  Because they always give me the stink eye

  Women like Dad

  Dad doesn’t like women though

  Sometimes Pops and I laugh at it

  Because dad looks so uncomfortable, it’s funny

  I have no friends

  But I don’t mind anymore

  I have two awesome dads

  And they are the bestest dads in the whole world

  SELF HARM

  I’ve never cut myself

  But I’ll understand if you do

  I can’t blame you

  It must feel so good

  I can picture it

  I’ll use a knife not a blade

  A blade can easily slip

  And things can turn bad fast

  It won’t be big

  Just a small cut is enough

  It’ll sting when I take a bath

  But I’ll cover it up with band aids

  Bandages are fine too

  I know it’ll feel good

  When I take it off and scratch it

  The sweet pain will make me feel alive

  I won’t do much

  I won’t get addicted

  Only amateurs are that foolish

  One or two cuts a week is fine

  It’s a bit salty

  The coppery taste of my blood

  Dulls everything else leaving me behind

  Why use drugs when the knife is enough

  It’s cheaper too

  I pity those who spend money on drugs

  I’m healthy I don’t drink or smoke

  My body is a temple and it’s all I need

  The cut is tiny

  And it feels so good

  But I want it bigger so I can feel it

  Maybe I should go deeper it’ll be even better

  I can see the white

  But the white is turning into red

  It hurts but the pain is expected

  I’m doing this for the sweetness afterwards

  It’s a mess

  It stings as I use water to clean it up

  More red pours and my heart slams in my chest

  My grip on the kitchen sink tightens

  I am confused

  I don’t sway I haven’t lost much blood then

  Maybe I should go sleep for a while

  Then everything will be fine I hope it does

  It’s still bleeding

  And It’s getting worse so is the pain

  I reach for the phone and I stagger

  Maybe I tripped on something yea maybe

  It’s dark and then it’s bright

  I’m not sure but maybe I just blinked

  But I think I’ll need a new bulb though

  The room isn’t as bright as it was before

  It’s dark again

  Now there’s a bit of light

  My eyelids are heavy my heart is racing

  Where are my arms I can’t feel anything

  SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

  Pleasepleasepleaseplease

  Oh God I don’t want to die here

  It’s dark again

  I never cut myself

  But I understand if you do

  I won’t blame you

  It’s scary but good

  REVIEW

  Thank you for reading this book. Please feel free to send me a short prompt or word you’d like me to use to compose a poem for you. I love a good challenge.

  However, I ask that you keep in mind that the poem would not be fluffy but would take a dark turn whether bloody, emotional or psychological.

  Please leave a review on Amazon, Goodreads as well as on social media.

  UPCOMING NOVELS

  A.O Chika is currently working on two books.

  1.Can You See Me – A YA LGBT coming of age Novel about identity crisis
and teenage social issues such as peer pressure, First love, first time sexual experience, drug abuse & family crisis.

  SYNOPSIS:

  Growing up in a typical Yoruba household in Lagos, Nigeria. Angela Bello is used to a few things such as her reserved father with a potential alcohol problem, a mother with trust issues, and constantly compared with her three brothers. 

  What she isn’t used to, is developing a crush on her best friend Anita who of course doesn’t feel the same, it certainly isn’t a coincidence that her brothers keep saying ‘homos bastards should just die’. 

  Seeing a chance to leave Nigeria she takes it, happy to be far away from home and happy at the chance to figure out herself. On coming to Kenya, she meets and falls in love with Derrick and assumes that whatever was wrong with her is fixed. 

  She doesn't expect the metaphoric can of worms that comes from her relationship with Derrick and most definitely did not expect her lack of arousal or sexual interest.

  Watch the Book Trailer on YouTube Here

  2.Nevea – A lesbian Mermaid Romance Novella about a young mermaid on her quest for love. She goes through several experiences such as attempting speed dating, a sexual encounter with a client as well as many other hilarious moments.

  SYNOPSIS:

  Nevea is one of the few mermaids in Ekron that does not look like a pinup model neither does she wants a prince charming to sweep her off her feet. She’d rather have a princess.

  Being single sucks and she knows it’s not her because… well, she has a charming personality, a stable career and a nice face, the problem is just everyone else.

  The frustrating thing is that she isn’t even asking for much, the only requirements are:

  Be financially stable.

  Be hot as fuck.

  Be smart.

  Have good taste in food.

  Be kinky or, at least, willing to experiment in bed.

  Of course, things don’t always go the way she wants and after blind dates that go wrong, awful speed dating experiences, almost sex with a MARRIED client in the company’s bathroom, she is going to deal with whoever came up with the quote ‘There are many fishes in the sea’.

  Now she only wants one thing in a prospective partner:

  BE SINGLE with reasonable Kinks!

  SUBSCRIBE

  Subscribe to my newsletter to get updates on both books as well as other projects I embark on. I’m open to interacting with readers and I’ll love a good chat about books and poems.

  Click Here to subscribe to my Poems

  Click Here to subscribe to Can You See Me, Nevea and other upcoming books.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  A.O. Chika is a YA LGBTQIA Author, Poet, Graphic designer and several other careers choices she has taken in her quest to find herself.

  She is Nigerian by nationality but resides in Nairobi, Kenya where she spends her time trying to figure out shortcuts to writing a novel without much effort, and the secrets to getting amazing abs without working out.

  When she isn’t writing or posting stuff on social media, she is fangirling and binge reading fanfiction on Japanese animation.

  Sometimes she makes very detailed plans on world domination.

  Find A.O. Chika on:

  Email: abigail@aochikabooks.com

  Twitter Tumblr Website YouTube Facebook Patreon

 


‹ Prev