Love Burns

by Greenleigh Adams

  “Louis!” I could hear my mother yelling, but I was riddled with confusion as my brain tried to wake up from the sleepy fog. I guess I had forgotten I wasn’t at my apartment again. Is it morning already?

  “I’m going to work. Call if you need anything,” she hollered again. This was the way it had always been. My mother didn’t come upstairs and knock on my door. She would just yell it was time for dinner, or I had a visitor, or it was time for school. It was strange, because my mother was a librarian, so she told people to be quiet all day at work. I used to say she suppressed her natural urge to yell all day long at work so that by the time she got home, she needed to yell everything and anything.

  “Okay. Thanks, Mom!” I yelled back. I had only been home for two days, but it already felt like I needed to get out. I liked being able to do my own thing without answering to anyone about what I was doing, where I was going, or forced to be pleasant to anyone if I didn’t want to.

  I heard the click of the door shut downstairs, and her car engine roar to life outside of my window. My bedroom overlooked the driveway on the side of the house. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. However, now that I was awake, my body wouldn’t cooperate. My back was itchy and uncomfortable, and no matter how I shifted my weight from one side to the other, it pulled and burned. I even attempted turning onto my stomach, though that wasn’t a comfortable position, either.

  So I rolled out of bed and decided to go for a run to clear my mind. After I pulled on a T-shirt and mesh gym shorts, I jogged downstairs to locate my sneakers. As I tied my shoes, I took in the silence. My father must have already left for work. There was no sign of him left in the house. The suit jacket that he wore usually hung by the door, and his briefcase usually sat on the breakfast bar. Both items were gone. I whipped back the curtains and peered out the glass panes lining the living room and noticed his SUV was also gone. I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to see him in the couple of days I’d been home. His ritual is to travel into his office early and return home late at night.

  My mother’s work schedule had always allowed her to work when I was in school and be home when I was home. So of course, I had seen her several times over the last couple of days. Plus, she would leave me notes. She left me a note that just said she was happy I was home, and she also left me a list of items to get at the grocery store. Running into Charlie was definitely not on her list, but I always had a knack for getting additional items not included on the shopping list.

  Because of my mother’s personality and work schedule, she and I had always been close. My dad was gone a lot. In fact, Cameron’s dad, Mr. Callahan—or Mr. C. as I always called him—taught me how to hit a baseball and how to ride a bike while he was teaching his own kids. He also played soccer and basketball with us. I was always a little envious that Cam and Charlie had such an amazing dad. My father tried to be a good dad in his own way. He bought me whatever I wanted. And being an only child, when I had his attention, I had it all to myself. We went on family vacations once or twice a year when he could get time off work, but most of the time, he still brought his briefcase and laptop and had to do some work when we were on vacation, too.

  My mother never complained about my dad’s long hours or his lack of involvement in my upbringing. She never really said anything negative about him in my presence. They were never very affectionate with each other in my presence either, in contrast to the Callahans. Cam and Charlie’s parents were always kissing and hugging each other. While I was growing up, I wasn’t sure which extreme was normal. Now that I am a little older, I’ve realized that every relationship is different. Finding the right person that fits with you is what is important. I hadn’t met that person yet, but I was only twenty-three. I still had plenty of time to meet that person who understood me and accepted who I was without feeling the need to change me.

  Tossing the memories swirling around in my head aside, I breathed in a long inhale and headed outside. The sun was taking refuge behind some clouds, so I felt like it was a good time to go for a run. And since it was still early, the temperature hadn’t cranked up to the miserable status it would reach later in the day. There was a slight breeze, and given that it was a little overcast, the sun wasn’t directly glaring on me. Once I trotted into a slow jog, I realized I should have brought my phone and some earbuds so I could listen to music during my run.

  Being alone with your thoughts isn’t a pleasant experience. You find yourself questioning choices you have made, things you wish you had done, and things you still need to do. As the adrenaline coursed through my veins, I progressed to sprinting mode. I willed myself to run faster and harder as I rounded the corner onto the road next to mine, a mile from my parents’ house.

  I successfully managed a ninety-degree rotation in the perpendicular road’s direction when a beautiful brunette jogged toward me. Earbuds were seated in her ears, and a pair of long, lean legs propelled her along the pavement. Even though I sprinted full force ahead in her direction, she didn’t appear to notice me.

  I stayed focused. I continued jogging straight toward her but adjusted my path so I would slip past her. An oblivious expression hung on her face while she held a steady pace. “Hey, Callahan!” I yelled as I steadily approached her. I performed an overexaggerated wave to her, but she didn’t pay me any attention. Geez. Maybe I need to literally run into her for her to see me.

  I decelerated into a slow jog, so I didn’t pass her too quickly. I intently observed her gaze until it finally connected with mine. Her gray eyes widened, and her mouth quickly formed an O.

  “I didn’t think you would notice me,” I said as I changed direction and took a position jogging alongside her.

  Without breaking her stride, she popped out an earbud and shot me a quick smile. “I don’t like to talk when I run.”

  “Okay. I will just keep pace next to you in silence.” I had no idea where she was running to, but I figured I would go along. If she wasn’t going to speak to me, then she couldn’t argue. I was happy I ran into her, even if she didn’t want to talk. Although I was used to being alone at home in my new life, being alone in this town where my old life used to be was suffocating. I did not enjoy being alone with my thoughts. And I so rarely was ever alone when I lived here that being alone now seemed strange and unpleasant.

  “Suit yourself.” She placed her earbud back into her ear, and we jogged together for several miles. Maybe not several, but at least four. We ran without saying a word to each other, and even though there was only the sound of our sneakers hitting the pavement, the silence didn’t feel awkward. I didn’t feel like we needed to have a conversation. I felt comfortable and content with just having my friend by my side.

  When we turned the corner to my street again, I merely waved and ran toward my parents’ house, and she waved back to me as I retreated. Once inside, I grabbed my phone on my way to the shower and saw I had a missed call from Cam. He also sent me a text message. Fishing today? He had sent the message at eight fifteen. It was eight twenty-five now. Maybe he hasn’t left yet.

  Sorry. Went for a jog. Fishing sounds good. I’m in.

  He fired back a reply right away. Great! Be by in fifteen to pick you up.

  I needed a quick shower and an even quicker bandage change to be ready in fifteen minutes. Thankfully, Cam didn’t arrive for another twenty minutes, and I was just pulling on my T-shirt when his knuckles thumped on the door. I knew it was him. It felt strangely bizarre to hear him knocking, though. I realized that the reason the sound of his fist pounding against the wood seemed unusual was because I had always left the door unlocked when I was expecting someone. I guess I should have practiced the same routine I used when I lived here. Back in those days, Cam and Charlie would just let themselves in. I really missed those days.

  Cam pulled up in his pickup with a canoe strapped into the bed of the truck. I couldn’t help feeling a little excited about going fishing. I hadn’t been in so long. The only times I made it out on the water, it
wasn’t the same as when I was a kid out on the canoe with my two favorite people. Today, I managed a jog with one of my favorite people, and now I got to spend the rest of the day fishing with my other favorite person. Why did I stay away for so long? Why have I denied myself the happiness I have been feeling these last couple of days?

  We didn’t say much while we fished. After all, fishing typically involved quiet for success. Between Charlie’s no-talking-while-running rule, and the voiceless fishing excursion I was currently on, I would have thought the twins were giving me the silent treatment.

  The tranquil lake hosted sounds of frogs and crickets and was surrounded by loblolly pine trees displaying a lush shade of green. The calm water revealed only the occasional small ripple from a fish or some other underwater creature.

  We caught several bass and bluegill and released each one of them. We may have caught the same ones over and over. I didn’t care. I had a great time doing something I loved as a kid. And fishing with my best friend was just how I remembered. It was peaceful yet exhilarating at the same time.

  We sat on the lake in his canoe for hours until we were starving for lunch. The heat from the sun high in the sky caused my back to become uncomfortable from my perspiration collecting beneath the bandages. We rowed to the beach area and lifted the canoe out of the water to tote back to Cam’s truck. After sliding it back into its position in the bed of his pickup, we decided to grab food from our favorite diner right off the highway.

  The diner was exactly how I remembered it. It even smelled the same. When I entered, I felt an instant wave of nostalgia for pot roast and mashed potatoes. The aroma of biscuits and gravy hit me first, followed by the sweet smell of cheese fries. I figured I would have to order each of those menu items to satisfy my drooling taste buds.

  The quiet calm that existed on the lake didn’t last once Cam and I were seated at a table at the diner. Cam spoke nonstop. We didn’t talk about anything important, but we still talked about everything. By the time he dropped me back off at my house, I was happily exhausted.

  With determined effort, I trudged up the stairs to my old room and collapsed onto the bed. I am not sure what time it was when I fell onto my mattress, but I heard my mother yell “Dinner!” and I shot out of bed in that drowsy fog like I had done earlier that morning. I had napped long enough that I knew I would have a hard time sleeping that night.

  My mother retired to her room at ten, and my father still wasn’t home from work. I retreated to my room and stretched out on my bed. I knew I wouldn’t easily fall asleep, but I did feel a little tired. At eleven fifteen, my phone vibrated with a text message. When I saw Cameron’s name across the screen, I figured I better open it. He must need to tell me something important. You still awake?

  Yes. Everything okay? I immediately began slipping on my shoes. I already thought that I would need to go somewhere.

  Was going to head to the hospital to bring some of the nurses coffee. Want to go with?

  Seriously, Cam? But I couldn’t sleep, so what the hell? Why not? Sure. Where should we meet?

  His text arrived within seconds of my reply. I’ll be by in ten minutes.

  I waited outside for his arrival. I reminisced about my childhood when I would sit on my porch and wait for the twins to pick me up to go to the movies or out to eat or canoeing on the lake at night. Comfort and contentment washed over me from those recollections, and I really liked that feeling. I especially liked how easy all those feelings came back as if I’d never left.

  Within a few moments, headlights shone in my driveway. When I realized it was Cam’s pickup, and not my father’s SUV, I practically leaped off the wicker chair on my porch and hopped into the cab of his truck.

  We weren’t in the vehicle long before picking up four coffees through the Dunkin’ Donuts’ drive-thru and heading toward the hospital. I guess this would add to the nighttime adventures of Cameron and Louis. It did feel a little odd not having Charlie around for the adventure, though. I had seen each of them separately during the day, but I felt like the three musketeers needed to be back together. At least for the next two weeks while I was still in town. That intrusive thought of my leaving made me nauseated. Do I really want to leave again? My life’s now located two hours away from here.

  “Thanks for coming along. This is kind of a weekly thing I do,” Cam said as he pulled into a parking space near the ER entrance and pulled me away from my thoughts.

  “Is it because you are crushing on some nurse?” I couldn’t help but laugh at my own comment. Cam was always the flirt. He loved the attention of many women, and therefore, he could never limit his options to just one.

  He shrugged, which I took as an agreement in my assessment of the situation. I watched him grab the cardboard tray of coffees as we stepped out of the truck. I figured there were more than four nurses working—at least that was what I was accustomed to at the big hospitals I transferred patients to during my shifts as a paramedic. So I figured he had four favorites he brought coffee. I envisioned his favorites as young blondes with big breasts. Having known Cam nearly my whole life, he absolutely had a type he preferred.

  I followed along behind him as he walked through the double glass sliding doors. “Hey, Cameron!” The voice of the nurse bellowed from behind a glass window. She pointed toward a wooden door and it swung open. I figured she pressed a button to open it for him. He merely waved and motioned for me to follow.

  As I walked into what I assumed was the emergency room, I realized I was definitely in a small town. There were probably only ten or eleven stretchers in the tiny rooms separated by curtains. It was the smallest emergency room I had ever remembered walking into. I was used to fifty-plus beds and tons of people around all the time. There would be people lined up in hallways, in patient rooms, and behind random screen dividers. ERs were always noisy and crowded in my experience. This place lacked the clamor and massiveness I was accustomed to. It was quaint and eerily quiet. It felt surreal to me—as if I traveled back in time.

  “Hey, ladies.” Cam smiled while distributing coffee-filled cups to the three women dressed in navy blue scrubs at the nurses’ station.

  “You are the sweetest man.” The woman from the front entrance was now standing in the nurses’ station with us.

  “Who do you have with you tonight, Cameron?” a young, busty blonde inquired. She must’ve been the one Cam had his eyes on.

  “This is my friend Louis,” he stated while smiling in my direction.

  Even though I was standing several feet away from the women encircling my friend, I felt each pair of eyes rake up and down my body. I didn’t appreciate the attention he created toward me. I wasn’t like him. Having several women gawk at me made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Cam, of course, ate it up like the last slice of pizza.

  “Charlie is in a room with a patient, but she should be out soon,” the third woman in scrubs said.

  Crap. I’m a total idiot. Charlie told me she was an emergency room nurse. Cam didn’t tell me we were going to take coffee to her. Why am I suddenly self-conscious about what I’m wearing? I was in a T-shirt and mesh shorts. Luckily, I had showered again since my fishing excursion earlier.

  Her stern voice rang out as she approached the counter that Cam was leaning against. “You didn’t get me decaf again, did you? I know you swear you ordered regular, but that last drink was totally decaf. I’m still not convinced you didn’t prank me. I barely made it through that shift.” She had her back to me as she laid a smack against the flesh of her brother’s arm. That slap resonated and drew me into another memory from my childhood. I could recall so many times she playfully hit him on his upper arm as far back as early elementary school.

  I felt compelled to approach her as she held a light conversation with her brother. I didn’t give a damn about the attention of those other women, but I wanted Charlie’s attention. Cam shifted his arms off the high worktop surface, causing her gaze to shift. She quickly jerked her head as if she f
inally caught sight of me from her peripheral vision and needed to convince herself that I was really there. When our eyes met, my mouth went dry, and my palms became sweaty. She was so much more beautiful than those other three nurses. Her shiny, brown hair was pulled into a braid, and she had something shiny applied to her lips. Why am I staring at her lips?

  “Hey,” I managed to croak softly and throw an awkward wave at her.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here.” I didn’t know if my being here was a happy surprise or not. Based on the mystified expression on her face, I couldn’t be sure.

  5

  Charlie

  My brother showed up at the hospital with coffee once a week. He had always been a good friend and a great brother, but I also happened to know that he liked the attention from the young ER nurses who were stuck on the night shift with me.

  Supporting my caffeine habit by bringing me coffee was one thing but showing up with Louis unexpectedly had my heart racing and my senses more on edge than the outcome any hot beverage could deliver. I loved how his chest filled out his T-shirt and those gym shorts hung low on his waist and showcased his muscular legs. And judging by the reactions of my co-workers, they liked the way he looked, too. I was never jealous of girls admiring Louis when we were in high school, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit I had a serious problem with the three of them eyeing his body up and down now.

  They practically had their mouths hanging open and openly drooled over his good looks and how amazing he looked in casual wear. I didn’t like it one bit, but I hoped my watchfulness wasn’t suspicious to anyone. As my eyes connected with his, we held our gaze for several seconds. What is this pull that we have to each other? Once we were locked into each other’s stare, neither of us could look away. We weren’t able to break the union we formed. It was as if our minds, bodies, and souls were held to each other through our gaze. The beeping from monitors and ringing of telephones dimmed and eventually faded, and the periphery of my vision softened but darkened as if there was only a tunnel leading me straight to him. The light surrounding him was still bright, and I should have moved toward him, but my feet remained glued in their position on the floor.